November 10th, 1984.
14
I have a lot of medical appointments after… it. Mike is more involved in them. I think he is doing good with his job. Moving up. He seems pleased to have more work to do. I do not understand that. I'd rather sleep and color and talk and take walks than do work. Today, Papa is letting him do his first alone one. Before there has always been another Doctor in front. Right now though, it is just Mike. Me. And Mike.
I cross and uncross my legs. The edge of the examination table digs into the backs of my legs and they burn. Mike is rifling through a big pile of charts and papers.
"Alright uh." He taps his pen against his clipboard. "I gotta grab something, how about you strip down?"
"Okay." I agree. I quickly shuck off my dress and socks. When he comes back in, I'm shivering in just my tank top and shorts. He walks toward me, tiny hammer in hand-and then freezes about a foot away.
"El." He whispers, eyes wide. "Where'd you get all these?"
I look down at myself and frown. I'd almost forgotten. I'm practically all purple with bruises. I hadn't particularly noticed them. I tried not to think about them. Sometimes Papa gets mad, and that's just that. I guess he hasn't seen before. I cross my arms, suddenly self-conscious. Guilty.
"I'm sorry."
"El." Mike crouches down and gently lifts my chin with his finger. I meet his eyes and they aren't mad. Just sad.
"El, this isn't your fault. I just… who's hurting you?"
"Papa." I hardly dare whisper it above a breath.
Mike inhales sharply and casts another glance over the mottled colors.
"Okay. Okay." He walks off from me and yanks on his hair. He's mad, I can tell.
"Mike? Are you okay?"
"Am I okay?" He says incredulously. "You're the one who looks like… like that."
"Ugly?" I whisper. It stings to have Mike think of me as anything less than- well. I shouldn't be surprised. Maybe I'm not, but I am hurt. I reach for my dress, to pull it back over my head, needing to flee. Mike puts out a hand to stop me.
"No, El. You aren't ugly. You're beautiful. But…. I hate seeing that someone hurt you. I wish you'd never be hurt ever again." There's a fierceness in his voice that strikes me low in stomach.
Something hot and intense comes over me. The air seems to crackle with electricity. Without thinking, I lean over and kiss him full on the lips. He is soft and warm and tastes like something sharp and fresh. He looks at me with… awe in his eyes. I smile shyly and lean back in- and he stops me.
"Eleven-no. No. Uh uh."
And then he runs away. His jacket gets caught on the door and he just yanks it, not minding the tear that forms. I catch his eyes and they are full of something that makes the bile rise in my throat. Fear. Mike is scared of me.
I don't know what to do now, so I just sit in silence until someone comes for me.