You Don't Know Me, Arnold
Chapter 11: Scheme
You guys are going to love these next two chapters xD
WARNING: If you have not seen Arnold's Valentine or you don't remember what happened, GO WATCH IT BEFORE YOU READ THIS! IT WILL HELP ;)
Behold ladies and gentlemen, the birth of Alberto Sanchez...
I guess you could say Helga is opening up to me a little bit...
If you consider small smiles when we walk by each other opening up that is.
I mean, it's better than her ignoring me.
Anyway, Valentine's Day AND the Cheese Festival are coming up and let me tell you, I don't have no Ruth McDougal or Lila Sawyer to be chasing around.
Nope, it's worse, because this time it's HELGA G. PATAKI who I'm chasing.
I sort of recall her sometimes being the reason my dates with Ruth or Lila never went well.
Go figure.
"Hello class!" Mr. Simmons exclaimed as I looked around at all the Valentine's decorations. "As you're all aware, this Friday is Valentine's Day and we're going to be doing lots of special activities on the holiday!"
"ALRIGHT NO WORK!" Harold cheered as he pumped a fist in the air.
"Now Harold, there will still be work, but with a good set of activities too!"
"Awwww..."
"Now, I know Miss. Slovak had you all do pen pals last year. We unfortunately aren't doing that this year so we're instead going to write as many cards as possible to your loved ones. Your moms, dads, grandparents, maybe even a certain special someone."
Pen pals...
I flickered my eyes at Helga and smirked when I noticed her blushing when Simmons mentioned pen pals.
I see you Helga. I know you were Cecile.
I just wish I could tell her.
You know what? Maybe I should!
Nah... it's not the time.
But I did have a lot of fun hanging out with her that night, even if it wasn't actually Helga Helga it was Cecile Helga.
Ugh, that sounds confusing.
"Hey Arnold!" Gerald called. "Who are you making cards for?"
"Probably my grandparents and I'm still deciding on who else."
"What? No Ruth? I'm sure she'll love another card from Anonymous," he said as he began laughing.
"Gerald!"
"What Arnold? You gotta admit your crush on her was pretty pathetic."
I ignored his remark and replied, "Do you think I should do one for Helga?"
Gerald widened his eyes and face palmed, "You know what? I take it all back, whatever you have with Pataki is what's pathetic."
"Says the one who's been chasing Phoebe for the longest and hasn't made a move on h..."
I stopped when Gerald reached over his desk and covered my mouth, nervously looking over towards Phoebe, who was talking to Helga.
"Chill out man! Don't expose me like that!"
He let go of my mouth and I crossed my arms, "Then don't question my reasoning for giving cards to specific people."
Gerald narrowed his eyes but sighed a breathe of defeat.
That's what I thought.
"But if you really want my advice Arnold, I'd say to just be bold like you usually are and just ask her out already."
"I can't do that... she wouldn't say yes."
"You've gone out with her before Arnold! April Fools Dance ring any bells?"
"That's because I owed it to her, no... she wouldn't say yes, ESPECIALLY to me."
Gerald rolled his eyes and laughed, "Then disguise yourself if you want to go with her so badly."
He went back to designing his card with a snicker, oblivious that I was actually CONSIDERING his idea.
C'mon, it's genius if you think about it.
Helga did it. She disguised herself as my pen pal to go on a date with me.
So shouldn't I do the same? You know, make it all ironic and stuff.
The more I thought about it, the more appealing the idea seemed to me.
I would disguise myself as someone else and get to know Helga so well to the point where she would say yes to going on a date with me for Valentine's Day. I'd take her to the Cheese Festival and she'd never know it was me.
But there's just one problem... my head.
One look at my head and she'd know it's me, so I REALLY needed to change my identity and my personality to the point where it'd seem EXTREMELY unbelievable that it's me.
But how?
"Hey Lorenzo, watchu got there?" Stinky asked as he looked over Lorenzo's shoulder.
"It's a design of a bandera, a flag from my home country, it's for my mom," he said in his thick Latin accent.
"That's mighty cool Lorenzo."
"Thanks! Just embracing my latino culture."
Bingo.
Hey wait! Since when did I become such a scheming person?
Not hanging around Helga is really taking a toll on me.
The bell rang and Lorenzo got up, and I immediately took my opportunity.
"Gerald, I won't be there during recess. I have to take care of some things."
"Alright Arnold, we're gonna be playing kickball if you want to join."
I nodded and walked up to Lorenzo.
"Hi Lorenzo!"
"Hey Arnold, what's up? Make it quick, I have to make a call."
"I need your help..."
"Arnold, needing my help!? This is surely exhilarating, I'll have to cancel my call."
"Really? You'd cancel your call for me?"
"Of course Arnold, you helped me learn to be a kid, it's only fair if I return the favor by helping you. Let me just put my phone in my locker."
I nodded as both of us walked toward his locker.
"So what's going on?" he asked and I scratched the back of my head.
"Well... this may sound weird but... I want you to teach me how to be a latino," I responded, cringing at how American my pronunciation of latino sounded.
Lorenzo stopped and looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "May I ask why?"
"Well... there's this girl..."
"Say no more," he said as he stopped me by putting a hand up in the air. "I completely understand."
"You do?"
"Si. I don't have any appointments today after school, want to come over?" he asked as I nodded.
"Yeah! I-I mean si..." I said sheepishly.
Lorenzo smiled, "That's a start, I'll see you there Arnold."
I smiled, this was going to be easy!
This is hard.
I banged my head on Lorenzo's desk as he shook his head.
"No Arnold, you need to know how to roll your 'R's' repeat after me, Quieres salir conmigo? It means would you like to go out with me."
"Quieres salir conmigo," I repeated as I cringed at how American that sounded.
I could tell Lorenzo was trying to hold in a laugh.
"No Arnold, remember, roll your 'R's.' Quierrrrrres salirrrrrrrrr conmigo. Rrrrrrrrrrrr," he said as rolled his R's with extreme ease.
I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS.
"Rrrfnjqvosjan," I repeated as I ATTEMPTED to roll my R's but ended up having a spit war with my mouth.
I apologize in advance to the latino community, I'm a disgrace.
Lorenzo shook his head, "Almost there, try saying this, Hola, como estas? It means, Hello, how are you?"
"Hola, como estas?" I asked as he rubbed his chin.
"Mmm, you still sound very gringo but we can make it work."
"This is hopeless!" I exclaimed dramatically.
"Now Arnold, if you want to learn to be latino, you need to quit that attitude. We latinos are fighters, we don't quit easily, and neither do you. So stop it," he scolded as I nodded.
"You're right Lorenzo, I can't give up!"
"That's the spirit, now lets try to roll your R's again. Put your tongue on the bridge of your mouth, like this," he explained as he put his tongue on the top his his mouth, I copied.
"Now, take a deep breathe and blow," he said as he rolled his R's.
"I think I get it now," I responded as I took a deep breathe and repeated his steps. "Rrrrrrrr."
"You did it Arnold! You rolled your R's!"
I beamed as I did it again, "Rrrrrrr! Wow Lorenzo I did it!"
"I'm proud of you Arnold, now try to say my name, but roll the R instead of how you normally say it."
"LoRenzo," I said as Lorenzo nodded and applauded me.
"ARnold," he responded, rolling the R in my name.
"Woah I never thought of saying my name like that, ARnold," I copied, thinking the way it sounded was pretty cool.
Lorenzo and I then spent the next hour speaking sentences in Spanish, with our rolled R's of course!
But then I realized something, if I was going to act as someone else in front of Helga, I had to look different and have a different name.
"Lorenzo, can you teach me how to say some latino names?"
Lorenzo nodded, "Yeah, there's a lot. Like EnRique, Jesus, ARmando..."
"Is EduaRdo one?" I asked, referring to the Eduardo from my dad's journal.
"Yes it is! There's also AlbeRto."
Oooo, Alberto sounds cool.
"And last names?" I asked as Lorenzo smiled.
"Some common ones are Gonzalez, Reyes, Lopez, and Sanchez."
Sanchez... Alberto Sanchez... interesting.
Hey! If Helga was going to waltz up to me "acting" and "dressed" like a French girl, why can't I do the same as a latino?
I'm only giving her a taste of her own medicine.
"One more thing Arnold," Lorenzo said as I looked at him.
"The green eyes," he said as he pointed at my eyes. "Not common for latinos, we usually have brown eyes. Just a fun fact."
Darn! I need contact lenses!
After my very helpful lesson with Lorenzo, and shopping for contact lenses, I decided to change my look.
I looked at myself in the mirror. How in the world am I going to do this?
I opened my closet and looked at my outfits, wondering what look would scream 'This is NOT Arnold.'
I noticed the black jacket and sunglasses Frankie G. had given to me last year, so I decided to mix and match.
I grabbed a white tank top from my drawer and took off my jacket, my vest and my plaid shirt.
I put on the tank top and put the jacket over it, I decided to leave my jeans and my sneakers as they were.
I looked in the mirror and frowned, my hair...
I took off my hat and put water in my hair so that it can droop down.
Hmmm, what screams latino?
I gasped as I grabbed a scrunchie and tied my hair in a low pony tail, putting on the sunglasses.
No... one look at my green eyes and Helga would know it's me. I frowned as I looked over at the contact lenses, I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to put those on.
I'm only 10... how do I put those on?
"Hey Shortman time for din... holy smokes! Who are you and what are you doing in my grandson's room!?" Grandpa exclaimed as he walked in and pointed at me.
"Grandpa, it's me," I said as I took off my sunglasses.
"Arnold?" he asked as he looked me up and down. "What's with the new look?"
"I have a plan Grandpa," I said as I smiled and told him about my plan and why I was doing it.
"Hmmm trying to impress the girl with the one eyebrow huh Shortman?" he said as he wiggled is eyebrows.
"Grandpa!" I exclaimed as a tint of pink rose to my cheeks.
"I'm just messing with ya Shortman," he said as he turned to my desk, noticing the contact lenses.
"What's with the contacts?"
"Well, Lorenzo told me that the majority of latinos have brown eyes. And I figured Helga wouldn't discover me if I had brown eyes, problem is I don't know how to put them on."
"Well let me know whenever you want to put them on, we have to be really careful with these. You always need to wash your hands beforehand," he informed me as he stood up. "Now come down for dinner."
I nodded as I looked over at the lenses, tomorrow was going to be interesting.
Watch out Helga, because Alberto Sanchez is coming at you.
I immediately went home after school to put my plan into effect.
I knew the rest of the gang was going to be in Gerald's Field, so I assumed Helga and Phoebe would probably be taking a stroll to Slausen's.
I know that because I overheard their conversation today... heh...
I quickly put on my outfit and after 30 minutes of me and Grandpa fighting with the contact lenses, I managed to put them on.
They felt weird, and I looked EXTREMELY different. Heck, not even my oblong head exposed me.
I hope...
As I walked around the neighborhood, I noticed people were staring at me, but none of them greeted me like they normally would.
They probably think I'm new here.
Harvey bumped into me as he was delivering mail, "Oops, sorry kid, sayyy. Are you new? I haven't seen you around here."
Alright Arnold, let's put Alberto Sanchez to practice.
"Si, I am fRom another countRy, my family is visiting."
I said it in a deeper voice with an attempted latin accent.
"Well, I hope you like it here. Hillwood is a pretty cool city, for a second I thought you were a kid I know. I swear you two have the same shaped head, you should meet him sometime. His name is Arnold. He's pretty well known around here so I'm sure you'll run into him at some point."
I've never been one to be insecure about myself, but MAN, my head is really throwing off my groove!
"Can't wait to meet him," I responded as Harvey and I bid our goodbyes and I continued walking toward Slausen's.
Well, at least he didn't recognize me.
But what if Helga does!? She's not necessarily dense, and she's most definitely not stupid.
Suddenly I started feeling nervous, questioning whether or not this was a good idea.
Just as I was about to chicken out, I bumped into something... or someone.
I looked up and noticed I had come face to face with the one and only Helga G. Pataki.
What else is new...
Well, it's too late to back out now.
Helga rubbed her head and I stood up and extended my hand, "I'm sorry señorita, I wasn't watching where I was going."
She looked up at me and widened her eyes and tilted her head to the side, "Arnold?"
SWEET MOTHER OF RASPBERRIES! WHAT DO I DO NOW?
I guess I must've taken awhile to answer and I must have looked confused because Phoebe, who was next to Helga, said, "I don't think he's Arnold, Helga."
That's an opening Arnold, take it!
"Ah yes, I've been told by the mail man as well that I look like some ARnold character. My name is AlbeRto Sanchez, at your service," I said as I grabbed Helga's hand and kissed it, causing her to blush.
She's so cute when she's all flustered.
I grabbed my sunglasses and put them on my head and Helga seemed to blink at my brown eyes.
"Oh... well... sorry about that. I thought you were him, nice to meet you Alberto," she responded, Alberto sounding really American.
Yes! She bought it! Those 30 minutes of battling with the contact lenses were worth it!
"What are your names?" I asked as I looked at both of them. "I'm new here and I'm trying to make friends."
"I'm Phoebe Heyerdahl," Phoebe responded with a smile as Helga continued to stare at me with narrowed eyes.
She was studying me.
Phoebe nudged Helga in the stomach, causing Helga to awaken from her trance.
"Oh, um, I'm Helga Pataki..." she responded.
"Where are you two headed?" I asked.
"We were going to go get some ice cream, you can come along if you want," Phoebe offered as I smiled.
I turned and noticed Helga's look had gotten more suspicious.
Uh oh, I HAVE to do something less Arnold like. NOW!
"Me? Grabbing some ice cream with two beautiful ladies like yourselves, I'd be honored," I said as I bowed.
Ugh. Gross.
I turned towards Helga and noticed her expression had softened, phew!
We headed towards Slausen's and I ordered something I wouldn't usually order, you know, I gotta be careful.
Helga seemed to have noticed and let her guard down a little more.
The conversation was mostly between me and Phoebe so when it was time for us to leave, I needed to take advantage of getting Helga alone.
"It was nice getting to know you Alberto," Phoebe said. "Bye Helga, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Allow me to walk you home," I offered as I extended my arm for her to hold.
"You don't even know where I live," she responded and I smiled.
"That may be true, but that still doesn't mean I can't walk you," I responded as I winked at her.
"I don't know..."
"C'mon, it wouldn't hurt. I want to get to know you Helga, I only had to look at you once to know that you're someone special."
She seemed taken aback with my compliment and then began rubbing her hand nervously.
"That's not true..."
"Yes it is. The only one stopping you from believing it is you."
She seemed like she wasn't convinced, but she took a deep breathe and eventually gave in.
Score!
"What school do you go to?" I asked, hoping that would ignite conversation.
"PS 118... you?"
"I'm just visiting, but I was thinking of transferring to PS 118 if I ever moved here though. What do you think?"
"Don't do it," she responded.
"Why not?" I asked as I turned to her.
"It's a school full of losers and pathetic saps," she said with a smile.
I knew she wasn't serious, but there she is! The old Helga! She's not completely gone yet!
"They can't be that bad," I said, causing her to raise an eyebrow at me.
Darn! That sounded like it was too Arnold.
"Because let me tell you, my old school had a reputation for containing pathetic saps and losers."
Phew, that was a close one.
"Like you?" she asked with a smirk.
She was playing with me! This is good!
"Nah not me, why do you think I left," I asked as I tapped my head. "It was hard being the only sane one in the pack."
"Ugh, I feel you on that one," she responded. "Get this, there's this kid in my class named Curly, the boy is a natural born twisted little freak. He once rang the fire alarm and framed it on another kid named Eugene just because Eugene hadn't returned the pencil Curly had let him borrow in good condition. He also once let go of a bunch of zoo animals. Don't even get me started on the time he threw a sissy tantrum just because he wasn't made ball monitor."
I smiled, she was opening up to me! I also shook my head at the very clear memories of Curly and his adventures.
"What do you mean by sissy tantrum?" I asked.
"He locked himself in the Principal's office with a bunch of balls and started throwing them at whoever got near him."
"Wow what a nutjob! Sounds like an interesting school, now I REALLY wanna go there."
"Sure, if you want to become a victim of the status quo, be my guest," she said kind of bitterly, and I couldn't help but be curious.
I was on the verge of asking what she meant by that until I realized that we were already in front of her house.
"Well, thanks for walking me home Alberto," she said as she was about to step into her house.
"Wait!" I called as she turned around. "So I heard that there's going to be a Cheese Festival this friday," I started. "Want to go?"
She seemed surprised, "You're asking me to the Cheese Festival?"
"Yeah why not it'd be fun," I offered confidently, silently praying she'd say yes.
Her lips curled into a small smile, "Yeah... sure. I'd like to go."
"Great, I'll pick you up at 6," I said with a wink and started walking away.
As I walked back to the boarding house, I threw a fist pump in the air.
SHE SAID YES!
OH THE IRONY! xD
Thoughts? I'm expecting 120 reviews before the next chapter goes up.
Alberto Sanchez vs Arnold Shortman (even though none of you are supposed to know his last name until The Jungle Movie), what team are you?
I'm Team Arnold all the way!
I wonder if Craig would be proud? Hmmm.
REVIEW! Remember, 120 before the next chapter could go up!