A/N Thanks for being patient, all. These last few months have been the most difficult for me, but I'm finally in a place (I hope) where I'm able to pick up fanfiction again. Just to recap… The group has just found Sanctuary. Vin has forgiven Negan and has her new glasses, but Negan has suddenly fallen unconscious. Onward we go! This chapter has a lot of filthy smut in it. It takes up a good chunk of this chapter. Just note the end of the chapter is important if you skip over the smut.

Look, Vin, I come in here day after day and buy soda. I don't even drink soda. It's all in my back seat. I come in here to see you. These three minutes are the highlight of my day. If you don't want me to come back, I won't. But if it'd be ok, I'd like to come in here tomorrow and buy soda.

Perhaps you could donate the soda to the food drive.

Ok.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah. See you tomorrow.

My heavy eyes open with much difficulty, but fall closed after mere seconds.

That's the last of it.

Thank you for donating. There are so many people in need. I'm going to volunteer at the soup kitchen on Saturday if you're still feeling in the giving spirit.

I thought that was only for the holidays?

Oh, no. They always need volunteers. The holidays are when everyone thinks to volunteer, but what about the other days?

I hear Harlan before my eyes adjust to the room. "Where…"

"Negan!" Vin touches my shoulder. "Thank gosh," she sobs.

"What is fucking going on? And where are my pants?" And why am I in the infirmary?

"Negan, you almost died," Harlan informs me. "You had an extremely bad case of sepsis on the back of your right calf. Vin just happened to mention that you cut your leg in the mall."

Oh, that. Jesus, I didn't think it was that bad of a cut.

"You are extremely lucky. Any worse and I would have had to amputate."

"Alright, I get it. No point in getting worked up over what could have been." I sit up from the exam table and move the sheet so I can see. Only my eyes move up to, yeah, you guessed it. Dwight in the doorway. "How did I know you'd show up? Will everyone get the fuck out?" I grab Vin's hand when she tries to leave and wait to be alone. "Thank you."

"Maybe you don't want to hear this, but I was worried."

"I know and I'm sorry." I pull her up so she can sit with me. If I died, what would I really have to show for it? I need to work harder at making this a place where if something did happen that Vin would be alright. "How long was I out?"

"Two days."

It felt more like two months. "Is it a fucking free for all?"

She shakes her head no. "I sent a few groups on runs, and the rest of us built a greenhouse."

"Damn, I take two days off and I'm out of a job."

She laughs softly. "You were missed."

I somehow doubt that. I just happen to be the biggest fucker here so I think people go along with what I say. My eyes widen when I catch a glimpse of my leg. "Fuck. That shit is infected as fuck."

"It was worse."

Well, it feels pretty fucking shitty, and I find that out once I try to start back for my room. "Jesus, that almost killed me." But laying in bed rather than that hard exam table is worth it. "I had like these, I don't know… hallucinations? While I was passed out. About us and when we first met."

"My soda stalker." Vin tugs down my socks so she can take them off.

"I've never done anything like that before, but I'm glad I did."

Vin crawls on the bed, stretching over me. "Me, too, coach."

God, I want her, but even I can smell myself and it's gross. I almost feel bad as she lays against my chest, but it's her own doing.

This goddamn leg infection takes almost a week to get over. I'm about to lose my fucking mind by the end of it. My only saving grace was Vin. "I should thank you for helping me while I was down."

"Oh?"

Actually, there's been something I've wanted to try with her. I just need to work up the courage to do it. And one rainy Tuesday it happens. I walk in our bedroom and close the heavy door behind me. My boots plant firmly in place. "Come get on your knees for me."

She sets down her paper and does as she's told.

I cup her jaw, tilting her chin up. "I got you something." It hangs loosely on my fingers.

"Oh," she smiles, taking it from me and putting it around her neck.

I just stare down at her a little confused. "Yeah… that's not a necklace." I take it back from her, gripping both sides of the leather. "The metal ring goes behind your teeth."

Her eyes widen. "That's pretty big to go in my mouth."

"How else is my cock gonna fit through it?"

She starts to blush. "Ok. I'll try it."

"Wanna play? You better be certain…"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good girl. Now open that mouth." Once it's comfortably in place, I fasten it behind her head. I lean down, getting right in her face. "Nothing smart to say now, huh?" I unzip my pants and pull myself from it, running my arousal across her chin and lips. Then with one forceful thrust, she chokes. I wait for her hand to tap her shoulder, but it doesn't come so I keep fucking her. "You like that? Nod! Tell me you like choking down Sir's cock."

She gives it her all to say something back, but it's just muffled noises.

I tilt my head back, letting out a harsh grunt. "That's it. Take all of me. Goddamn, you're so filthy." I know it's wrong, but I shoot all over her face. I regret not being able to last a full minute from some blow job, but fuck.

Whenever Vin and I do something a little rough like this, I always make sure that she knows she's loved. I'm mindful removing the gag so I don't snag her hair, and I clean her face for her before myself. I massage her jaw until I get a smile.

"Thank you."

"No. Thank you," I laugh. "Did you like the gag?"

"It wasn't my favorite, but I like turning you on."

"Good fucking answer." I don't get her anymore tonight because I'm called away to deal with some shit. And shit just keeps on escalating. The more people we bring in, the more drama that comes too. After two days of it, I'm finally able to sit down and do inventory. God, what a shit show.

"Hey, coach. We've almost gone through this entire box of rubbers. Are you going to tie me to the headboard and fuck my tight little hole or what?"

I choke so fucking hard on my drink, I can't respond for almost twenty minutes. "Fuck," I gasp. I swear to Christ, I think I'm done for. "Jesus. My chest." I grab at my shirt some and try and take in another breath.

"Gosh, you'd think no one's ever talked dirty to you."

"They haven't. Not fucking like that. Shit!" I toss my clipboard to the side because I'm not getting fuck all done. Speaking of inventory, I saw something in it that caught my eye. "I got something for us to play with."

"Is it another gag?" She seems disappointed.

"No, it's something I want to fuck you with. Come lay across my lap so I can get you nice and wet first." Actually, I want to try something else first. My hand runs over the curve of her ass before I reach back and give her a sharp smack to it. "That's for smarting off to me. Don't act disappointed about the gag. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Another swat. "Yes, what? Address me as Sir."

"Yes, Sir."

I move her legs apart, dipping my hand between them. "You filthy fucking slut. Look how wet you are for me already!" I bring my hand around so she can see it. "Lick it off."

"Yes, Sir."

"Faster." I spank her again. "That's a good little fuck. I'm gonna fuck you and if you come I'm not going to be happy." These dildos they make are fucking disturbing. Even down to the veins. I lube this bastard up and try to ease it in her.

"Ouch!"

"Do you want the gag?"

"No, Sir."

"Get up. Now," I spank her. "Go to the bed." I lay down, then have her sixty-nine me, scooting her down some so I have the perfect view. My fingers tease her clit before I try again with this dildo. When she moves away from me, I slap her ass. That's when I put my cock near her mouth. "Not lick. Choke it fucking down or I'll make you. That's a good girl. Just like that." Once she's got a good rhythm, I drip some lube starting at her ass and let it run down her lips. Then I finger her tight cunt with it. She muffles moans against my cock. "Those moans are cute, but screams are better." In goes this dildo a third of the way inside her wet heat as I get my screams, followed by a choke. "Don't you dare come." I finger her smooth skin while I fuck her immobile. "Put my cock in your mouth or I'm getting the gag." This is going to be my demise. The view. The screams. "Now you can come, and you better show me how grateful you are." It is a sight to see to make your woman come undone like this. I don't care who heard her. What people thought. As long as she's satisfied and that spaced out look tells me just that. I'm a greedy fuck though and want more. "Up. Now." I tie her up alright and scoot that ass to me. "Fuck." I've always wanted anal. "Look back at me while I fuck your ass. Just like that." It's my turn, and it's long awaited. I figure this is probably my first and last time to enjoy this but, surprisingly, when we're done she tells me she liked it. "Like you'd do it again liked it? Or you liked it because you think it's what I want to hear?"

"I'll do it again, but you said you couldn't go twice."

Every day I fall more for this woman. She is just what I need to satisfy me in every way. I figure why not test the boundaries a bit because I would love to watch her eat some pussy. "Remember when you said I should be honest? So, uh. What about a threesome with Teddy?"

"We already had a threesome. Back in your office."

"Vin, that was… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. And I don't even want to fuck Teddy. I just wanted to watch the two of you sixty-nine."

"I'm giving you a hard time. I'll have a threesome with you and Teddy right after we have one with Connor."

"No fucking way! Are you serious?"

"I like his mohawk. He's hot," she shrugs.

"It's a shit stain trail on his head." Fuck. I shouldn't have asked. I start to become insecure and think about how Lucille cheated on me with Dwight. I know I can't handle the truth, but I need to know. "What about Dwight?"

"No way. I want a man whose fingers don't shy away or tremble when my legs part. I don't know what any woman sees in him."

I bellow out a laugh. Thank fuck she's not into him. "I fucking love you, my dirty little fuck."

I walk out into the courtyard to see my men loading up our extra supplies as trade for this new community. As much as I want to take some of the women, I make a decision at the last minute to leave them here. Just in case it's too dangerous. After everything I've seen, I don't have a lot of faith in humanity anymore. "For those of you who were with me from the start, we learned early on what large groups are capable of. If I get that feeling, we'll take them by force. Your wives and children are here. Our home is here. We can't allow anyone to threaten that. Let's head out." I take my place in the truck, leaning Lucille against the console. Snapping into this leadership role was easy for me, except times like this where I feel like I'm in limbo. I could really use Vin's smart mouth as a distraction.

This place has walls taller than our truck. And… guards? I start to think that maybe we should turn around. When the front gate actually starts to open, that's when I become truly concerned. The last people who welcomed us… well… we know how that turned out.

"I'm Gregory. This is the Hilltop."

I panic when I see the organization of the group. Alder's words leave my mouth as I threaten the Hilltop into giving us supplies. Better us than them, I keep telling myself.

My men take my lead and start threatening the other people into getting supplies.

"Weapons," I demand. The group is oddly cooperative. It's strange to feel like I'm not in control of a fucking thing. What have I fucking done?

Once we're home and all my men pile inside for dinner, I throw up near the truck. I press my back to the truck, sliding down until I'm on the gravel. "Fuck!" Oh my god, what have I done? I'm a monster. What's worse is Vin saying it to me. Repeating it over and over how I'm this monster.

I brush my teeth twice because I can't believe Alder's words came from my mouth.

We're the Saviors. You provide for us. If you don't like it, fucking leave.

I scrub my skin red in the shower, especially my hands. My knuckles are cracked from hitting one of their guards to show them who is in control now. All these images, thoughts, regrets.

I have a seat on my bed completely numb.

Vin comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my shoulders. "What is it?"

I turn my head and press my lips to hers. "I need you."

"Then have me."

Vin and I are usually pretty rough in bed, but I can't tonight.

"Like this?"

"Yes," I moan, filling her with every inch.

"Do you want to tie my hands—"

"No, just slow." I give her a deep kiss as my hands touch any skin I'm able. When I touch her breasts, I think about Alder's hands on them.

Vin moves one of my hands to her throat.

"No."

"But… I don't understand."

"I just want to make love to you. Ok? No rope. No gags. No filthy fuck slut names."

She nods nervously.

My thrusts are slow and deep inside her as I try to enjoy this for as long as I'm able. If she ever finds out what I'm doing to that community, she'll kill me.

"Negan," she moans.

No, baby. Just call me Alder.