2. One week later.
"So Mon told me to hold Erica like that... " Chandler said, sounding cheerful as he narrated one of the first experiences of his life as a father. It had been a week since the twins were born and according to Chandler was the busiest week anybody on this planet could've ever had. What with having twins instead of a single kid and moving into the new house almost simultaneously, perhaps he was right.
For some strange reason, even Phoebe and Joey had not been able to make it to the Central Perk even once in the last week. Joey said that he was hunting for a new agent, now that Estelle had passed away. Weird, he thought. Joey had always prioritised his time for his friends and had never been so serious about his career. While Phoebe claimed that she and Mike were now trying to have kids. Should that take up ALL of her free time? Guessing Phoebe, perhaps! Ross shuddered involuntarily at that thought.
May be they were giving him some space Ross mused as his mind yet again zoned out Chandler's speech. That was very unusual of their usually 'invasive' nature ( not in a bad way though). But he was glad. He had needed it. A week had given him plenty of time to try to regain interest in the mundane things which were a part of his daily life. And to atleast try to lose interest in those that weren't. Even then, he found himself admonishing his subconscious for distracting him for what seemed like the hundredth time in the day.
"Focus! " Ross whispered to himself, almost inaudibly. It was a little too late though, as Chandler had just stopped speaking and was apparently waiting for him to speak.
"Ross?" Chandler asked puzzled by the lack of any sound at the other end.
"Huh?" was all he could say.
"I just told you that we are having a housewarming party tomorrow evening. Man, I got a better reaction from that old lady at the other end of our lane!" Chandler said laughing although his voice failed to hide the concern he felt.
Ross took a moment to respond.
"Oh. That's great!" he uttered, finally finding his voice back.
Both were silent for a moment, waiting for the other to say something.
"So?" Chandler finally asked.
"So?" Ross replied, confused.
"You'll be coming right?" Chandler asked, surprised at himself that he actually meant it as a question and was apprehensive of the answer.
"Tomorrow evening... " Ross spoke slowly, hunting for a excuse, whilst running through his schedule for the next day. To his annoyance, he found out that he left early and had way too much time to make it to Westchester. But today's conversation only proved that he wasn't exactly ready. He still needed time to pretend that he was completely alright. He had absolutely no intention of making a fool of himself like he had the last time when he had freaked out over Joey and Rachel kissing each other. Gladly, he found that he had a made-up excuse at hand.
" I'm so sorry Chandler I won't be there. I have this event in the university with a leading historian coming all the way from London. I simply cannot miss the opportunity of meeting him."
"Oh! I see." Chandler said, taken aback but choosing to believe Ross.
"Well then, what about a Knicks game next week? Joey's been badgering me for ages and luckily Mon has a single morning shift that day, so I'm off diaper duty after four!"
Next week? That would give him more time. Plus it would be just the guys. So no deep questions. And even then, once the game started they would talk about nothing else. Sure, he thought to himself.
"Yeah!" he replied, trying to be enthusiastic about it. "I'm in!"
Before he could say anything else, he heard his sister's voice calling out for Chandler. Ross let out a chuckle, feeling a bit sorry for him.
"Gotta go! Bye!" Chandler said, ending the call in a hurry.
As Ross kept the receiver back in it's place, he got a feeling that Monica would not be convinced. He knew that staying in his home tomorrow would not be an option. He had to plan something to do tomorrow. Something other than work, taking care of his daughter or his daily routine. He hadn't even thought of doing anything else since the past seven days.
* * *
Rachel frowned at the take away she had taken from the restaurant which was closest to her apartment. The smell coming from the food wasn't exactly appetising for her, but she decided that she would make do. It was still a million times better than the disaster she had 'created' while trying to cook her own meal last evening. The challenges of living alone were only just beginning to dawn on her.
Ever since childhood, she had never actually had to fend for herself. Before running away from Long Island, it had been her parents and Barry. Then it had been her friends. She had always relied on either Monica or Phoebe or Ross for home-cooked meals. With Joey it had been either raiding Monica's kitchen or the takeaways he brought.
That was why she found herself helpless when she entered the restaurant. Her 'less than average' French only added insult to the injury. Finally, her co-worker had to come to her rescue.
Regardless, she was glad and kind of proud of herself that she made through her first week. Work had actually been much easier than she had expected. All the same, however it had demanded her full dedication. Now, with the promise that only a weekend could bring along, she had enough time on her hands to focus her attention on the stuff she had missed on.
She visibly relaxed on seeing the familiar street of her building. Walking as fast as her heels would allow, she entered her building in a couple of minutes. She had been pleased on finding out that her apartment was only a couple of miles away from work. It was a nice two bedroom place, with modern interiors and decent furnishing. As of now however, it failed to feel like home. Maybe the weekend would change things, she thought.
On entering, the first thing she reminded herself was that she had to find a maid. She was no good at such stuff, which was obvious on casting a brief look around the place. Keeping the take away on the table (having had to move a few things in the process), she turned towards the landline to check for messages. She had two messages waiting. The first one instantly caused a wave of guilt to wash over her face. Monica's chirpy tone reminded her that she had not contacted her after that one time she had called her friends and family on the day of her arrival in Paris.
She freshened and changed into comfortable clothes, all the while listening to Monica go on and on about her twins and preparations of their housewarming party. A tear slid down her face as she was suddenly reminded of the things which she was going to miss out. It was just beginning to dawn on to her that she was no longer a part of their daily lives. Her tear strained face split into a smile when Chandler apparently snatched the phone from her to finally get a turn to speak. Apparently though, Monica was not done as Chandler barely had time to speak hello before she was back. She could just imagine Monica elbowing Chandler out of the way and let out a laugh at that thought. Rachel's body, which was slumped over the sofa, suddenly tensed on hearing her last few words.
'Listen.. I really wanted to talk to you about Ross. He sounded kind of put out yesterday and he's also not coming to our party. Some University stuff he claimed... Honestly, he has been like that since you left. He won't say anything but I know he misses you a lot. Just let me know, I'm a bit worried about him. Call me as soon as you get this alright? Love you.'
Rachel barely heard the next message as her brain re-ran through Monica's words. He did sound alright the last time she had heard him, but the fact that the time difference coupled with their work mostly restricted them to messaging wasn't helping. She glanced at her watch and figured that it would be early evening in New York. He would most likely be at work, but she decided that she would try calling him all the same.
* * *
He was pathetic. Really, really pathetic, he thought to himself as he revised the events that had taken place earlier that day.
Around midday, Ross finally thought of a place where he could spend time in the evening. He decided that it was about time he had visited Ben at Carol and Susan's. Firstly he thought of calling and forewarning them before hand. But later he decided that a surprise would be better. Now however, he knew that calling would've been the better option.
He reached their apartment earlier than expected, and was pretty happy about it. However, the smile on his face faltered when he saw the smouldering expression on Carol's face.
"Where were you two days ago?" she demanded.
"I.. uhh.. I was at work, then at my home...you know... the usual. Why do you ask?" Ross replied, confused by the hostility of her stare.
"You don't know?!" she demanded, now looking at him with suspicion.
Ross still looked as perplexed as earlier.
Finally, Carol let out an exasperated sigh and explained.
"It was his birthday, Ross! Where the hell were you?! Even Monica and Chandler called in to say they were sorry that they couldn't come to the party because of their kids and moving and stuff! Ben was really disappointed by your absence. He kept hoping you'll come to surprise him even after his party was over!"
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I'll make it up to him, I promise. I'll buy him that remote controlled helicopter that he wants and we'll have a blast at the mall... " Ross spoke frantically, shocked with himself that he had forgotten an event as important as his son's birthday.
"You really aren't up to date, are you? " Carol said, her gaze somewhat softening as she backed into the house, allowing Ross to enter.
Only now did Ross realise that Carol was dressed up for a special occasion and that there was no one else in the house.
" He is no longer that much into remote controlled vehicles, Ross." Carol continued, answering her own question.
"Just over a month ago, he joined the football team of his school. And he loves it. He's been all for sports accessories ever since."
A month. Around the time when Rachel declared that she was offered a job in Paris and his whole world turned upside down. No wonder he wasn't 'updated'. He hadn't updated anything since then.
"Oh. Is that where he is now?"
"Yeah. Susan has gone to pick him up. We will directly meet her at Monica and Chandler's."
"W...What?" Ross stuttered.
How could he have been such an idiot?! Of course Monica had invited Carol and Susan to the housewarming. Not to mention that both were yet to meet the twins. The cordial relationship between them ensured that they always stayed in touch. How did he overlook that?!
"Don't tell me you forgot that too!" Carol exclaimed, even more surprised than before.
"I didn't forget" he replied after a while.
" Aren't you coming then?... Wait a second. Were you here simply to avoid going to Monica and Chandler's?!"
Ross's guilty expression immediately proved Carol's suspicion.
"And here I was thinking that you finally wanted to see your own child!" she exclaimed, angry yet again.
"It's not that simple, Carol" Ross murmured, unable to explain further. Carol finally gave him a small consoling smile as she rubbed his arm to comfort him.
" Ross, I know what's been going on in your life and that's why I'm not totally upset with your sudden ignorance towards Ben. Monica told me everything on Ben's birthday when I asked her what the hell was going on. I was too mad at you to even call you personally." she clarified, when she saw Ross's expression.
"It appears like you had a choice and you took a decision, Ross. You simply can't deny that or shun everyone forever. "
"I know. But I need some more time. I can't face their questions or the pitiful looks right now." Ross replied.
Carol nodded slowly, understanding. But she couldn't stop herself froto ask him one last time.
"You really won't be coming? You will get to see Ben. He surely misses you, although I think he might be a bit upset about you not making it to the party." she asked, even though she felt she knew his response beforehand.
Ross took a deep breath, contemplating.
"I'll come back tomorrow. I'm sorry. I can't do this right now."
Carol shrugged nonchalantly and headed towards the door, followed closely by Ross. They exited the apartment and Carol locked it securely behind her.
"Carol, could you do me a favour?" Ross asked, as they descended the stairs.
Carol looked at him in expectation.
"I'm supposed to be in a panel discussion in the university right now, so could you please keep this within ourselves?"
"Sure. If that's what you want." she replied, not exactly happy by his choice.
"Thanks."
And that was how he had found himself, sitting on the sofa and sifting through the TV channels for the eighth night in a row. The only difference was that today there was the added guilt of being a terrible father to both of his kids.
He glanced over at his daughter, who was sleeping peacefully in her crib. He surely was going to miss her a lot.They had agreed that she couldn't stay without her mother, and her bawling in the past week only proved the point. Now he swore that he won't lose Ben, no matter what. He would make sure that he was there for him, at least from now on.
Yet again, Ross found himself tempted to find solace by intoxicating himself with the wine in his cupboard. But he knew that it was his weakness. Not only did it fail in burying his sorrows, but it also made him extremely liable to antics which he would regret his whole life. Antics which had only driven 'her' away from him, whether it be his kissing Chloe, his drunken marriage or his embarrassing babbling in the spirit of Joey and Rachel as a couple. No. Not anymore. She was happy to be away from him and he wasn't going to be the one to snatch it away from her by making a drunken phone call.
As if in answer, his phone rang at that precise moment.
* * *
Rachel woke up with a start from the sofa. It took her a minute to understand why the hell was she sleeping in her living room. Then slowly, as the sleep wore off, she remembered that she had tried calling Ross in vain and had decided to call him a bit after midnight, when he would finally be home in accordance with the New York time. She glanced at her watch. 5:45, it proclaimed. She had slept through the night. No wonder she was so stiff.
As she freshened and got herself a cup of coffee, she remembered the reason why she had tried to call him urgently in the first place. Something was wrong with him, Monica said. Rachel decided that she had to find out as soon as possible, and despite it being almost midnight there, she picked up the phone and was determined to atleast leave a message this time.
* * *
Ross stated at the machine as it rang, debating with himself whether to pick it up or let the machine take over. He was doubtful that he could manage to keep his emotions in control in a live conversation. He knew it was inevitable though. Emma would always get wound up on hearing her voice and it was about time she had a proper conversation with her. Or as proper as an almost two year old child could have. For now, he used Emma's deep sleep as an advantage and decided that it could wait. At least till tomorrow. He would need the night to prepare himself not to let his guard down.
Finally, the machine beeped asking Rachel to leave a message. Which she did promptly.
'Hey Ross! This is me. You were right when you said that French was never really my strength. I'm having a hard time here because of that!'
Ross's heart which elated a bit on hearing that, deflated immediately on hearing her next words.
'But the job is really great. I'm loving it! And tomorrow I'm finally going to have time on my hands to explore Paris!'
Dang it! Even now, why did he allow himself to hope?! She. Was. Loving. Her job. How difficult was that to remember?!
'By the way, you should really tell me some good French dishes. I ordered one taking the advice of Paul and it really is making me feel queasy. Anyways, how's Emma? Tell her that Mommy misses her a lot. And we should try talking live to each other. This messaging is getting on my nerves now.'
After a short pause, she continued.
'So, Monica left me a message updating me with every detail of their new life. And my God, the twins sound so cute! I'm feeling like I should just catch the next flight to New York and have those two in my arms as soon as I can!'
Luckily, this time Ross was prepared.
'Who am I kidding though? Flights every week will cost me more than my salary. I'll be bankrupt in no time!'
Did she have any idea how bad her casual references to the physical distance between them hurt? Probably not.
'Anyways, Monica told me that they were having a housewarming party today... '
Rachel's tone, which was light and cheerful, suddenly became somewhat tensed and cautious, giving Ross the feeling that this was the main reason she had tried calling him.
'And she told me that errmm.. that you had some stuff at the University. She didn't sound happy. Ross, I don't know what is happening, but will you please be honest with me? What's going on? Phoebe and Joey also avoid mentioning you as much as possible and when I ask whether you guys meet, they always distract me with some other topic. And I don't want to sound accusing, but the time difference really isn't that big an issue that we can't manage an actual conversation. I've had a proper talk with all the rest, including my parents. Have you been avoiding it on purpose? I'm getting worried. Monica also said that you were not yourself since I left.'
Rachel suddenly paused and let out a sigh, as though controlling her emotions, which was apparently annoyance at him.
'Talk to me tomorrow alright? No messaging. I want to talk to Emma as well. Goodnight. I love you.'
Not in that sense and not enough, Ross said to himself as the machine clicked, indicating the end of the message. He just sat there and let the deep silence of the night return. The TV was still on, displaying a documentary of the Jurassic Era to his surprise, as he had been shifting the channels passively. For once, he wasn't even remotely interested. Switching it off, he got up from the sofa and stared into the distance, still thinking over her words. One thing was clear to him. He wasn't putting on a good show. He had to do better. For him, for his friends, for his children. And most importantly, for her.