The small girl blinks up at Vin confused. "The stupid ass is Negan?!" She huffs the longest sigh. "Great."

"..." My attention turns to Vin. "She's five, insults people, and swears."

Vin shrugs. "What do you expect? She's yours."

At least Vin taught her to swear right. I guess she didn't take that pill after all.

"Mother, may I go do my chores now?"

"Yes, be back soon. We need to talk."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "You told her about me…"

"Select things. Redeeming qualities aren't your strong suit."

Fuck only knows that's right. Fuck me, I missed that smart fucking mouth. The fact that Vin tried to seek me out for the sake of our daughter means a lot to me, because it gives me hope that Vin and I can, at least, be civil.

I watch the child briefly as she's around the other children. She's so much fucking smarter than they are. She's witty like us. She's kind like Vin. She does what needs to be done like me. "What's her name?"

"Eleanor."

That fucking chokes me up. "After my mother."

"No, after this other shitter's mother I saw for a little bit."

I start to laugh.

"Some call her Ele for short. Or elevator."

"Why would it be between Ele or elevator?"

"When we scavenge, she likes elevators. Likes to push buttons like her father—"

I see Vin's lips moving, but I can't make out anything other than muffled sounds. Maybe it is just a culmination of everything, but I hit the pavement. Like my body can't take anymore.

When I come to, I have an IV in my arm. I almost died from dehydration. I would have died if not for Vin. Again. Like the sepsis thing. Like so many other times this woman has been there for me.

This bed is the most comfortable thing I've ever been in. And there's a nice cross breeze from the windows. My jacket is hanging over the armchair. My boots neatly next to the bed and I see my things from my bag are unpacked. Some of my things are on the nightstand. Others, I'm not too sure. It was kind of her to give me a room because she sure fucking didn't have to. I just hope whomever I'm rooming with will be as kind to me as Vin has been.

The front door swings open. "Put your tickets in your box, then come do your lesson," Vin says.

Oh god. I'm in Vin's room. I watch Eleanor take a panel from the wall, then she stashes her tickets in a worn shoebox. I actually had that exact same one at my house that my black harness boots came in. What are the odds? She reaches back in her box and pulls out a snow globe. Not just any globe. The one I gave Vin. "Vegan," she whispers. "Of course. Negan and Vin..."

Like I said, smart kid. My eyes close when Eleanor looks over her shoulder at me.

"Ugh," she gags, hurrying away from me. "Mother, the stench from his body is making my glasses fog up."

"It's not right to talk about people behind their back."

"Well, can we flip him over then so I can talk about him?"

"Come do your lesson."

"He smells like the undead in the summertime. Is his body rotting? You'll have to change the linens."

"Eleanor!"

"Christ, I'm awake," I groan, sitting up from the bed. I'm still a little dizzy.

"Drink," Vin says, handing me a glass.

I gulp down the entire thing in one tilt, which upsets my stomach even more. My finger points at a fan in the window before I hand Vin the glass. "You have electricity? Running water?"

"It's limited from the solar panels. The fans are something I allow everyone to use freely though. Running water, no. We have water for drinking, then water for bathing." She carefully takes the IV from my arm and sticks gauze and a bandaid in its place. I watch her dig in the dresser for my spare change of clothes. "Come with me. Eleanor, your lesson." Once I can stand, Vin takes me to a room at the end of the motel.

"I finally figured it out. A motherfucker."

I nod at Tex's words. "Yes. That's exactly what I was before the outbreak."

"Well, some things don't change."

I appreciate that Tex would even still joke with me despite her leaving that day with Vin. "I'm not that same man anymore."

"You look the same. Like shit, and smell like it too."

"Tex, keep everyone out," Vin instructs, opening the door.

"Yeah, Miss. I'll keep the others from drowning him." Tex winks at me.

Vin's adopted the same concept I did back when we first started and Tex watches over the restroom, only I did it more for the safety of our women. Never thought I'd be the one being protected. Hmm, well, this place is sorta a restroom. Looks like maybe it was a storage room for linens. There are also hookups for washers and dryers, but they've built three modified showers.

"It's simple," Vin starts, showing me how to hook everything up.

"What about a toilet?"

"Everyone has a five-gallon bucket with a toilet seat on top of it in their room, but there is one in here if you need. Out this door leads to another door built into our walls. Down the path, you'll find a large area where we've dug a spot to bury our waste. Let Tex know when you use the door so she can keep guard. I'll leave you to shower. You'll stay with me for the time being. I'm sure word had spread about your arrival and it's going to upset a lot of people. You need to address everyone tonight at supper. I'd start thinking of what you're going to say now."

"I lov—"

"Please," she begs.

I hang my head submissively and nod. "Ok."

"Shower. Then return to the room."

The entire time I do, I fear for my well-being. I'm not sure who all is here, but I've ruined a lot of people's lives. And I never meant to. I just wanted to lead. To be a good leader. Suppose I shouldn't waste too much time in thought since I only have a few minutes of water.

I haven't showered in almost a year. It feels… fuck. There are no words. I have so much more of an appreciation for Vin and her being homeless because it fucking sucks. Nothing is a certainty that's for damn sure.

After I'm dried and dressed, I step outside the bathroom.

"She misses you."

Tex's words make me stop and freeze. I can't afford more waterworks, but I'm not in control of them. "Would you forgive me if you were Vin?" I turn and face Tex.

"Not a fucking chance in hell. I've tried to figure out why she cries over you in the bathroom. Maybe she misses the dick."

I should laugh, but knowing that after six years Vin still cries over what I did, well, it fucking sucks. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but what the fuck do I do? "See you at supper." I catch a glimpse of Connor. He's got his arms folded as he stands in the doorway of his room. I try not to make any more eye contact with people and hurry to Vin's room.

"You can't knock, stupid ass," Eleanor snaps.

"You will show your father some respect," Vin chides.

Eleanor gets up and walks over to me. "You should still knock. We're ladies and you're not."

I sure feel like a big vagina right now…

"Eleanor, it's third day."

"Alright." Eleanor leaves us alone in the room.

"What's third day?"

"Of the week. She helps out with the aquaponics system we built."

"She's so smart."

"Yes, she is. It's just her mouth and temper that work against her."

"I'm sorry."

"It's my fault, Negan. I spend hours trying to ensure our community's survival, and it upsets her because she doesn't get all the attention she should, she needs."

"No, it is my fault. If I didn't make the mistakes I did, you wouldn't have had to do this on your own." I wait for her to tell me that I was a mistake, but it doesn't come. "You look exhausted."

"I am."

"I know I am on the thinnest skin, but let me help you. Rest. Please, Vin. You're no good to your community like this."

She has a seat on the bed.

I'm lucky enough to help her from her boots. I massage her feet until she's softly snoring. This is more than I ever thought she'd allow me. I guess I should work on that speech…

I'm not really all that hungry thinking about what's in store for me with this speech. The dining room falls silent once I enter it. Fuck, and I hit my head on the fucking top part of the door frame. Hurting myself amuses Eleanor, at least.

"Sorry, Miss. I fell asleep." Bull still looks half asleep.

"Do you need more rest?"

"No, Miss."

"Eleanor, take your tickets and get supper with Bull, then get a table," Vin instructs.

Eleanor reaches up to Bull as he swallows her little hand with his.

It hurts. A lot. Bull's purpose is what mine should be, but I fucked that up with everything else.

Vin goes to the front of the room to grab the attention of it. "I know a lot of you are angry to see Negan here. Perhaps even angry at me for deeming him worthy, but I think it's important that we remember a lot of us are here today because of Negan. Back when we were a community of twenty-four. I also think it's important that everyone express their concerns if they have them."

She deemed me worthy? Fuck. I… I can't give a speech now.

Connor shakes his head. "So now that he drove the Saviors into the ground and has no one, he's going to come crawling to us for help?"

"Negan is a monster," Carson adds.

Simon takes a step forward and snaps me a glare. "Out of anyone, you saw what Salvation Sixty Six did, yet you still attacked those other communities. You manipulated us into thinking we were in danger. You can rot in hell, Negan."

"How did he even find us," Niko starts. "Are the rest of the animals composing the Saviors on their way?"

Teddy steps out from behind Simon. A small child in her arms. "Twenty-five," she corrects Vin. "I remember that day vividly. Negan saved my life when he didn't have to, and the group became twenty-five. I'm alive because of Negan."

Simon's attitude completely shifts when he hears this new information.

Vin smiles at her friend.

I hear a voice speak up from the back. A voice that I will never forget. Rei. Rei was one of my wives, though I never touched her. When I found her, she was naked on the side of the interstate. A group had left her for dead after she had been brutally raped and tortured. I knew that she'd be safe if she was always at my side. That's why I asked her to be a wife. Rei tells her story, leaving out the part about being a wife. Just that I kept her safe. "He, also, didn't have to. Negan is a good man. I wanted to give up, but he didn't let me." Rei comes over and hugs me.

I kiss her on the temple and return the embrace. "I'm glad you're safe, honey."

"I missed you."

I smile back before she returns to her table.

Tex stands up from her chair. "I remember the day Alder threatened Vin. Put her on the ground and said he'd do unspeakable things to get at Negan. The second we got back to camp, Negan had a plan in motion. He got us out of there. Away from them. Gave us a chance. He found us a place to live, and it worked out for a good while." Still a motherfucker, she mouths at me.

That almost does me the fuck in. I can't believe this kindness right now. This goes back to what I said from the very beginning about treating your women right. The approval of Tex, Rei, and Teddy help curve the hostility from the other men and awards me a chance I am not deserving of.

"Then it's settled," Vin announces. "Negan will be accepted into Divine Intervention on a one week trial basis. Then we'll revisit this again and take a vote. Let's eat."

I'm relieved I don't have to speak because I have nothing prepared. Not for lack of trying. My only reason for wanting to be here is for Vin and her name is the only thing written on this paper.

She shows me over to the food.

It all looks delicious, but I don't have those coupon things.

"The red beans and rice are no charge, along with the cornbread. Everything else you spend your tickets on."

Of course. She would never allow anyone to go hungry. "Just rice and bread, please," I tell the server.

I'm really slow to eat because I don't have my strength yet. I'm also so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted from all this.

Vin breaks her stale moon pie in half and gives me some.

"Thank you."

"You're on repair duty tomorrow. It's the most difficult job. I'd like for you to be on it all week. Give Connor, Simon, Bull, and Niko a break, then you can start a rotation with them if you're still here."

"Alright."

"Carson is my advisor much like he was yours. He delegates work and tickets. See him when you're done with your shift to collect. After supper is when you're allowed to use your tickets for stuff in our storage room.

"I knew you'd put this world back together, Vin."

"One hundred and sixty-eight people is hardly putting it back together."

"Does that make me one sixty-nine?"

"Yes. I suppose it does," she smiles.

Eleanor has this constant scowl turned at me until Bull finally sits down. She giggles when he gives her a small cup of Jell-O. "Thank you."

She has manners? Shocking to me. I watch this man with Eleanor. He's kind. Patient. Loyal. Protective. Traits that are also shown towards Vin. I notice a ring on his finger. My eyes quickly shift to Vin's.

Unoccupied.

Oh, thank fuck. Maybe Bull lost his family, but Vin and Eleanor give him a purpose? I just wish this other man didn't have to protect my family. I scoot a little closer to Vin.

She scoots her food to me. "Eat."

I haven't had fresh vegetables like this since I was at Sanctuary.

"Miss," Carson starts. "I'm sorry to bother you, but it's urgent." He's pretty nervous, but I think it's because I'm here. That and he just threw me under a fucking bus. "It's about room 19. Their electricity usage exceeds what's allowed."

"Give me last weeks purchases."

"I thought that too, but no additional usage was purchased."

"Very well. Connor?"

Connor rises from his table and walks to her side. "Yes, Miss?"

"Tell room 19 they are cut off until seventh day. Monitor the usage, then question them. If they're not honest, they will be exiled."

"Gladly," he smirks.

I watch Connor go deliver the news. "What does he do?"

"If the rules aren't followed, he will enforce them once more. If they are broken again, I will step in and exile the member or members."

"Miss, could we talk privately," Bull interrupts.

"Yes. Eleanor, stay with your father."

"His name is stupid ass!"

"Watch your mouth!"

She bows her head and folds her little arms. "Stupid ass," she mumbles.

I watch jealously as those two talk and feel worse about it every passing minute. "Would you rather have Bull as your father?" Yeah, alright, so maybe I'm prying a little bit about their relationship.

"I'd rather no one was my father. Mother and I are fine on our own!"

"I know you don't want me here, but your mother does. If you make her pick one for the other, that isn't fair to her."

"What do you know about fair?"

"My father died the summer I turned sixteen. I spent a lot of time angry over his death, like I was robbed. After some time passed, my mom would date other men. I hated it. I didn't like the idea of some man coming along and taking time from us. They weren't good enough for my mom, and they weren't half the man my father was." Even though he was a drunk, he was still there for me which is more than I can say for my own parenting skills.

It grabs her attention, like I'm reading her thoughts. "What happened to your mother?"

I let out a heavy sigh. "She died of lung cancer, and I didn't help being the jackass that I was stressing her out."

"What's cancer?"

"It's a terrible thing. A disease that destroys your body over time."

"Do you think about her?"

"All the time."

Eleanor frowns back at me. "I'm sorry she died, stupid ass."

"Yeah… me too."

"Eleanor, it's time for your shower," Vin says.

I know it's foolish, but I'm a little hopeful that the conversation we just had will lead to more. Never did I think being called a stupid ass would be endearing. I return to the room because I'm still not comfortable here. That and I doubt anyone wants to see me other than Rei.

Vin's couch is too small so I take the cushions and lay them on the floor, then use that as a bed. I know I need my rest if I'm going to be expected to work. When the girls get back, I pretend to be asleep.

"Did you change the linens from when he laid in the bed, mother?"

"No. I'll take that side. Sit down and let me brush your hair."

I want my place to be in that bed with them.

Neither Eleanor or Vin tell each other they love each other once it's time for bed. I know that it stems from Vin being on her own all her life. Before I came along, I'm sure she'd never heard those words before which, after all the things I did to her, why would she ever consider love to be a good thing?

"Stop pretending to be asleep," Vin whispers, laying beside me.

"Nothing really gets past you."

"A lot of things do."

I frown knowing that's directed towards me.

"You snore when you're on your back. That's how I knew."

I roll over to face her. Maybe it's silly, but her remembering little things about me makes me feel important. "Thank you for everything today, Vin."

"I had your clothes washed that you arrived in. That's not a free service, for future note. It's a way some of the older or younger women can work who can't do or don't want to do a lot of manual labor outside of our community. I suppose where you filled that position by collecting wives."

"Christ, Vin. Yeah, I did have wives. I know I could have given them bullshit tasks for points, but after I lost you well, fuck it, I thought." I knew it was foolish to be optimistic about us, but I also know she reserves the right to be mad as hell.

"That's the biggest pile of fuckshit I've ever heard. You don't see me with a harem."

"Yeah, yeah. We all know I'm a fuck up. Besides, I'm sure Bull would fuck you any which way you asked, Miss. You just replaced me with a submissive version!" I'm not even mad or jealous of Bull. I'm just saying shit to hurt her. Like I haven't done enough to this poor woman yet I'm purposely accusing her falsely to make myself feel better. "I'm a pathetic shell of a man, Vin."

"And an asshole." She sniffs up her nose.

"Please don't cry, I'm not worth your tears. I took the wives for a lot of reasons, but it was never in hopes to replace you. They protected me so I'd never get close to someone again."

"Did you ever sleep with Rei? She was a wife, wasn't she?"

"I never touched Rei. Christ, she wasn't even eighteen when I found her. Being my wife meant you were untouchable. And you didn't have to work for points. After what that poor girl had been through, Sanctuary can look pretty fucking scary. I just wanted to shelter her. To give her another chance after all that was taken from her. Did she tell you?"

"No. I guessed. When I interviewed her three years ago, she told her story, never names, but how this man gave her another chance at normalcy."

"So you didn't bring up the wives thing to take a jab at me?"

"No. I wanted your reasoning behind it and you took it as a jab."

"God. I am a fuckshit."

"You should get some sleep. You have a long day tomorrow."

"Can't we talk more?" I take her hand. It's cold. It's not even cold in this room. "Why didn't you tell Eleanor you loved her before she fell asleep? Did I ruin you that bad?"

"She doesn't like saying it at night. She says it sounds permanent, like we won't wake up and see each other again. She also doesn't like affection. She says that only weak people need that validation."

"You went to my house. Didn't you?"

"Yes. After not being able to get in contact of you at Sanctuary, I needed another way for you to be apart of Eleanor's life. I wanted pictures of you, but you didn't have any. Not even wedding photos. How did you know?"

"Well," I shift uncomfortably. "I started writing my thoughts down once Lucille began her affair with Dwight. Kept it in a journal. But like a manly one, ok?" I clear my throat. "The affection thing was one of the things I put in there."

"She reads from it often. Keeps it in her box. The snow globe is in there, too."

"I know, and she figured out Vegan." I kiss her cold fingers. "I love you, and maybe you don't want to hear that, but I never stopped. And if there's something I've learned it's that nothing is certain, and we might not get that chance to say it in the morning." She doesn't respond, but at least I said what I needed. "Goodnight."

Vin starts to get up, but then I feel her move against me. Her hand clings to the front of my shirt.

My arms swallow her. "I'm so fucking sorry." My lips settle on the top of her head. "I am such a fool. I missed out on everything."

"You did."

"What was her first word?"

"Ass," Vin laughs, sniffing up her nose.

I start to laugh, too. "How did you find out she needed glasses?"

"Little things. Being too close to her paper or book. She does this thing where she reaches up like she's grabbing at you so you get closer to her."

"That's what she did to me to get a better look at my chin. Maybe she needs a stronger prescription?"

"Possibly, yes. I'm always fearful for her sight."

I know that feeling. "Whatever I can do to help, Vin."

Vin and I talk a few more hours. I know I'm going to regret it come morning, but who honestly gets a third fucking chance? I don't really know where Vin and I stand, but I guess we'll take it day by day. I just know that if I ever fuck up again, there is no coming back and I have too much to lose.