While Amanda was at lunch, Lee decided to take advantage of her absence. He walked into Billy's office with an armload of files.

"Hey, I just wanted to turn these in. This is all the stuff Amanda and I finished last night," he told his long-time friend.

"And?" Billy probed.

"And what? I'm just turning stuff in like I'm supposed to," Lee replied aloofly.

"Come on, Lee, I know you better than that. You never come down her just to turn in paperwork. You have Amanda do it or hand it off to Francine to bring down here."

"I don't know what you-"

"Besides," Billy continued as if Lee hadn't spoken. "I know that look on your face. You need to talk about something, but you're not sure how to bring it up." He gestured to the chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat and then you can tell me what's on your mind."

Lee nodded and sat down. He should have known Billy would see right through him. "Listen, it's...um...it's about Amanda."

Billy chuckled. "I pretty much already figured that out when you waited until her weekly lunch date with Francine to come see me."

"Okay, okay, so I'm transparent." He sighed as he tried to think of how to begin. "Um...well, I've been thinking. I know you told me once that you had a lot of stuff to rearrange and plan for when you decided you wanted to marry Jeanie."

"Right," Billy agreed. "Just like you did with Amanda, but I'd say you had a lot more on your plate since than I did since she already had children. Is that what the problem is? Are you having trouble getting adjusted to being a stepfather to Phillip and Jamie?"

"No, not at all. Well, I did at first, mostly with Jamie, but things are a lot better there now. But it is about family life and you're a family man, so I thought..." He paused as he tried to regroup. "I guess what I want to know is when you were doing all that planning before you got married, did you and Jeanie talk about having kids ahead of time or was it something that just happened? I mean, did you want kids and plan to have them and-"

Billy held up his hand to stop Lee's rambling. "Is that what this is about? You're trying to figure out how to bring up the subject of having kids with Amanda and you're not sure how to do it?"

"I wish that were all there was to it," he scoffed. "I already brought it up and she wasn't exactly thrilled by the idea and I don't know, maybe I did it wrong or maybe it's too soon since we haven't even been married a year yet, but it's been on my mind ever since we finally moved in together and started living something of a normal life. Do you think it's too soon? Is that why she's hesitating?"

"Well, it's hard to say without knowing all the facts. What did she say when you asked her about it?"

"She said she needed time to think about it," Lee informed him.

"Somehow, I get the sense that that's not all she said or it wouldn't be worrying you the way it is," Billy replied with a pointed look.

"Okay, no. That's not all she said." He laid out the whole thing from beginning to end, including how her past with Joe had been brought up and the fight they'd had in the office about it.

"Hmmm..."

"What?"

"Well, it seems that she made some valid points and that she thoroughly explained to you why she needs time to think about it."

"So, you're on her side," Lee pouted.

"I'm not on anyone's side here, Lee, but you said you didn't understand why she's hesitating, but from what you just told me, she gave you several reasons for wanting to think things through before making a decision, the most important being that she's scared."

"But what does she have to be scared about? I don't get it. She said she thinks I'm doing great with the boys and when Joe got brought up, she said it's not because she thinks I'd be the same way he was with our kids. I pointed out to her that if she wanted to go back to work afterwards, I wouldn't have an issue with it. In fact, I even told her that I'd miss her too much as my partner."

"Let's start there then, the work angle. First of all, I can see why she wouldn't want to give up the job with as hard as she's worked to get where she is. Second, you just said you'd miss her as your partner and I can't help but agree with you there when I saw how nuts it made you when she was on restricted duty after her shooting. There were a few times I thought you and Francine were going to come to blows over it."

"Well, come on, Billy, it's Francine," Lee joked.

"And it would be like that again if Amanda got pregnant. You know very well that I can't allow a pregnant agent in the field. So, that means during that time, you'd be working with Francine again or worse, you'd have to break in a new partner and I know how much that idea thrills you."

Lee made a sour face, but still countered, "But that would only be temporary." Though he argued, he had to at least admit to himself that he hadn't really thought about that part of it.

"Maybe it would be and maybe it wouldn't, but even if it is, it would still be a pretty long temporary situation. You're talking nine months of pregnancy, plus a minimum of six weeks' time for her to heal from giving birth and that's assuming there are no complications with labor and delivery since she's older now than she was when she had Phillip and Jamie."

"Yeah, she brought that up too; that she's older now," Lee commented morosely.

"Even if things go perfectly, that's still assuming that she'd want to come back to work right away with a brand-new baby at home, particularly if she's breastfeeding. Balancing that with a career is hard enough for a normal working mom, but when you throw in the hazards of this job, she may decide it's not worth it, especially since you are partners. Whatever danger you get into, she's always right there beside you and she might not want to risk leaving your child orphaned."

"But that doesn't seem to bother her when it comes to the boys," Lee argued.

"Because she knows that if worse came to worst, they have Joe and she's got that security of knowing he's there even more now that he's back in the country full-time and has remarried. She wasn't wrong in what she said about agents with families at home. The majority of them are men and unlike you, their wives don't come to work with them. While women have come a long way in the work place, there are still some types of jobs that many women feel are too dangerous to do while having very young children at home."

"I think you're exaggerating a bit. My mother was doing it in the 50s and women have come a lot farther than that since then," he argued bitterly.

"And look how you grew up as a result," Billy reminded him. When he saw that old melancholy, haunted look appear on Lee's face, he knew he'd hit his target. "Would you really want that for your own children?"

"No, the last thing I'd want is for my kids to grow up the way I did," he admitted. "Gee, you really know how to hurt a guy."

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Lee, just trying to get my point across. Amanda may not have said it directly, but I know deep down she had to be thinking about what happened to you as a child and worrying the same thing could happen to your family. Isn't that fear the same reason you hid your marriage to begin with after what happened with Khai and his family?"

"Yeah, and Amanda did remind me of that," he confessed.

"Look, I know you were hoping for some great words of wisdom from an old married man, but I can only help you so much because my situation is completely different from yours and Amanda's. Jeanie has always been a stay-at-home housewife where Amanda hasn't and we had our children together. Neither of us already had kids. Which brings me to another point she brought up; her boys. She can't very well make a big decision like this without thinking of them."

"I know that."

"But do you really understand where she's coming from? Those boys have had to deal with so many changes in their lives recently, both of their parents remarrying, one of them in secret. Then the truth came out about you two and they had to deal with feeling betrayed by both of you on top of you moving in with them. You also said Amanda brought up the big age gap there would be between them and a new baby and she's not wrong. Jamie's what...eleven?"

"He just turned twelve right after Thanksgiving," Lee corrected him.

"Okay, so just that's a minimum of a twelve-year age difference and that's with the younger of the two boys. With Phillip, it would be worse. That's an awfully big gap to overcome to create any kind of sibling bonding, especially when a new baby is going to take up most of your time. You don't want to go back to how it was before when Jamie was resentful of all the time you spent with Amanda, do you?"

"Okay, no, but like I said, we worked though that so maybe it won't even be an issue."

"Maybe not."

"Why the hell are you so determined to talk me out of this?"

"I'm not, Lee, I'm really not. Ultimately, that decision is between you and Amanda, but you came to me for advice and I'm just trying to help you to see things from her point of view so you can understand why she didn't give you the answer you want to hear right away. The best advice I can give you is to give her the time she asked for to think about it. You said she wanted to see how this trip went first?"

"Yeah. I guess sort of as a test run or something."

"That's not too far away. Why not give her at least until the first of the year or maybe even as long as your first wedding anniversary in February. By then, you will at least have been married for a year and it may not seem quite so sudden to her."

"But that's two months away," Lee protested.

"And how many years did it take you to finally admit how you felt about her?"

"Touché. I guess after all that, two months isn't really that long to wait."

"In the meantime, I'd suggest not even bringing up the subject. We both know just how stubborn she can be. If she feels like you're pushing too much, she's likely to dig her heels in even more."

He couldn't help laughing. "You're not wrong there. I guess I was overreacting a little. It just really surprised me that she didn't get where I was going with all the stuff I was trying to do before we got married."

Billy shook his head. "Now, that surprises me. Didn't you learn anything from all the time that you two were dancing around each other? Amanda responds better to a direct approach. Why do you think she drove you nuts with all those men she dated while you were still making up your mind about her?"

"Are you saying she dated all those guys just to get to me?" he questioned. He couldn't believe Amanda would be that manipulative.

"No, what I'm saying is they made their interest in her known and you didn't. This baby thing isn't much different. Just from what you've told me, it sounds to me like you never once told her directly that you wanted kids until now, but expected her to somehow know it. That makes me wonder if you know her as well as you think you do."

"Well, I could say the same thing about her knowing me. She admitted that she missed all the hints I was giving her, but she's known me just as long as I've known her. Shouldn't she know by now that when it comes to personal stuff, I have a hard time being that direct?"

"Maybe, but you can't expect her to read your mind, Lee. Amanda may be intuitive, but she's not clairvoyant."

"God, I've been an idiot," Lee chided himself.

"I wouldn't go that far. I just believe that you were so wrapped up in what you wanted that it never occurred to you that she might not want the same thing. I've been sitting here trying to explain all of Amanda's arguments to you point by point and it seems like you understand it coming from me, so why didn't you listen to her when she said all these things? You remember a few months ago when I told you partnership is a lot like a marriage?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, I meant that and it's more important for you to pay attention to that now than it ever was. You listen to Amanda when it comes to the job and follow her instincts without question. I think you need to start doing that on the home front too. If you and Amanda do decide to expand your family, you're going to find fatherhood that much more challenging if you don't"

"I really am just like her ex. No wonder she was so hostile about it. She felt like I was trying to pressure her into doing something she didn't really want to do just like he did."

"No, I wouldn't say that either. There's a big difference between you and Joe. He waited until it was too late to realize the mistakes he made with her. You're smarter than that."

"I sure hope so," Lee muttered worriedly. He had to wonder if that was really a big part of Amanda's issue. She'd made a comment about him putting too much pressure on her. Maybe the whole thing had just been a bad reminder for her of how much she'd felt pressured by her ex-husband to give up what she wanted in favor of what he wanted. He resolved to do better in the future. He smiled at his boss. "Thanks, Billy, for everything."

"Glad I could help." He smiled back. He hoped like hell the pair were able to work things out, no matter what decision was finally made. As long as it had taken them to finally come together, he'd hate to see it torn apart over something they just couldn't agree on. "Let me know how it turns out."

Lee rose from his seat and nodded. "I will."