swalker218 signed on at 04:20:22
JCasey1980 signed on at 7:35:21
JCasey1980: Walker?
swalker218: What do you want Casey?
JCasey1980: We secure?
swalker218: I don't know. You tell me.
JCasey1980: Jesus, looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the broomstick this morning.
swalker218: Somebody hasn't slept yet and isn't amused by your gendered insults.
FluffyBunnyStarChildHippie: And here I was trying to congratulate you.
FluffyBunnyStarChildHippie: Dammit! I told you to quit changing my screen name!
swalker218: You're NSA. Stop me.
CaseyNeedsHisChakrasCleansed: Next time I see you, Vera and I will be more than happy to stop you.
swalker218: Who's she? The president's newest porn star? (cough) I mean, staff member?
ThePowerOfCrystalsMakesMyBonsaiTreeGrowStrong: Just my favorite, favorite gun. Want to meet her up close and personal, Miss CIA 2017?
swalker218: That title has been rescinded. And I have no desire to be anywhere near your person. I can't say I'm fond of the company you're keeping these days.
MaybeItsTheStoppingPowerMaybeItsJustCompensation: And who's fault is that?
swalker218: Alright, yeah. Maybe I had a little something to do with it.
ICouldNeverShootSarahShesTooPretty: That almost sounds like an apology.
swalker218: Almost. But not really.
NoRagrets: I'll take it just the same.
swalker218: Fine. Because that's all you're going to get. What do you want?
SorryNotSorry: I just said. To congratulate you.
SorryNotSorry: And for the love of God, will you PLEASE stop doing that? It hurts my eyes and they're strained enough these days.
swalker218: I suppose I can sympathize with that.
swalker218: There, that better?
JCasey1980: (emoticon redacted)
JCasey1980: Yes, much better. Thank you.
swalker218: And there's no need to congratulate me yet. I haven't given my decision.
JCasey1980: Lady, you'd better check your Twitter mentions.
swalker218: I don't have Twitter on this phone. I'm not even sure I know my password.
JCasey1908: What administration have you been living in? You'd better rectify that situation post haste. I can wait. The President is having his "executive time" for the next two hours.
swalker218's status changed to idle at 07:46:34
JCasey1980's status changed to idle at 07:46:54
swalker218"s status changed to online at 08:03:16
swalker218: Holy...
JCasey1980's status changed to online at 08:06:31
JCasey1980: Shitstorm, right?
swalker218: There's not even enough room in the notification bubble to tell me how many notifications I have.
JCasey1980: How does it feel to be internet famous?
swalker218: But, I was told I had until end of day tomorrow to tender my decision. I hadn't even decided myself yet!
JCasey1980: Too late, Deputy Director. The Tweet has gone out.
swalker218: A Tweet is not an official policy decision. I still have time.
JCasey1980: Where exactly have you been the past year and a half?
swalker218: A good chunk of it was spent in a bunker, thanks to you.
JCasey1980: Just doing my job.
swalker218: You could have done it a little less thoroughly. We got you and your squad passes to Burning Man and everything.
JCasey1980: Maybe next year I'll take you up on that since we'll all probably be unemployed anyway. A scorching desert full of dirty naked hippies suddenly seems preferable to one billionaire who can never seem to keep his robe closed.
swalker218: Ouch.
JCasey1980: Don't pretend you know my pain.
swalker218: Isn't it part of your job to keep his phone away from him at...
swalker218: 3:24 a.m.?!
JCasey1980: A) I wasn't on duty, and B) He apparently had a spare stashed in the bathroom.
swalker218: Great, so I got promoted during a pre-dawn presidential potty break.
JCasey1980: If it helps, it came from a golden toilet.
swalker218: Perfect. That is absolutely the perfect metaphor for this glistening turd of a situation.
JCasey1980: Close the lid before you flush.
swalker218: Oh. My. God. Who gave the Times the Jenny Burton yearbook picture?
JCasey1980: Which one was that one again?
swalker218: Casey, I swear to God if it was you...
JCasey1980: Heh.
swalker218: I should have put a knife in your temple in the Miami airport.
JCasey1980: It still would have attracted less attention than that dress.
swalker218: I've got to go. I have 73 missed calls to deal with, and I don't even want to think about opening my email.
JCasey1980: Enjoy your 15 minutes Walker. It was nice knowing you.
swalker218: I was supposed to have another 36 hours dammit.
JCasey1980: The Tweet waits for no man.
JCasey1980: Or woman.
swalker218: We could have elected a woman...
swalker218 signed off at 08:15:33
ImWithHer2016 signed off at 08:16:02
MulderBelievesInMe signed on at 17:00:00
RiverWalkerSong signed on at 22:13:42
MulderBelievesInMe: So, how was your day?
RiverWalkerSong: I have some news.
MulderBelievesInMe: I saw the tweet.
RiverWalkerSong: They let you onto Twitter? I didn't get Twitter. I didn't even get Google.
MulderBelievesInMe: "Let" me? I wouldn't exactly say that. As far as they know, this node is local only.
RiverWalkerSong: Of course. You're you.
MulderBelievesInMe: Nice senior yearbook picture, by the way.
RiverWalkerSong: I was hoping you'd never see that. Ever.
MulderBelievesInMe: I think it makes you relatable. Everybody likes a good glow up story. Funny how none of that conman's daughter stuff you told me about ever showed up though.
RiverWalkerSong: As soon as my name came into discussion, they had a team start scrubbing. It wouldn't do for the general public to know that their government is run by career criminals.
MulderBelievesInMe: Oh, no. That would be terrible.
RiverWalkerSong: Could you even imagine?
MulderBelievesInMe: It would lead to anarchy.
RiverWalkerSong: Or electoral college victories.
MulderBelievesInMe: The horror!
RiverWalkerSong: That pretty much sums up my day.
MulderBelievesInMe: That bad, huh?
RiverWalkerSong: By 10:00 a.m. I had turned off my phone, barricaded my door and sealed myself in my panic room with a bottle of wine. Every time I left to get more wine, there were more reporters on my lawn, and I think my answering machine has died from sheer exhaustion.
MulderBelievesInMe: So you've bunkerized yourself?
RiverWalkerSong: Can I move in with you? It's more comfortable there than in my panic room. I knew I should've gone with the bigger model.
MulderBelievesInMe: Just tell me your sleep number and I'll get your side of the room all ready for you.
RiverWalkerSong: I wish.
MulderBelievesInMe: Me too.
RiverWalkerSong: That would make things so much easier right now.
RiverWalkerSong: Just so you know, I didn't pull the trigger on this. I really was waiting to talk to you first. I wanted you to be a part of the decision, even if I was the only one who knew about it. You deserved that much.
MulderBelievesInMe: I never thought differently. Even if you had made the call without talking to me again, it's not your style to announce it on social media in the middle of the night. Or go on social media at all. Morgan is still waiting for you to accept that Myspace friend request.
RiverWalkerSong: No, it's really not. Despite it all, I still have professional standards. Particularly when it comes to Morgan.
MulderBelievesInMe: So what did you do in your panic room all day?
RiverWalkerSong: Honestly? I spent most of it with Buffy DVDs.
MulderBelievesInMe: Really? How "professional" of you.
RiverWalkerSong: I was supposed to have another day, dammit!
MulderBelievesInMe: Well you certainly aren't the first person to escape their responsibilities by retreating into their favorite fandom.
RiverWalkerSong: I think I found my all-time favorite scene. Wanna see it?
MulderBelievesInMe: Of course. You can actually tell a lot about a person by their favorite Buffy episode.
RiverWalkerSong sent file buffy. mp4 at 22:28:52
MulderBelievesInMe opened buffy .mp4 at 22:29:24
MulderBelievesInMe: egw'abfijp'i0-\\\\\\2 aebrpn
I -\gr-\g34 \k0
Irijop
Era
Kop[bfak
O[pkpq34- g3r-\fkn
Mol
Efo
RiverWalkerSong: Chuck, you okay?
RiverWalkerSong: I'm going to keep this connection active until you're feeling well enough to respond.
RiverWalkerSong: ...
RiverWalkerSong: ...
RiverWalkerSong:...
RiverWalkerSong: ...
MulderBelievesInMe: gajlqt9[9fbda rgqeqij
RiverWalkerSong: You feeling any better?
MulderBelievesInMe: I rly rly hate u rt now
RiverWalkerSong: I'm so sorry. I couldn't think of a better way. Take some deep breaths and drink some water.
MulderBelievesInMe: You know, it's considered polite to warn a guy before you shove an entire Intersect into his head!
RiverWalkerSong: I'm really really sorry. I had to act fast and I couldn't wait for you to dither about the decision I know you'd inevitably reach anyway.
MulderBelievesInMe: Gah. I feel so violated right now.
RiverWalkerSong: If you check your dinner tray, there should be some meds for the headache along with your supplements.
MulderBelievesInMe: Well thank you for small favors. But WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I thought the one thing I had going for me was that all of my Intersect information was years out of date and ergo worthless to anybody.
RiverWalkerSong: I put my new security clearance to work today. They weren't going to leave you in the bunker. They had other plans for you entirely and were feeding me a line of BS. It seems your brain's ability to accept the Intersect programming is still exceedingly rare, and somebody was more than eager to put it to use.
MulderBelievesInMe: Doing what?
RiverWalkerSong: We really don't have time for details, but let's just say you wouldn't have enjoyed it. They planned to play us off against each other, using our feelings towards each other and threatening the other's safety to keep us both compliant.
MulderBelievesInMe: Ugh. I want to sleep for a month.
RiverWalkerSong: No time for that now. My position isn't supposed to officially start until after the weekend, so I can realistically disavow any knowledge of anything that happens before then. This should give you a head start. We just have to make sure all of the new features uploaded successfully.
MulderBelievesInMe: What new features? I don't see how my ability to connect the dots is going to get me past the angry gorillas and out of here. Though I do appreciate the Whedonesque theme of your version. It'll make flashing so much more interesting than pictures of flowers and pies.
RiverWalkerSong: I'm going to send you another video. I promise this one is audiovisual only.
MulderBelievesInMe: Pinky promise?
RiverWalkerSong: I'll even spit on my palm if that makes you feel better.
MulderBelievesInMe: Okay. Send it.
RiverWalkerSong sent file languagetest .mp4 at 23:02:14
MulderBelievesInMe opened file languagetest .mp4 at 23:03:02
MulderBelievesInMe: Holy shizznit.
RiverWalkerSong: I assumed it worked?
MulderBelievesInMe: There were, like, forty different languages in that video and I understood them all. Why do I speak Myposian now?
RiverWalkerSong: Ten years of improvements in Intersect technology.
MulderBelievesInMe: That's amazing. Is Klingon part of the package?
RiverWalkerSong: Don't you already speak Klingon?
MulderBelievesInMe: I still struggle with the pronunciation. And I haven't even started on Romulan.
RiverWalkerSong: Shit! I'm tapped into your perimeter alarm and there's an incursion. You need to hide! Now!
MulderBelievesInMe's status changed to idle at 23:12:45
RiverWalkerSong's status changed to idle at 23:13:24
RiverWalkerSong's status changed to online at 23:18:30
RiverWalkerSong: It's okay, you can come out now.
MulderBelievesInMe's status changed to online at 23:20:12
MulderBelievesInMe: Are they gone?
RiverWalkerSong: They were never there. I just need to know what happened.
MulderBelievesInMe: You wouldn't believe it! I literally flipped out of my chair, AND landed on my feet and not even remotely on my ass. Then when I didn't see a hiding spot right away, I ran up the wall, jumped, and at the exact right time, spread my arms and legs just wide enough to wedge myself in between the beams in the ceiling and held myself there until you said I could come down. I am Spider-Man!
RiverWalkerSong: Did you shoot webs out of your wrists?
MulderBelievesInMe: Well, no. But I know parkour! Or Kung Fu, or something. Park Fu?
RiverWalkerSong: According to the schematics, there are over thirty different fighting styles available, along with parkour, and pretty much every sport in the book.
MulderBelievesInMe: So this thing could turn me into an Olympic curler?
RiverWalkerSong: I don't know if curling counts as a sport, but yes. I imagine if there was ever a need to infiltrate an illegal underground curling ring, it would allow you to blend right in.
MulderBelievesInMe: I still say curling is an elaborate practical joke Canada plays on the rest of the world once every four years.
RiverWalkerSong: And once this is all over, you now have the resources to go out and get to the bottom of that if you want to. I'll even help you crack it open.
MulderBelievesInMe: That sounds like a great plan! Can we go do that now?
RiverWalkerSong: I wish dubious Canadian sports were anywhere on our priority list right now.
MulderBelievesInMe: So what is the plan?
RiverWalkerSong: Right now I've made it as far as getting you out of the bunker and then out of the country. As far as anybody watching is concerned, I've spent the day hiding in my panic room getting drunk and watching TV. Hopefully by the time you get where you're going, I'll have worked out the next steps.
MulderBelievesInMe: Whatever they are, we'll figure them out together. It's what we do best after all.
RiverWalkerSong: :)
RiverWalkerSong: I've already reassigned all of the CIA personnel stationed at the zoo and there's a four-hour window before their replacements arrive. When you come into contact with the zoo employees and local PD, cooperate fully. I'm sending you a file with detailed instructions. Once you've memorized them, scrub our entire digital trail and repopulate it with you doing something inane on the internet - or whatever you do on a typical day. I'll do the same on my end.
MulderBelievesInMe: Furry porn and fanfiction. Gotcha.
RiverWalkerSong sent file instructions .txt at 23:24:25
RiverWalkerSong: Seriously?
MulderBelievesInMe: Hey, what a man does when alone in a bunker...
RiverWalkerSong: I'm so glad you can find time for humor right now.
MulderBelievesInMe: Sarah, I trust you. You've kept me alive so far. I know you'll keep doing that as long as you can.
RiverWalkerSong: It's time for you to go now. Please, stick to the script.
MulderBelievesInMe opened file instructions .txt at 23:25:56
MulderBelievesInMe: Don't worry, I've got this. I'll see you soon.
RiverWalkerSong: I really, really hope so.
MulderBelievesInMe: I know so.
RiverWalkerSong: And if we don't, I just wanted you to know...
RiverWalkerSong: I still...
MulderBelievesInMe: I know.
RiverWalkerSong: :)
RiverWalkerSong signed off at 23:27:04
MulderBelievesInMe: I love you too.
MulderBelievesInMe signed off at 23:28:31
JCasey1980 signed on at 07:57:17
JCasey1980: Good morning, Madam Deputy Director.
JCasey1980: Walker?
JCasey1980: Up and at 'em.
JCasey1980: It's a beautiful day in the swamp.
JCasey1980: Time to rise and shine.
swaker218 signed on at 08:02:25
swalker218: For the love of God, make it stop.
JCasey1980: Aha. She lives.
swalker218: Barely.
JCasey1980: So eloquent in the morning.
swalker218: How did you make your alert bypass my do not disturb mode?
swalker218: And whyyyyy does it have to be Niel Diamond?
JCasey1980: NSA magic at its finest.
swalker218: Tragic, is what it is. Not magic. Tragic.
JCasey1980: And you'll be glad to know I figured out how to change my screen name back. I came within one keystroke of messaging the chief of staff with that ImWithHer handle. Are you trying to get me fired?
swalker218: Would you really cry if that happened?
JCasey1980: Huh. Probably not, actually. Who needs retirement benefits anyway?
swalker218: Don't say I never did anything for you. Now what do you want?
JCasey1980: Oh, nothing really.
swalker218: Great, so go away. And take your obnoxious music with you.
JCasey1980: You wouldn't know good music if it showed up to dye your hair to match your eyebrows.
swalker218: I'm going back to bed. Or the floor. I appear to be on the bathroom floor.
JCasey1980: What did you get into on your last night of freedom?
swalker218: The only thing I got into was a third bottle of wine. So unless you're coming over with an IV and a banana bag, kindly piss off.
JCasey1980: Tisk tisk. What would the press say if I were to show up at your place right now?
swalker218: Oh God, are they still here?
JCasey1980: I'm watching a live feed of your front door as we speak. You've got to come out sometime after all.
swalker218: No I don't. Just watch me.
JCasey1980: Eventually you'll need more wine.
swalker218: And toothpaste. My mouth tastes like a beach at low tide the day after spring break ends.
JCasey1980: You make your choices you pay your prices.
swalker218: Casey, get to the point or kindly fuck off.
JCasey1980: I saw a video this morning I thought you'd want to see.
swalker218: Is it the one about the goat yoga? Because like five people have sent it to me already.
JCasey1980: Really Walker?
swalker218: What? I like goats. I'm going to add them to my circus act. Make them wear pajamas with little capes and do barnyard parkour.
JCasey1980: You used to be a perfectly good agent. Now look at you. Just watch the damn video.
JCasey1980 sent file gorillaman .mp4 at 08:11:41
swalker218 opened gorillaman .mp4 at 08:12:21
swalker218: What am I watching here? All I see is a jungle and a couple of gorillas.
JCasey1980: It's not a jungle, it's an enclosure at the Omaha zoo.
swalker218: And?
JCasey1980: Keep watching.
swalker218: Okay, so some homeless looking drunk dude stumbled into the gorilla cage. Do they beat him up or something? He's just wandering around looking lost.
JCasey1980: Keep watching.
swalker218: Come on Casey, there's like five more minutes and the gorillas are just looking at him.
JCasey1980: Fine. Fast forward three minutes.
swalker218: Ugh. Fine. This better be worth waking me up for.
swalker218: Okay, I've gotta admit that's some impressive Kung Fu. I've never seen one guy take down three gorillas. Or possibly any gorillas. But I still don't see what this has to do with me. Do you want to recruit this guy or something? Because that's not my department anymore.
JCasey1980: Nothing about that guy looks familiar to you?
swalker218: I don't know. It's all grainy black and white. All I see is big hair and a big beard.
JCasey1980: Nothing about, oh, say, his physique? A physique you know intimately, perhaps?
swalker218: I don't know. Maybe he's tall, but that's hard to tell next to a gorilla.
JCasey1980: What if you shaved the beard?
swalker218: You shave him. I'm going back to sleep.
JCasey1980: You don't think he looks at all like Chuck?
swalker218: He looks like a man-shaped blob with a lot of hair on top. That could be anybody.
JCasey1980: That's your story?
swalker218: Yes. That and Chuck doesn't know Kung Fu. And Chuck is in a bunker somewhere. I don't know where, but I'm pretty damned sure it's not in the gorilla habitat at the Omaha zoo. And if he were escaping again why would he get drunk and go to the zoo? And, he would shave first. He knows I like his cheeks baby smooth.
JCasey1980: Ugh. Spare me.
swalker218: Therefore, for all the aforementioned above reasons, it's not Chuck. Now let me sleep.
JCasey1980: He sure looks an awful lot like the moron to me.
swalker218: Well he's obviously a moron, picking a fight with a pack of gorillas and all. But also obviously not our moron.
JCasey1980: Your moron, Walker. I have my own now. And FYI, it's a troop of gorillas. Or a band. But not a pack.
swalker218: I swear I distinctly remember telling you to fuck off. Do you want me to send you the goat yoga video before I sign off? Because you seem like you could use some goat yoga right about now.
JCasey1980: I still swear this guy is a dead ringer for Bartowski.
swalker218: Well you can see him leaving with zoo security at the end. They must have turned him over to local law enforcement. Who do they say he is?
JCasey1980: Nobody.
swalker218: (gasp) Shocker!
JCasey1980: I mean literally nobody. No ID, no paperwork. Fingerprints: nothing. Facial recognition: nothing. Voice print: nothing. DNA swab: nothing.
swalker218: A man with no wallet and no criminal record. How enthralling. Who does he say he is?
JCasey1980: Well, if you believe him, he only speaks a few words of English. They're not sure, but they think he's speaking Krakozhian. All they can get out of him was that he was looking for medicine for his goat and somehow hit his head and doesn't remember how he got into a fight with three gorillas.
swalker218: Well there you go. Chuck doesn't speak Krakozhian. I don't even speak Krakozhian. Krakozhia collapsed in 2004. Why would Chuck take the time to learn the language of a country that doesn't even exist anymore?
JCasey1980: He's learned the language of an entire planet that doesn't exist.
swalker218: Nobody's made a nerdy movie about Krakozhia.
JCasey1980: Point. But, however he learned it, they couldn't find an interpreter. They figured he had to be some sort of undocumented immigrant.
swalker218: Who made a beeline to Omaha.
JCasey1980: Yeah.
swalker218: Looking for medicine for his goat.
JCasey1980: Yeah.
swalker218: Uh huh.
JCasey1980: They figured let ICE deal with it. ICE didn't know what to do with him either so they put him on the first plane out of the country. He should be landing in Greece in a couple of hours.
swalker218: Gee, I hope his goat's okay. Did they let it go on the plane with him? They get separation anxiety, you know.
JCasey1980: They never found a goat.
swalker218: The plot thickens.
JCasey1980: Please tell me you don't find this the least bit suspicious.
swalker218: Sure, it's weird. But it's not harass me first thing in the morning when I have a hangover weird.
JCasey1980: Just thought you might be interested.
swalker218: Well I'm not. But since you're so fired up about it and oh so convinced that this guy is Chuck, what are you planning on doing about it?
JCasey1980: Me? Nothing.
swalker218: Really? Nothing?
JCasey1980: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Or my gorillas. Not anymore. My only job now is to guard the president and try and get him to go to work sometimes.
swalker218: Yeah, you've moved right on up to the big top.
JCasey1980: Never a dull moment. And I've taken three points off of my golf game.
swalker218: I'm sure. I, however, plan to return to my dull moment for as long as I can before this new job starts. So, thanks for waking me up for nothing and all that. I'll be sure to repay the favor sometime soon.
swalker218: In fact, somebody sent me a video of a Husky howling the alphabet the other day. Would you like me to forward it to you so you can over analyze it too? It could be a Russian plot to use our pets to spy on us.
JCasey1980: Thanks, but I've already seen it. We've ruled out the Russia angle, but now Kushner has some hair-brained scheme about using dogs to aid in his Middle East peace talks.
swalker218: Not my circus, not my goats.
JCasey1980: Not until Monday, anyway.
swalker218: Don't remind me.
JCasey1980: You have a sunshine day, Walker. Here's a little Neil to play you out.
swalker218: I really, really, really despise you right now.
JCasey1980 signed off at 08:32:12
swalker218: Please, make it stop.
swalker218: That's it. Computer, meet wall.
swalker218's connection was interrupted at 08:34:21
thegriminator signed on at 10:42:13
kicka$$ninjagrl signed on at 11:11:11
kicka$$ninjagrl: Hey Morgan.
thegriminator: Anna! My sun and stars! My light in the darkness! I knew you'd come back to me someday!
kicka$$ninjagrl: Get over yourself Morgan. I'm just here to do you a favor.
thegriminator: The favor of gracing me with your presence once again?
kicka$$ninjagrl: Ew. No.
thegriminator: Just the very sight of your words on my screen make me feel the glow of your soul close to mine once more.
kicka$$ninjagrl: Seriously, it's been a decade. Move on already.
thegriminator: But why would you tease me with the sweet torment of your text if not to seek out my witty repartee?
kicka$$ninjagrl: All I want you to do is watch a video. My immigrants' rights direct action group has been sharing it, and I thought you should see it.
thegriminator: I, of course, will view whatever or whomever you wish, my Khaleesi.
kicka$$ninjagrl sent file gorillaman .mp4 at 11:14:44
kicka$$ninjagrl: Please never call me that again. You'll ruin Game of Thrones for me.
thegriminator: As you wish, m'lady.
kicka$$ninjagrl: Or that.
thegriminator opened gorillaman .mp4 at 11:15:53
thegriminator: Woah! That dude kicks ass! Did you teach him that?
kicka$$ninjagrl: No, but don't you think he looks familiar?
thegriminator: Maybe. There's something about his lankiness of build, perhaps. And, as we all know, a beard can hide many secrets.
kicka$$ninjagrl: I enhanced a still shot of his eyes and colorized it. Tell me what you think now.
kicka$$ninjagrl sent file eyes .jpg at 11:17:04
thegriminator opened eyes .jpg at 11:17:23
thegriminator: Omg. I'd recognize those baby browns anywhere. I've been looking into those soulful eyes since kindergarten. That's Chuck! CHUCK LIVES!
kicka$$ninjagrl: That's what I thought. I just wanted your confirmation. So, thanks. I'll talk to you later.
thegriminator: I have to spread the word! Chuck Lives!
thegriminator changed chat to group chat at 11:18:43
thegriminator invited contact:BigBuyMoreMike to join the group at 11:18:52
thegriminator invited contact:thegentlehinjew to join the group at 11:19:55
thegriminator invited contact:emceesquared to join the group at 11:19:02
kicka$$ninjagrl: Please tell me you're not still working at the Buy More.
thegriminator: Of course I am. Where else would I work?
kicka$$ninjagrl: Yeah, I'm out of here.
thegriminator: Wait!
kicka$$ninjagrl: What? Hurry up, I am not going through this again with those degenerates.
thegriminator: What happened to Chuck?
kicka$$ninjagrl: ICE deported him without a hearing or even a chance to access legal representation.
kicka$$ninjagrl: We're organizing a sit-in at the zoo. Bring signs. Spread the word.
emceesquared joined the group at 11:21:15
kicka$$ninjagrl: But not at the Buy More. Ciao.
kicka$$ninjagrl left the group at 11:21:26
kicka$$ninjagrl signed off at 11:21:32
thegentlehinjew joined the group at 11:21:50
BigBuyMoreMike joined the group at 11:21:58
emceesquared: Was that my Anna Banana I just saw?
thegriminator: No, that must have been some other kick ass ninja girl.
emceesquared: Sigh. I still miss her everyday.
thegriminator: It's been a decade Jeff, get over it already.
emceesquared: True love never dies.
thegentlehinjew: This is true, this is true. The heart wants what the heart wants.
BigBuyMoreMike: What is this all about? Y'all aren't going to like me if I have to put down my doughnut and make you get back to work.
thegriminator: You guys have to see this.
thegriminator pinned file gorillaman .mp4 to the group board at 11:24:58
thegriminator pinned file eyes .jpg to the group board at 11:25:16
BigBuyMoreMike: Oh. My. God. And I say that in a praiseful manner, not a blasphemous one.
thegentlehinjew: Oh captain, my captain.
emceesquared: He has traveled the path of solitude lo these many years, and has returned to us a true warrior.
thegentlehinjew: Teach us, oh wise one.
emceesquared: Where must we go to sit at his feet and learn his ways?
Morgan: We have to go to Omaha.
emceesquared: I'll go warm up the van.
Morgan: I'll call Ellie.
BigBuyMoreMike: I'll go hit up the KnickKnacks'n'Crafts. We need glitter. So much glitter.
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thegriminator changed the name of the group to "CHUCK LIVES 2018"
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swalker218: Yes, Casey. I've seen the protest videos.
JCasey1980: And?
swalker218: Not my circus, not my monkeys, not my Chuck, still no goat. And it's not Monday yet. This seems like an immigration matter to me anyway, which, I believe, falls under your big top.
JCasey1980: I think they may be my monkeys now. Guess who just got reassigned to Burbank.
swalker218: Lucky you. Sounds like you're off on a wild goose chase to me. My intel has Chuck safe in his bunker.
JCasey1980: I left my Bonzai trees in Castle. They're probably going to need attention. A lot of attention. It may take me a while to get them all sorted out, and then I should probably do a thorough inventory...
swalker218 Don't forget your crystals.
JCasey1980: I hate you so much right now.
BonsaisAndBasements1980 signed off at 08:32:14
swalker218 signed off at 08:32:23
BONUS CONTENT
Buzzbuzz's Top 20 signs from the Omaha protests
NO DEPORTATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION
WHERE'S THE GOAT?
DOESN'T ANYBODY FEEL BAD FOR THE GORILLAS?
THE BEST SANDWICH FOR A DESERT ISLAND IS ROAST BEEF: CHANGE MY MIND, CHUCK
GOAT RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS
DONALD TRUMP USES COMIC SANS
GOD HATES GORILLAS
I'M SO PISSED OFF I COULD VOTE
WE SHALL OVERCOMB
YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN THE NERDS COME OUTSIDE
THIS BLACK MIRROR EPISODE SUCKS
GOATS NEED HEALTHCARE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US
SUPERMAN WAS AN IMMIGRANT TOO
YOU'RE ALL FIRED!
THE NSA HAS TMI
ZOOKEEPERS UNITED AGAINST ANIMAL ABUSE
IF YOU BUILD A WALL, MY GENERATION WILL RELEASE THE DRAGONS
TWEET OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TWEETED
WHAT? NO PENGUINS IN THIS CHAPTER? #ROBBED!
CHUCK LIVES!
I feel like this piece needs a Chapter Four, with stuff about border walls and government shutdowns. But honestly, I'm having trouble finding humor these days. So if y'all got jokes, feel free to slide into my DMs and make me laugh. Maybe I'll find some ideas.