When Amanda and Francine were settled in at their favorite table at Randy's and Amanda was picking at her salad, but not really eating it, Francine began a bit awkwardly, "Sooo...how exactly did you forget about our lunch date when we've been doing this regular girls' lunch thing for six months now? Same time, same day of the week..."

"I'm really sorry. I just had other things on my mind."

"So I heard. Do you wanna' talk about it?"

"Talk about what, Francine?" Amanda replied evasively.

"The knock-down, drag-out you and Lee just had. Something about the kids and your ex?"

Amanda snorted. "How much did you hear?"

"Not all of it, but enough. When it got quiet, I assumed it was over and that it was safe to come in. I'm guessing I walked in on the making-up part?"

"Yeah...well, sort of." Amanda sighed. "The fight was over when you walked in, but we still haven't really resolved anything."

"If you need to talk..." The blonde offered. "I may not be an expert on marriage or family life, but I am your friend and I can at least listen."

"I appreciate that, Francine. The real trouble is that I don't think there's a good solution to our problem. He wants a baby and I-I-I just...don't. I told him I needed time to think about it, but really, I don't believe that all the time in the world is enough for me to change my mind. I just don't have the heart to tell him that because he wants it so much."

"Wow," was Francine's response. "I only heard the part where he accused you of comparing him to Joe and the stuff about the boys. Not that I was trying to eavesdrop or anything. I just happened to arrive when you two were shouting at each other."

Amanda shook her head. "You know, when I first got involved with Lee - I mean, really involved - my biggest fear was that with his wild past, he'd eventually get tired of family life...or bored...or something and then we'd have a problem. Never in a million years did I guess that just the opposite would be the real issue. It just never even occurred to me that we'd come to an impossible situation with no solution over him wanting more family."

"Maybe it's not as impossible as you're making it sound," Francine suggested hopefully. "You're the champion of compromising, aren't you?"

"But what kind of compromise can we really work out when he wants a baby and I don't? I feel like I'm being horribly unfair to him because he's such a good man and he is so good with Phillip and Jamie, but as he put it, he came along too late in their lives to get a real taste of fatherhood. He's such a loving, giving man that I can't help agreeing with him when he says that he deserves the opportunity to experience it from the beginning, but I-." She let out a deep sigh. "Things have been so good between us and now...now, this baby debate has ruined everything. When I told him 'no,' I-" She paused as she tried to find the right words. "You should have the look on his face; he looked so deflated, like a kicked puppy or something. I hate that I hurt him like that, but what else could I do? I had to be honest, didn't I?"

"But were you really?" Amanda shot her friend a curious look. "What I mean is, I've been listening to you talk about this and it sounds to me like you're not totally set on that 'no,' like maybe part of you does want another kid."

Amanda let out a dry chuckle. "I admit that when he mentioned the idea of trying for a little girl, I was tempted because I always have wanted a daughter, but then I thought about everything that goes along with it. I mean, aside from going through another pregnancy and the stuff that entails, the morning sickness and the backaches and swelling up like a balloon and hours of mind-numbing pain of giving birth...there's also the stuff that comes after; the actual care of the baby and that falls on the mother...the middle-of-the-night feedings, walking the floor when they can't sleep or they're colicky and leaky breasts and pumping and then there's the question of what happens to my career while I'm at home with a new baby. I've come so far at the Agency and I'm finally through my training and I don't want to give that up when I've worked so hard to-" When she saw Francine raise an eyebrow, she questioned, "You think I'm being selfish, don't you?"

"No, not at all. If anyone understands what you're feeling, it's me. Why do you think my reconciliation with Jonathan didn't last long? We had just begun to attempt to put things back together when he started yammering on and on about getting married and having babies and putting my career on hold. Then he had the nerve to call me selfish when I said I wasn't ready." She broke off when she realized she was getting angry all over again. "Sorry. This isn't about me."

"No, it helps," Amanda replied gratefully. "I just wish I knew how we could get past this. He wants this so badly and I don't." She thought of Francine's comment that maybe she wasn't totally set on her 'no' and amended, "Well, at least right now, I don't. I mean, we haven't been married all that long, we just got settled into a new household routine since Lee moved in and things are going so well with my career now that I'm finally done with my training classes and have been cleared for active field duty. Maybe in the future. but…"

"Hmm…If you were ever going to do it, now would be the time. The older you get, the harder it is. You're what, thirty-five already?"

"Thirty-seven," Amanda corrected and then let out a sigh. "I see your point, but do you see mine? I mean, I thought my baby-making days were long over and he just totally blindsided me with this."

"But did he really? Was it really all that much of a surprise?"

"Yes," Amand insisted.

"Oh, come on, Amanda," the other woman scoffed. "Even you can't be that naive."

"Oh, thank you so very much, Francine," Amanda retorted sarcastically.

"What I mean is that it's been obvious for awhile, even before you were a couple. Billy told me Lee once said you've got motherhood carved on your bones."

"Really? When did he say that?" She raised a curious eyebrow.

"When you were looking after Alexi Kalnikov. Why do you think you're the one he called when he was having trouble with the kid?"

"Because he knew I was a mom," Amanda replied simply. "That's all there was to it."

Francine shook her head. "No, Amanda, it's because he knew you were a good mom. I think you and I both know that despite his protests to the contrary, Lee has always had that desire to settle down and have a family of his own because he had practically no one growing up."

"So, I was right," Amanda said sadly. "He did marry me just because he wanted kids."

"No, Amanda, I'm not saying that at all and you shouldn't be thinking like that," she reprimanded her friend. "Lee loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that, but I do think that part of what he fell in love with your nurturing nature. I don't really think that's because of you being a mom, but something that's just you as a person. Look at how you try to take care of everyone around you and I don't just mean your family. I remember how you looked after Billy when he had that whole weekend he forgot or after my embarrassing little outburst when we were locked in that freezer together. You tried to reach out to me in spite of me being a witch to you. Oh, and there was Rupert when he was all doped up. You took care of him too. Plus, there's all your volunteer work. And then there's Lee; I can't even count all the times you've taken care of him when he refused to take care of himself. Maybe he wants a baby not just for himself, but because you seem to thrive on being a caregiver."

"Huh. Maybe, but what he doesn't seem to understand is that because I do so much for other people, I'm really enjoying being able to do something for myself for a change with the job stuff. When the boys were little, I didn't really do much of that and it feels great. But now that this baby thing has come up and knowing how much it hurts him that I didn't just agree to it right away, now I can't help wondering if I'm being selfish."

"You're not," Francine assured her. "You have every right to be proud of your professional accomplishments, especially when you consider that you had a major setback when you were shot."

"And having a baby would set me back again," Amanda lamented morosely.

"It doesn't have to. There are a lot of women who have babies and careers. It's not a one or the other prospect. After all, you were a single mom to the boys when you first started at the Agency and now you have Lee, plus your mom to help."

"Now you're sounding like Lee."

"Only because you don't sound quite so sure that it's not what you want," she reminded her friend.

"How can you be so sure when you said yourself that it's not what you wanted?"

"I didn't say it wasn't what I wanted. I said I wasn't ready and there's a big difference; a difference I couldn't get Jonathan to see. I asked him for some time to think about it, much like you did with Lee. The bigger problem was that he wasn't willing to give me that. He demanded an answer right away and pretty much gave me an ultimatum; give him what he wanted or we were through. I knew in that instant that even if I decided I wanted a family, it wasn't going to be with a man who couldn't respect my wishes. You're lucky. You have a man who cares enough about you to give you some time and some space to think."

"I guess you're right. I do. Lee's a good man; the best really and I just know he'd be an amazing dad, so I guess you were right about something else too. It's not really that I don't want more kids; it's more about everything else that goes along with it. I even brought up the idea of adopting a child and he said he'd think about that as an option."

"See? There's the compromise you said didn't exist."

"Maybe, but is it really a true compromise when he wants a child of his own that he can be a father to from the beginning? It still feels like he loses out on what he really wants."

"Maybe, maybe not. I guess that depends on his perspective, but if you have a baby when you don't want to just to make him happy or avoid hurting him, aren't you the one losing?"

"Which brings us right back to the big problem. He wants something I'm not sure I can give him."

"I wish I had the right kind of advice to give you, but I just don't. Only you can really make a decision like that."

"I know, but it helps that you were willing to listen so I can get my thoughts out there to an objective party. That means a lot to me, especially since you've been Lee's friend a lot longer than mine."

"Well, I also know how stubborn he can be when he gets his mind set on something, so if he starts putting too much pressure on you, just say the word and I'll kick his ass for you."

Amanda laughed. "Thanks, but if he needs his ass kicked, I think I'm skilled enough in hand-to-hand now to do it myself."