"Another chance, Negan?" Vin is all out of sympathy for me. "Maybe I'll let Niko fuck me on a desk while you're under it. Watching my hair drape down. Then we'll talk about fucking chances."

"You don't think that hurt me?!"

"Don't your shitting dare raise your voice to me! You need to be thankful that I'm still here. And that is all you're going to get from me."

"Vin, no," I whine. "Please don't fucking do this to me."

"Don't talk to me, don't even look my direction, or Ass Destroyer and I are leaving this fuck show."

Fuck show, that's a good one. I might have to take that one. "Wait, you're staying?"

"I said don't acknowledge me!"

I just lower my head because I don't know what to do. As she walks away, I sneak a peek. It's so fucking bittersweet. To know she's staying, but I can't even look at her. For her to be near, but I can't speak to her. But if she's staying, fuck. I'll do anything, and just hope that one day things… I guess it doesn't really do much good to have hope. What has hope ever fucking done for me? Not shit.

So, I give it my all and succeed. I push Vin completely out of my mind. Any orders, I give to Niko, and he relays them as needed. For two months it works, until I find some of those goddamn macaroni socks in a WalMart. I plop down on the floor and sob. What the fuck have I done?! You fucked Lucille because you were scared to be alone? You fucking idiot! Look where that got you? On a dirty floor holding children's pasta socks and expelling water knowing you can't afford. Even if Vin gave me another chance, what's she going to say about Sherry? Another stupid decision, all to get back at Dwight, but he's too fucking airheaded to notice. "Fuck!"

After this pity fuck show, I purge every single emotion of mine. I walk outside, running my thumb over a piece of this bat. There are barriers made from barbed wire in the parking lot.

Barbed wire.

Bat.

Barbed wire.

Bat.

I crouch down, taking a piece of the wire and twisting it around the bat. Everything makes sense now. Losing Lucille gave me inner strength I didn't know that I had. Strength that I need for the way the world is now. And in a weird way, it's giving me the strength not to put a fucking gun in my mouth and pull the trigger after the way things have ended with me and Vin.

Lucille meant everything to me. I didn't know it at the time, not all the time, at least. There were moments, but for the most part, I was a piece of shit. It wasn't until she was gone that I really knew what she meant to me. I think about the people the last few months that died, yet I feel nothing. Not for them. Not for myself. Not for anyone. I wasn't scared. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry. Well, sometimes I was angry. Sometimes I was furious. But for the most part, nothing. It takes me until now to realize why. It was Lucille. She protected me. She placed me in a bubble, where nothing got to me. Made me strong. Helped me survive.

I get to my feet, looking over my bat.

No.

Not a bat.

Lucille.

My Lucille.

It gives me an idea. Instead of watching these sorry fucks die like I have so many other weak motherfuckers along the way, I'll let Lucille protect them, too. These people will stand with me and anyone who tries to hurt us, anyone who gets in our way, will end up like that motherfucker selling women.

The first victim my Lucille claims is ironically one of the people that I first met on the road. One of those men who tried to force himself on that girl that managed to escape. "Let me tell you about Lucille…" I swing her like a golf club between the man's legs. "Get nasty, girl." I silence his screams by cracking him right in the throat. Whoops. That might have done it for this fuck. "Well, they'll be others," I explain to Lucille when she's upset at how quick that fuck went down.

They'll be others.

Truer words have never been spoken.

A/N Thank you for all the feedback last chapter! I can't tell you how much it means to me! I was relieved that everyone wants Vin to eventually forgive Negan. Anyhow, I promise some fluff is on the way soon! This story is going to change over to an M rating in the coming chapters.