Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold or any of the characters. Hey Arnold is the property of Nickelodeon and Craig Bartlett.
Perfectly Weird Relatives
Arnold and Helga have to grin and bear it when Arnie and Lila come over for a visit.
Mid October
It was a windy, Thursday morning and Arnold and Helga were for once not at work on this day but they were having their day off and were currently busy preparing for a visit from some relatives. However, it's not just any relatives and this visit wasn't exactly one that left the couple waking with excitement.
"I cannot believe that we have to spend our one day off with Mr. Weird and Mrs. Perfect...'Helga said in annoyance as she brushed her hair.
The relatives that were coming over is Arnold's cousin Arnie and his wife, who also happened to have been her former childhood nemesis and later acquaintance Lila, who married Arnie right after high school and went to live with him on his family's farm.
"Come on Helga, they are family and they only come once every couple of months, I am sure that a few days of your life per year isn't too much to ask...'Arnold said.
"Oh fine, but don't expect me to like it..." Helga grumbled as she resign for the fact that she had to spend her day with Lila and Arnie.
Okay, so she did not hate Lila with the burning passion she once did when they were children, mostly because she had backed off from Arnold and focused all of her attention on Arnie and also because Arnold had lost all interest in her back at the end of fourth grade before they even became a couple, which was enough to make her let go of her hatred, but it didn't mean she loved her like she loved Phoebe.
She and Lila were still polar opposites and she still found her "ever so" verbal tic and her "perfectly proper' ways to be irritating, so she never considered her to be more than acquaintance at best but it wasn't enough to avoid her from being roped into being one of the bridesmaids at her and Arnie's wedding, where Olga had been the maid of honor and Arnold had been the best man, mostly due to the fact that he was the only guy available since Arnie didn't have a lot of friends, even after he outgrew his lint collecting phase.
So either way, she's expected to grin and bear it when the annoying couple comes over to visit them to see the city and catch up with (Lila's) old friends.
"It's just one day Helga old girl, you can handle it..." Helga thought as she mentally braced herself for what she knew would be a long day.
A taxi suddenly pulled up to the driveway of Arnold and Helga's apartment building and out came a tall, pale, blonde football headed man wearing overalls with a plaid shirt underneath, a grizzly beard and a farm hat on his head and right next to him was a very attractive, slender red haired woman with green eyes and wearing a green dress that befitted a farmer's wife, which she is...
They are Lila and Arnie, who were here to spend the day with their relatives and catch up in the big city of Hillwood where Lila had spent the second half of her childhood and all of high school as well.
"Oh Arnie, I am ever so excited to be back in Hillwood, and to spend our day with Arnold and Helga..."Lila said happily to her husband.
"They said that they live in room 2B...'Arnie said to his wife in his monotone voice.
"Come on..."Lila said as she lead her husband and they climbed the stairs and soon made it to the door.
Once their, Lila gingerly pressed the doorbell, to let her relatives know that she and her husband have arrive.
DING-DONG
Helga heard the door bell ringing and sighed as she knew what it meant, that her relatives are here.
"I'll get it...'The blonde wife said in defeat.
"Remember to be nice Helga, they are family..." Arnold reminded her.
"Yeah, yeah..."She muttered as she tried to keep a normal look on her face as she opened the door and saw Arnie and Lila there.
"Oh Helga, it's ever so wonderful to see you again..."Lila said as she pulled the other woman into a suffocating hug.
"Hi Lila...'Helga said in an annoyed tone as she managed to free herself from the woman's tight grip.
"Hi Arnie..." Helga greeted to Arnold's cousin.
"Hey..."Arnie greeted in his usual flat way.
"Come on in, Arnold's inside...'She said as she allowed the couple into her home.
"Hey there you two..." Arnold greeted the couple as Helga excused herself to the kitchen.
"Oh hello Arnold, it's ever so wonderful to see you and Helga again...'Lila said happily.
"Hi...'Arnie greeted.
"Come and take a seat, you two must be tired after the long ride...'Arnold said graciously as he offered them the couch.
It's just then that Helga came back with a plate of her own fresh baked cookies and a pitcher of lemonade she made this morning.
"Help yourselves...'Helga said as she placed the treats on the coffee table.
Okay, so she wasn't exactly enthusiastic about their visit but it didn't mean Helga was going to risk looking like a bad hostess, especially in front of super human housewife Lila. During every visit they have at their place, Lila would act like some 1950's housewife and treat her guests with baked treats and hot tea, while wearing an apron on her to boot. Even if she didn't hate her, Helga wasn't going to look like a second banana to anyone in her own home. Not to mention that Arnold didn't exactly discouraged her, since he couldn't resist one of her cookies.
Lila and Arnie both took some cookies and ate them.
"Why Helga, these cookies are ever so tasty, you really must give me the recipe...'Lila said to her cousin-in-law.
"Sure Lila..."Helga said as she poured some lemonade for her husband.
"So how have you two been, we haven't seen you guys since our wedding..."Arnold asked to be polite before taking a bite out of the cookie in his hand.
"Same old, same old...'Arnie said simply before taking a sip of his lemonade.
"It has been ever so wonderful, our cow Bernice just had a calf, a little bull named Bartie..." Lila said.
"You don't say..."Helga said for the sake of being sociable.
"He's seventy five pounds and it took 3 hours for him to come out...He's big for a calf...and we had to rebuild the hen house after a storm wrecked it..." Arnie said in a flat voice.
"I see...'Arnold said, trying to keep the conversation pleasant.
"So, anything new happening in your town?...'He asked.
"Oh our neighbor Lydia and her husband Lyle are expecting...'Lila said in an excited voice.
"Aren't they the couple that already have like 9 kids?...'Helga asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, they are and they are ever so excited, the missus thinks it might be twins or triplets this time since she's gotten very big ...'Lila said happily, finding the whole thing exciting.
Helga however, just found the thing shocking but chose to day nothing.
"11-12 kids?!...I think that Lydia chick needs to get a hobby...'She thought, while Lila continued to talk about her neighbors.
"She thinks? You mean she doesn't know yet?...'Helga asked.
"Not yet, she and her husband are planning on seeing a doctor in the city to be sure...'Lila said... "Oh it's so exciting to have a baby, did Arnie and I tell you that we are even trying to have one of our own..."She continued.
"I think you did..." Helga said as she thought "During your last three visits, actually..." but she didn't say it out loud.
"The stork hasn't arrived yet but we are hopeful...'Lila said in an optimistic tone of voice.
"What about you two? Any plans for babies yet...'Lila asked boldly.
Arnold had been the middle of drinking his lemonade when she asked this and ended up nearly choking on it, while Helga was blushing bright red at that bold question.
"Um...not yet..." Arnold said as he tried to avert his eyes.
"Yeah, we just got married a little over 3 months ago, so I don't think it's going to happen for a while..." Helga said as she also averted her eyes.
"I do ever so hope it's soon though, wouldn't it be ever so wonderful if we both ended up having children at the same time, then they could play together just like Arnie and Arnold used to as kids..."Lila said.
Arnold and Helga both tried not to make a face at that remark. They usually didn't try to think about it but the idea of another child like Arnie who would be around to play with their own future kid was well...Okay, Arnie is family but there is just so much weirdness a person can take and another person like him well...for the sake of their future children, they hoped the kid would turn out normal, or at the very least take more after Lila.
At the very least her annoying traits were more bearable than her husbands... They didn't say that out loud however...
The blonde couple continued to chat with Arnie and Lila, who kept talking about their "ever so" wonderful life on the farm and all the while, Helga tried to resist the urge to bash her head against the wall!
Later
After cookies, lemonade and awkward small talk, Arnie and Lila wanted to see the town again, so Arnold and Helga drove them around to see the old hangout spots, as well as see their old friends Phoebe, Gerald, Harold, Pattie, Rhonda, Curly, Eugene and the rest, who had been happy to see Lila and had pretended to be friendly to Arnie out of respect for her.
The gang had agreed to go to Slaucens for a treat just like the good old days.
"Oh my, it's been an ever so long while since I had an ice cream float from here...'Lila said happily.
"Not bad...' Arnie said as he slowly licked his plain vanilla cone.
"So Lila, did you get my invitation, I sent them out last week?...'Rhonda asked.
"Yes Rhonda and I ever so can't wait to see your wedding, you and Curly here are clearly made for each other...'Lila said.
"Thaddeus...Remember, I go by Thaddeus, at least in the art world, Lila..." Thaddeus said as he took his shades off as if to make some sort of emphasis.
"Oh, I am ever so sorry, I keep forgetting Thaddeus...'Lila said.
"So, when's it going to be?..." Arnie asked as he did his creepy one-eye blink.
"In three and a half weeks, on the 15th of next month...'Rhonda answered.
She didn't really want Arnie to be there but Lila is her old friend and for reasons she still could not begin to comprehend, she loved him, so wherever she goes, he goes too. So she resigned to the fact that whether she liked it or not, he's going to be at the wedding.
Sometimes it's hard being a good friend and having to deal with their obnoxious significant other...
"Speaking of weddings, having you and Gerald selected a date yet, Phoebe?..." Lila asked with interested to the brainy, dark haired woman.
"It took a while, but we have decided to have our wedding in about 4 months, in February..."Phoebe said.
"A Valentine's Day wedding? That's ever so romantic!...'Lila gushed.
"Actually it's going to be a week before Valentine's day...You'd be surprise how many weddings are booked on that day, so we decided to be a little more original...besides, it was the earliest opening available in that month...' Gerald said before taking a sip of his root beer float.
"Well, it's still ever so romantic..." Lila said simply to the couple.
"That's the 8th "ever so" this hour alone...'Helga thought in annoyance as she bit her tongue to keep from voicing her complaint and reminded herself that it's just for today.
She can make it...
"Did you guys know that it takes about 8 hours to milk two cows to get enough milk to make a gallon of ice cream..."Arnie said before he did his gross snort.
"How much longer?!..." Helga mentally groaned while her husband sent her a sympathetic smile.
Later
After chatting and reconnecting with old friends, the two couples soon returned to the apartment and Helga got started with making dinner. Lila had offered to help her out but Helga refused and told her that she's the guest and Helga's the hostess and to relax, that she could handle it.
Besides, she didn't like anyone messing around her kitchen without her approval and for Lila, she did NOT approve.
So the blonde woman kicked it into high gear and before long, dinner was ready with a delicious roast chicken with cookies rice and salad, and the two couples were eating.
'I must say that your chicken is ever so delicious Helga, as good as mine is..." Lila compliment the blonde in her own way.
"It's alright...'Arnie said in his monotone voice that always found away to irk Helga.
'Thank you...'Helga said as she tried to distract herself by eating.
"As scrumptious as always, honey..." Arnold said sweetly to his wife.
"Thank you, darling...'Helga said to him, trying hard not to glance at the clock every five minutes to see when the visit would be over.
After dinner, Helga brought out one of her apple pies for dessert and gave it to her husband and guests, there was some more "chatting" as Arnie continued to bore them with his story telling of how many knot holes he counted inside his barn, the number of eggs each of his chickens laid this week and the "exciting" new shipment of plain gum in his town's general store.
In between that time, Lila told more of her "funny" jokes such as "I thought you said utter, not butter", told Helga about all of her "handy" sewing and gardening tips and about the "exciting" climax of a romantic comedy she and Arnie watched together in the movies last week.
Helga tried hard not to leap for joy when Lila realized that it was getting late and they should be heading back home.
"Thanks ever so much for having us again Helga, it was an ever so lovely day...'Lila said to her in law.
"That's twice in the same sentence...'Helga thought while she plastered a smile on her face.
"Anytime Lila, now you guys better hurry along before it gets too dark...'Helga said sweetly to the red haired woman.
"Oh you are right, we have to wake up early to tend to the animals...'Lila said.
"Good luck with your anthropology stuff Arnold..." Arnie said in his monotone way as he one-eye blinked again.
"Thanks Arnie, take care you two..." Arnold said to his cousin and his wife.
"We really should do this again soon..." Lila said in a perky way.
"Yea sure..." Helga said through her teeth while on the inside she was thinking... "How about a week after next year..." while she continued to fake smile at them.
"See you at Rhonda's wedding...'Helga said to them.
The two couples said their final goodbye and Arnie and Lila soon left in the taxi they called, which would drive them back to their home town, while Arnold and Helga continued to wave with fake smiles.
Once they were finally out of sight, Arnold let out a huge sigh of relief, getting attention from his wife.
"Finally...I thought they would never leave...'Arnold groaned as he flopped on the couch exhausted.
"Excuse me...'Helga said.
"I know they are family but if Arnie mentioned his new pile of lucky dirt again, I wasn't sure what I would have done... but kudos on how well you handled yourself with Lila, honey...you were like a pro..." Arnold said with a sigh.
Helga blinked in surprise at that. Sure, she knew that Arnold didn't exactly call Arnie his favorite relative but he had seem to have handle things so well all day with him, though it looks like he was trying hard not to lose it like she was afraid of doing all day.
"You mean it? I was trying hard not to snap every time she said "ever so". Sure, I know it's not the worst thing in the world but when a person says it every 2 minutes, it can get annoying..." Helga said with her arms crossed.
"Well we got through the whole visit and came out on top and I am really proud of you Helga...'Arnold said as he patted the seat next to him so his wife would sit.
Helga did that and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey, dealing with annoying cousins is a small price to pay if it means I get to be married to the best husband ever...'She said sweetly to her man.
Arnold rewarded her with a kiss on the lips, which soon lead to them making out on the couch and all of the headaches from today were soon forgotten.
"I love you...'Arnold whispered to her.
"I love you too..."Helga said before they resumed kissing.
Just like she said, she'd gladly handle these infamous visit from her least favorite relatives if it means she gets to be with her Arnold like this... Though she was grateful that she'll have at least have a couple of weeks of recuperating before she was ready to face them again at Rhonda's wedding and then again at Thanksgiving...
The things a person does for love...
-To be continued-
Next time on The First Year
Double Date
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