Hello people, it's me, ya boi... or girl... or whatever. Anyways this chapter as promised is all from Dean's pov so yeah. Ok don't own Supernatural though Lou and the plot are mine so there is that. Yeah I hope you like it.

I spent the night keeping men off Lou. She drank three of those red sugar bombs that nuces your liver and was all giggles and hips moving and… well she was beautiful. I couldn't really blame the men that were drawn to her, wanting to dance with her. The band that played was okay, but her, dancing in the middle of the bar, not a care in the world, laughing at the ceiling, she looked like some kind of peace. She looked like joy. She looked like sunshine.

She was talking about someone taking her virginity and for some reason it made me sick. She wanted it done with as if she weren't worth the effort of something special. My Louise, my Sunshine. I couldn't let that happen, not that night.

There was a part of me that wanted her to ask me to take her, but it wouldn't have been her. This Lou wasn't my Lou. She was… laughing and dancing and putting her shoes on like she was five again. She didn't remember anything and that, that killed me.

The old Lou never would have gone into bars alone after what happened over the Fourth of July last year. She never would have locked her door after the time she was fifteen and Bobby couldn't get to her. She didn't remember reasons not to do the things that she was doing, it was like she was a fully new person. But, there were things that were still the same. She looked the same with the hazel eyes that shifted from brown to green to both to neither, changing not with the light but with the mood she was in. She still hated pants and loved the color white and hated not being able to drive and liked her burgers extra messy and could never remember where she put her coffee. These were the little things that made Lou, Lou.

I brought home a very drunk Lou and put her into bed, making sure to move a trash can to the side just in case. I took off her shoes while she mumbled incoherently. I kissed her forehead and said goodnight when she reached for me. "Captain?" She sounded very very drunk.

"What's up Sunshine?"

"D'ya think it'll come back?" She asked slurring her words. Her eyes were closed and her nose was scrunched. Her blonde hair was a mess and her mascara was smudged under her eyes, but she was still beautiful.

I knew what she meant. She meant her memories. "I sure hope so," I breathed. I meant it too. Lou without her past was just too different.

"Sammy says y'don't want want me s'anymore." My chest tightened to a point of pain. "You like s'normal though, I saw," she yawned and didn't say anything for a long time.

"You saw what?" Sam had said that she didn't get memories but pictures in her head and I had wondered what she saw behind her eyelids now.

"You s'and rugrat and s'a pretty lady s'at a table." She turned over so I couldn't see her face anymore. I turned to leave wondering what exactly she was talking about when she breathed, barely audible, "Lisa." I clenched my jaw and walked out of the room.

I walked out of the hospital Lou was leaning against Baby, her arms crossed over her chest. Sam was waiting to climb into the passenger's seat. He looked at me pointedly, "Well?"

"Well what?" I asked, this was not the time to push me. I got into the car, everyone else following. Lou slid into the backseat and in the rear view mirror I could see worry on that face of hers. Her bangs were getting too long and covered her eyes, annoying the heck out of her.

Sam sighed, "Dean, you know, you've pulled some shady crap before, but this," I looked over at him, his too long hair flopping as he shook his head, "has got to be the worst."

"Sammy!" Lou warned from the backseat, but Sam just kept plowing on.

"Whitewashing their memories? Take it from somebody who knows -" I cut him off.

"If you ever mention Lisa and Ben to me again, I will break your nose."

"Dean?" Lou's voice rang through the car, she put a hand on my shoulder but I shook it off. I didn't want her pity, not now. In that hospital were two people that I loved that were put in danger because of what they knew, because of what they meant to me and I had to have Cas take it all away. I felt empty when I realized that they truly had no idea who I was.

"I'm not kidding," I said to Sam. My eyes burned and I could feel the tears coming. Lou retraited farther into the back seat. There was a twinge of guilt but I pushed it away. Lou, when she had finally tracked me down at Lisa's house after Sam got sent to the pit, she punched me so hard in the face I nearly hit the ground.

She hated me for a long time for bailing on her like that but she said that if I wanted to stick to the apple pie life with Lisa and the kid she wasn't gonna stop me.

I found Sam in the war room, drinking some of the Men of Letters' liquer. He saw me come in, "Hey Dean so I was thinking…" he never finished the sentence because I punched him in the nose. He fell out of the chair, booze soaking the floor, the glass breaking. Sam clutched his nose that was bleeding pretty bad. "What the hell Dean?!"

I extended a hand to help him up but he didn't take it, getting to his feet on his own. "Lou remembered Lisa." I said. Sam lost all his anger in an instant.

"That's great." Of course Sammy would think that was great.

"No it's not." He looked at me with that confused puppy dog bullshit of a face. "She is completely trashed and only remembers that I left her and spent a year living it up picket fence style. Maybe not even that much."

Sam walked towards the kitchen, probably to put some ice on his face. "It's better than it was when she first got here," Sam said over his shoulder.

"You don't get it Sam!" I was yelling now. "We went out tonight to some bar where she knows damn near everyone. She was dancing, actually dancing with some random dudes. She was smiling and laughing like I'd never seen her do before. She's different."

Sam looked at me like I was crazy. "Of course she is Dean. She doesn't remember why she should be scared. She doesn't really understand what is out there. Cas said that this might be a blessing and I am kinda starting to agree."

"How can you say that?!"

"Because Dean she's happy." That made me take a step back. She was happy I supposed. "This is what she would have been like if she grew up normal." Sam breathed slowly, eyeing me with that serious lawyer look he got sometimes. "This is Lou who didn't grow up fearing her own shadow and this is Lou who didn't lose everyone she has ever cared about."

"What and I'm supposed to be happy about that?" I asked, my voice quiet. "She's not our Lou anymore."

"And you don't think she knows that?" I turned to walk away but Sam stopped me. "You make her feel so damn bad about something she can't control. She asks me about a million questions a day trying to piece her life together." I looked at him ready to tell him to screw himself but then he said the one thing that I hadn't thought about. "She asked who Bobby was."

"What'd you tell her?" I found myself asking.

"Nothing." I was a little surprised. "I don't want to be the one who tells her that she held the man who raised her in her arms while he died. I don't want to be the one to explain to Lou that she watched her parents be killed by a bunch of vamps when she was six only to watch the man who took her in after that, the man who saved her, die." I nodded understanding. Sam just continued, "She is going to do everything in her power to get her memories back, to make you happy, and when she does she is going to relive all of that pain all over again. It nearly killed her the first time, so why are you in such a hurry for her to feel it again?" Sam was breathing hard, I had touched a nerve.

"She asked me earlier if I wanted her gone."

"Dean you can't kick her out, I won't let you." Sam came forward, forgetting the ice for his probably broken nose.

"Hey!" I barked. "She is the only one of us that never got a taste of normal. Even when we went off to our apple pie lives she stuck it out, did the job, was more machine than person for the both of us. We can give her a shot at normal but not here, not like this."

The air in the kitchen became thick and full of rage. "Maybe," Sam breathed through clenched teeth, "but that is going to be her choice. We are not kicking her out because you feel guilty or because we think it's for the best." I nodded knowing he was right.

"Sorry for breaking your nose," I mumble only kind of meaning it.

"Get some sleep Dean." That was all he said before he left. I was alone in the kitchen where not even 24 hours earlier Lou had crept in here in nothing but a huge flannel and socks. I loved that look on her. I got angry with her when I realized it was Sammy's shirt she was wearing. That very first night when she got all fixed up by Cas and she throw on my shirt it was almost like it use to be.

I grabbed a bottle of whiskey from where I hid it in the bread drawer and started to drink. The thought of Lou in the kind of pain she was in when Bobby got shot sent a churning in my stomach that didn't stop. I knew everything about the Lou before, from her favorite color to which monsters she liked hunting the most. Lou nearly killed herself after Bobby. Sam and I had found her with an empty bottle of pills in her hand one night she was passed out on the floor. The doctors had told us that we had gotten to her just in time. We never talked about it afterwards but in Rufus's cabin the walls were thin enough that we could hear her cry herself to sleep at night. If she went through that again, I don't know what I would do.

I went to my room to try and catch a few hours of sleep before I did something stupid and make Lou hate me even more. She might not have been my Lou anymore but she was still Lou and if she hated me I don't know what I would do with myself.

I woke up to the smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen. Coffee was always a good idea next to beer. I dragged my ass out of bed throw on dead guy robe and went into the kitchen. "Good looking out Sammy," I said turning into the brightly lit kitchen. Only it wasn't Sam, it was Lou. She was wearing sunglasses inside and had a miserable expression coating her face.

"Why are the lights so loud this morning?" She moaned quietly. I chuckled slightly. She held on to her coffee like it was a lifeline. "Why'd you let me drink so much last night?" It was a near whisper.

"Hey Sunshine, I'm not the one who talked Berry into giving you another drink," I put my hands up, smiling at her.

"It's Larry, and I'm mad at him too," she hissed holding one hand to her temple.

I nodded slowly, "I'll go grab you the best hangover cure out there." I started to exit the kitchen when I heard her mumble something under her breath.

"Thanks Captain."

I got into Baby and drove to the closet dinner which was about 10 minutes out of town and grabbed a bacon cheeseburger, large fries, pancakes, hash browns, and a milkshake. She use to like it back when she was 100% her.

I got back to the bunker 30 minutes later, bags of greasy diner food in hand. I walked into the bright kitchen to see Lou sitting with her legs crossed under her, her head hung low, her dark sunglasses drooping down her nose, and her sucking syrup out of the bottle with a straw. I couldn't help but chuckle. I placed the bags on the table next to her leg, moving to get some silverware to eat with. "Want some pancakes with that?" I asked feeling a smile spread wide on my face.

She groaned into her straw. "Watch it Deano or I will be having idjit with my syrup." I paused for a moment. I debated whether or not to tell her that Bobby use to call us idjits or not. I decided that this morning would be a morning where memory wasn't on the discussion card.

I turned on the charm for her, like I use to when she was in a bitch mood. "Now is that anyway to talk to the guy who is about to cure that hangover of yours?" She just stuck out her tongue at me and winced slightly.

She looked hesitantly in the bag and pulled out the burger first, eyeballing it as if it might explode at any second. Then without warning she dug into it like a wolf on a carcass. I smiled. She always ate like this when she was really hungry. Bobby wasn't really a stickler on manner when she was growing up so it was no big surprise she lacked the more ladylike skills. She let out a small moan when she was halfway through the burger.

I pulled up a chair and sipped some coffee, looking at her. She seemed different. Of course she was, but… Throughout the years, Sam and I had always known that she had some weird habits and sometimes got glimpses of this secret life she had that was just for her, but now it was on full display. It was like she had no insecurities, no embarrassment, she was just so herself.

She rarely wore pants, which I wasn't really complaining about, it just made keeping my distance a bit harder. She sat on tables instead of chairs and when she did sit in chairs her legs drifted up to rest on the table. She held her coffee, or water, or bottle of syrup so close to herself it was almost adorable. She sang, badly and loudly, in the shower every morning, not really caring that Sam and I have asked her to stop. She just seemed like more herself. Even as I thought that I cursed myself. She wasn't herself. She wasn't my Lou.

"This is like heaven in a bun," She declared, her mouth still full of food. She wiped her mouth on the sleeve of my shirt and licked her fingers after finishing her burger. "Seriously Dean, it taste like how an orgasm feels." I looked at her with that.

"How do you know what an orgasm feels like?"

She gave me a look that made me think she thought I was an idiot. "I have hands Dean, it's not rocket science." I must have looked rather ridiculous because she laughed, holding her head in pain. I closed my mouth then, I hadn't realized had fallen open.

She seemed to drop the subject which was fine I guess. I didn't want to talk to her about that at all. Nope. She dug into the fries and ate the pancakes with her hands and asked through a mouth full of fries where the hot sauce was. I laughed to go find the hot sauce. When I got back I watched her pour syrup onto her milkshake and lick the whipped cream off the top, getting some on her nose. I handed her the hot sauce and whipped the whipped cream off her nose with my thumb. She scrunched her nose under my touch. I felt my hand linger there, felt heat on her cheek as my hand cupped her face. She removed her sunglasses and shook her head, shaking my touch off with it. "Um thanks," she mumbled. I felt suddenly cold without the heat from her on my hand. I shook off the feeling.

She looked in the empty bags. "Where's the pie?"

I must have misheard her. "You hate pie," I reminded.

She nodded but her face was scrunched in concentration. "Sam always forgets the pie. I remember that he once brought you cake claiming that it was basically the same thing." She was more talking to herself than to me. "Did you break your leg?" She asked looking at me. For the first time all morning I saw her eyes. Her beautiful eyes that weren't brown or green or hazel but everything all at once as if they didn't like being just one thing.

"Yeah I did," I couldn't help the hope in my voice. I took a step closer, closing the already small space between us. I put my hands on her hips, moving her even closer to me. We were almost touching noses when Sam walked in. He cleared his throat and Lou spun to see him, a smile on her face.

"Hey Jolly Green," she started but cut herself off. She moved off the table stumbling slightly. I reached out to steady her but she swatted me away with one hand and brought the other to her head. "What happened to your nose?" She asked, her voice laced with concern.

"Nothing time can't fix," Sam replied with a kiss to the top of her head. I felt something close to anger when I saw that. Sam pulled a bag off his shoulder and set it on the table. "I've got a present for you," he declared as he unzipped the bag.

Lou pulled out a book from the bag and scrunched her nose. "Supernatural?" She looked between us. "You got me romance novels?"

Hey guys so I'm like really new to this so any and all feedback and nice thoughts are so helpful and make me feel super great so if you would like to leave a review or something it would definitely be appreciated.