Shippoman: Sorry about the long wait. I've had a very long two months and major writers block because of it. Don't worry, the rest of the chapters should come more often. I hopefully will be returning to a once a week or every two weeks. Anyway, on with the chapter.

Chapter 11:

Lisa paused in her trek on top of a roof. She had to take a moment to sense the energies around her in order to make sure she was heading in the right direction. When she was satisfied, she continued on until she came upon a small apartment complex. Here she looked through each of the windows until she found what she was looking for.

Sitting in the middle of the floor of a one room apartment was a young woman with long dark red hair. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was steady so Lisa was sure she was busy meditating, especially since a zankaptou was sitting on the woman's lap. The Vaizard watched the woman for a long time, taking in all there was and smiling to herself.

"You haven't changed a bit," she murmured to herself. "Well, your hair's a bit longer, but that's it."

Then all at once, she watched the girl lurch forward, her hands moving to cover her face. After a few moments, she pulled her hands away revealing a twin set of tears, streaming down her cheeks. She was panting heavily and she held one hand to her forehead, rubbing it lightly.

"Oh, Yukiko," Lisa murmured softly. "What did you see?"

To her surprise, the doorbell sounded, interrupting her silent contemplation of the woman and she zipped around to see who came to pay the girl a visit. When she reached the other side, she spotted the long purple hair of Youruichi.

"Yukiko, are you awake?" she called out.

Moments later, the door slowly slid open and the ex-soul reaper in question answered. "Y-Youruichi, what brings you here?" she asked wiping the remaining tears off her cheeks. Her hands were shaking slightly and she looked like she was going to be sick.

"I came to check on you," she answered easily. "I heard you had a run in with Kensei. How are you holding up?"

Yukiko seemed to freeze for a moment before collapsing to the floor. Youruichi knelt down to be close to her as well. "I hurt him," the younger woman seemed to whimper. "I was so happy to see him...and so scared. I couldn't do anything...I nearly shattered all over again." As the last word left her lips, it was accompanied by soft sobs that robbed her ability to speak any more.

Youruichi held the younger woman's shaking shoulders, rubbing her back to try and soothe her pain. They waited in silence until she was able to stop her sobs and sit up again.

"I feel like nothing I'm doing is working," she confided. "Coming here was supposed to help, but I feel like I'm getting worse. What am I supposed to do?"

"Yukiko, the fact you feel you can say all this to me is proof you're progressing, at least a small amount," Youruichi told her reassuringly. "Just because you're unable to deal with them yet doesn't mean you're regressing. So don't lose hope. Just keep fighting and you'll succeed. You're stronger than this after all."

At this point Lisa felt she'd seen enough. She felt she understood more of what Kensei and the others had been talking about. Yukiko had indeed been torn apart, but the Vaizard could see the woman still had plenty of herself left over. So she took her leave and returned to the old warehouse. If nothing else, she felt confident that the girl would be visiting them very soon.

The next day went by far too fast to Yukiko. One moment she was entering the school and able to forget everything from the night before, and the next she was back. In the very room that acted as a respite from hiding her emotions from the world...and a lonely reminder of everything that was working to crush her. Especially now, as every time she was alone, her mind would return to the encounter she had with her first captain. Remembering his pained expression made it near impossible to get anywhere with her meditation. Tonight was Friday night, meaning she'd only have one more day of being able to forget for a few hours...before having more than 24 hours to herself. She didn't know what she was going to do.

After spending an entire hour trying to sort through three different sets of memories she collapsed onto her bed and growled in frustration. "Ugh, nothing's working!" she yelled in her head.

"Not yet it's not," Soyokaze agreed. "But remember what Youruichi told you?"

"Yeah, I know," Yukiko muttered, draping an arm over her eyes. "But I'm wondeirng if the only way to get my mind off K...off him would be to talk to him."

"You and I both know it's too soon for that."

"Yeah, but what else am I supposed to do?"

"Just keep trying."

"Tch, easy for you to say..." Yukiko growled. She could hear her blade chuckling at her which only made her irritation worse. "Come on, sitting around isn't getting me anywhere. Get Youruichi's memories prepared again."

"Are you sure?" Soyokaze asked worriedly. Yukiko shot the nightingale a glare before the bird zanpaktou agreed and flitted inside one of the thick doors. The red headed female took several steadying breaths as she thought about the feline soul reaper before stepping through the same door.

The moment the door closed behind her, the room became pitch black. Yukiko was used to this by now and waited, bracing herself for what was to come. Suddenly, she felt an arm wrap around her neck and head, and a person's breath fell on her ear.

"I should have done this long ago, Yukiko."

The voice of Youruichi made the younger female's skin crawl. She had the desire to say something to stall her, or stop her. But before she could say a word, she felt the pressure suddenly increase and her head jerked to one side accompanied by an audible crack as pain exploded up and down her spine before disappearing altogether.

Slowly the darkness began to slip away, the room growing lighter and lighter. Yukiko gasped and coughed as she shook on all fours. A few tears escaped her closed lids and slid down her cheeks. "Next," she forced out.

"You're not giving up already, are you, Yukiko?"

She looked up to see Youruichi standing on the top of a rock formation. They were clearly back at the old training grounds. Slowly, Yukiko forced herself to her feet and stood facing the older woman. "Never," she declared.

Youruichi smirked before shooting forward; her shoulders and back covered in her crackling reiatsu. Yukiko didn't bother moving as the older woman suddenly appeared before her and thrust her palm into her heart. Pain erupted throughout her entire body and she felt a liquid pool in her mouth and slide down her chin. Her heart seized up from the impact and wouldn't start moving again. Her body began to feel numb and she couldn't get a breath. Then once again, everything went black.

"Next."

The word came as a pained gasp as Yukiko leaned over her knees. Now the tears were coming more freely and she tried to brush them away. "It's not real," she tried to tell herself. "Youruichi would never kill me."

"Don't be too sure."

Instinctively Yukiko jumped back, barely dodging a blow that created a crater in the ground. All thoughts of it not being real vanished as she started to panic. "Shes really going to kill me. I don't want to die...not again!"

Her fear skyrocketed until she was unable to move and Youruichi smirked at her, her killer intent suffocating her. In an instant Youruichi crossed the room to stand directly in front of the younger female.

All the strength Yukiko had fled as she fell onto the older woman's shoulder. Her stomach hurt like crazy and she could feel a warm stickiness spread across her body; front and back.

"I've pushed my arm all the way through you, crushing your organs," Youruichi explain in an almost gentle voice. "You have at most five minutes."

The pain was too great for Yukiko. Her mind was shutting down and her vision was blurring. Tears streamed unendingly down her cheeks and this time she did nothing to stop them. Before she lost all her senses, she thought about Kensei and the Vaizard, fearing she would be unable to keep her promises. Distantly, she heard someone calling her name, but it didn't matter.

Then as the last dregs of consciousness began to fade, she focused on the arms of the woman who killed her. They were warm and strong...just like...

The pain began to disappear as she remembered the times Youruichi had held her. At the door to her apartment, after fighting Aizen, when she tried to leave the soul society. Each time Youruichi had been supportive and almost motherly.

"That's right..." she thought. "That's what Youruichi's really like."

That's when she realized her vision was returning, her mind was sharpening, and the pain was all but gone. She blinked a few times and took a step away from the Youruichi before her. The image flickered a bit, showing nothing before her.

"You're not real," she murmured and the flickering image vanished. "Soyokaze...next." Something was different. She had to try it again.

Moments later, she was suspended over a boiling pool of some off colored liquid. Above her, Youruichi was insulting her and saying she wanted nothing to do with her, she was weak, useless, and pathetic. Yukiko took a deep breath and focused on her memory of the current Youruichi. When she was dropped into the liquid, the searing pain she expected was more a sting, and she could breathe.

"This isn't real either." The moment she said this all of it vanished. "It worked...NEXT!"

Excruciating pain filled her being as she felt her left arm and right leg shatter. Youruichi stood over her with a sadistic grin on her face. Then she stomped down on Yukiko's foot, crushing the bones. Yukiko screamed as she tried to focus on the current Youruichi, but the pain was too much. She suffered every bone in her body being crushed under the strength of the feline woman.

"Soyokaze! Stop!" she screamed when she could take no more.

The moment the words left her lips, she was back in the room of her apartment, panting heavily, with tears rolling down each cheek and the memory of the pain drifting through her body.

"Are you alright?" Soyokaze asked worriedly. "You pushed it too far. You weren't ready to enter that one just yet."

Yukiko didn't respond right away as she was still recovering from the horrible experience. Eventually, she got a hold of herself and answered. "No, I wasn't," she agreed. "But, I think I figured something out."

"What's that?"

"I've been too focused on how they used to act," Yukiko answered getting to her feet and grabbing the phone off her bedside table. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is what they're like now. If I want to fight along side them come December, I'll have to figure out if I can trust who they are now."

"But...the only way to do that would be..."

"Exactly. I'll have to get to know them all over again." She grabbed a few things and threw them into her bag before shooting off a message on the phone. "First, I have to test this theory out. But if I'm right, then we might be able to reunite with everyone sooner than I thought."

"Yukiko, you're not really planning on..."

"Yes I am." Her phone went off and she quickly read the message before setting an alarm and collapsing back onto her bed. "We'll be testing it tomorrow. So make sure you're ready for it."

It was late when Kensei stormed into the Vaizard HQ. He was in a very bad mood despite having just come from a bar. Unfortunately the bronze liquid did nothing to rid him of the images he'd seen earlier. If anything, it enhanced them. Thanks to that, he drank too much and now he just wanted to sleep.

Apparently the other residents had other plans, as standing before him, blocking the stairs to the rooms, was Shinji. The last member of the Vaizard he wanted to cross right now, aside from Mashiro, was this man.

"What the hell do you want?" he demanded, trying to hide the fact he was drunk.

"I think I should be asking the questions," Shinji returned in irritation. "Like where the hell have you been? Visiting Yukiko?"

Kensei growled his irritation but didn't respond. Instead, he moved to bypass the blonde. Again Shinji blocked his path, but he didn't have the patience to play this stupid game. So he spun around and marched down into the training center. Unfortunately, the annoying blonde followed along.

"I'm not answering your questions," he shot at his tag along. "I'm just blowin' off steam."

"Right. And the reason being has nothing at all to do with Yukiko...right?" the blonde asked knowingly.

"Buzz off." Kensei barked.

He hoped the blonde would get the hint, but was sadly proven wrong. He tried ignoring the persistent man by grabbing his combat knife from his boot and going through a few different forms.

With his head slightly spinning, he wasn't performing quite up to snuff and Shinji was very aware of it. "If you want to blow off some steam, then try fighting me," the blonde suggested. Kensei ignored him, continuing with his more sluggish movements. "At the very least it'll give you more of a work out." No change. "We can even make it more interesting. If you win, I'll quit bugging you and leave."

Finally Kensei paused and looked over him. "And if you win?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Well, then you have to answer my questions," Shinji answered with a shrug. "But let's face it. When have I ever come out on top sparring with you?"

Kensei thought this over for a bit. It sounded pretty good to him. He'd get to beat on the annoying blonde and then said blonde would finally leave him be. He couldn't see a downside to this, especially since the blonde had pointed out that he, Kensei, had never lost in sparring.

"Fine," he growled. "But no bitchin' when I've removed your arm."

Shinji just smiled in response, revealing all his teeth.. "I think I can handle that," he chuckled lightly, unsheathing his own sword. "But can you?"

Kensei's temper flared as their two blades clashed. The silver haired man did everything he could to make sure he didn't let on just how drunk he was. This was rendered almost impossible, however, as right away the blonde was gaining the upper hand.

The entire match took about ten minutes, with the two of them exchanging blows of varying degrees, ending when Shinji was able to knock Kensei's blade out of his hands. The blonde smiled as he stood victorious over the silver haired man, holding his sword to the other man's neck.

"And that' match," Shinji said, putting his sword away. "Now, how about telling me why you couldn't manage to wait one day before starting to stalk her?" Kensei glowered at him and he shook his head. "Don't give me that. I know you've been going out to watch her ever since you stormed in here and let everyone else know. It's like you're her own personal stalker. Most people would see that as creepy you know."

"It doesn't matter," Kensei growled.

"Nah uh, we had a deal. You have to answer my questions," Shinji pointed out seriously. "No getting out of it this time."

"Screw this," the larger Vaizard muttered brushing himself off before picking up his combat knife and sliding it back in his boot. "I'm going to bed."

"You know, there's really no point in going to see her so often," the blonde continued, watching for anything from the larger man. "She'll be coming here soon enough to..."

Suddenly the knife blade flew through the air, barely missing the blonde's cheek. "That's bullshit and you know it," the silver haired man roared. "She's never going to be coming out here."

"And why do you think that?" Shinji asked, having not been fazed by the attack.

"You've seen here," Kensei declared, finally dropping to the ground in despair. He sat back and draped one arm over a raised knee while his other covered his eyes. "That bastard completely destroyed her. There's nothing left of who she was."

Shinji looked him over for a moment before sighing and going to collect the other's knife. "You know, only catching her during her meditation isn't going to give you an accurate account on that," he pointed out as he walked back toward the other man and dropped the blade in front of him. "The girl we all knew is still in there. There's not much but it's there."

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious. When she's by herself or with anyone she knew you can't see it. There's to much pain," Shinji agreed as he leaned against a nearby boulder. "But, get her in a room with those high school kids and she lights up. Relatively speaking."

Kensei glanced up at him with doubt in his eyes. He wasn't about to buy some lame story about her revealing her true self, especially not when she could only do it around new people. That was more bogus than the line about her still being her. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that she was broken, shattered. That whatever Aizen had done to her had robbed her of everything he'd loved about her. Loved and found annoying. It was difficult to separate the two sometimes.

"Look, trust me on this. I've seen her with those classmates of Ichigo's. She chuckles a little, she's able to practice with her sword and hand to hand, and I've even seen her smile. It's a sad one but still... She's always been tough, Kensei, you know that. She's always had this determination to reach a point or goal she set for herself. That's what's driving her now. Are you really saying she can't do it? She's always reached and even exceeded expectations, are you really going to deny she has the chance now to do the same?"

Kensei didn't say anything. The blonde had made several good points, as irritating as that was. It pained him to know he had in fact almost given up on her ever overcoming this hurdle. It seemed far too high, far too difficult a trial for anyone to overcome.

"Just out of curiosity, why haven't you checked in on her at the school?" the blonde asked suddenly. "I could have sworn it would have been the first place you checked."

"I didn't want to cause a scene," Kensei grunted, getting back to his feet and heading for the stairs.

"A scene? How would you...?" Shinji paused as he realized what the other was getting at. "You know, Kisuke made a special gigai for her specific situation." Kensei paused on his way up the steps, but he didn't turn around. "Turns out that with that fake body, she can' sense worth shit. You could literally be standing behind her and she'd never notice unless she caught sight of you somehow. So trust me, you'd be fine checking in on her wherever. Just don't let her see you."

A few moments of silence passed where neither Vaizard moved or said a word. Then finally, Kensei finished climbing the stairs and continued on to the bedrooms. He was dead tired and knew the pounding in his head was an indication his hangover was starting early. He needed to sleep before it came in full force. Still, the chat with the blonde had given him something. A ray of hope he was desperate to grab a hold of.

As he slammed the door to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. He could feel his mind coming to a single conclusion. He had to check out the school, just to see how she was doing; see if Shinji was just pulling his leg. Then maybe he'd be able to pull away and wait. Yeah, he'd do that...first thing in the morning.

Shippoman: Thank you all for bearing with me. As stated above I had a crap ton of things going on these past few months. Starting in the first week of June my father-in-law passed away and my husband and I had to take care of the funeral arrangements and handle most of his estate. Ugh... That covered my birthday too. Then I had a small stretch of writers block that was immediately made worse by my brand new job of working at an airport. I tried several times to write out the end of this chapter for the rest of June (including my anniversary) and all of July (including my husbnad's birthday). Anyway, that's enough ranting...hope I didn't bore you all too badly.

So Yukiko's finally got an idea of how to make her process easier and Kensei's trying to find something that shows she's still the same girl he fell for. Stay tuned for the next chapter to see just how these two desires play out. Please remember to R&R. ^_^