Hey! 20 days till Christmas! Woo!

During my breakdown, Alice and Rosalie had joined me out in the cold, covering me in what I assumed was Emmett's jacket. It was like a dress on me and I appreciated the girls for that. It was fucking cold. In the house, I could hear Emmett yelling, but I couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Let it out, Bella," Rose murmured softly as she rubbed my back gently.

I felt like I was all cried out. All that was left was dried up tears on my cheeks, making my face feel tight. I blew out a sigh and pulled the jacket closed, lifting my head up to gaze at the night sky.

"I'm okay. It was just… seeing him." I shook my head as Alice leaned hers against my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"He wasn't even supposed to be here. We told him to find somewhere to stay," Rose said.

My head whipped around to gaze at Rose, catching her icy blue stare.

"Rose, how can you kick him out and make him stay somewhere else just because I came to visit? That's not right." I shook my head as I sniffled, feeling bad.

I didn't want Edward to feel like he'd been alienated from his family just because I came to town. Ugh. I needed to woman up and stop getting so emotional over him. I was over him and had been for the last four years. The first year in New York was a hard one, but I had made it through.

I just needed.. closure, I guess. I needed him to explain what I saw. And even though I couldn't stand the sight of him right now, I couldn't help but to feel some type of way about the fact that he was just a few feet away from me.

Fuck. What was wrong with me? How can I hate him one minute and want to be with him the next? This was getting too complicated. I released another sigh before tuning back in to Rose. I hadn't even noticed she was speaking.

"I'm sorry, I was lost in my thoughts," I apologized softly.

Rose shot me back a small smile before repeating what she'd said earlier. "I told you before that I would make sure you were comfortable. He didn't have any problem with it, but he said he forgot his charger and he'd thought you all would arrive later."

I nodded in response before patting Alice's shoulder, wanting her to release her grip. She let up and moved away an inch, pulling her own jacket tighter.

"You guys, I think what I need is just closure.." I trailed off, avoiding eye contact with either one of them.

"Really?" Alice squeaked as Rose said, "I think you're right."

Alice looked between us before slowly nodding her head in agreement. "Yeah, I think you do, Bells. You need to know why it happened and what he's going to do now that you're here. I think you both need to work it out in order to be civil enough for the wedding."

I watched as Rose also gave a nod. "She's right. You don't have to be friends, but at least you'll know everything."

It was at that moment that I had realized I never asked anyone if they knew what happened that night. I jumped on a flight to New York, but Alice and Jasper had come days later. I wanted to ask in New York, so many times, but I knew if I wanted to get over him, I had to forget about him.

"Rose, do you know what happened that night?"

She bit her lip before giving a slow nod, my eyes widening.

"But Bella, you never asked, and I didn't want to bring it up. But I also know it's probably best if Edward tells you himself. I don't want to be the one to tell you. Besides, it felt good to punch him in the face."

She was right; I never asked. I flashed her a small smile before taking a deep breath.

"Bella?" Alice's voice was soft and that brought my head up to meet her gaze. "Did you want to speak with him now?"

Did I want to? I groaned out loud, lifting my hands to drop my head in my palms.

"Bella, you don't have to," Rose whispered as she placed a hand on my shoulder.

I sniffled again before shaking my head. "Rose, I have to or else I'll always think of him as a cheater."

Alice moved closer and pulled me into a hug. "We'll be right inside. I'll send him out."

"Only because you'll probably yell at him first," Rose replied before rolling her eyes.

"You're damn right I am!" Alice huffed and turned on her heels, stomping toward the front door.

Rose and I watched her walk away and then close the door behind her as she stepped into the warm glow of the foyer. She turned back to me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Bella, I'm proud of you for doing this, you know."

My lips turned upwards into a genuine smile as I pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you, Rose. I appreciate all that you've done for me and I hope this goes well. That way I won't have to worry about steering clear of him. If we can get things cleared up, I'll feel a lot better."

She nodded as the door opened and Edward walked out, jacket zipped up and beanie on his head, covering up his bronze locks.

Oh fuck, he looked so fucking cute. I refrained from groaning as I tried to remember the actual reason he was called outside for.

Right. Closure.

Rose glared at him on her way back into the house and he hung his head, as he took slow steps toward me. I took another deep breath and turned away, staring up at the night sky once more. I heard his footsteps against the gravel as he approached me.

I closed my eyes and slowly blew out a breath through my lips, mentally preparing myself for what was to come. I knew if I didn't do this, I'd continue to hate him, and I needed to know what happened that night. I had lost so much sleep over this and had caused Alice and Jasper to go through so much.

"It's cold," he whispered.

I couldn't help it; I laughed. I could see his head turn to look at me in bewilderment. He probably thought I was crazy.

"You want to talk about the weather? Seriously?" I turned to look at him and that's when I truly saw how he looked. There were dark circles under his eyes and it made me feel as if he hadn't slept in years. Even his cheeks were a bit hollowed in.

My expression quickly changed to a frown as he fully turned to face me.

"Bella, please. Let me explain what happened that night," he pleaded.

That's why you're here, I thought. Alice wouldn't have let him come within inches of me if I didn't want him to explain. He wouldn't have even made it to the door.

I turned on my heel and made way for the porch steps, sitting on the second stair. I lifted my head to see his expression switch from sad to hopeful. He thought I was going to go back inside and not hear him out.

"That's why I called you out here, Edward." Even his name was so weird to say out loud.

I leaned against the rail as he quickly walked over and sat on the first step, his body facing me completely. He took a deep breath before looking at me, those green eyes filled with shame and sadness.

"That night, I'd had too much to drink. I was waiting for you and Alice to arrive, but I had a few drinks before. When I heard Tyler say he saw Alice's car pull up to the lot, I left him at the edge of the rocks and started walking toward the parking lot. Well, it was more like stumbling."

He stopped and moved an inch closer and when he spoke, I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I know I should have stopped drinking, but I was young and stupid. You know how we were."

I gave him the smallest of nods before he continued.

"I was halfway down the beach when Tanya and Mike caught up to me. We went to sit on a log in a small clearing about two feet into the woods. We chatted for a bit and then Mike left us, but not before he tripped over a small branch that was in front of us."

I remembered that little detail so I knew he was telling the truth. Well, I knew he would, anyway. He wouldn't dare to lie to me at this point. I was sure, even though it had been five years, he knew how I was. Especially with liars.

He cleared his throat, his voice barely a whisper this time around.

"The next minute, sh-she was on me and I didn't even have the time to.. register what was happening." He slowly shook his head and to me, it seemed he wasn't able to find the words to continue. I didn't care.

"Continue." My voice was harsh but, in my opinion, he deserved it.

He looked like he was about to cry and I felt a twinge of pain.

"She kissed me, as you saw, but then I pushed her to the ground. I was going to ask her what the hell she was doing, but that's when you saw me. I swear, Bella," he whispered as he moved closer to me. "I would never do such a thing to you intentionally. I understand why you ran, Bella, but you never gave me a chance to explain."

As I looked down at him, I watched as his eyes filled with tears and how he tried so hard to blink them back. One tear did end up falling down his cheek and to see him so vulnerable, it made me tear up, too. I closed my eyes as I leaned my head against the cold rail, my tears escaping. All of the feelings I'd felt that night came rushing back and all I could do was just sit there and hoped he felt the same as I.

"Bella, I am so sorry. Please say something," he pleaded.

I opened my eyes and wiped my tears just as he did. I had never seen him cry, so I knew he was truly sorry.

"Edward," I whispered. His glossy stare returned and he moved a step up, his hands resting gently over mine.

"I believe you, Edward. But you have to know what I felt that night. Seeing her on you and her tongue down your throat.." I turned my head as if to push the thought away.

It was the one thing that I tried not to think about for years. It was so hard.

"If I could have bleached that memory away, I would have done it so quickly." I scoffed, shaking my head.

"Bella," he started. "You don't know how good it feels to hear you say that you believe me. And I know I can't take back what I did, but I swear to you, I will make it up to you. If you let me."

He took hold of my hands and squeezed them gently.

"I've never stopped loving you, Bella. And I won't hold back on showing you how much I'm sorry."

My head whipped over to look at him, my jaw dropping in shock. Well, that was definitely something I wasn't expecting.

"What?" Did I hear him right?

"I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. Forever."

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