7. At crossroads... (Rachel)
Hi again!
Seeing that most of you would prefer slow updates rather than a month long wait, here I am, with a new update freshly from the press.
"Wonder what's up with her?"
"She looks like she's cried through the entire weekend!"
Those were the only murmurs which Rachel could make out amongst the several that greeted her arrival in the office. To make matters worse, most of her co-workers were jabbering in rapid French, which she couldn't have deciphered even if they had done so right under her nose. Fortunately, being on a superior position meant that she got an isolated chamber for herself. Plus, you really don't ask your boss what the hell they've been up to.
After sitting in her office for two hours, doing nothing but staring blankly at the walls, she finally had to accept that she wasn't able to concentrate. But knowing that going home could only place her in a worse mindset, she opted for a cup of coffee and a breath of fresh air instead and headed to the cafeteria.
On reaching there, she headed straight for the vending machine. If only she had looked around, she would've known that she had been followed the whole time.
"Hi, Rachel!" exclaimed a chirpy voice belonging to a fellow colleague who joined her at the vending machine.
"Hi, Sam" Rachel replied in a small, almost dead voice, accompanied by a failed attempt at a smile.
Out of all the people in her department, Samantha had been the only one to whom Rachel had taken an immediate liking. It wasn't like the rest of the guys weren't helpful or polite, it was just that their backgrounds quite matched. Being brought up as a spoiled princess, running out of their own wedding and then becoming a self-sufficient businesswoman in a metropolis were only a few amongst the many things they had in common. So it's pretty unnecessary to add that they had formed quite a good bond within the short span of a month.
"Let me guess... Guy problems?" Sam asked sympathetically, her face exhibiting a knowing smile.
"Yeah..." Rachel replied, shyly as she sipped her coffee.
"Hmm. You two together? Or broken up?" she asked as the machine dispensed her coffee.
Several seconds went by as Rachel debated over the right answer. Finally, she came to the conclusion that their relationship had been wayyy too complicated to fit into the two 'classic' categories.
"Neither... actually. Though we haven't been together for more than seven years now.." she trailed. But before she could continue, she was interrupted by a sudden outburst from her colleague.
"Seven years! Are you kidding me?! Wow!" Sam exclaimed animatedly and rolled her eyes.
Rachel smiled fondly at her as she seemed to remind her of a younger version of her own self. Perhaps it was just the relief of finally being able to vent it all out, but somehow she was suddenly finding herself more at ease.
"You see, that's not all. He's also the father of my child."
"Emma, right?" Sam asked, doubting her memory. Then as Rachel nodded a yes and smiled, she continued.
"God, I have to meet her! She looks so damn cute in all those pictures you've shown!"
"She sure is." Rachel replied, exuding the pride she felt for her daughter.
"Hang on a second. You said that you haven't been together with this guy for seven years. Then how the hell did you bear a two year old child with him?!" Sam asked, confused.
Rachel let out a soft chuckle as she realised how strange her and Ross's story would appear to any stranger. "Me and Ross... it's not that simple, Sam. We've been through A LOT."
"Is this the same Ross who came to visit you just a week ago?" she asked. And then, as Rachel nodded, she continued "But you said he was a dear friend! I specifically remember asking you that!"
"He was. He still is, actually. And it was only when he went back home did I realise that I still loved him." Rachel clarified. It was the first time she was having this discussion ever since Ross had informed her about the job.
"Oh, you poor thing! Didn't you tell him then?" Sam asked, sounding sympathetic.
"Before I could, he informed me that he had been offered a promotion in New York. What was I to do? I told him he should get it because he deserved it. And he did. And I can't blame him. 'Cuz that's what I've done as well." Rachel replied, barely managing to keep her tears at bay.
"Oh. I'm so sorry to hear this." Sam said, rubbing Rachel's shoulders to console her. "So what are you gonna do now?"
"I don't know. I really don't!" Rachel replied, unable to control herself and feeling ashamed of crying in a workplace at the same time. Samantha relieved their hands of the coffee mugs and took her in her arms as Rachel gradually steadied herself.
"From what you tell me, it appears that he has moved on, and however hard you might find it to accept, you should. I'll tell you what. Come with me tonight at the bar. My mom will babysit Emma, don't you worry about her. We'll have a few drinks and I know a couple of decent guys who are regulars there. Why don't we set you up, huh?" Sam said, attempting comfort her.
"I really don't think that's a good idea Sam, I'm sorry." Rachel replied, knowing that she wasn't in the right place.
"Come on! Give yourself a break! You can't beat yourself up like this. It's been what, seven years since you guys were in a proper relationship, right?! Don't you think it's about time?" Sam asked, attempting to reason.
"I'm... I just... I can't do this right now." Rachel pleaded, as she dried her face with a tissue.
"Well, I can't just watch you like this..." Sam replied, determined to help. " Hold on, there might be yet another way..." she said, frowning as she did so. Then, as through struck by a bolt of lightning she said,
"Oh yeah. 'Move' on" and airtagged the word move as she did so.
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, confused.
"I know it sounds weird and unorthodox, but it might just work in your case." Sam replied, still working it out.
"I still don't get it." Rachel said, nonplussed.
"Real estate. Buy a house!" Sam exclaimed, as though it was something which you did every other day.
Rachel was more intrigued than amused by her friend's 'out of the blue' suggestion
"How will that help?"
"Think about it. You now earn enough money so as to easily pay the rent of a house in the suburbs. And why mortgage? I bet if you run it through the directors, they'll readily offer you a loan based on your salary. Plus, I know quite a few agents who'd offer you great places at reasonable prices. Having a house of your own gives you a sense of independence and newness in life. It'll be like starting afresh. It'll definitely help you heal." she said.
'She does have a point.' Rachel thought to herself.
"Buying a house... That's quite a big step." she said, still unsure.
"It sure is. But so was running away from a lavish lifestyle. And that turned out pretty good, right?" Sam asked.
Yeah. That it did. Sam was right again.
"Think about it." Sam said, as she patted her shoulder as she stood still, apparently still absorbing the idea.
She definitely would. After all, for the first time in a week she had got something to ponder on.
* * *
"Wow! This is huge!" Phoebe exclaimed, taking in the vastness of the office.
"It sure is." Ross replied, sounding proud of himself.
It had been a week since Ross had applied for the job. To nobody's surprise, he had gotten it straightaway, no contest. Ross had received the keys to the office earlier in the morning and decided to invite the rest for a tour of the same. So that was how the office happened to host five people after hours on a Friday. Five people who were busy scrutinizing and admiring every aspect of it. Actually, only four of them were scrutinizing the office, whilst one had gone a step ahead.
"DON'T TOUCH IT, JOE! How many times do I have to tell you?! Fossils are delicate." Ross said, admonishing Joey who had lifted up an ancient looking artefact from one of the many shelves.
"Delicate, you say?! How the hell did they stay put for millions of years then, huh?" Joey countered.
Ross had been rendered speechless, having not expected such a comeback.
"That's right! I watch the Discovery channel!" Joey said, proudly while Ross was still searching a suitable response.
"Since when did YOU start watching the discovery channel?!" Chandler asked, taken aback.
Now, it was Joey's turn to be abashed. "Well, I turned on the TV and couldn't find the remote. I was feeling too lazy to manually flip through the channels and so I thought I'd just watch what was running." he said, while Chandler rolled his eyes.
"So where was the remote?" Phoebe asked, jumping into the conversation all of a sudden.
" As it turns out, I had been sitting on it the whole time." Joey replied, the way only he could. Unashamed.
"So that was why we had to buy a new one?!" Chandler exclaimed as he was suddenly reminded of it. "You told me it was because our operator had changed the substratum!" he said, his voice continually rising in pitch.
"What's a substratum?!" Phoebe asked, intrigued.
"Phoebe, there is no substratum." Joey explained.
"Ooh! You pulled a phalange, I like that!" she replied, smacking her lips as she did so, while Chandler exclaimed in his high pitched voice,
"What do you mean, there's no substratum?!"
While Chandler and Joey continued to bicker, helped occasionally by a shrewd Pheebs, Ross and Monica were having a discussion of their own. Ross had been about to correct Joey about the time scale of the sabre toothed tiger, when he noticed Monica looking pensively through the window. Sensing that something was bothering her, he quietly withdrew from the animated discussion and headed towards her.
"Hey, what's up?" Ross asked, nudging her.
Monica seemed to panic momentarily as she hadn't expected anyone to disturb her reprieve.
"Huh? Oh, It's nothing." she replied, shaking her head whilst nervously looking around for a distraction. "This is indeed a great office!"
Ross had already seen through it.
"Come on, Mon! It's obvious that something's bothering you. Just let it out." he said.
After debating with herself for a few seconds, she finally decided to ask him.
"Have you talked with Rachel in the past week?"
Ross immediately tensed on hearing that question.
"Well... Sort of." he said, his expressions only raising Monica's suspicions. "Only yesterday, she straightaway put Emma on the line and her hello was the first thing I heard. It felt pretty nice." he continued, his face giving away the pain he felt from the seperation from his daughter.
"Was it also the last thing you heard?" Monica asked rather sharply.
"No. I did speak with her, although it was mostly me who did the talking" he admitted.
"And haven't you wondered why?" Monica asked, prodding him further.
To her surprise, Ross said, "No. She told me she has the flu. So that explains her not talking much and talking as though she has a bad cold when she does. She told me she hasn't even been to work since 2 days because of the fever. I'm telling you, it sounds bad. So give her a break, alright?"
Monica nodded, not quite convinced.
"Well, atleast she's talking to you." she said, in a resentful manner.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ross asked, confused.
"Ever since you applied for the promotion, Rachel has not picked up even a single out of the million calls I've made her in the past week."
This was indeed brand new information for Ross.
"Really?" he asked, not quite believing it.
"Ross have you ever thought of ANY other reason that could produce a voice sounding like a bad cold?!" Monica exclaimed, suddenly sounding annoyed.
A couple seconds passed before Ross uttered a hesitant response, as though seriously doubting of his own words.
"Do you mean to say that she's been crying? I don't understand."
"Oh come on Ross, it's not that hard! Haven't you behaved exactly like this barely a month ago?" she exclaimed, finding herself relieved for finally having gotten it off her chest.
"What?!" Ross exclaimed, refusing to believe Monica's explaination.
Monica was about to defend herself, but was cut short by Ross.
"We are not having this discussion again, Monica. I've lost too much of my sanity hoping that the feelings were indeed mutual and now that I'm finally in a good place in my life I really don't want to go back there. I really don't." Ross replied, this time having a much better control over his emotions.
By now, everyone had stopped talking and all eyes were on the siblings who were looking at each other as though sizing each other up.
Monica decided it was about time that she brought in the dark horse.
"Well, what if this time I was to tell you that I know it's mutual? That I know that Rachel is still in love with you?"
Even though she had barely whispered these words, they had been heard crystal clear by whosever was present in the room. There were collective gasps of shock and surprise, followed shortly by the fervour of anticipation.
Ross's voice was hollow and emotionless as he spoke the words below.
"If that is indeed the case, then it has to come from her."
While the group was still reeling from Ross's response, he calmly shut all the windows and switched off the lights before heading to the door and calling out the rest.
"Come on, we've got reservations at the Plaza."
They simply looked at each other, before slowly heading out of the room, realising that they had no say in this at all. In fact they had had no say in their relationship ever since it began.
* * *
"There you go Ems! We are home!" Rachel told her baby daughter, who had been quite grumpy for the entire length of the journey from the daycare center to the apartment. The reason was, that she had fallen asleep and had been woken up right in the middle of her adventure in the dreamland. Of course she didn't like it.
Though today had been a long day, Rachel was feeling particularly positive. She had left early from work and along with Samantha had seen quite a few houses not very far away from the main city. One in particular had caught her attention. It was a mid-sized three bedroom house equipped with a lawn, garage and even a swimming pool. Plus the surroundings were great to raise a child, be it the low crime rate or the nearby schools. For the first time, Rachel had actually imagined the prospect of a 'ever after' and to her surprise she quite liked it. And, as it turned out, her company was willing to offer her a loan based on deductions from her salary.
Satisfied with her day's work she checked for messages on her phone for the first time in a week. She had plenty. As the messages were played one by one, she realised that almost all of them were from a single person. Monica Geller. All except for one.
'Rach? It's me. Call me when you are free. It's urgent.'
Of course she hadn't. And the reason had been very obvious. She knew what Monica would've wanted to talk about. She also knew that it was the last topic on this entire planet she would want to talk about.
'Rachel? You received my previous message, right? Please call me. I need to talk to you. It's very important.'
So, even though it hurt her, she still chose to blatantly ignore her best friend.
'Rachel?! Are you even listening to me?! Or deleting my messages without even bothering to? Call me or I swear to God we will no longer be best friends.'
Well, it already seemed like she had lost the love of her life. So this seemed like a comparatively smaller price to pay, she thought to herself. She winced when she heard Monica's voice grow loud and hoarse in the message that followed.
'What the hell is wrong with you?! First you don't listen to me and now you don't even take any of my calls? Does this line even answer to a Rachel Green or have you changed that too?!'
What spooked her out was that she wasn't even able to shed one tiny tear even though she was shaken from the inside. Perhaps, she had already used then all in the past few days.
To her surprise, Monica's voice sounded heavy and pained in her last message, a complete contrast from the one just prior.
'Rach... please... I'm begging you... If not as a friend then atleast as a well wisher, listen to me. I really don't know what exchange took place between you and Ross that you seemed to have cut off all means of communication but I know this. That you are still in love. And so is my stupid brother. So whatever it is, just talk it through. Alright? And you can always count on me Rach. Forget my earlier message threatening you. We are BFFs. Talk to me. Please.'
"Oh Mon..." Rachel said to herself, feeling an immense amount of guilt and pity. She knew that she had wronged her and that she had only her best interests at heart. But her message made it clear that she wasn't giving up on 'them', even though 'they' already had.
The question was, was SHE ready to talk about this?
As Rachel pondered over the same, the machine beeped once more and Ross's voice came through.
'Hey Rach! Sorry for the late message! I've been busy with all those formalities you need to do for a promotion... you know, board meetings, private interviews and blah... Anyways, what've you been up to? It's been a week since we had a proper conversation. Mon's been worried sick too. I told her about the flu, but she didn't seem to agree. Are you alright? I'm starting to freak out as well. I hope it's just Em who's been keeping you so occupied. How's she, BTW? I'm really missing her sweet, little voice. Call me as soon as you get this, alright? Love you.'
So strange, Rachel thought to herself. That was the first time Ross had ever said a 'Love you' to her ever since she had left for Paris.
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
She had an eerie feeling that it couldn't mean anything good.
* * *
"Oh. So does that mean that I can move in next Sunday?" Ross asked as he was busy rummaging through some papers.
"It does?!" he asked again to confirm, as he grabbed some of them in his hand.
"Okay, thank you for the information." he said as he ended the call. So that was it, he thought. He moved into the campus next week, and would accept the responsibilities of his promotion, starting from the first day of the next month.
"Now they can party all they want." Ross said to himself as a sarcastic reference to his loathsome neighbours.
Life had moved so fast for him in the past few months. He had received a tenured job, had a grant which he was yet to use and had his own department. Academically, he had made great progress. As far as non-academics were concerned however...
He was nowhere. Absolutely NO where. He wasn't even close to starting any type of a relationship and secretly doubted whether it would ever be possible for him to love anyone that way again. For he had lost his dream girl and also their lovely daughter in a flurry of activity. Or had he?...
His sister's words suddenly rang through his mind,
'Well, what if this time I was to tell you that I know it's mutual? That I know that Rachel is still in love with you?'
Why would she say that unless Rachel had personally told her so. And if she had, shouldn't he have been the first she would've talked to?
Well, there was only one way to find out.
* * *
After feeding her daughter and putting her to bed, Rachel had settled in the living room with a plate of pasta in hand and a brochure in the other, as she looked through details of the interior and exterior of the house. She was about to have another serving of the pasta when the phone began to ring.
The ID displayed that it was Ross.
Surprised to hear from him so early, she picked up the phone to answer it.
"Hey! I received your message. I thought you must be at work now so I decided to call you in the evening."
"Oh. No problem! So, how are you now? You do sound much better." Ross said.
"Yeah, I am! As it turns out a cup of hot chicken broth is all that it takes!" she replied.
On the other end, Ross was more taken aback by her cheerful tone than by the idea of Rachel cooking a chicken broth.
'That doesn't sound like a lovesick person.' he thought to himself. So maybe it had been the flu after all.
"You cooked a cup of chicken broth?!" was what he ended up asking.
"No. Sam brought it for me."
"I figured." Ross replied, chuckling.
"So.. errm... How's Emma?" he asked.
Rachel rolled her eyes as she replied, "Your princess has been especially grumpy today. She threw away the spoon like atleast ten times! It took me an hour to feed her just one bowl."
"That doesn't sound like her. What did you feed her? Please don't tell me it was some of your own creation!" Ross said, mocking her.
"Now don't you underestimate me, mister! Today I cooked my own dinner and yes it was edible, thank you for asking!" she countered, feeling proud of herself. What she didn't tell him was that all she had done was heat up a packet in boiling water.
"Wow! That's some progress!" Ross replied, sounding impressed.
"Speaking about progress, how's your promotion going?"
To her surprise, Rachel was finding herself completely at ease today. Perhaps it was the prospect of 'getting over' him that was making it so easy.
"Pretty good, actually! Like I told you yesterday, I got the keys of the office and now I'll be moving into the campus quarters next Sunday." he replied. What struck him was that this was the first time she had asked him about the promotion herself. What was going on, exactly?
"What's up with you? Anything you've got to tell?" he asked, his heart racing by now.
"Actually, right now I'm occupied because of the same reason as you." she replied, putting a few strands of hair behind her ear as she always did when she was nervous.
"You are getting a promotion?!" Ross asked, incredulous. "But you only just got the job!"
Rachel couldn't help but laugh at his tone before she continued,
"No, not the job part. The moving part."
Even after all these years Rachel Green never ceased to surprise him. And that was one of the many reasons why he loved him.
"What do you mean?"
"Well... I've been looking through a few properties and one has caught my attention in particular. It's big and beautiful. There's a school nearby, a good neighborhood, the whole package. Plus I'll get a loan from the company so money's not an issue as well."
Ross could hardly believe the words he was hearing. Rachel Green planning her future? Barely a week ago, she hardly even knew where she was going! Ross actually pinched himself so as to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. He wasn't as was evident by the burning pain on his forearm.
After hearing nothing from the other end for ten solid seconds, Rachel called into the receiver, confused.
"Ross? You there?"
"When were you going to tell me about this?" he asked, still in shock.
"I just did." Rachel replied, sounding a tad guilty.
"It's.. such a huge step, Rach." he said, after a while.
"I know." she replied, her voice indicating a slight fall in her confidence.
'What was Monica even thinking by lying to me like that?' Ross thought.
'She is buying a house there for God's sake! How the hell could that justify her 'love' for him?!'. Shaken, Ross still decided to give it a one last shot.
"You know that if you do it, you can't just turn around, right? That it'll be a commitment? To the city..."
There was a pause before he received a finite response.
"Paris has always been my dream, Ross." she replied.
'And it's all that I have left now.' she thought. But that thought never made it's way out. For she had suddenly been struck by a epiphany.
All this time, these past few days, her mind hadn't even thought twice about the implications of taking such a huge decision, a decision which she hadn't even considered making any time in the near future. Why?
Because she had had only two dreams. One of which had shattered only days ago. She simply couldn't let that happen to the second. And so she embraced it with all her heart.
"Then I wish you all the very best, Rach." Ross replied with profound sadness in his voice and ended the call without waiting for a response.
As the conversation came to an end, a deafening silence followed on both sides as they realised what they had done. Knowing their history, they knew that nothing was impossible when it came to them. But they also knew this:-
They had had to make certain choices several times in their lives. Which they had. And so they had to live with it's consequences.
Yet this time, deep within, they both knew that somehow they had crossed a line. That things could NEVER be the same again.
If this were a movie, now would be the time for some snacks! We are halfway through and the other half is going to be a similar rollercoaster. Stay tuned! :)