She rode out the migraine for a few hours. It was like her body had had it with the bottling up of her conscience. It was as if she'd swallowed a ton of poison and her body was purging. She could see the man from the club, his watering blood twined eyes screaming for mercy, his gagging played over and over again in her head. Eva could have done something, she could have refused to play Joker's game. She could have screamed and maybe Batman would have shown up. It was very possible that he monitored the Iceberg Lounge, it did have a reputation and was run by a reformed Rogue.
If she had done things differently, that man would be alive. If she had just let Joker blow up her shop, she could have survived, she could have started over, and Joker would have been a nightmare that faded with time. Running a hand through her hair, Eva rubbed her temples in the hopes of soothing the ever present pain. Her hands began to stray, moving down to her thigh. Pulling up the pant leg she traced the black studded J. This was fucking insane, she had been so stupid in convincing herself that she'd be able to get out this situation. She was either going to die with sound mind, or live only to be committed to Arkham. There was no getting out of this with her life and sanity. Her fingernails dug into the black stiches, she began to pluck them lick guitar strings until they sang and stung. Grimacing, she dug her nails into her thigh, leaving behind crescent marks, Joker hadn't been in her life more than a week and she was already losing it "Guess that's what happens when you kill a person."
Slowly, the migraine began to dissipate, as if caused by her admission. Eva's shoulder's fell, and her hands unclenched. It felt oddly sedative, almost Zen, this admission. His words surfaced, she recalled the way his lips quirked and the way his eyes seemed to glow with a mixture of pride and pity 'Yes, the first time is always the hardest.'
Tears started to spill from her eyes again 'Oh, oh, no more tears. You did great.'
She really did kill him, even if she hadn't pulled the trigger. All action against that guy had led to his death, his fate had been decided by her, the admission hissed past her lips, hushed by her revelation "I-I did kill him."
The migraine was gone now, as if banished by her words. A grateful sigh escaped her lips, the world around her had ceased its spinning, Plath's words no longer hung in the air like acrid smog. This was easier, the pain was less, the sickness of guilt was gone. How could she think this way? Being alone with her thoughts was beginning to take negative effect. Eva use to talk to Marni about everything when she was having a difficult time, but this isolation was making it difficult, almost impossible to sort through all this mess. She obviously couldn't ring Marni up. Jesus, that would be one messed up conversation. Smirking, Eva recited it out in her head "Hey Marni, so I got roped into doing work for Joker, yeah that Joker. Well anyway, he's gotten obsessive, and he's been pulling all these head games and shit…. He killed that guy at the bar, and I'm pretty sure it's my fault, any advice?"
Shit fuck, that came off worse than she had first imagined. Joker was right, Marni wouldn't be capable of sticking with her after Eva divulged the shit that she was waist deep in. Hell, she'd probably go to the cops or even… Eva swallowed the cutting lump in her throat, she could go to Batman. He wasn't exactly known for the genteel treatment of criminals, even those who were nothing more than pawns. Like everyone in Gotham, Eva had watched the news enough to see the calling card of Batman being more than some light shining into the smog of the city. His real calling card was composed of broken bones, shattered knee caps, caved in eye sockets, and mental trauma. He never killed the criminals he came into contact with, but it wasn't below him to beat on them, at least to point where a couple bones had been reduced to a very fine powder. Such thoughts made Eva feel queasy, not with guilt, but with fear. She was in deep with the Joker, it wasn't enough to be arm candy designated, but it was enough to where the cops and Batman would no longer see her the victim of unfortunate circumstance. At this point, she was a possible low level accomplice.