I'm getting better at this hair combing shit. Only had to redo it three times today until her ponytail wasn't crooked.
"Decent," Eleanor smiles in the mirror at me.
I'll fucking take it. "Let's start our day." I've realized from my time with the Saviors, that safety in numbers is nothing more than insecurity. I kick out several people. By several, I cut our numbers in half, and a lot of the members are on thin skin. Some of the people don't agree, but I don't give a fuck. Clearly.
Lieutenants will be given special room incentives. That incentive? A bigger space. It's also my attempt to salvage the mess I've made with Simon, Teddy, Carson, Tex, and Connor. Except for Niko. Fuck Niko. Oh, and Bull will be getting one, too.
The person who lives above Vin's motel is sent to live in another room. "We're going to make this a two story. Something nice for your mom to come home to."
"Right," Eleanor agrees, putting her tool belt on backward.
"We're going to build some stairs. It's simple enough once the pieces are cut right. Measure twice, cut once. And for fuck's sake, don't use the goddamn saw unless I'm with you. This shit is fucking serious."
"Fucking serious. Got it."
It takes twice as long having her help me, but at least we're not fighting.
"Are you going to marry mother?"
I shake my head no. "I'm already married."
"Where's your wife?"
"She died of cancer before the outbreak."
"Then you're not married anymore."
Well, I guess she's right about that. Actually, I never thought about it. I guess, because, why on fucking earth would Vin want to marry me? "Don't you think your mom could do better?"
"Who? Bearded shit prick Niko? Skidmark Connor? Shitstache Simon?" She's been on this tangent lately about insulting people with shit names.
I don't question what she says anymore. I'm just lucky not to be called stupid ass. "So, you're saying I'm just the best option then?"
"There might always be someone better for you in another community. But it doesn't matter because it's what makes you happy. My mom laughs a lot with you. I used to think she was laughing at you, but I think she just likes to laugh with you."
"Hey, that's enough with the nails. You're nailing the whole goddamn thing."
"Where will I sleep?"
"Upstairs. It's safer because we're going to block off the railing so no one can get to you."
"I want a fishing pond."
"You can't put a pond in here."
She points at the heart-shaped tub. "What's that then?"
"That's something men use as a seduction tool."
"I don't know what that means."
"And you won't. Not as long as you're my daughter. No dating until thirty."
"Mother isn't even thirty."
It makes me think how sad it is knowing Vin has to go through menopause at such a young age.
"Great fuck," Eleanor says when she hurts her thumb with the hammer.
As I watch Eleanor, it also makes me sad because I want more children with Vin. I just need to realize how lucky I am though. Vin is alive, and I'm not hated by my daughter.
"What are you thinking about? You're not going to cry, are you? Because I can leave."
"Yeah, go play a bit. Make your birthday list."
"I'm not having my birthday until mother is home."
My eyes follow her from the room as I sigh heavily. I know I said I'd be back in a week, but I can't wait any longer to see Vin. I tell Rei and Teddy to look after Eleanor, then travel to Alexandria.
I'm greeted, or rather, threatened by Dwight. And he's not the only one as Rick's men start to gather around Dwight to block me from getting farther inside the open gates.
My hand balls into a fist as I start to tremble from how fucking angry I am. If I do something stupid, it could have negative repercussions on Vin, but I meant what I said. No one is keeping me from her.
"Let him through, or you'll answer to us," the most unlikely of voices threatens.
I look back over my shoulder to see Connor. He's the one who spoke, and he's not alone.
Bull, Carson, Simon, and Tex also stand with him.
What… what are they doing here? I don't know if they feel sorry for me or what it is, but I do know it's been a long fucking time since I've had people to back me up.
"Let them pass," Dwight murmurs as he chokes back his pride, and all of Rick's men return to what they were doing.
I'm still in disbelief knowing they followed me. "What are you guys doing here?"
"What's done is done," Simon starts, "and all that shit is in the past. It's pretty clear that you need people behind you, not against you more than ever."
I look at Tex to wait for motherfucker to leave her lips but it doesn't.
"We got you, Negan," Connor tells me, but part of me thinks he just came to rough someone up. That one has a screw loose or something at times.
Simon nods my way. "It's not that we didn't before, you just didn't go about things the right way. Still, it doesn't do us any good holding a grudge. None of our hands are clean anymore."
I know I came here for Vin, but this is pretty fucking incredible. To have people back me up when I need it the fucking most. To know I leave here with more than Bull at my side. "Thank you."
"Well?" Bull shoos me with his hand. "Get going."
Right, fuck.
Vin's room is vacant, so I let myself in. When I see all the machines and medical chaos, my tears give. "Vin?" She must be asleep, and I feel guilty for calling her name.
"Get out," Harlan says under his breath. "You cannot be in this room. She has an infection right now."
Infection? I'm yelled at again once I crack her door open to peek inside. "Well, what if I wear all that doctor shit?"
Carson folds his arms at his brother.
"Alright..." Harlan brings me back a bunch of sterile shit. Sterile shit that's made for a normal sized fuck.
The others help me in them, but I feel like any movement and the shit is going to rip. I do this weird waddle into her room. It's hard to breathe with this mask on and with how heavy I'm breathing because I hate seeing this woman like this and it's working me up. Now I kind of understand why Harlan didn't want me coming in here. If something does happen to her, this is how I'm going to remember her. "I love you." I give her a kiss on the head through the mask, then waddle back out, my paper shirt ripping when I close the door.
Ironically, I feel like this is a metaphor. Like my strength is wearing every time I try and take a step forward. I tear off what hasn't ripped and chunk it in the trash can outside before hurrying out of the house Rick has set up for the infirmary.
I lean over and grab my knees as I try to catch my breath. That's when I see Bull's boots step next to me.
His hand rests on my shoulder. "You need to know that this isn't your fault. It's cancer, Negan."
Maybe hearing that come from someone helped a bit. I know I've said it before, but I'm very thankful to have someone like him. And, now, a group of men and women to back me up.
"Do you want us to look after things so you can stay with Vin," Simon asks.
As much as I want to, and as goddamn grateful that I am that these men have sided with me, I need to go home and be with Eleanor. Vin is strong, and she's never needed me. It's Eleanor that needs that guidance. "No. Let's go home, boys."
I find Eleanor in the room with pillows everywhere.
She sighs frustrated. "I've been trying for five minutes!"
I see she also has my patience...
"Will you make a fort like mother does?"
For the record, I suck ass at this.
"Terrible." Eleanor is pretty self-sufficient in getting ready at night, but I still follow her around. That is until she retreats in the fort.
I can't fit in the fort, so I just crawl in the front part of it. I lay my head close to hers and close my eyes. After Eleanor is asleep, the barrier breaks and I start to sob.
Only, Eleanor isn't asleep. Her fingers run in my hair to calm me down.
"I'm sorry." Pathetic. I turn on my side and move Eleanor in my arms. "I just miss her a lot tonight."
"You have me right now."
She's right. I might do everything the wrong way or backward, but we're in this together. "Yeah, I do," I smile, kissing her forehead.
"Goodnight, Negan. Thank you for my fort."
It's not father, but it's not stupid ass either. I'll take it.
A/N With the holiday next week, I will not be updating. I hope everyone has a wonderful time. See you in the New Year!