AN: And now for Bella's story

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for taking the time to beta in the middle of her Christmas celebrations - that's true dedication.

As always I am totally amazed at how many people like this story and for the reviews so far.

Just in case you were wondering, as someone asked, this will update everyday until New Year's Day

Disclaimer: The usual applies - nothing of Twilight is mine, just the plot

Bella

I was numb for the whole of the taxi ride back from the London Eye to my apartment in St. John's Wood, refusing to let myself think or cry. I'd always left a light burning, never liking to return to an empty, dark apartment, and this time was no different. I paid off the taxi driver and climbed the stairs to the first floor, unlocking the door to my apartment, hanging up my outdoor clothes and my purse, and placing my keys in the bowl on the hall table.

Not quite sure what to do with myself but not wanting to think too much at the moment, I filled the kettle, intent on making myself a cup of tea. It was far too late for coffee, and although alcohol called with its anesthetic properties, I decided that a hangover the next day when I was traveling to Forks was not the best idea. With that thought, it seemed that at least one decision had already been made.

While the kettle was boiling for that tea, I headed for my bedroom, changing into sweats and a cami, putting on both my bathrobe and woolly socks. Not only was my apartment a little drafty, letting in the cold night air, my body was also already cold right through, although that was likely be more about my emotions than the temperature. My heart went out to Riley; I'd left so abruptly and it wasn't fair to him, but I just couldn't give him an answer until I'd seen Edward. His name going through my thoughts caused my heart to jump and beat a little faster, both in trepidation at what I might find and in excitement that I would be seeing him again. This time I was determined to speak to him, no matter who he was with; I owed it to myself to ask some difficult questions, even though I might not like the answers I received.

I moved to the window, drawing the curtain back to look outside. The light rain from earlier had turned to snow and was already settling on the parked cars, the hedgerows and sidewalks. At that minute, a taxi cab drew up in front of the house, the rear door opening. Riley stepped out and looked up at my window, raising his hand to me as he turned and paid the driver.

I resigned myself to speaking to him again, although I had no idea what else I'd be able to say to him. Did I want to tell him about Edward? Not in the least, but I did owe it to him to finally be honest and hold nothing more back.

I headed to the door and lifted the entry telephone, pressing the button to open the door below, and then unlatched my door before heading to the kitchen to finish making the tea. A few minutes later, the front door closed quietly and Riley stepped around the corner and into the kitchen. A quick glance at his face showed me that his eyes were red-rimmed. Riley had always been one to show his emotions easily; something I really liked about him. "Tea?" I asked, waiting for his nod before turning away to leave him to pull himself together a little.

Picking up both mugs, I placed them on the coffee table and took a seat on the recliner, not willing to give Riley a chance to sit next to me. He followed, and after a look at where I'd chosen to sit, he sat in the middle of the sofa, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging between them. He looked haggard and miserable, piling on the guilt I was already feeling.

He didn't seem as if he was ready to say anything, so I took a deep breath and opened a conversation that I really didn't want to have. "I'm so sorry, Riley. I never meant to hurt you." My voice was a quiet whisper and those guilty tears rose in my eyes. Brushing them away, I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had no right to cry; he was the one hurt by my actions.

Riley looked up from the floor where his gaze had been fixed. "I don't understand, Bella. I thought we were in tune with each other. How did I get it so wrong?"

I was quiet for a moment, making sure I thought before I said anything. "For a time, I thought so, too, but there's something I haven't told you; something in my past. Today just propelled every memory I have into the forefront of my mind." I took a sip of my tea, carefully replacing the mug on the table before continuing. "I do love you, Riley, though I'm pretty sure it's not the way I should..." I hesitated.

Springing to his feet, Riley paced from the sofa to the window and back again. "What are you saying, Bella?" Stopping in front of me, he knelt in much the same way as he'd done less than a couple of hours ago. Taking my hands in his, he said gently, "What is it you need to tell me?"

"Eight years ago, before I left home, I was in love with someone from school." I couldn't look him in the eye. "We were eighteen, and he got a full ride to Cornell. He was going follow in his father's footsteps and become a doctor. I got a scholarship to attend the university here, and there was a large part of me that didn't want to leave him. My dad and my best friend, Rose, persuaded me that I couldn't afford to pass it up. I could see that Edward was not exactly happy that we would be thousands of miles apart, but even he said I should take it; that I should go." The lump in my throat grew, preventing me from saying anything else for a few minutes. Riley's softly spoken question broke the silence that had fallen.

"And it's him you're going to see, isn't it? Do you still love him?"

"He broke my heart, you know," I mused. "His last words were harsh, but I deserved them. I wanted to do the long distance thing, and he didn't. He told me that it was clear what I wanted, and it wasn't him, and then he walked away."

With renewed determination I decided that I'd hesitated enough, and pulling my hands from his, I looked straight at him. "There's a part of me that, I think, will always love him. I wrote to him the year after I left Forks, but he never answered. Instead, my letter was returned with a nasty note from someone who told me that he was with her now, and I shouldn't bother trying to contact him again. It was a bit of a shock, but then when … when you and I got closer, and I moved to London; when I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in England, I went to see him. He wasn't there, and this time, I spoke to her. She was pretty vitriolic, and warned me off. She told me he was hers, and I should go back where I'd come from. I wasn't getting him back."

"That's why you decided to give us a chance." It was a statement and not a question.

I nodded. "She seemed pretty definite, so I sort of gave up."

"What's different now, then, Bella? You know I love you, and given time, you'll forget. We'd be so good together. Give me, give us, a chance, please?" This time, he knelt in front of me and pulled me into a hug, his head buried in my neck. His familiar touch and hot breath reminded me of what we already had together.

"Let me stay, Bella, please. We don't have to do anything; I just want to hold you." Riley's words were low and muffled, and that brought me back to the reasons I hadn't agreed to marry him.

"I'm sorry, Riley, no. That's not fair to you. I … I need to do this, I need the time and space to speak to Edward." I wasn't completely unaware of how Riley must be feeling at this moment, but I knew that if I just accepted his proposal, I would always wonder the what if and the maybes.

He didn't ask again, and left shortly after, asking me to stay in touch as often as I could. He reminded me that he loved me and that he would wait for my answer, and I couldn't tell him not to. Maybe that was selfish of me, but I had to know about Edward before I could move on with Riley.

To Riley, I'd tried to sound confident, but inside I was a bag of nerves. Unsure of my reception, I chickened out and decided that I'd talk to Alice first. Checking the time in Forks, I worked out that although it was one in the morning here, in Forks it was only five in the evening. It was a little early as I knew Alice had her own boutique and wouldn't be home for an hour or two yet, so I retired to my room, dragging my suitcase from the top of the closet.

I dithered about what to pack. New York would definitely be cold, but could be either raining or snowing at this time of year. I couldn't help but hope it would snow; it always felt cozy when it snowed. I lost myself for a little while in memories of the first winter that Edward and I had been boyfriend and girlfriend cozying up in his bedroom. Even now, I could feel my face heat at thoughts of making out and rounding third base on his childhood bed, and suddenly I could wait no longer. I had to speak to Alice; I needed her to tell me it was okay to speak to him.

Powering up my sleeping laptop, I logged into Facebook and clicked on messenger. This was the way Alice and I had communicated over the last few years, with both of us having busy lives. I could see that she was active now and started the difficult conversation I suspected this might be.

'Hey Alice, you there?'

'Hi, Bella, how are you?'

'I'm good. How are things with you? How's Jasper?'

'Everything's fine here. I've not heard from you for a while. What's up? You and Riley okay?'

'That's what I wanted to talk to you about. He asked me to marry him tonight.'

"Wow, Bella! That's great news. Have you decided on a date for the wedding? I hope you're going to give me plenty of time so I can make arrangements to be there. You are asking me to be your maid of honor, aren't you? Or are you coming back here to get married? It's probably easier for us to come to you, though'

Even on messenger her enthusiasm came through loud and clear, and I had to wait a few minutes to compose in my head what I wanted to say.

"Err, I might have told him I couldn't give him an answer right now, and that there was something I still had to do'

There was silence from the other end of messenger, which I could hear even though it was words and not sound. The green dot told me Alice was still on-line, but the extended period of nothing had me worried.

'Alice? You there?'

I waited while the three dots appeared telling me that she was typing, wondering what was taking her so long to get out.

'I'm here, Bella … Are you sure? I thought you were in love with Riley?'

'I love him, Alice, but it doesn't feel the same, you know. Not the same as before'

'You mean with Edward'

I paused for a second, biting my lip before typing my answer.

'Yes, Alice. My feelings for Edward didn't change just because I left. I wrote to him, you know'

'What? You never told me'

'I'm sorry. I wasn't sure you'd want to know. It was for nothing anyway. It was returned to me with a note clearly telling me that I was too late and he was with her now'

'Tanya'

'Is that her name? Doesn't matter—she was very blunt'

'But did you actually speak to Edward? You can't have or he would have told me'

'I didn't think there was any point after that. If he was with someone else, he'd moved on. It was why I said yes to Riley when he wanted us to be more'

'Oh, Bella, why did you never say? Things might have been so different'

'The thing is, Alice, I really need to talk to Edward, so I'm going to New York to see him. I've still got his address and I really have to talk to him. I need to know there's no way back'

'He won't be in New York, he's coming to Forks. He'll be arriving tomorrow'

'Then I'm coming to Forks'

'That's perfect, Bella. It's been so long since we saw each other. Have you looked at flights? Can you get here tomorrow? Oh, I'm so looking forward to this. Is there anything I can do?'

I laughed out loud at her exuberance. I could practically see Alice vibrating and squealing with excitement. Despite feeling daunted at facing Edward and this Tanya, I was beginning to be excited, too.

'I'll get right on it now and message you as soon as I know what time I'll be there. Mom and Dad don't know yet, either, and I've not even asked for time off at work. It's all come so out of the blue, but I'm looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the family'

'Do you want me to tell Edward you're coming?'

'It would be better if not, I think, Alice. I really need to speak to him and I don't want him to avoid me. I promise that if he really has moved on, then I won't intrude and spoil his holiday. Are you okay with that?'

"Don't worry about that, Bella. I won't say anything until you're ready. I'm sure he'll speak to you because I know he's missed you, and I have, too. Mom and Dad will be stoked to see you again'

I breathed a sigh of relief. Realizing that I'd been talking to Alice for over an hour, I quickly said goodbye with a promise that I'd text her my flight details as soon as I had them.

I managed to get the last seat on a direct flight from London Heathrow to Seattle. The only trouble was that it left at nine-thirty the following morning and would take ten hours. That meant that I would have to be at the airport at seven-thirty, and since it was already almost three, I felt that it wasn't worth going to bed. Instead, I called Mom and Dad who were ecstatic at the prospect of my visit, and then concentrated on making sure I had everything I needed.

The Uber I'd ordered arrived on time at six-thirty, promising me that I would be there with plenty of time to spare. I could have booked a later flight, but now that I'd decided to go, I couldn't wait to be on my way.

~oOo~

Settling into my seat a couple of hours later, I was more than tired. I'd been awake for more than twenty-four hours, and I had a headache from hell. The flight was full and noisy with children crying and yelling, and everyone speaking at once, and I was grateful that I'd managed a business-class seat, which at least gave me more room. The flight attendant was very kind and provided me with a hot chocolate and a sleep mask as soon as we had taken off, which allowed me to sleep for a few hours at least.

I came awake with a gasp a few hours later from a dream that left me a hot mess. I'd dreamed of the last time we'd been together. His parents had been away overnight and Alice had covered for me, allowing me to tell my dad a small lie so Edward and I could spend some quality time together. Strangely enough, that had been a New Year's Eve, too, along with the last time I'd seen him, wrapped around Tanya, as I now knew she was named.

By then, we'd become comfortable with each other and I was no longer shy at being naked around him. I'd stripped for him and given him a lap dance, which almost had me laughing until I'd seen and heard the evidence of his desire. We'd tumbled onto his bed, making love until the small hours before falling into an exhausted sleep tangled together.

The following day, we'd excitedly talked about going away to college, planning on staying in dorms for the first year so we could enjoy the full experience before sharing an apartment. I'd told my parents of our plan a couple of days later and Edward had done the same. Esme and Carlisle had agreed to help us by covering the security deposit and the first and last month's rent. My mom was perfectly fine with us sharing a home and a bed, but looking back, I remembered the scowl on my dad's face when he heard what we'd planned.

Now that I'd opened that door into the past, I wanted to feel his body against mine. I found my heart was beating a little faster and the butterflies that had been dormant in my stomach had woken and were kicking up a storm at the thought of even seeing him again, let alone anything more. I realized that I had missed him much more than I'd allowed myself to think about, and I was determined that once and for all, Edward and I would be having a completely honest discussion.

I refused to think of him brushing me off, of him marrying this Tanya. I'd have to let him go if he truly loved her, but I knew that I couldn't marry Riley. I wanted to come home for good.

~oOo~

The rest of the flight passed without drama, and although I tried, I just couldn't get comfortable enough to really sleep. My mind was too full of memories to be able to concentrate on any of the books I'd downloaded a few days ago. I'd brought my laptop with me, thinking that if I had the time I could go over a couple of manuscripts that had been passed to me before the Christmas break, but neither of those caught my interest even though I'd enjoyed other work by those same authors.

Eventually, after what seemed a lifetime, the plane touched down ten minutes earlier than the suggested eleven thirty-five on the itinerary. It took forever to deplane, but eventually, I was grabbing my suitcases from the carousel and heading toward the rental car desks. The line for the cars was long, with at least twenty people in front of me. I had almost resigned myself to finding a room for the day, when I recognized the excited squeal echoing through the arrivals hall.

"Bella! Bella! Over here." Her shriek could have been heard by wolves five miles away. I winced, holding my aching head between my hands before turning in the direction the sound had come from, anticipating the small body flying through the air toward me.

"Alice, can you let go, please? I need to breathe, even if you don't." I wheezed and then took a deep breath as she let go and stepped back. I looked behind her to see Jasper, who waved his hand at me lazily.

"Hi, Bella."

"What are you two doing here? I only texted you my arrival time when we landed and that was just an hour or so ago?"

"Oh, we knew which flight you were going to be on and decided to take a half day off and have dinner in Seattle. And even if you hadn't been on this one, we would have just stayed overnight at the apartment. You remember, Bella, don't you? The one Mom and Dad bought years ago; we still have it." Alice finally ran out of air, giving Jasper a chance to speak more than two words.

"It's no problem, Bella. We knew you'd be tired, and a four-hour drive to Forks is dangerous at this time of year, so Alice here persuaded me to treat her to a movie and dinner while we waited for you."

"That's a long way to come for a night out, Jasper, but I'm grateful. I could fall asleep on my feet at the moment. I was actually thinking of renting a room and turning up at home for dinner. At least I'd be refreshed and awake, right?" A huge yawn escaped me at that moment, showing just how tired I was.

"Well, now Jasper can drive and we can sit in the back and gossip. And if you need a car while you're here, you can use my car and I can get a ride with Jasper when I need to. It all works out fine, Bella, doesn't it?"

Alice clapped her hands, far too bouncy for the fact that I felt it was the middle of the night, so I agreed without argument. Jasper picked up my bags and she grabbed my arm to drag me in the direction of the parking garage.

The car was a familiar one; Carlisle's Mercedes, though it was a newer model, so I knew I was in for a comfortable ride home. 'Home'―the word even sounded right, and I knew I would be staying; the whys and hows could wait until later.

Jasper stowed my bags in the trunk while Alice and I climbed in the back. She settled herself right beside me. "We can chat now, Bella." I looked inquiringly at her husband, who was sliding behind the wheel and starting the car. Jasper grinned at us in the rear view mirror and I raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "Don't worry about him, I've told him everything." She looked at him fondly. "We have no secrets, and he would never share anything I told him unless I said it was okay. Whatever you say to me will stay with us."

I sighed with relief at not having to censor anything, knowing how insistent Alice could be, and settled back into the comfortable seat and fastened my belt. I must have been absolutely dead beat, because I didn't even remember leaving the garage when I woke. Stretching, I looked for signs to work out where we were.

"Still two hours to Forks, Bella." Jasper looked at me in the rear view mirror, his voice quiet. "You feeling slightly more human?"

"Better, but I could do with a rest stop and some coffee or soda."

Jasper drove for another five minutes and then pulled into a dimly lit gas station. He exited the car to add fuel and nodded at the small store, where I was able to use the facilities and wash the sleep from my face. Feeling a little brighter, I entered the store, grabbing a few sodas and some chips to tide me over until we reached my parents' house. It struck me then that I'd have to look for somewhere to live and a job; I doubted I could live with my mom and dad for long―I was used to my independence.

I met Alice at the counter where she was just doctoring three coffees while she stood yawning and Jasper was paying the counter clerk. She calmly added my choices to theirs and we made our way back to the Mercedes for the rest of the journey.

Settled in the back seat and a little more awake, I apologized to Alice for falling asleep on her. She just brushed it off. "That's absolutely fine, Bella. Now," she said as Jasper started the engine and pulled back out onto the highway. "Tell me more about why you couldn't give Riley an answer."

"Riley's been pushing me to move in with him, so when he arranged that fantastic date with dinner at the Ritz, tickets to Les Miserables and then a private carriage at the London Eye, I knew something was up. And yet, I was still surprised when he got down on one knee. The moment he did I knew I had to speak to Edward, and I just ran."

"What did Riley say to that?"

"He turned up at my apartment a couple of hours later and asked me outright why. God, I'm so glad it was a private carriage; he was crushed, Alice, but he called it straight away after I'd explained about what happened when I left. He asked if I was still in love with Edward, and I couldn't lie to him."

"That can't have been easy; for him to hear or for you to say."

"No, not easy to say, but I knew right away it was the truth. At the time, I told myself that I was just making sure that the past stayed in the past, but the further away I got the more I knew that I would not be able to marry him at all. A part of me loves him, but a much greater part is so tied to Edward and I never even realized it."

"You looked happy though, Bella. We saw the pictures on Facebook of you and Riley."

"Do you know if Edward saw them? There were some of him with T … Tanya on your page, though I resisted looking at his." I shrugged. "They looked close." I stopped for a few seconds and then blurted out, "Is he really happy, Alice? If he is, then I don't want to ruin things for him."

"I've not spoken to him about you in a long time. Of course, there were conversations at home and when Edward visited―" she looked at me apologetically "—with Tanya, they both heard about how you were doing in Cambridge and then in London. We talked about you traveling, too, so he wasn't in the dark."

The car was quiet after that as both Alice and I became lost in our own thoughts. I wondered if he even remembered me, and what happened when she told him about the letter or my visit.

"I've already told you about the letter, Alice, but I also flew to New York to see him." I paused to gather my thoughts and continued to explain. "It wasn't long after I graduated, just when Riley managed to find me a position with the family business. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay in England at all. I was feeling homesick and I missed Edward. I saw them―together in Times Square, New Year's Eve. They were wrapped around each other when the clock struck twelve, but I still went by his apartment. I wanted to hear him say he was happy, that he'd moved on; then I'd be able to do the same."

"What did he say when you spoke to him?" Alice's hand on my arm was sympathetic

"That's just it, I never did get to speak to him. Tanya came to the door, blatantly showing me what they'd been doing. She told me he was hers and it was too late; I'd lost him."

"What a bitch," Alice exclaimed indignantly. "She had no right to speak for him. You need to have this out with him, Bella."

The rest of the journey sped by in almost silence with only a few murmured words between Alice and me. It was almost four when Jasper pulled up outside my parents house and I hauled myself stiffly from the car. The front door flew open and Mom raced down the path and enfolded me in her arms. That one action brought me to tears, and I felt at last that I was home.

When a sob broke through my restraint, Mom drew back. "What's the matter, Bella? Are you okay?"

I gulped and through the tears, said, "I will be, Mom." I hugged her again as Dad strolled after her and I was enfolded in a huge hug from them both. "I will be," I whispered.

~oOo~

** Last Chances **