I pop the double steel doors open with a crowbar as outside light enters the factory entryway for the first time in several years. This place was abandoned long before the fall. The hall goes dark for a brief moment before it opens up into a large area. Plenty spacious for a social area, and cafeteria. The windows light the room well. There actually is a kitchen. One of those industrial ones. Something else I take note of are the large furnaces in the giant room. This is only the first level. Every level has offices that could be used as rooms. There's an infirmary on the first floor. And bathroom with showers. Once I get to the top level, it's a large open area like a meeting room, and in the back is a decent size office. Oh, fuck, yes. I'm taking both of these.

The catwalk down is in decent shape. The steel isn't rusted or kinked in any place. "Start taking trash and broken tables and chairs to throw into the furnaces. We need to circulate heat. Bring all the bedding and blankets in that you're able. We'll sleep as a group in here tonight. Then go over responsibilities and room availability in the morning."

For those first few hours, I'm just waiting for this motherfucker to burn down because that's just my shit fuck luck. I guess my luck is turning around. I think I circle around this cafeteria fifty times. I suppose I can't think like that. I need to convey confidence so it's passed onto my men. Actually, what I really need is fucking sleep.

Most everyone is asleep by now. Except for the low whispers between Simon and Teddy.

"It's rude to stare," Vin jokes, having a seat beside me.

"Truthfully, I'm a bit jealous." Because I want to be talking to Vin. Well, I guess I kinda am.

"I'll share some of this cardboard mat with you."

"You keep it."

"Suit yourself."

Once she's comfortable, I scoot up behind her. "Am I still on thin skin?"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll always find a way to fuck something up."

"Fuck only knows you're probably right about that." I want to be closer than this to her, but I just keep my distance. Which is still pretty close.

"Today was a good day."

I don't even fucking care about the factory. It's a good day because she's actually speaking to me. Allowing me near. I just always fear that waking up means a few steps back. Maybe I need to start being more optimistic.

She rolls over to face me with a sigh. "I'll be glad when we have spaces of our own and I don't have to hear people snore."

"There's an equivalent to a suite here at the top. If you want, you're more than welcome to share that with me."

"You know my answer."

"I know… I just want to put it out there."

"It's probably never going to happen."

Yeah, well, she said I could never look at her either and now I'm sleeping at her side. I just gotta stay positive and hope that she can see how much I care for her through all this bullshit.

What is that fucking noise- oh my god. I shudder when I realized that Teddy and Simon are fucking under the blanket.

"Are they-"

"Yes." I don't have to see Vin's cheeks to know how red they'd be right now. Actually, Simon and Teddy aren't the only ones going at it. I thought they all were asleep! Sherry and Dwight. Connor and some girl. When I watch the blanket go over Niko's head, I'm out. "I'm going to go for a walk." I pick up Lucille and start out the front door.

"Baseball player!"

"Not now, Tex." Oh, Christ, I just saw her old lady tits. My eyes will never be the same.

Once I'm outside, I find it easier to breathe despite the freezing temperatures. I have a seat in the courtyard with my knees up and my arms set on them after I put Lucille by me. Vin startles me because I didn't know she followed. "Fuck. Vin, go back inside. It's freezing."

"It's freezing anywhere you go. I just didn't want to be in there with the group relations."

I don't hear what she says after that because she sits between my legs. I wrap my arms and jacket around her. This is even better than inside because now it's just us. I tuck my face away against the crook of her neck.

She finds it ticklish at first, but stops squirming. "It's snowing."

Ugh. Fuck a bunch of snow. I don't even know why I live in the north for Christ's sake. "I think it's Christmas today. Or whenever midnight hits."

"I never had a Christmas before."

"It's exhausting. You spend all this fucking time trying to please everyone and someone still ends up pissed. Or say you don't eat the right amount because you got two other Christmases to go to, you've gone and butthurt someone. The pressure of gift giving is mental, so you just end up giving a gift card, but they look at you like you're lazy. When you know they wanted money in the first place! Because they're fucking impossible to buy for. One time, I got Lucille's niece one of those dolls that have the button eyes and the rope arms. I forget what the fuck it was called. Lala, uh, whatever. Anyway, the goddamn box is like a pentagon. You can't wrap that shit. So I put it in a coffee maker box. The kid opens it, sees the coffee box and pushes it to the ground. I just couldn't believe my fucking eyes. She didn't understand the toy was in there, but to see how fucking ungrateful she was. I spent days, fucking days trying to find that stupid goddamn doll. I was pissed."

"It sounds awful. I just knew the gym was closed that day." Leave it to Vin to really make you appreciate that you can bitch about things like that.

My arms pull her closer against me. "I love you," I murmur against her skin, pressing my lips to her shoulder. "I won't fuck this up, I swear to god. If you never let your guard down, as long as we could just stay like this. These little innocent embraces. Our talks. Knowing that every night my place is beside you, I'd be ok with that, Vin."

"I'm trying to build that trust with you, Negan."

"I will take anything that you give me." No one likes to say that they love someone and it's not returned, but I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm certain that Vin was on the cusp of it before that day in my office. "Is there anything that I can do to help that trust?"

"Don't shit up. Especially with you having the kind of control you do over this group. The advances you'll get will be tempting. I already see the way some of these women want you. I think it's fair that you know I might never get to a point where I can trust you again. Are you going to pass them up knowing that?"

"I met this girl a while back. Fuck, chased after her forever. Then she offers to fuck me, but I fled. Not because I didn't want her, god I fucking wanted her. But because I knew that it was wrong to be married and fuck her. She threw herself at me three times and I passed it up because I felt she deserved to be with a real man. An honest man. Who wasn't fucking her in a filthy motel room. Who wasn't just fucking her entirely."

"I only threw myself at you twice, and my motel room wasn't filthy..."

"I've done a lot of things wrong when it comes to you. And I'll spend the rest of my life showing you why I'm not a shitter. And it was three times. Vin, if we fucked, think how much worse it would have been."

"You're that bad in bed?"

"Fucking smart ass. If you spent more time on forgiving me than coming up with replies that annoy me, I could be showing you just how good I am in bed."

"What's the best time in bed you've had?"

"Taking your pants off."

"Are you sure you're not a virgin too?"

I feel like this is a trap or some shit. "I like rough sex with my partner. Choking. Hair pulling. Restraints. Spanking. Name calling. Anal. I mean, it has to be consensual between both people. I'm not just going to ram my dry cock up some girls ass."

"If your partner didn't agree to it, would you get bored with them?"

"I guess, yeah. I mean, Lucille was into watching people fuck. Having people watch us fuck. We went to a lot of couple's parties at first. Or we'd fuck in a public place, but that was it. I guess I did get bored."

"Did you tell her that? Say that you wanted more?"

"No. I was embarrassed about it. Like I was a deviant because I wanted to spank her and have her choke me."

"But it's consensual."

"So let's say, hypothetically, you and I fuck. Well, we make love. Because I'd never take your virginity on a bathroom sink. A few weeks pass and I'm like, hey you should let me tie you to the headboard while I fuck your tight little ass. You're telling me that'd go over well with you?"

"I'm telling you it's thirty degrees out here and I'm not cold. You should be with someone that you can tell anything to. Negan, that is why things with us didn't work out, and they won't ever work out with anyone if you're not open. Let people in. Especially the one you want to bind to the headboard and claim their tight little hole."

"Fuck, I think I just came in my pants."

"That's honesty for you, and your knife holster keeps poking my back. It's uncomfortable."

"Baby, that's seven inches of something else." I think that goes over her head.

"Don't call me that name. I don't like it."

"Well, ok. How about Vinny?"

"How about Vin?"

"Hey, you know if we put our name together it's Vegan."

"I don't know what that is."

"Oh, you would if you met one. Trust me. They'll let you know real fast if they are."

"Christmas, tight holes, and vegans aside, I'm getting tired now. Do you think they're all done in there?"

I start to laugh. "Yeah. I do. Come on." As we walk to the door, I figure it's worth a shot and grab some leaves off a dead looking bush to tell her it's mistletoe.

"Negan, that's poison ivy, don't touch that!"

Oh, fuck!