Beginning Commentary: SO, I found this when I was coming up with AU's for my own fanfic (crazy, right?) and finals are soon approaching, so I don't really have that much time to write. To help sate over you all, please enjoy this! (Apparently I wrote this after first watching Phelous' reviews of the knock-off Beauty and the Beast movies).

Henry's Story Time: Beauty and the Beast

Gather 'round, kiddies! Today, I, Henry, am gonna tell you a story! It's apparently a classic according to my human friends, but I was raised by wolves, so who the heck knows?

"Wait, something doesn't seem right," said Tharja.

Oh hey, Tharja. Whatcha doing here?

"You're blind. How are you going to be able to read?"

Aw shucks. I know the gist of what goes on in the story. Besides, you know I can use my magic to temporarily see and all that!

"True…But aren't you going to make this story a far more demented version of what it already is?"

I'd try to, but Anne made me take an oath that I wouldn't alter the story too much.

"Well, that's good. Carry on, then."

Thanks! Anywhere, where was I…? Ah! I was about to start telling the story, of course!

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a girl named Anne.

"Hello!" Anne introduced herself and curtseyed. She wore a humble peasant dress instead of her usual Plegian robe. "It's nice to meet you all!"

Ain't she a charmer? Well, at least compared to her stepsister, Aversa, that is.

"Oh gosh-wait, what?"

Aversa soon pushed Anne aside, nearly making her fall into a mud puddle. She, unlike Anne, wore a much more expensive looking gown that showed off her…assets.

"Oh, Anne! I didn't see you there!" Aversa lied.

"Wait, wait, wait! HENRY!"

What?

"You didn't tell me Aversa was going to be in this story!"

Really? In the story, the girl had some nasty siblings.

"That's odd. I thought she was an only child."

Well, she's already in the story, so there's no point of writing her out.

"And why would you want to get rid of poor old me?" Aversa wept. "I thought we were family."

Anne sneered in response, but allowed the story to continue.

Anyway, Aversa was always getting whatever she wanted, but that's mainly because Anne didn't ask for a lot of material objects like dresses or jewelry.

"They won't fill the void," Anne spoke in a deadpan tone.

Yeah, Anne's got some emotional issues…

"HENRY!"

WELL, YOU DO!

"Still, you don't have to say it so plainly…"

Soon, Validar had entered the picture. It was odd not to see him in his Sorcerer robes, and even more odd to see him without the look of a snake. Instead, his hair had gone down and he no longer wore the menacing eyeliner that he preferred to wear. As for his outfit, it was that of a simple Merchant's.

And before you say it, Anne, he's an important factor to this story, too. So he stays.

"Gaaaah," Anne grunted as she crossed her arms and pouted.

"I'm home!" He announced.

"Oh, Father! You've returned!" Aversa gasped.

"Yes, and I've many gifts for you waiting inside the house."

With that, Aversa gave her father a quick hug and bolted for the small cottage they lived in.

Anne simply glared at Validar, muttering something about him being a jerk.

"Ah, and there you are, my lovely Anne," Validar smiled.

"I'm sorry, lovely?" Anne scoffed. "I'm suddenly lovely?"

"You've always been lovely, my dear, but you never ask for anything so that I may prove my love for you."

"Dad, you and I both know that our relationship is far beyond the point of being repaired with gifts."

"Such a shame, as I finally found one that I'm sure you would love."

"What, you got a therapist?"

"Oh, your sense of humor is just…wonderful. No, my dear, it's a surprise."

"A surprise?"

"Yes. In fact, I'll teleport you to it now."

"Wait-"

Before Anne could finish her two-worded sentence, Validar immediately pulled out a spell book and cast magic on the floor, temporarily blinding Anne and transporting her to her mysterious~ destination.

"Why are you saying it like that?" Tharja asked.

To make it sound more sinister and/or whimsical, of course!

Anne appeared before a grand, gothic castle with gargoyle statues hanging on the rooftops, no lights appearing from inside, and black iron bars that passed for gates. In fact, the only non-gothic décor available was the lovely rose bushes that grew alongside the castle entrance.

"Oh, wow. Dad…got me my own mansion?" Anne questioned out loud. "That's…nice of him. …Too nice."

Always the doubter, Anne. Always the doubter.

"HEY! I'm only being safe here!"

Pshaw, do you think I'd actually hurt you?

"Well…no…"

Then let me do my job here!

"Gah, okay…"

Cool beans!

Anne entered the castle, wondering if it was truly abandoned or not.

"Hello?" Her voice echoed through the halls.

"Oh, hello!" Three voices cried out. In came Ju'mei, a servant of Chon'sin's royal family, in a candlestick get-together, Say'ri, Chon'sin royalty, as a teapot, and some guy in an orange piece of armor as a sundial.

"I think that orange guy is Kellam," said Tharja.

Who? OHHH, KELLAM! THAT GUY, RIGHT.

"Are you the young woman the merchant told would be staying here?" Ju'mei asked.

"I…guess so?" Anne responded.

"Great! Your room's upstairs, third doorway on the left," Kellam explained. "The Beast'll want to see you soon, so if you want to freshen up, now's a good time-"

"Wait, BEAST?! A BEAST LIVES HERE?!"

Well, yeah. This story's called "Beauty and the Beast". Thought you knew that.

"Psst, I do. I'm acting," Anne whispered, trying to make it seem like she wasn't breaking the illusion. She was failing, but hey, at least she was trying.

Ohhhh…

"Anywhere, where was I? Oh yeah, A BEAST LIVES HERE?!"

"Yes, and we are here to help you get along with the Beast so that the curse put upon us can be broken!" Ju'mei explained. "That way, we can no longer be in costumes!"

"Ju'mei, we are to stay in character," Say'ri whispered.

"Oh, forgive me, Your Majesty!"

Ju'mei bowed before Say'ri, which made Say'ri sigh.

"We are under a curse which has turned our master into a beast and us into household objects, and can only be freed if he loves a woman and she loves him in return. The Beast is a kind, misunderstood soul," Say'ri went on with explaining. "If he appears to be angry, it is only because it has been a while since he has been in contact with an actual human being."

"Yes, because as you can see, we are clearly household objects," Kellam awkwardly chuckled.

"Interesting…" Anne responded.

Anne ran outside to attempt to get back home.

"What? No I didn't."

But it's this whole thing where you're terrified because you're inside a Beast's castle and you wanna go home!

"Eh, I actually like it here."

"Truly?" Ju'mei beamed.

"Yeah, you guys treat me nicer than my dad and stepsister did back home. And it's not like I have much to go back to anyway."

Huh, well… Okay then. Guess that means there's no chase scene of you running only for the Beast to catch you. Welp.

"Sorry, Henry," Anne laughed awkwardly.

Why Henry left that scene and not the characters of Aversa and Validar out of the story is left up to interpretation.

Anyway, it's dinner tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!

Ju'mei, Say'ri, and Kellam went into the kitchen to make her and the Beast their meals, and though Anne seemed rather calm before about staying in the palace, she was actually really nervous about who this Beast was.

"Knowing my luck, it's probably Grima," Anne muttered to herself.

What? You're not worried that this Beast might eat you or something?

"I dunno, man, if a Beast can live in a castle with household objects for servants, it must have some sort of class."

True, and it's not like it lives in the catacombs waiting to be fed by unsuspecting visitors…

"HEY, I SAID NO HORROR!"

Fine, fine! Yeesh…

Thumps could be heard in a descending order, meaning something gigantic was on its way downstairs. Anne's eyes widened, and she soon gulped.

The table soon began rattling with each footstep. They were getting louder, and louder, and louder, until there seemed to be a loud thump in front of the doorway. The thumps soon were replaced by the turning of the door knob.

Anne squeezed her eyes shut, but did her best to not get in a defensive pose.

"Yo," Priam announced himself in a rather nonchalant manner.

Anne's eyes immediately opened to the sound of the familiar voice. Priam wore cat ears in that messy bush he called hair instead of his bandanna, cat paws for gloves and shoes, and even a bushy cat tail.

"Hey, I'm supposed to be a wolf!" Priam shouted. "Or…a wildebeest?"

I don't know either, man. Sorry.

Aside from this animalistic get-up, Priam wore a normal, blue nobleman coat and white pants.

"Priam, what are you doing here?" Anne asked after she sighed with relief.

"I, uh, heard you were helping Henry with one of his stories and…I wanted to help out…" Priam blushed, looking away from Anne as best as he could.

"AW, BABE!"

Anne attempted to run and twirl around in Priam's arms, but to not avail.

Sorry to be a mood killer, but you're not at that lovey dovey stage yet.

"Why not?" Priam asked, saddened that he couldn't hold his beloved.

"Well, unfortunately, a majority of the story revolves around us actually falling in love," Anne sighed. "Just remembered that…"

Yessiree! You have to love her, and she has to love you in return.

"But we already love each other…" Priam pointed out. "…Right?"

Anne nodded frantically and traced a little heart with her fingers, earning a grin from Priam.

Sorry folks, can't alter the story too much!

Both leads groaned with defeat, "Fine."

Don't worry, you two. It'll be worth the wait. ANYWHO!

Anne quickly grew accustomed to her new life with Priam and his servants, never once concerned about missing her family back in her hometown.

"Didn't she have friends in that village?" Tharja asked.

Doesn't say so. Technically, we're not a part of the story, so we don't count.

"Not to mention that the friends wouldn't really add on to the plot aside from bargaining with Priam and me to have me back," Anne observed.

"Ah, true."

Anyway!

Say'ri would teach Anne the customs of the outside world through different languages and tales that she had learned when she was first lit. Ju'mei would teach her how to take care of herself as they both helped tidy up and cooked non-lethal meals. Kellam…Kellam…

"I taught her how to farm," Kellam said. "I mean, the land's good enough for harvest and all that."

That it was! Not only were crops grown for necessary food, but also beautiful flowers that Ju'mei and Anne would tend to.

"Wait, I thought Priam wasn't really a flower guy," Anne said.

"In many interpretations, the girl asks her father to find her a single red rose," Say'ri began explaining. "He finds it in the Beast's castle, and the Beast tells the father that he may live if he promises to have someone else take his place as prisoner."

Really? I thought the Beast's life depended on the rose or something.

"Do you like flowers, Miss Anne?" Ju'mei asked.

"Well, when they're scattered across a field, yeah," Anne responded nonchalantly.

"Then perhaps Mister Priam knew this and is allowing you to grow your own flowers!"

Anne was shocked that Priam cared for her in such a manner.

"Hopefully he's not allergic," Anne said.

Hm, not the kind of shock we were expecting.

"Hm? Oh, right. Ahem. OH GOODNESS ME, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SUCH A CRUUUUUUUEL BEAST WOULD SHOW TENDER LOVE AND CARING!"

Okay, now you're just messing with me.

"Heh, yeah…"

Eventually, through constant persuasion from his servants, Priam began to socialize more with Anne. Anne was patient with him as he struggled to remember how to properly behave in front of another human being.

"More like she's helping him learn by doing what he does," Tharja said.

Indeed, when Priam found himself eating rather sloppily, Anne would pig out and exchange messy smiles with him. Heck, they even held a belching contest or two.

That's not very ladylike, Anne.

"So?" Anne burped.

"That's boring, though," Priam stated.

True, it's become a cliché, but ya gotta do something to contribute to the name "Beauty" here.

"She's hot, end of story."

"OH YOU~!" Anne blushed.

Through an indistinguishable amount of time (long enough where the two can fall in love because nobody seems to give a specific time for this), the two bonded over books that they would read aloud, trusting one another with deep, dark secrets that would be exchanged for positive moral support, and combat training. Priam admired how a woman as attractive as Anne could hold a warrior's spirit within her without being a complete bitch while Anne began to fall for Priam's charm and wit. They would laugh over meals, huddle for warmth by the fireplace after a cold day out, discuss philosophies to one another under starry night skies, and play with each other's hair before dozing off to a good night's rest.

"Doesn't it seem weird to describe what they've done instead of actually letting it happen naturally?" Tharja interrupted.

That's either due to time constraints or the author was too lazy to write all of the scenarios in detail.

"But this is a romance story… The main focus should be the romance itself."

I'm working on thin strings here, Tharj. Bad enough that Anne and Priam already had a thing for each other before the story started! Give me a break here!

"You're doing your best, Henry, and I appreciate it!" Anne shouted. "Also, thank you for not adding any unnecessary drama between the two of us!"

Oh… About that…

The grand doors to the mansion had opened, revealing both Aversa AND Validar!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING HERE?!"

"Oh, thank goodness you're safe!" Aversa cried out, practically choking the air out of Anne as she pressed the shorter woman toward her massive chest. She then looked to Priam, and pushed Anne out of the way. "My, aren't you a handsome fellow."

Priam blankly stared at Aversa, showing no real sign of interest for her.

"I should've known not to exchange you for my own safety, Anne!" Validar explained. "What kind of a selfish father am I?!"

"You're still pretty selfish, you know," Anne pouted. "I'm living a damn good life here and NOW you decide to try and take me back?!"

"I… We had to formulate a strategy-"

"No no no, you just wanted to remove me from any sense of happiness! WELL, SCREW THAT NOISE, I'M STAYING!"

Validar glared.

"Very well, but let's see if this so called 'beloved' of yours will still care for you in your true form."

With that, he began to cast a spell. Purple flames surrounded both him and Anne, and when Priam tried to intervene, Aversa simply held him back with her own magic. Anne's smooth skin became riddled with black scales, two horns appeared on the sides of her head, four new red eyes appeared above and below her current ones that seemed to be connected with purple lines, demonic white wings appeared on her back, her nails grew to sharp claws, and her mouth grew to a dragon's muzzle, complete with the rows and rows of teeth.

"Come, Aversa. We have no need of a beast who refuses to offer our gratitude."

Aversa smiled wickedly, and released Priam once she was sure Anne would run away trying to hide her form.

"ANNE, WAIT!" Priam's shouts echoed down the empty hallways.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" Anne huffed. She eventually locked herself within her room and began to cry.

"Goodness, what has happened to Lady Anne?" Say'ri asked.

"Her dick of a father thought turning her into a beast would be good revenge for not going back with him," Priam explained. He harshly banged his fist on the door. "ANNE!"

"GO AWAY! I'M A MONSTER! I've…I always have been! I was born a monster, and I'll die a monster!"

"You? A monster?" Kellam gasped. "But how can that be? You've been nothing but pleasant since you've first arrived here!"

"…Really?"

"True, you seem outlandish, but never monstrous!" Ju'mei said, trying to cheer her friend up.

Kellam then whispered in her ear.

"Oh, my apologies! Outlandish is too harsh of a word. I meant to say out-going or extraordinary!"

"Anne, do you really think I would be shallow enough to disown you like your father pretty much did?" Priam spoke with a lump in his throat, but he still did his best to sound stable. "Even after all that time we've spent getting to know each other?"

"…"

"I don't care what the hell you look like, and you're sure as hell not the kind of person that only cares about that! When I said you were hot way back when, I didn't mean it to be only on the surface with appearances. You're hot because you're also an adorable badass that didn't turn a blind eye from me and instead showed me the kindness of your heart! You made me want to be a better person!"

A clicking sound could be heard, and with a short pause, the door slightly opened.

"…You mean it?"

"Of course I do. I love you!"

Anne gasped, doing her best to wipe away her tears of what was now happiness to replace the tears of sorrow. She immediately pulled herself toward him as she wrapped her arms around his torso.

"I love you, too. You're always so patient and understanding with me, even when I let my overthinking get in the way too much. I love how easily I can talk to you about anything, I love that you never look down on me when I'm struggling with something like training, I love how you make me feel appreciated and I just…love you."

Not even for an instant did Priam look hesitant about his decision; he was in love, no doubt about that. And so, the two exchanged a heartfelt kiss (or at least attempted with the way Anne's mouth had transformed and all).

"Okay, quick question," Tharja once again interrupted.

WHAT NOW?

"Are they going to stay in these forms or will 'true love's kiss' break the spell and turn them back human?"

Er, why do you ask?

"Seems pretty shallow to me for the latter to happen. If they both end up beautiful in the end, then what's the point of them being beasts to begin with?"

Well, the morale of the story IS to not judge a book by its cover. But wait, aren't you judging them by thinking being beautiful's a bad thing?

"No, I'm saying that the story builds up to them being in love regardless of their looks and to have them both end up good looking at the end seems like a cheap cop-out."

Oh… Wait a second, all Priam has to do is remove the accessories and he's human again.

"Can we at least make it so I have a human mouth to properly kiss Priam and two eyes so I can see normally? I can handle with the rest."

"…Okay, that works."

"HOORAY! …Oh, what do you think, Priam?"

Priam gave a mischievous grin and pulled Anne closer to him once more.

"Well, we could get a little…creative with our new forms here," he chuckled lightly. He lowered his hand to her backside and gave it a squeeze, to which Anne caught on to what he was thinking immediately and gave him the same pair of bedroom eyes.

Oh Gods, we should probably end this here before we have to bump up the ratings.

"But what about us being furniture still?!" Say'ri exclaimed.

Fine, fine. You can be human again, whatever. SO YEAH, they all lived happily ever after and junk! Thanks for reading, and now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to think of what other stories I can tell.

"Oh, how about the tale of Aladdin but with Gaius?" Anne suggested before ducking back into her and Priam's shared quarters.

Maybe, who knows?