Hey guys!
Firstly, I would like to thank you all for your response. It does make my day!
Secondly, I am glad with the patience you have had with this story. Trust me when I say that things will get more interesting from the next chapter.
I've received a review asking for Rachel's POV more often. Well, the main reason I'm focusing more on Ross is because he's the one who's suffering more. I promise a greater insight into Rachel's mind from Chapter 5 onwards, as by then she will finally realise what she's been missing! :)
So let's get started...
3. Acclimatisation
"Boy am I glad that we bought front row seats to today's game! Was totally worth it!" Joey exclaimed in triumph at the end of the game in which Rangers had indeed won by a huge margin.
"We? We?! " demanded Chandler, as he had been the one to buy tickets for all the three.
" Fine! Fine. But I suggested this game." Joey said, raising his hands up in surrender. "Jeez, I'll pay you back if you are going to be all touchy about it."
"Nah, consider it my treat for being a Dad for 10 days and still having not dropped my kids even once." Chandler said, sounding proud of himself.
"Good for you, Chandler. " Ross said, smiling.
Joey and Chandler raised their eyebrows in surprise. That was the first time he had talked without being asked, or about something other than the game.
"Thanks man." he replied smiling, after which he stared hesitantly as though he was worried that he was crossing a line.
"Errm I.. " he trailed looking closely for Ross's expression.
"What? Why are you freaking out?" Ross asked chuckling, though he realised why he was hesitating and cursed himself for it.
"I.. I mean Monica was wondering if you know.. you could make it to our place this Saturday seeing that you missed out on the party last week. She misses you, but the twins don't let her get away from them."
The words came out of his mouth in a rush, so it was actually a bit difficult to decipher the individual words.
"Sure. I too want to meet my nephew and niece. I do miss hanging out like we used to." Ross replied, the words causing him to cringe internally as he was reminded of the fact that they could NEVER hang out the way they used to.
Chandler and Joey felt the heaviness that followed and were at a loss of words themselves.
"Hey, you guys wanna grab some dinner?" Ross asked, finally breaking the silence.
"Monica's already made dinner." Chandler said looking apologetic.
"That's where I'm headed too" Joey said in the same manner.
"Mind if I join you?" Ross asked, deciding to end all these pitiful exchanges today. He wanted to show them that he was completely okay with her being gone. And today seemed as good as any other day.
"No. Not at all!" Chandler replied although the shock he felt was obvious on his face.
"Alright. Let's go then." Ross said after a while, raising his eyebrows in amusement at his frozen expression.
* * *
As days slowly passed into weeks, Ross slowly got used to living his life without Rachel. Though he still avoided direct questions about her (which were few and far in between), he was doing really well. The only person he hadn't manage to convince was Monica. She always looked at him with suspicion. So far, he had always arranged his visits in a way that made sure that she never got a chance to actually 'talk' to him. He felt a bit ashamed of using his own daughter or his niece and nephew as a shield, but it did work. He knew she was worried about him, and would interrogate him worser than a person in police custody. And would perhaps get the truth out of him. He wondered if it would be easier if he just revealed his true reasons for letting Rachel go and that how hurt he actually was by her absence. Nah. That would have led to even more questions and pity.
He didn't know what he had hoped for. Nope. That was a flat lie. He knew exactly what he had hoped for. In fact he had a whole list prepared, which went as follows :-
Scenario 1. Somehow her plane would get cancelled or grounded. (A ridiculous thing which would hardly change her plans).
:- He had to put a cross on it when Rachel messaged him of her very timely arrival in Paris.
Scenario 2. Her position would be already filled (The first time Rachel called him, he had actually thought that was the case, because she had called much sooner than he had expected. Turned out, the company had actually taken care of everything with precision and she didn't have to worry about anything at all. Great!).
:- So that went down the drain by the end of Day 1.
Scenario 3. Eventually he had allowed himself to think that she wouldn't be happy there. Or would suddenly realise that she couldn't be happy without him. (He had crossed his fingers on that one after hearing her semi-negative messages in the first week.)
But things had only gotten better, and now even the last of his hopes were blurring in the distance. Not to mention the burning guilt he felt for hoping all of it in the first place. The only thing which was positive in all this was that she seemed to be happy.
Yet, he failed every time he tried to put a cross on that one.
* * *
"Thank you Claire, that'll be all" Rachel instructed her maid, who had just finished cleaning the living room. Rachel was glad that she had finally found a maid who was perfectly fluent in English and also did her job well. Though she was taking French 'lessons' from her colleagues, she could still barely establish a proper conversation. And that too didn't extend beyond a list of formal questions.
Other than that, her life had just started to 'settle in'. She had managed to get to her apartment without getting lost for five days in a row. (She didn't count the couple of times she had taken an extremely long diversion) Also she had found out a perfectly fine restaurant which had all of her favourites. After almost a month of acclimatising, Rachel finally felt ready to accept the responsibility of another person. Her daughter, Emma.
Rachel wondered how Ross would react when he would finally have to let his daughter go. She agreed that it didn't seem fair, but it was inevitable. May be she would stay with him over the vacations... She winced at those thoughts and wondered why she hadn't even considered how this whole thing with Emma was going to work out. To make things easier for her, Ross knew that Emma would primarily be with her but not since when.
Well, she might as well find it out, she thought as she began dialing Ross's number.
Rachel was surprised at how fast the call was received. It was almost as though he had been expecting her call.
"Hello?" she asked, after hearing nothing but undecipherable whispering for a while.
"Momma?" came a small high pitched voice. That explained the whispering. Ross wanted Emma to greet her. How sweet, she thought.
"Hello sweetie! Yeah it's your momma!" she replied, full of love for her child.
"I miss you." came Emma's voice. Though words sounded cute, the tone of sadness in it could've moved mountains.
"Oh... " was all Rachel managed, before her voice suddenly broke as she was unable to believe the words which came from her daughter's mouth. The sound that followed seemed to be a streak of sobs of mixed feelings of happiness and pride at her daughter, coupled with the anguish of not seeing her for almost a whole month.
"You heard that, Ross?!" she asked, foolishly. Of course he had.
"Yeah" Ross said, smiling as he held his daughter in his hands and bend a bit to speak on the phone, which was currently on speaker mode. "She started joining words a few days after you left, although this is the only sentence which makes complete sense." the pride obvious in his voice as well.
Rachel beamed on hearing that and eagerly, she continued.
"I miss you too honey. Momma will see you very soon. Okay?"
"Okay" Emma replied, looking at the device with confusion. Although she still didn't understand how a phone worked, she would always head towards it when it rang, often disappointed when Ross won't let her talk. Or when it wasn't Rachel.
"Very soon?" Ross asked, suddenly alarmed. After Rachel had requested for a conversation, Ross had slowly shifted to talking on the phone. It had been easier than what he had expected. Her physical absence obviously meant zero eye contact or exchange of facial expressions. Which made a pretense that much easier.
"Ross, I really miss her and it seems I'm already out of the loop from her recent developments. I would have tried coming myself, but the workload here is making me work on Saturdays so I might as well forget any extra holidays. And I know you will be on vacation from next week. Could you please come here for at least a couple of days?"
So much for being honest, he thought. Why did he have to tell her about his leave?! She hadn't even asked about it!
"Please? I really miss you as well. Paris isn't much fun to roam about alone. I'll give you a tour, we'll have fun. I haven't seen you guys in so long!"
You guys... That brought him back in the category of 'Friends'. He didn't know if he could trust himself with actually meeting her. And roaming Paris with her. The perfect romantic destination. A place where he once had planned a honeymoon with her. But just as friends. Friends who had chosen different lives. Could life be any more cruel?
"Please?" Ross could just imagine her puppy dog look as she said the word. He had never exactly said no to that look.
"Alright. I'll inform you with the flight details tomorrow. The coming weekend will work out for you right?" he replied, resigned.
"Yeah. That would be perfect."
As Ross put down the receiver, he felt that he had no choice but to put a cross on hope no. 3. And he finally did.
* * *
"Hey guys!" Ross said, not too happily as he greeted the gang at Monica and Chandler's home, or rather kitchen to be specific. They had all agreed to meet for dinner at least once every week and today was one of such days.
"Hey Ross!" they greeted in response. Ross was apparently the last to come which was unusual as he mostly made it a point to be punctual.
"He looks bummed out. I wonder why?" whispered Phoebe as he went back into the living room to keep his coat. Joey nodded in agreement. Monica pursed her lips, but before she could say anything, Chandler entered the kitchen, followed shortly by Ross.
"So, what's up Ross?" Monica asked, intending it to be something more than a conversation starter.
The answer which she got was certainly not what she could have expected.
"Nothing much. Unless you count me leaving for Paris !" Ross said, smiling a bit at himself for having dropped it so casually.
The reaction was immediate. Monica dropped her fork, Chandler and Phoebe had their mouths slightly agape, while Joey had stopped chewing food mid-bite, which had to be some kind of record for him.
"P..Paris? As in Paris - Paris?" Monica asked.
"Yes! How many 'Paris' do you know?" he replied, smirking.
"The Paris where Rachel is right now, Paris?" Phoebe asked.
"Yeah!" Ross said, wondering why was it taking so long to make his friends understand.
"When do you leave?" asked Chandler.
"Tomorrow evening. Rach told me that this weekend would suit her best, so.. " Ross's speech was interrupted by the sound of Phoebe's fork hitting the floor, as she gaped and covered her mouth with her hands in exclamation.
"What?" Ross asked, surprised.
"You said Rach! You called Rachel 'Rach'! " she almost shouted. The expressions of the rest of the group made it clear that they too had not missed it.
"So?" Ross bit his tongue as he said this, as he suddenly realised that for the past month he had purposefully avoided calling Rachel affectionately as Rach as he had been afraid that it would somehow make him more vulnerable. What he had not known was that his friends had been alert enough to notice it.
"What does this mean?! Are you finally going to convince her to come back?! Or are you gonna stay in Paris yourself?! Or.. " Phoebe let her imagination run wild, excited by the prospect.
" Pheebs! Pheebs! What are you talking about?! I'm going to Paris so that Emma gets to stay with her mother for a while. That's it! I'm gonna drop her off and come back. " Ross answered before Phoebe could say anything more.
"That's it?" she asked, her eyes even more wider than before.
"Yeah! I mean, of course I'll stay there for a couple of days first!" Ross replied. His feeble attempt at joke however failed spectacularly.
There was an uncomfortable silence in the room, as though everyone wanted to say something but couldn't quite bring themselves to.
"And what about you and Rachel?" Monica finally asked the question which had been haunting her for the past few weeks.
"What about us?" Ross replied, slightly wincing as he said 'us'. "We are going to keep in touch, obviously." he stated further. Though his voice was remarkably stable, his body language hinted that he was close to losing it.
The 'keep in touch' was aimed to let others feel that he was unaffected by the current scenario. The effect however had been exactly opposite as he had ended up hugely overcompensating. Ross realised that he was now treading on thin ice.
"You are going to 'KEEP IN TOUCH ?!' Ross, you've have a kid with her, you obviously still love her, and you tell me you are going to keep in touch?!" Monica exclaimed, "For God's sake Ross for once will you stop lying to yourself and..."
Ross lost it.
"AND WHAT?! Go and make an absolute fool of myself as I tell her that I love her and hear only awkward silence in exchange? Or make myself believe that she would give up the best opportunity her whole life has offered her for me? Or guilt her into so by begging for it? I've heard her and she's happy, alright?! She's happy and I'm not going to be the one who snatches it all away from her just because I can't imagine living my life without her. That's my problem and I'll handle it. " Ross exploded as every bit of restraint he had been holding back for the past month came loose and his facade crashed down. His eyes had a brazen look of challenge which nobody dared return, not even Monica.
" Now if you'll excuse me I have some packing to do for me and my daughter. " he said, and stormed out of the kitchen without looking back.
The temperature in the kitchen had dropped by what seemed like a hundred degrees. Everyone was dumbstruck by Ross's confession. Monica put her head in hands and looked at the table, the gravity of her brother's behaviour finally settling in. Phoebe and Joey looked like they had just seen someone die. Chandler in the meanwhile had bent down to pick up the fallen forks (Ross's fell down when he suddenly stood up and burst into flames) and came up with his brand of coping with such situations. Humour.
"Boy, we sure dropped a lot of forks today!"
Nobody returned his smile.
* * *
'You guys? You guys?!' Rachel wondered what had made her add the word 'guys'. Of course she missed Ross much more than anyone else, the only exception being her daughter. Why did she ramble out 'guys' then? To convince him to come? And how did that make her feel if it did convince him? Happy? Certainly not.
She had not been blind (or deaf, if it was meant in a literal sense). Of all the people she had been contact with, it had been Ross who had let out the least of his emotions. Her talks with Monica had been filled with 'I miss you's' and tended to end with a 'love you'. A similar trend followed on a lesser scale with the rest of her friends. But with Ross it usually ended up with 'I'll call you tomorrows' and stuff. Or a detectable pause before her 'I love you' received a similar response. She was yet to listen to a 'I miss you'. As 'Emma misses you a lot' was the usual response. What did that mean? Did he really love her the least amongst her friends? Or was it the exact opposite?
A sudden surge of hope ran through her when she thought of that possibility.
* * *
"Are you going to be alright?" Phoebe asked, as they stood in the parking lot of the airport for the second time in a month.
Ross had regretted lashing out like he had the moment he had set foot outside their home. He had feared that they might tell Rachel and then everything which he had been building for a month would get reduced to dust. So far, they had chosen to not say anything as had been obvious by Rachel's call a few hours before. It was only then that he finally responded to Phoebe's message offering him a ride to the airport. When she came to his apartment, her look was filled with apprehension and regret. Ross felt somewhat ashamed at having made her look like that and gave her a small smile, which she immediately returned. The conversation there on had been purposefully crafted so as to completely ignore what had happened yesterday. Until now.
"I guess so... I'm really gonna miss her." Ross said.
"Oh! Me too!" she replied, as she caressed and gently kissed Emma, who smiled at her.
"Say bye to Aunt Pheebs." he said in a baby voice.
"Bye." she said, waving her hand as well.
Phoebe responded with enthusiasm, and got a little teary. Ross thought he had been successful in distracting her, but that was before she turned back to him.
"That was not what I meant, Ross." she said, gently and still a little intimidated by his previous outburst.
Ross let out a sigh.
"I know. And I'm scared. I mean what if I'm not able to let her go this time? What if it's too much for me?" he asked, being strangely grateful that he could finally speak his mind. Yesterday had made sure of that.
"Ross, it doesn't have to be like this. I think she still loves you too, she just doesn't.. " Phoebe said, desperate to try to argue with him.
"Pheebs. We've been through this." Ross replied, a little sternly. Phoebe gave up.
"If you really love her, then yes. You'll be able to do this for her. It'll be like ripping off a bandage. Its gonna sting you bad for a while, but then maybe it won't hurt anymore." she said softly, although she highly suspected that it would be that easy.
"You think so?" he asked, a bit hopefully. Phoebe could only offer him a consoling bear hug in response. As he made his way inside the terminal, Phoebe was left standing alone, wishing with all her might that the past couple of months had never happened.
"I hope so." she whispered, as the image of two lobsters separating their claws filled her mind.
Regarding updates...
I'm sorry, but currently once every two weeks is the best that I can manage. I mean I can update faster for now but soon you'll have to face a long wait and I really don't want you guys to hate me if that happens.
Au revoir! :)