A/N; I'm terribly sorry for the delay, my computer is still lagging a bit. (nasty virus)
Warnings for; Explicit language, Depictions of violence (only mentioned), War, Misery and Heartbreak
*Just to make something clear; there is NO character bashing in this story, not even in the slightest. I just imagined how each character( based on their personalities) would act if put in a certain situation. The first side-effect of war is fear, and people do strange things when they're afraid and trying to save themselves and their loved ones.
The words/phrases that were specifically mentioned in this chapter for the fic fest are;
_Mutt
_Darkness
_It felt like the end of the world
_The sun does not rise and set with you
Enjoy!
Chapter Two
It felt like the end of the world.
Every puzzle piece that once formed his life was blown out of proportion, each were vaporized and destroyed, just in a matter of hours. His lovely wife and only friend in the world was dead, his son was somehow cursed and Lucius-of all people-had managed to take over the ranks. Things really could not get any worse than this.
He knew Lucius since they were all but children; he was two years ahead of Severus, a high and all mighty pureblood. Lucius, even at the tender age of thirteen, lived up to his family's name with a grace that even baffled the staff. He was cruel beyond measurement, even heartless sometimes. Disdain, superiority and arrogance dribbled down from the very way he held himself at all times.
Those mannerisms and the fact that everyone did very little to restrain the Slytherin Prince, fascinated Severus to no end, and Lucius for his part, seemed overly glad to play around with an eleven year old and manipulate him to his own needs.
The aristocrat Prince held a very personal grudge against other houses and muggleborns that attended the school. Severus remembered a time when the boy managed to convince his goons and younger naïve students to cruelly prank and bully those of 'lower' statue and then blackmail them to earn favors.
It was no surprise when Severus heard the rumors of Lucius finally joining the ranks flying around mere days before his graduation. Those rumors soon became old news when Severus was a seventh year and in 'The Assessment' himself.
The Dark Lord didn't just recruit /anyone/ and didn't donate dark marks to his liking; lower ranked death eaters often took over those who wanted to join and placed them in The Assessment. To see if they had it in them to kill, torture and serve their lord to the best of their abilities.
Those who made it and got the mark but then wanted out, were neatly plucked out of their positions and quietly killed, those who didn't make the cut, were also somehow dealt with and the rest were scavenging to yank themselves up in their lord's good graces.
Lucius, due to his popularity, charm and place in the wizarding world, quickly groomed himself into the higher ranks whilst Severus was still in school. When the time finally arrived Lucius was the one, who took over Severus's assessment.
Severus was half done with the process, soon after graduating Hogwarts, when suddenly terror and qualm gripped his heart…Lily had returned to him, with apologies and a love confession.
After two years of silence, the girl of his dreams floated back into his life again and everything fell into perspective.
They didn't tell anyone that they were a couple; Severus couldn't bear the thought of her ever getting hurt for his foolishness.
His best friend was suddenly his lover, she wanted him, and Severus had never felt like he could be happier with her in his life, the way he desired it to be from the start.
It was too late to get out of the process. Severus didn't want anyone hurting the girl he dearly loved and adored, and so he deliberately bailed on each and every one of their 'tests'. Alas, Lucius was adamant that Severus had it in him and sent him up to receive the mark with flying colors instead of 'taking care of him'.
Lily was devastated.
"Severus, you cannot do this!" she was trying her hardest to maintain posture and not start crying. Lily almost never cried, it just wasn't like her to break down and let her tears take command, but Severus did. Severus wept in her arms that night after he got back to their house with the dark mark.
She, along with the marauders were newly joined order members at the time, and Lily did not hesitate to take him to Dumbledore after he was coherent enough to talk. She hauled him up, dragged him into the man's office, and fell to her knees.
She /begged/ him to find a solution, but no matter what, the old man could only come up with one suggestion.
"You already have the mark Severus," the man declared sadly. "I know it seems cruel, but we have to make the best of it."
Now, Severus wished that he hadn't agreed and was dead instead.
He knew exactly what the news meant; Lucius taking over the ranks, meant that war wasn't even slightly close to the end. Severus couldn't stay and grieve, he couldn't return to his mother's mansion. He couldn't keep Harry single handedly.
"Severus."
His breath hitched in his throat. "I cannot. Not anymore Albus, Harry needs me, Lily is dead. I cannot just…"
Albus's knowing eyes sadly lingered on Severus's shaking hand that was supporting the bottle.
"You are not abandoning him Severus," he said, his eyes landing on James's and Sirius's shadowed eyes and hung heads. Snape immediately felt a stab of betrayal. They knew of the possibility, he realized numbly. That's why they were there. They were going to take his son.
Lily's son.
"Absolutely not." the man gritted out, barely containing his rage. Harry went stiff in his arms immediately as the bottle started shaking along his father's hand. The last droplets of milk gathering and dripping down his chin.
Remus put his hands up to assuage the wild man. "Severus…"
"Shut up wolf!" he turned his face back to the headmaster.
He slowly got to his feet and haughtily walked over to the headmaster, the baby whimpering quietly in his arms. "You want me to leave my child," he hissed, reeling. "With the two people who tormented me all my life?" he gritted out the rest, feeling the anger and irrationality pump through his veins. "Albus you are out of your /mind/ if you think that I'll agree to this."
Dumbledore looked thoroughly disturbed, but adamant on his decision. As if it was his to make, the potion protégé fumed.
"Severus, you cannot keep your position as a double agent and still keep Harry." The old man argued back. "Lily… she won't be here to take care of the child."
The grieving man didn't hesitate. "Then I won't." he snarled. "I won't work for you anymore."
"My boy please…" Harry gave out a small cry, Snape paused. Cradling the child back to his chest, and looking into his green emerald eyes. Lily's eyes. He grounded his jaw with a sharp snap.
"Have you ever considered that you ask too much from me?" he seethed quietly. "That you take too much for granted?" he looked up at the headmaster.
"Severus-"
The man didn't listen to the pleas and shook his head. "Has it ever crossed your brilliant mind that I don't want to do this anymore?"
"You have no other choice." Albus countered back sternly, pointedly looking at his arms.
Severus felt an inevitable chill tingle down his spine at the stare. He felt the hatred and discrimination the way he felt the hot scorching air around the office. Potter and Black hung awkwardly in the back and Lupin had his back turned to all of them and was facing the fireplace.
He came to the realization as the room grew cold with the lack of sympathy, and he was singled out in the middle of the office. He deserved no pity, he was a death eater. And he had a job. No one was willing to defend him if it meant losing another valuable informant. An asset.
The only person who remotely cared about his opinions was lying cold, unmoving and quite dead in the infirmary.
He tried to redeem himself, to ignore the remaining stains and the filth of his own mistakes. He got married, had a child whom he loved more than life itself, but /they/ didn't care. They only cared that he got back to his job while someone took care of /the kid/.
Severus knew with certainty that if Harry hadn't been involved in the dark lord's demise, Albus wouldn't have even cared this much. They would have tossed him in an orphanage and forced Severus back to his post.
He sunk down in a chair.
James Potter was the first to break the tense silence. "Snape," he called, taking a step towards them. "If it makes any difference, we will raise… Harry, as if he's our own," he nodded at his partner and then back at the child in his enemy's arms. "He's Lily's son, Lily was one of my best friends and-"
Severus narrowed his onyx black eyes, his mouth working faster than his reeling mind. "And I'm supposed to believe whatever that comes out of your trap Potter? Hmm?" he sneered, tightening his hold on Harry. "Not over your dead corpse." Potter scowled, hazel eyes narrowing behind his gold rimmed glasses.
It wasn't that action that frightened his baby, but the intimidating stance Potter's partner took as he charged ahead at Snape and Harry in a rapid, threatening pace.
Harry wailed in fear as Black's ugly face screwed in a scowl, his body towering over their bodies, his face, merely inches away from Severus's. "Talk to him like that again Snape and we'll see who ends up dead next!" Harry wailed louder, screeching and squeezing his eyes shut at the mean man.
Several things happened at once; James strode to his partner and seized him by his forearm as Lupin called both his friends out in alarm. Snape drew out his wand as he supported the howling baby in one arm and Dumbledore looked over the scene while shaking his head.
"Sirius stop this!" Potter seethed in Black's ear as he pulled him away from the chair and towards the fireplace, next to the werewolf's stiff posture.
He heard Lupin also chastising the man. "What the hell Padfoot?! He's a baby!"
He rocked the weeping child in his arms, lightly bouncing him to ease the cries. Harry hid his face in his father's robes once again, his cries muffled by the thick black fabric. Severus glared at the headmaster over the baby. His heart clenching in his chest.
"You're entrusting my one year old to that man?" he asked serenely, keeping his face stoic and the disgust at bay. Dumbledore remained silent. Darkness loomed over the muteness and Severus couldn't have been more sickened.
Black struggled In Potter's strong hold with a snarl. "You insulted my..."
"Your what, Black?" the young man whipped his head back to the mutt. "Is he your husband? Your boyfriend? You can't even own it up to him enough to marry him. So stop the theatrics."
"Severus that's enough." Albus snapped gravely.
"You cannot force me."
"But Lucius can. Severus you know better than anyone, what this all really means. Lucius taking over Voldemort's place whether temporarily or not is no small feat."
"He would kill you without a second thought if he finds out about your true identity. The death eaters are turbulent now, there is going to be a massacre for sure. You needn't be part of that." Severus rolled his eyes. Of course, the old man cared about his life.
"I would prefer to not work for you, if doing so costs me my son."
"And Harry would prefer it if you didn't die. You cannot afford to be selfish now, my boy. We are still at war."
Severus let out a breathy laugh bitterly. "So now raising my own son is deemed selfish? The child is mine." He breathed in again. "This is the only thing I have left to live for, what my /dead/ wife left me. You cannot take that away from me too."
The man had already taken too much from him, too many people, too many privileges that others had with no fear of undesirable consequences. Severus knew he was being irrational, childish. He knew it all, but he wanted this to end.
He just wanted things to end.
"If he finds out that Harry is alive and that you are the father, he would kill you for sure." Albus's tone was comforting. Much to Severus's infuriation.
Yes, the young grieving man, already knew that. He knew that no one could know, he knew he couldn't protect Harry by himself.
His mentor continued. "For now, the only people that are aware of what really took place are the people in this office and a few trusted order members."
Hagrid, Poppy, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Potter, Black, Lupin and Alice Longbottom. Not a long list by any means. Those were the /only/ people who knew of their marriage and of Harry's true parentage. Not even McGonagall knew that he was married to Lily or that he was the father of her child.
"They could be sworn to secrecy." Albus assures Severus. "James and Sirius would take Harry in, and Lily would be honored as the single mother everyone assumed she was. This can be easily fixed Severus."
Fixed? The man fumed. His life wasn't something to /fix/. Or brush under the rug. Harry will /not/ be fixed.
Severus stood again, mindful of the baby in his arms and hoping that he could land a decent punch with one arm while holding a baby with the other. He tapped his boots on the ground and stared at his mentor dead in the eyes.
"Except there's nothing to fix. My son isn't an object." He spat out. "He was orphaned tonight and I'm not robbing him of what he has left only to replace it with a spare." He said, wildly waving a hand at the said couple. "I don't think Potter and Black could ever care for him or love him as I do."
Black almost sent him off to his demise when he was sixteen. He could've /died/ that night, and Lupin would have torn him to shreds if Potter hadn't arrived in time. He couldn't just leave his child with a person like that. What if they hurt him?
"He's my son and they loath the very sight of me." He continued before anyone could make an argument. "The feeling is established and mutual Dumbledore. I do not trust /these/ people with Harry."
From the other side of the office, Sirius Black let out an undignified chortle. His eyes wild in panic and hatred that was directed at Harry and Severus both. "That's rich coming from you! You should be flattered we're willing to take your brat in." James squeezed his arm in warning but the man didn't yield. Sirius yanked his arm away from James's and took a step towards the young father.
"We wouldn't have put our lives in danger for him even if you begged on your knees Snivellus," the black haired man taunted. "This is just a favor for Evans. In fact, you're lucky we even considered the option. that child is literally on a death list."
James Potter threw an unimpressed glare at Black and shook his head as the other man opened his mouth again. "Sirius stop it! He's wrong Snape; we would have taken Harry in without question. We still do. We owe it to Lily and we care about him."
He didn't turn to face the couple. "You have wronged me Albus. For all these years, I won't let you wrong my son too. I'm leaving."
"Let me owe you one more thing Severus. Please." He gave Severus a beseeching look. "We both know Harry is endangered-"
The younger man whirled in a flash, Harry whimpered but didn't start crying as Severus half expected. His eyes narrowed at the utter /audacity/ of the old man. "Over a bunch of rubbish, a drunken /Witch/ who couldn't tell her tail from her absurd glasses spewed out!" he yelled.
"You're the one who made a big deal out of this! The one who caused all of this to happen!"
That idiotic /ghost story/ that started all of this mess. Sybill Trelawney was the reason his wife was dead and his son was right spot on a target and Albus was even guiltier for interviewing her in the first place. It was Dumbledore who spread the word amongst the rank until it got the dark lord interested.
It was playing with fire, Severus warned the old man repeatedly. But Albus assured him, the situation was under control, the Longbottoms had been transferred to a safe place and Lily and Harry would be safe in their respective safe house.
"Voldemort vehemently believed in the Prophesy. I did not force him to."
"You put it in his head. /Your/ people spread the word Albus." He argued back futilely, it was all said and done. His Slytherin mind knew that there was no point in blaming the old man anymore.
"He didn't know Lily was married to you." Albus disagreed defensively.
"For the sake of technicality, he shouldn't have even thought twice about which boy he shall choose. That's why we were so focused on the Longbottoms, Severus. To the world, Harry was just an ordinary boy and Lily an admirable single mother."
"Well he isn't now. The cat is out of the bag! Everyone's gonna find out about my son /supposedly/ defeating the dark lord."
"But they wouldn't know who the father is." Albus pointed out unhelpfully. He felt the need to continue when Severus didn't immediately answer.
"James, Sirius and I have talked extensively over the matter."
The said couple squirmed uncomfortably under the other man's murderous gaze. Well, at least one of them did, Black stared back defiantly. "They were both overjoyed and very agreeable." Severus let the old man's voice wash over him. Harry sensed his distress and buried his head back into his neck, calming the simmering man.
Overjoyed? Severus thought indignantly. Before he could stop himself, his mouth opened. "Overjoyed that my wife is dead or overjoyed over the fact that they get to take my son away…"
"We're all tired and the tension is high." He threw a hateful glare at the wolf as he interrupted him, the man blessedly ignored the taunt. "Let's all just calm down, please."
James shook his head. "We cannot sleep on this. Lucius could call on the death eaters any minute now."
"I'm not going then."
"Then you will turn up dead in less than a week. Then the kid would die as well. You don't owe this to yourself Snape. You owe this to the kid. You're the one who makes decisions for him. I think he would prefer living over other undesirable outcomes."
James pursed his lips and squeezed his partner's shoulder just a bit /too/ hard. He tried to soften the blow with a hasty wave of his hand.
"And you wouldn't be excluded from his life at all." He tried to sound convincing. "It wouldn't be public knowledge and Harry might not know but… you would still be there."
Severus had had enough of these people and their petty arguments. He needed to /leave/.
"You talked them into this Headmaster. But you cannot talk me into it."
In one quick move, he swept a sniffling Harry up his hip and in his arms before striding to the door; none of the others stopped him from almost running out of the office and down the spiral staircase.
Severus was breathing hard; his arms were impossibly tense around his child as if someone might snatch the baby away if he slackened his hold.
The young grieving man knew that there was nowhere for him to go without Dumbledore knowing and eventually finding him, he also knew that his options were nonexistent. It wasn't as if he could just leave the country or hide in a hole like a coward. Death eaters had an uncanny ability to sniff out their own kind and Dumbledore was a persistent old man.
Feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts, the potion protégé held Harry tight and quickly started tramping down the hallway and to the third floor.
"Mama?" Harry suddenly asked as they stepped out of the moving staircase. Severus paused briefly in shock and then figured his son's guess must have been accidental.
"Yes baby, we're going to see Mommy." He muttered.
He needed to have Harry's forehead looked at and examined. The dried blood must have been causing some of the discomfort, and his child might be in pain as well. The calming draught seemed to be helping his son so far but Severus knew that an inevitable tantrum wasn't far away.
"Does your forehead hurt Harry?" he asked the baby, looking into his eyes as he stood only a few feet away from the infirmary's doors.
Harry crammed his thumb in his mouth and just looked at his father. Severus clicked his tongue, half-tempted to get Harry's thumb out of his mouth and half relieved to see his son taking on his old habits.
Severus figured that he must have left the pacifier back in the crib.
"Use your words Harry. Does your forehead hurt?" after receiving another blank stare, the father sighed and walked to the infirmary, momentarily listening to see if the place was empty or not. He knew that Hagrid must have left to give the files to Moody by now.
He entered when he heard no sound, quietly alleviated at Poppy's absence. He deserved some privacy with his wife and son.
The lights were out, the beds were all empty, rowed in a neat line along the walls, with deft, straight white sheets, and empty vases on each night stand. Far at the corner of the infirmary was a curtained section, which Severus assumed was where his wife's body was.
He didn't call for Poppy and trailed to the curtained bed. He slipped past the pristine white drapes.
Lily's beautiful red locks surrendered her face like an halo, a familiar image to Severus who was used to waking up next to his wife either looking like a fluffy lion or having some of her hair in his mouth. The only indication that Lily was not blissfully napping now was her stiff posture and unmoving chest.
His chest seized in agony as he forced himself to walk forward, with Harry thrashing in his arms and reaching out to his mom with grabby hands. Severus felt awful, but also exhausted. He amenably sat on the bed and held his son closer to her body.
Her face was unblemished, with the exception of her bruised chin, probably after being hit with the killing curse and as the result of falling face first into the ground. Severus tenderly reached out a thumb and caressed the purple welt.
"Mama!" Harry didn't cease lashing in his arms.
Slowly he reached out and uncrossed Lily's arms from her chest, settling them on her sides, he soothed Harry, hushing the restless baby before lowering the child on his mother's motionless chest.
Keeping a careful hand on the one year olds back, he watched sadly, as Harry went still and wrapped his arm around his mother's body, with his thumb still in his mouth. The boy seemed too tired to care about the coldness of her skin or her non-beating heart. He didn't exactly look thrilled, but at least he wasn't restless anymore.
The image was heartbreaking, Severus couldn't stop blinking in order to stop the inevitable flow of tears from streaming down his face. He had never cried this much in his lifetime as he was bawling his eyes out now, and it was only understandable. He lost his life tonight.
"I have to do it Lily. Don't I?" he muttered.
His wife remained mute. "I have no one else now. If I keep him, he will die… if the death eaters find our son…"
His spouse's eyes still remained close and her chest was still unmoving but Severus smiled. Even in death, the woman somehow managed to win every argument.
"I promise I won't ever leave him." He promised, bringing his hand from Harry's back to smooth her shiny hair. Harry stayed blissfully unaware of the one-sided conversation.
He fished out his wand and summoned a parchment, slickly drew out a pen from his inner robes and got writing. If he was going to leave his son with Potter and Black he might as well set the right conditions.
He wrote anything he could think of, from Harry's favorite lullaby to his bathing schedule. He doted down each task in a short detailed scribble. He would provide a better list later, he just needed something to get those two through the first few nights.
He dropped the pen, folded the parchment and leant back in his seat.
"Should you be doing that?" Black's voice cut through the silence from somewhere behind him.
Severus didn't flinch. "It's none of your business."
Harry stayed snuggled with Lily and paid no attention to the other man coming behind his father.
"The image looks a bit disturbing." The man commented nonchalantly, dragging a hand to rub his neck. Severus moved his gaze to the flickering candles hovering next to the bed rails.
"And currently within my rights," he told the man as the silence dragged on. "He has the right to have some closure."
Harry wasn't going to get another chance to ever see Lily like this again. Granted, the child would barely remember it a few years from now on, but his son obviously needed the closure now. He wasn't going to have Severus anymore in less than a few hours, and Snape wasn't sure if he wanted to think about his son visiting his mother's grave later on as he got older.
His musings were disrupted by Black's loud and cringe worthy yawn, followed by the sound of a metal chair screeching against the white tiles. The man dragged the uncomfortable looking chair to the other side of the bed and stretched his hands.
"So you're thinking about it." He said.
Severus's hand rubbed the folded parchment as he glared at his insufferable rival. "Not without conditions in place," he thrust the folded parchment on the man, over Harry's body. His scowl deepened. Sirius's chair skidded against the ground again as he leaned in to take the parchment. "And would you please keep quiet? He's exhausted." He nodded at his pouting son.
Sirius Black hummed and then nodded quickly. "Sure, sorry."
"What is this?"
Severus reclined his head. "His lullaby, if he got fussy, and his napping schedule. I don't want his routine to be disrupted. He should take a bath every other day and he loves applesauce. I want to visit him at least once a month." There, Severus thought. He kept it short and simple. He wanted to see his son every month even though the boy didn't know he was his father.
The other man mulled his lips thoughtfully, eyes skimming over the list with wariness. "I'll let James know." Black said eventually, refolding the parchment.
They both seat in a companionable silence. "I'm sorry by the way." Black broke the silence, his voice startling the small child.
He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing painfully against his throat. "James was right, I was being an idiot again."
Severus knew why. He knew all too painfully, now that he was gazing at his own beloved, lying motionless in front of him. "You think he might get hurt by taking Harry in."
It didn't make an excuse for scaring his baby, and yelling as if he was trying to raise demons from the depths of hell. But Severus understood, in a sick twisted way. He understood the urgency, the utter terror the other man must have felt when his partner was threatened.
"I'm not denying that Snape…" Black admitted, ducking his head. "This is a war. I love him too much to let him die." He trailed off and swallowed again. Black sighed audibly, dropping his elbows on his knees before burying his face into his hands.
"This is a war. People die." Snape countered, not unkindly. He stared at his own wife, marveling the freckles on her arms and her perfect plump lips. The ones he would never get to kiss again.
"But he shouldn't." Sirius replied at once. "Not before we get our happy ending. His gift…'seeing magic', it makes him special, he's already a target. If they knew we're housing your son too…"
The candle flickered and his son dozed off again, his heavy eyes closing and his body snuggled closer to /her/ body. Severus felt his own eyes weight down, and his throat dry up.
"You're not being forced into it."
"Of course not." Black pretended to agree with the Slytherin. Both knew there was no other way.
Padfoot leaned back in the chair, and wrung his fingers. He didn't meet Severus's adamant gaze and looked over Harry's messy haired head. "You know… this is the only way for us to ever get a child." The man admitted bashfully.
He wasn't wrong, Severus supposed. Being in a same-sex relationship was scandalous enough on its own, not only it was deemed illegal and was almost never recognized, but people out right, had the right to turn them in for it. The laws were never clear in the field, but Severus knew that being a werewolf was a vast improvement to being gay in the wizarding world.
Seeing as they didn't have the right to get married, adopting or getting a child in any way was also deemed illegal by the ministry. They had the right to snatch the children away from their parents at any given chance if reported.
Which would have been a cause for concern hadn't this been Potter and Black. The most problematic issue they would ever encounter was the hush money they would have to pay from time to time, and seeing as Lily's name was filling in as Harry's mother, Severus doubted it would even come to that.
"The circumstances are grim and ugly, but he wants it. We never talked about kids before, it was quite pointless, and I know he feels bad about being happy about this." He met Severus's eyes, his expression oddly vulnerable and devoid of the wildness the other man proudly carries.
"He hides it well, but he is happy."
"Why are you telling me this?" Severus asked.
Black shrugged, straightening his posture immediately. "To assure you I guess. The kid is not going to get neglected or anything. We're not monsters."
"She was a good woman." He nodded his chin at Lily. "A good friend. A bit too feisty for her own good, but…"
"What are you trying to say?" Snape repeated, feeling the frustration build up in his chest.
Black threw his hands up with a groan. "I don't know… Condolences I guess. I feel bad just staring at her and saying nothing."
"I know it doesn't help but… your son has her eyes. That's a nice relic."
As if on cue, Harry's eyes fluttered open and he grinned lazily at his father looking down at him. Severus smiled back weakly, his hand rubbing the child's back.
"You're going to obliviate him, aren't you?"
They had to. It was too dangerous for Harry to even have the faintest of memories of all this. Of his life with is real, biological parents. If Voldemort was really out there, then Severus shuddered to know the kind of future his son was going to grow up in.
"It's not in our hands, and Albus said we need to consult a healer first, your son is just a one year old and he most likely has some sort of brain trauma." Black dared to make the slightest touch, and gently stroked the back of Harry's head only for a moment. "He'll probably choose Poppy. She's waiting for you to finish."
Harry complained at the touch with a whimper and Black snorted. The man groaned as his neck cracked. He fetched out his wand and pointed it at the table. After a quick muttered spell, two glass shots and a bottle appeared. Black moaned with relief and luge dot get the bottle of scotch.
"Want some?" he held it towards Snape as he filled his own glass to the brim. Severus declined, crossing his arms over his chest carefully. He was always wary of alcohol. As a double agent and a victim of abuse himself (his father was an alcoholic), the liquid posed nothing but inconvenience for him.
He did fool around with firewhisky when he was younger, but his early days as a death eater taught him that drinking while spying was not a good idea. It made occluding a very tiring task and muddled his thoughts, definitely not the best combination in order to survive.
"Lucius is going to call for a meeting soon, so no, not if I want to keep my head intact on my shoulders." He barked at the grinning man. Sirius gulped in one mouthful after the other with that smug wolfish grin adorning his face.
"Still trying to kill me, mutt?"
Black grimaced, twirling his glass in his hand. "Never again Snivellus." He vowed. "Not after hurting Remus like that." He drowned the last mouthful, running a hand through his shaggy hair.
"I'll just hate your guts until the day I die."
Severus allowed an amused smirk. "I will drink to that."
His eyes fell back on his family and dark shadows were casted over his eyes. "Could you leave us?" he asked the other man, but didn't lift his gaze to see Black's expression.
Sirius stood, taking the bottle in his other hand. He gestured at Harry with his empty glass.
"Do you want me to take the…" he cut himself off. "Uh…Harold?"
"No."
"Poppy and I will be in her office, Snape." He walked back to the curtains. "I'm really sorry about your wife and son." He said over his shoulder, glancing quickly at the graceful woman on the bed before hanging his head. "James sincerely is, and I would be too, given time."
"I don't need your pity." Severus growled while leaning in to pick Harry up.
"The sun doesn't rise and set with you. You're a grown ass man raised in a war, of course you don't." the sound of the bottle knocking clumsily on glass made him sneer. "That kid needs it." Sirius finished.
Severus's hand left Harry's and he twisted his waist to look at the man with disgust. "That kid is going to call you his /father/. The least you can do is calling him by his given name."
"I'm working on it, Snape." The other man vowed, patting the folded parchment in his pockets as he slipped past the curtains. A glass of scotch still nestled in his hand.
**
On Black's unspoken request-Dumbledore's direct orders to the man, undoubtedly- the matron hadn't been informed of the procedure she was about to perform on Harold whilst she was examining the cursed scar on his forehead.
The older woman deftly examined the scar and cleaned the blood with the wand she kept hidden in her long healer's robes. All too much aware of the baby's intense green eyes ogling her with wariness.
"It's a curse scar." She confirmed sadly. "Potter was right. I cannot verify the origins, but the curse-whatever it was- had been partially blocked. It's relatively harmless."
Black rubbed his chin again. It's a nervous habit, Severus realized as he saw the repeated act and then deleted the useless information immediately.
"Is there any way to know which curse was used?" Black asked, turning his body to face the matron.
The woman shrugged. "There isn't a wide variety to choose from, or he most likely would have been…" she trailed off meaningfully.
"It was harmless enough or rather not strong enough that partial exposure didn't do much damage. You said he was in his nursery when it happened." She looked at Severus. "Could it be that an unforgiveable was about to be performed on your son and Lily got in the way? The scar might have been caused as a backlash occurring after the curse."
Severus looked at her for a few moments, trying to comprehend the words that were coming out of her mouth. He imagined his wife hurriedly running up the stairs with a crying Harry in her arms, she dashed into the nursery, put him in the crib and then ran out to lock the door. Severus frowned, no, the door wasn't locked, and she didn't have her wand, so she didn't get there in time. She must have been blocking the doorframe with her body when it happened.
He closed his eyes, practically /seeing/ the imaginary scene take place before his eyelids. The dark lord's taller and terrifying presence before his lean wife, with her being the only blockage between him and the innocent, crying baby in the room.
He pushed the crashing rush of overwhelming emotions in a wooden box and shoved them to the furthest corner of his mind. Occlumency was a must in that instance, he realized.
"She could have been." He said slowly. "I found her body outside the nursery."
Poppy hung her head in grief. Sirius Black cleared his throat, his respect for the unmoving woman lying on the bed rising considerably.
They floo-ed back to the office one at the time, with grim faces and a twist in their guts. The office looked the same as before, with the exception of Lupin's sudden absence. Potter swallowed thickly upon seeing the group, and fixed his glasses with twitching fingers.
Sirius Black was by his side in a blink, his eyes questioning their friend's absence. James shook his head.
"His furry little problem. Tonight wasn't a good one." The man muttered, his hazel eyes narrowed as he eyeballed the baby that was about to be his in a few minutes.
Severus kept his stoic demeanor as he settled in his seat, and Albus immediately started talking to Poppy and explaining 'the situation'.
That was fifteen minutes ago. Poppy hadn't spoken since.
The air around the office was insanely strained, Lupin was gone, and the only people left in the room were imposed to a resigned silence. Severus felt the calming draught gradually take effect on his child, with the small baby languidly grabbing at his robes with closed eyes and mouthing incoherent words.
Poppy Pomfrey looked down right scandalized, her widened eyes kept shifting between the stoic father and his one year old to the muttering couple on the other side of the room with astonishment.
She shook her head again. Severus could see that she couldn't quite grasp the urgency in their request. His heart fluttered. "I have never performed such a task on a child before." The woman said faintly in a string of hushed whispered words.
Albus Dumbledore regarded the older woman with sympathy. "Then you must understand the urgency Poppy."
Poppy scowled at the headmaster. "Obliviate is such a powerful spell Albus! Even grown men never recover from the aftershocks." She raised her voice. "This is a one year old!"
"We understand that. But the child is endangered, he's lucky he's even alive. You-know-who-"
The woman erupted. "Is gone!" She exclaimed coldly. "You told me so not only an hour ago!"
"Yes, but not forever." Albus interjected, crossing his hands under his long beard. Severus smoothed his fingers on his son's back, gazing at Potter as his baby slipped in and out of a restless nap.
"Severus needs to resume his job, and he cannot do that while taking care of a baby, not to mention the chaos that will invoke once people realize that Harry is the savior of the wizarding world."
The matron scoffed skeptically. "Savior?" she asked the man as if he was insane. "Albus, you couldn't mean what I think you mean."
"I'm afraid that there's only one way to find out."
She sighed in resignation. "Are you absolutely sure about this Albus? Isn't there any way for me to contact a proper mind healer…"
"No one that we trust, I'm afraid." The old man gently placated the others, his gaze sadly lingering on the confused child. "We need an extract of his memories, and then the procedure to…"
Poppy straightened her back once again, and Severus stiffened. "You do realize that his memories might as well be nonexistent." She told the headmaster as if she was talking to a child.
The other men in the room looked at her blankly and she rolled her eyes. Glaring back at the old man. "He most probably hadn't understood a thing." She explained with pity. "His understandings are what form the memories in the first place, it's not going to do much. He's only a babe."
"It's better than nothing." Albus said, nodding at Severus to stand. The man did so reluctantly, his heart hammering against his chest. Occlude, he ordered himself. Occlude your mind and keep the emotions at bay.
"Well I can't do anything against their will. He obviously doesn't want to give the child to…"
Showing the utter devastation on his face would alert Harry, and Severus hated unsettling his baby more than he already has. He occluded his mind.
"Poppy." He called the woman quietly, feeling the small bundle of warmth squirm against his chest. His heart broke.
"Severus if you say no-"
"I consent." He interrupted her painful statement before he could change his mind. "I consent to the procedure on his behalf."
"Very well…" she dropped her hands onto her skirt, her eyes filling up. "It would be best if you weren't in the room Severus, to cause further complications."
"Dada?" Harry nudged his chest with his small hands, trying to get his attention. Severus ignored the call, mentally memorizing it as the last time the boy would ever call him that way.
Poppy drew a chair to the middle of the room and darkened the lights with a quick wave of her wand, her movements were brisk and without a moment's delay. She gestured at Potter to seat on the chair and then glanced at Severus.
"Severus, I need you to leave now." She softly stated, watching his strained knuckles go lax around Harry's back. The man nodded emotionlessly.
"I understand Poppy." He turned his back to the people in the office and held Harry up. His eyes dawdling on every soft feature to treasure and memorize for later. The others respectfully engaged Poppy in a conversation to keep the noise going and give the father and son some privacy. Severus took out his wand and casted a quick 'Silencio' around them. He needed this moment to be theirs.
"Harry, sweetheart…" he lowered the baby back to his chest, his head remaining under his chin. He breathed in the soft, creamy smell of the child's hair and his eyes nearly watered.
"Harry…Daddy needs to go away for a while." He said as clearly as he could manage. Hoping that Harry could grasp the words and understand what he was about to say next.
His son drew back, confused. "Dada bye bye?" he looked around the office, expecting his mother to collect him, seeing as Severus was leaving for 'work'. He didn't know that his father wasn't coming back. He had no idea. Which made it blissfully and selfishly easier on Severus.
The potion protégé inhaled deeply. "Yes. Daddy is going away…" he hung his head. "I'm sorry Harry. I truly am."
Harry whimpered at his discomfort and reached out to pat his cheek, the potion protégé smiled weakly. "These people, are going to take good care of you sweetie, and I'll be there, sometimes." He swallowed, knowing that Harry was only understanding half of what he was saying. Maybe that was for the best, he thought grimly.
"Mommy and I love you very much. She loved you so much that she…" he hesitated, his throat clogging. "That she gave her life for you. And I'm doing the same. We need you to be strong, to always stand your ground and take what is rightfully yours."
He smoothed a hand over Harry's soft hair. "We need you to live, no matter what, we need you to know that you are loved. I will always love you." He felt a sudden prickle in his forearm and gasped. It didn't necessarily hurt, but Severus knew exactly why it didn't.
Another death eater-Lucius, most likely- was summoning the others. The heat and the pain was nowhere as strong as Voldemort's summons, but annoying enough to arouse suspicions. Albus was right, there was going to be a bloodbath tonight.
He quickly placed a soft kiss on his son's and held him close. One last time.
He made it quick, diminished his own spell and walked over to Potter who was now settled on the chair and conferring with Lupin quietly. His messy hair mussed in all direction and his robes perfectly pristine on his lean body. He hated the man so much he couldn't verbalize the words, but deep down, he knew he was doing the right thing.
"Here, hold him like this." He told Potter, holding out Harry with both hands. James's eyebrows shot up but he quickly obliged, replacing Severus's hands on the baby, James silently followed his hurried instructions and nervously clung to the squirming baby.
"He's moving too much." Potter muttered nervously, his eyes blown wide at the prospect of holding a small human being in his hands and actually being responsible for it. Snape huffed, rolling his eyes.
"That's why you're supporting his back and neck, to make sure he doesn't fall. Ask Poppy if you needed anything else, I left his list of things with your…" he glanced at the mutt. "With Black." He finished.
Harry squirmed in James's wobbly embrace, complaining and making grabby hands at Severus.
"Take care of him Potter. I will be keeping an eye on you." He and Albus exchanged a look, nodding the young father slowly kneeled in front of the chair and took Harry's hands. "Be good Harry."
"We will guard him with our lives Snape." Potter promised, holding the baby firmly on his lap. Severus couldn't bear the look anymore, they were running out of the time. The prickling in his arm persisted as did Harry's cries.
The double agent turned and left without looking over his shoulder.