AN: Edward's story - it's a long chapter but gives you everything you need to know about Edward.

One reviewer said that Bella was using Riley and that eight years was a long time to be with him while pining after Edward. She wasn't with him for two of those years even though he wanted her. Sometimes feelings just doesn't go away quickly, I know from experience because I didn't get the HEA I wanted.

All of my stories will be HEA no matter what I put them through, so if it doesn;t seem like it - hold on to your heart, we'll get there

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonLessNight for beta'ing at short notice

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all

Edward

Wrapped in my heavy overcoat, beanie, gloves and scarf, I sat on a bench in Central Park. From here, I could see my apartment; the one Tanya wanted to share with me. So far I had resisted, unsure if I wanted to take the next logical step. Somehow, I always felt that asking someone to marry you shouldn't be a logical step―it should be full of passion and blinding love—and instead, Tanya and I had somehow reached this point without me realizing it.

New Year's Eve was just around the corner, and I knew my family expected Tanya and me to turn up on New Year's Day with a flashy diamond ring on her finger. Sliding my gloves from my hands, I dug in my pocket, bringing out the tell-tale pale blue box. Opening it, I gazed at the ostentatious ring I knew she was expecting.

I couldn't help but drag the worn, black velvet drawstring bag out of my inside pocket, tipping my grandmother's ring out into the palm of my hand. Tanya had once remarked that it was a little plain, but really it was understated and was actually much more valuable than the one I'd bought for her. Its value wasn't only in the materials and gemstone, but in its history. My grandfather had inherited it from his father after my great-grandmother passed away, and it had been handed down ever since from father to son, worn by couples that had loved for life. My thoughts slipped back in time to the day I asked my dad for it, sure that she was the one. He'd not said a word about how young we were or that we should wait, trusting that I knew my own mind even at eighteen.

Only it hasn't turned out that way.

Eight years ago I won a full-ride scholarship to Cornell, and had now finally completed medical school and was embarking on my residency. Tanya wanted me to follow my father and specialize in the prestigious area of cardiothoracics. Dad hadn't pushed me in any way, just happy that I was following his footsteps into the medical world, though he wouldn't have been unhappy with anything I wanted to do as long as I was happy.

Right now, I was vacillating between emergency medicine and pediatrics. I love kids and really wanted to work with them, but then again the ER and its constant on-the-go medicine called to me, too. I knew if I chose emergency medicine, Tanya wouldn't be pleased. I'd miss out on a lot of family get-togethers and dates because it was a particularly gruelling residency, especially in the first couple of years. Pediatrics was better, but I'd still be low on the totem pole in those first few years and be the one expected to give up vacations for more senior colleagues.

Glancing at my watch, I pushed all thoughts of the subject of specialties to the back of my mind because for the next year I would be on rotation so I could get the feel of each area before making my final decision. I got to my feet and made my way home, knowing that I was expected to pick Tanya up within a couple of hours. I would have loved to veg out in front of the television with pizza and a movie, but she was never really happy with that option; she wanted to be seen out and about.

~oOo~

Part of me wondered how I'd gotten here, but I knew it had been my bone-headed actions all those years ago that had put me on this path. My thoughts drifted back to that final summer after graduation when it was all anticipation, waiting for answers and offers from the various schools to which we'd made applications.

The day that thick envelope had arrived for her, my heart had sunk. I knew she'd applied to a English university in Cambridge on a bit of a whim, never expecting to get an acceptance and a full scholarship. She had her heart set on traveling and wanted to visit England in particular, and I couldn't stand in her way; I just couldn't.

I broke my own heart that day, though I was shocked that she'd agreed so readily. I didn't find out until much later that her father and Rose, her best friend, had actively encouraged her to follow her dreams, and if it was meant to be that we would find our way back to each other. I was furious with Rose, particularly; she knew just how much I loved that girl, yet she pushed us apart. I knew that Rose was envious of the chance Bella had been given, but I thought she was my friend, too, and she had betrayed me; betrayed us. Irrationally, I knew that it had also been her decision to go in the end, but maybe she would have decided differently if I'd had at least one other person on my side apart from my sister, Alice.

At the time it seemed as if no one thought anything of splitting us apart; not her family or mine. All of the time I'd spent at school at Cornell, my relationship with my parents had been a bit frosty because I considered their lack of intervention a betrayal of sorts, and I'd chosen to spend a number of vacations with friends instead of going home. Eventually, of course, everything eased, especially when I took Tanya home with me for Thanksgiving after I'd completed my pre-med and had started med-school. That must have given them the idea that I was completely over her and had moved on.

Tanya and I had actually met as freshmen where she was studying psychology, although she wasn't very diligent, which meant that only a few of our classes matched up. During that first year I'd studied hard, trying my best to forget the girl that got away, remembering the angry words we'd spoken when she left for England. I regretted those but couldn't find the courage to contact her to take them back. What did it matter? I thought to myself. It wouldn't have changed a thing―I'd still be here and she'd still be there.

Throughout that first year, Tanya and I had remained friends, and she'd appeared at many of the same places as I'd frequented: the coffee shop, the library, and various parties I'd been encouraged to attend by the other great friend I'd met, Emmett McCarty. He was the one who pulled me out of myself and encouraged me to both talk about her and to move on, and over that first year, he'd somewhat succeeded.

So when Tanya asked me out on a date, I agreed. It hadn't been too heavy; a New York Yankees baseball game. They were playing my home team, and despite her being a Yankee fan and me being a Mariners fan, we got on really well. A light dinner later, I kissed Tanya, although I'm not sure who the initiator was; it was the first kiss since my girl―the one who had been my girl―had left for England.

After that, I'd pushed all thoughts of her into the back of my head, trying very hard to close the door on the memories. They did peek out from time to time, especially when Alice mentioned her name in conjunction with telling me about the traveling she was doing to Paris, Madrid, and Rome. As always, I pushed those memories back behind the door. Part of my heart would always be hers, but Tanya was the here and now, and I was determined to give us the best chance possible. Even if it wasn't quite the same, it was still good.

~oOo~

Stepping out of the shower an hour later, I wrapped a towel around my waist and used another to rub my hair dry. Peering at my face in the mirror, I could see the dark circles under my eyes caused by too many consecutive days at work and sleeping in the on-call room most nights. I'd already shaved, getting rid of three days of stubble; Tanya liked me to be clean-shaven and put together so she could show me off to her friends. She'd already booked a classy restaurant for this evening and I needed to get going if I was to pick her up by eight.

The one part of me that wouldn't be controlled by Tanya or hair products did its own thing while I splashed the cologne she'd bought me for my last birthday on my freshly shaven face. Dressing carefully in black pants, a pale blue dress shirt and dark blue skinny tie, I threw on the matching jacket and my overcoat. Collecting my keys, phone and wallet from the hall table, I locked up, leaving a low light on in the living room.

Reluctantly, I had decided to leave both of the rings I'd been looking at earlier at home. It wouldn't be a good idea for Tanya to find either on my person this evening. I knew she was anticipating my proposal, and if she found the one I had purchased for her on me, the act would be a given without me having a chance to ask the question. That scenario would be no match for the fury I'd face if she found my grandmother's ring; that would be epic, so that had to stay, too, even though I felt kind of naked without it.

Shaking my head to rid myself of all thoughts of the past or Tanya's expectations, I made the short walk to the corner of the block. The traffic was always too bad to use my car, which was safely tucked up in the parking garage. Although Tanya always loved being chauffeured around in it, tonight, a taxi would be the better option.

I arrived at Tanya's apartment right on time, ringing the bell instead of using the key she had pressed on me. Hearing the tapping of her shoes on the floor behind the door, I straightened my tie and put a smile on my face; too much thinking of the past tended to make me a little morose.

"Hello, my love," Tanya whispered as she stepped over the threshold and slid her arms around my neck and kissed me slightly inappropriately for standing in the hallway. Nevertheless, I kissed her back before drawing away.

"Are you ready?"

"Almost. Come in for a few minutes while I get my coat and purse." She stepped back inside and I followed her, waiting in the vestibule as she wandered off to the bedroom to gather her things. Her apartment was nice, though not in the same league as mine; one of the many reasons she'd been bugging me to let her move into mine.

A few minutes later she returned to my side and I led the way out and to the elevator. Five minutes later, we had hailed a cab and were on our way to the restaurant; as always, one of the best in New York. Due to the time of the year, we had thirty minutes to kill until our table was ready, which we spent at the bar. Tanya sampled one of their cocktails, her face slightly disgusted when I asked for a beer.

"It's beautiful here, don't you think, Edward? Very romantic."

"It is. How did you manage to get a reservation?"

"A friend of a friend, Alec Mitchell, knows the manager and pulled a few strings for me. I've wanted to come here for a long time and, you know, I thought it was a perfect venue."

I knew what she was referring to, but decided it was best to bypass that conversation for now, and fortunately, one of the hostesses appeared at that moment to show us to our table. A server appeared after we had a chance to settle down. After giving her our choices, she disappeared, leaving Tanya and me in silence for a few minutes; a slightly uncomfortable one.

Tanya was the first to speak although her words, I guessed, were not the ones on her mind. "How's your residency coming along, Edward? Have you decided on a specialty?"

"Not yet. I wanted to wait until I've finished this rotation before deciding, but I'm still leaning toward pediatrics."

Tanya leaned forward. "Cardiothoracics is the place to be, Edward. Your father could help your career immensely, couldn't he? And then we'd be set up for the future. Think about it, Edward." She took every opportunity to push me into this, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do, ever.

I sighed at having to defend my decisions, or lack of them, on virtually a daily basis. "Tanya, please, can we have one meal without this subject coming up again? I'll make up my mind when I'm good and ready, and it will be what I want, not what anyone else wants for me. If my dad can let me follow my own path, why can't you?"

Tanya was silent, her thoughts crossing her face one after the other as she fought back her natural instinct to argue. Eventually, as I knew she would, she swallowed the words on the tip of her tongue, turning the subject to New Year's Eve and the celebrations.

"Have you decided what we're doing for the New Year holiday? How much vacation time do you have?"

"I've just worked all of Christmas and a straight two weeks before that. My final shift ends at midday on New Year's Eve. I wanted to see my parents, so I thought we could fly down on New Year's Day for a couple of days. I haven't seen my family for a while, and it would be good to get in a few days of downtime."

Tanya made a face but didn't comment. I knew she didn't like going to Forks with me; nothing to do, she said. Added to the fact that she rubbed everyone the wrong way, most of the time it made for an uncomfortable few days. My parents were unfailingly polite and welcomed her, but she said that she felt out of place. Since I'd finally decided I was going to propose to her, she would definitely have to make more of an effort to fit in.

Two hours later we were headed back to my apartment in another cab. "I don't know why you don't use your car more, Edward. It seems a shame to leave it in the parking garage most of the time."

"We've talked about this before, Tanya. The traffic is horrendous, and I prefer to let someone else take the stress. We use it for weekends out and special occasions, and maybe in the future, if we move out of the city a little we may use it more."

I knew I'd pressed a button there, and after spending all evening avoiding the subject of the future, I'd given her the perfect opening. Fortunately, we arrived at my apartment a few minutes later and she left the subject alone for now, though I knew we'd be revisiting it soon. I didn't know why I was avoiding thinking about the future―oh hell, scratch that, I knew exactly why―but wishing for something different didn't change a thing.

I did love Tanya, or I'd thought I did; it just wasn't quite the same, and it wasn't enough.

Once inside my apartment, Tanya was all over me before I'd even taken off my overcoat. Her hands were popping the button on my pants and dragging my shirt up; her fingers scratching over the skin on the bare skin of my back.

"Hang on, Tanya," I panted as I pushed her away from me so I could hang up my coat and take off my jacket. "Your hands are freezing."

Tanya pouted but stepped away, shedding her fur coat, dropping it on the floor and wandering into the living room where she displayed herself on the sofa. I picked her coat up and hung it up, doing the same with my overcoat.

"Come here, Edward." She beckoned me toward her, pulling me into a heavy kiss, her tongue invading my mouth. Dragging me down by my tie, she pushed me back on the sofa, going back to her task of freeing me from my pants. With my zipper undone, she reached into my boxers, her hand grasping my cock hard, squeezing and pumping me.

I wasn't really in the mood, my thoughts being in the past for most of the day, but my cock had other ideas, and when she lowered her head to take me in her mouth, he hardened and a groan was forced from my throat as hers enveloped me in its hot wetness. Closing my eyes at the sensation, my thoughts immediately flashed to another time. I hadn't had a thought like that in a lot of years and the guilt forced my eyes open.

Pushing Tanya off, I struggled to my feet, shoving my hard cock back into my pants. "Just a minute, Tan, just a minute. You can't attack me the second we get through the front door." I rubbed my hands over my face and my fingers through my hair.

She glared at me. "It's never been a problem before, Edward. What's wrong?" Her eyes narrowed as she watched my face.

"Nothing, Tanya, I just need to get washed up. Help yourself to a drink, okay? I'll be back in a second." I fled from the room, shocked at the thoughts that had invaded my mind at such a time. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here with Tanya, I wanted to be home with my family. I needed a bit of space to work out what I really wanted.

Tanya's voice came through the door while I was in the bathroom. "What's this, Edward?"

For a second, I wondered what she was talking about, and then the memory of placing both of the rings in the drawer to the drink cabinet flashed through my mind. There was no doubt that she'd found them both, and now I was trapped.

I took a deep breath before I opened the door, coming face to face with her hands holding out both the box and the drawstring bag. "Why didn't you say anything earlier," she said reproachfully. "It would have been fantastic if you'd proposed at the restaurant. The perfect place for the perfect proposal. Why do you have this ugly old thing?" She indicated the drawstring bag.

"Um, first, that ugly thing belonged to my grandmother and I was having it cleaned, ready to take back to Forks later." I cleared my throat, lying about why I even had it in my possession and knowing that I couldn't be brutally honest and tell her that now I wasn't even sure I wanted to marry her. Instead, I took the coward's way out. "I didn't want to ask you at the restaurant, I wanted a more private place to talk to you." That wasn't quite the truth, but it would have to do for now.

She flung herself at me, her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. "I love you, Edward. Of course, I'll marry you." There was nothing I could do but hug her back, though I said nothing. I carried her back into the living room, leaving her on the sofa while I retrieved a bottle of champagne from the back of the fridge. It had been in there for a while, at least as long as I'd had the ring in my pocket. Grabbing a couple of glasses, I poured one for each of us.

"To the future," I called the toast and clinked my glass with hers, swallowing down a large mouthful. For the next forty-five minutes, I poured glass after glass for her, only sipping mine and refilling it with small amounts so that it looked like I was drinking more than I was. I didn't want to be with Tanya tonight; something inside me had changed.

The more she drank the looser her tongue became, and I tuned out most of it, my mind racing as I tried to work out how I could get out of this without hurting her too much. She didn't deserve that kind of pain. I was no nearer to working out what to do when she spoke.

"I knew that girl meant nothing to you," she slurred, after drinking the remainder of the champagne and half the bottle of wine she'd insisted we open. "I told her so."

Something about the way she said it had me on alert. "What do you mean, you told her so?"

Tanya stared blearily at me, blinking and smiling. "You know, when she wrote to you a few years ago. I sent her letter back, with a note telling her she was too late, that we were together now. And then when she came here a year later, I told her to go back where she came from."

"You didn't tell me anything about this, Tanya." My voice was low and controlled, a far cry from the chaos in my mind. She'd written a letter? She'd come to see me? "Why didn't you tell me? You should have said something to me and let me make up my own mind."

"But you were mine, and no way was she taking you away from me."

It was useless to say anything to Tanya right now, I thought as I carried her to my bed. I left her there, taking a blanket and a couple of pillows from the hall cupboard and making up a bed on the sofa, where I lay for the rest of the night seething at the thought that I'd missed a chance to see her again. Who knows where we might have been now?

As soon as it was light, I called the hospital, giving them an excuse about some family reasons to get a couple of extra days off. Then, I powered up my laptop and booked a flight to Seattle and a rental car until New Year's Day. I'd worry about the flight back when I'd had a chance to decompress and think about what I should do next.

The scent from the second pot of coffee I'd made must have finally filtered its way into the bedroom, from where Tanya exited at just past ten. My flight was due to leave at four, so there was nothing for it but to have this conversation now.

"Edward, why did you sleep out here?" Tanya's whining voice grated on me now as she spied the blanket and pillows folded neatly on the end of the sofa. "Can you get me a coffee, please, sweetie?" She leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes. "I wouldn't say no to some Tylenol and a glass of water, either. I've got an awful headache."

I poured her a cup of coffee and produced the Tylenol and water as she'd requested, placing them and the drinks on the coffee table in front of her.

"We need to talk, Tanya."

Her eyes shot open and she leaned forward, holding her forehead. "What about?" she said warily. Reaching for the tablets, she swallowed those and then leaned back with her coffee cup in her hands, sipping the cream and sugar doctored brew.

"After some of the things you said last night, I think we both need a little space." I took a breath and continued to speak, not allowing her to say anything until I'd finished. "I didn't propose last night because I had some things on my mind that I needed to resolve before that happened. I'm not ready," I answered firmly.

Tanya's cup banged onto the coffee table, hard. "What do you mean you're not ready?" she screeched. "You've already bought the ring. Why have you changed your mind?"

"I never made up my mind, Tanya, that was all you. When you found the ring, you made an assumption; you didn't wait for me to ask. You gave me no choice."

"Just by buying that ring―some would say that you'd already made a choice. It was a natural assumption."

"I know, Tan, and for that, I'm sorry. It's my fault for leaving it where you might find it, but you should have said nothing and waited for me to actually ask you."

"But I don't understand why, Edward." Tanya's voice had risen with that annoying whine; the one up until now I'd been able to ignore.

Closing my eyes, I decided to be brutally honest. "You said some things last night that had me thinking, thinking about her." From the look on her face, I didn't need to say anything more; she knew who I was talking about. "You said that she'd written a letter to me, and I'm assuming here that it was addressed to me. You opened my private mail and you answered for me. It wasn't your place, Tanya." I stopped for a second, but seeing the stubborn look on her face, continued. "She came here, too, didn't she?" From the guilt and then defiance that flashed across her features, I knew it was true. "What did you say to her?"

Tanya was silent, but that told me that she didn't regret what she'd done. "I told her that you were mine and that she should go back where she came from," she finally spat at me.

"You see, Tanya, that's why I need space. If you loved me as you say you do, you should have let me make that decision. Not you. I do love you, Tanya, but I don't think it's enough anymore. I'm going to Forks today―I need some space from everything; some time and space to think about what I want."

"She won't want you now, Edward," Tanya scoffed. "It's been five years since she came looking for you, and I happen to know she has a long-term boyfriend. It's too fucking late."

"It doesn't matter, Tanya." I stood and held my hand out to her. "I am sorry; truly sorry, that I let it get this far."

Her eyes widened. "Are you breaking up with me?" she whispered.

I nodded. "Yes, I am. I don't think it's fair to leave you waiting―"

Slapping my hand away, Tanya stood, fisting her hands at her sides. "You fucking bastard. How dare you break up with me? Daddy always said you were a loser." She picked up the half-full cup of coffee and threw it in my direction, following it with the glass of water. Advancing, she continued to scream obscenities at me, picking up everything that came to hand and throwing it in my direction as I backed up, my hands raised in front of my face.

Eventually, she ran out of things to throw and stood in front of me. Suddenly, her hand came out of nowhere and connected with my face. The blow made my eyes water and my ears ring, my own hand flying to the point of contact. "I'll give you that, Tanya, but don't think about doing it again," I hissed. My face stung. "Believe me, I'm sorry it came to this. I thought we had something, but …" I trailed off at the renewed anger on her face.

"But you want her more. That's it, isn't it?"

I shrugged. "It's been eight years since I spoke to her, and I need to go home and talk to Alice to see if there's anything I can do to put things right. Even if there isn't, I've realized that it isn't fair to you. It's not fair to marry you when I just don't know if it's enough; if we're enough."

She growled and screamed and stomped her way to the bedroom. Picking up the pieces of the coffee cup and glass, I emptied them into the trash can in the kitchen and poured myself a third cup of coffee while I waited for her to find me. Thirty minutes later, she returned with her makeup washed off, her hair in a ponytail and dragging one of my suitcases behind her. I chose to say nothing about it, assuming that she'd packed everything she'd been leaving here over the last year.

Her eyes were a little red-rimmed, and it softened my heart. I felt like an utter bastard; I should never have bought that ring until I was absolutely certain it was what I wanted. Sympathetically, I took a step toward her, only wanting to apologize once again, but her warning glare stopped me in my tracks.

She flung open the front door and I winced as it hit the wall behind it. Tanya turned as she stepped outside and threw the door key she'd persuaded me to give her a year ago before flouncing toward the elevator. I stood in the open doorway, watching as she stepped into it without a backward glance. Breathing a sigh of relief, I stepped back inside my apartment, double-locking the door behind me.

It was time to go home, to talk to my sister, and to see if there was a chance, any chance that there was anything left between us. Between me and the girl I'd loved but left behind all those years ago.

~oOo~

** Last Chances **