8. Drifting apart
A/N:- I've tried something new this time. A different format. Do let me know your thoughts on this one!
Oh and one more thing that can nag you:- The birthdate of Emma is a controversial topic as different episodes suggest different dates several months apart. For convenience, I'm selecting the air date of Emma's first birthday's episode.
November 24, Present day
A loud reverberated sigh was heard throughout the living room as the source continued to stare outside the window, into the darkness that lay beyond. Leaning on the window sill she stood, a glass of wine in hand, her eyes devoid of any expression in particular.
She had never felt so drained as much as she did right now, at this moment of her life. Drained, not physically but emotionally. Or perhaps it was both, with one leading to the other. Just when she thought that it couldn't get any worse, she found herself drained of one more thing, only this time it was in a literal way.
"Damn it!" she whispered to herself as she tilted the bottle upside down only to discover that it didn't have even a single drop to offer.
In despair, she passed a look inside the room, her eyes landing on a document that lay on the table. Ideally it should've cheered her up, for it was a token of her biggest achievement so far. Yet... darkness was all that she could feel.
* * *
Few hours before...
"Please sign over here.."
Rachel leaned over the agreement papers as she accepted the pen handed to her by the agent. Samantha stood beside, her face lit with excitement.
"And here.." said the realtor yet again, flipping the pages as he did so. Rachel obeyed the same.
"And let's see..." he said, scrutinzing the document yet again. "Oh yeah, one last sign over here." he exclaimed, marking the spot.
"Thank you." he said, taking the document back and putting it into his case once Rachel had finished signing it.
" Now in about six months, depending on the sanctioning of the loan and other formalities, this house will be all yours!" Raphael said, extending his hand for a formal handshake.
"Yay!" Sam exclaimed, exuding a lot more enthusiasm in order to make up for the person beside her who had only come up with a weak smile and a 'That's good to know' whilst accepting the handshake.
"Won't you like a drink before you leave?" Rachel asked, more out of politeness than anything as the realtor stood up to take leave.
"Not today. Thank you for the offer though!" he replied, giving her a polite smile before heading out.
As soon as the door shut behind him, Sam's expression changed from enthusiastic to curious.
"Huh." she said, glancing inquisitively at Rachel.
"What?" Rachel asked, feeling Sam's glare upon her.
"For a woman who has just gotten a house under her belt, you sure don't look that happy. I mean, hasn't it been a dream come true? " Sam stated, her eyes demanding an explanation.
"I..." Rachel trailed, unable to continue whilst she cursed Sam for being so 'spot on'. Ever since she had made the decision of buying a house, she had actively decreased contact with Monica. It wasn't like they didn't talk, but it was more like they didn't 'talk'. Their conversations had developed a formal, reserved tone much reminiscent of the time more than a decade ago when she and Monica had drifted apart.
But it wasn't like she didn't have such a friend here. Sam had gradually taken Monica's place over the months and though they were different in several aspects, they did have one thing in common. Their love and concern for Rachel Karen Green.
"C'mon Rach, it'll be alright." she said, rubbing her arm as she did so.
Rachel, who had barely payed attention to her friend, mouthed the words
"I'm leaving for New York tomorrow."
There was a brief pause as Sam absorbed this new piece of information.
"Leaving?! As in..." she asked, sounding both confused and upset.
"Just for two days. I'll be back by Monday. Without Ems." Rachel said, blinking back tears as she did so.
"Oh." Sam replied, her voice grave as it lost it's upbeat charm.
Well, think about it this way. Emma will finally get to see her father again!" she exclaimed, glad to have found something positive about the situation.
There was a brief silence before Rachel turned towards Sam and said with a sad smile,
"Honestly, it's not like she hasn't seen him recently."
Sam winced as she recollected the memory of Emma's second birthday.
Saying that it had turned out to be the most depressing birthday party she had ever been to was only a mild understatement. To add insult to injury it had been her idea that had caused the disaster, although truth be told she wasn't to blame at all.
* * *
October 23
"Aww! Look, look what aunt Sam has bought for you! Say thank you!" Rachel exclaimed to her two year old as Sam unwrapped the package she had brought.
"Hey! Aren't we supposed to cut the cake before we began opening the presents?" Jean asked, annoyed.
There were murmurs of assent from others who were present there as well.
"Oh, as though you care! You just want to eat the cake." Paul exclaimed, while others laughed.
It was a cheerful occasion and everyone had been glad to join in to celebrate the birthday of their colleague's adorable daughter. There were around two dozen people present, including a few kids around Emma's age being either Rachel's colleagues' kids or Emma's playdates from her daycare. Though it was a much larger turnout from the last time, honestly she couldn't have cared less if nobody had shown up, with the possible exception of Sam. Because all the people whom she cared about hadn't been able to make it, and she felt responsible for the same. She had told her friends and parents that she was extremely caught up in work and hence couldn't make it to New York in time for her daughter's birthday. Truth was, that she just couldn't face her friends.
Even then she had hoped that atleast he would be able to make it. He couldn't. Apparently his promotion kept him locked in his cabin for long hours and the time that was spared went in the formalities that accompanied the job such as guest presence and lectures on various occasions.
She barely had time to ponder on that though as the present had been set up and the screen now displayed 'Skype'.
"Ta-dah!" Sam exclaimed, with an expression of glee and pride on her face.
"So how does this work?" Rachel asked, intrigued. It had been Sam's idea as an ideal birthday gift to Emma. It wasn't the laptop itself. It was a videocall from her father.
"Pretty simple, actually. Once both the laptops have the application all set up and running, it's just the matter of..." Sam ranted as she explained the concept which was brand new to Rachel.
"What are you doing?" Samantha asked as Rachel turned to pick up the receiver of her landline.
"Calling him to tell him to turn on his Skype." she replied, on which Sam rolled her eyes.
"I can check that here!" she explained. "And.. yup. Daddy is connected. Time to make the call!"
Rachel waited with bated breath as Sam made the call, waiting for Ross to receive it on the other end. She didn't have to wait for long.
"Daddy!" Emma practically shouted as Ross's image appeared on the screen.
"Happy birthday, Sweetie!" Ross exclaimed his eyes filled with joy and love upon seeing his daughter for the first time in four months.
"Daddy!" Emma exclaimed, hitting the screen and trying to figure out how could she hug him. She couldn't, of course.
Rachel took her in her arms and settled herself on the chair in front of the screen so that she could restrain Emma while also allowing her to see her father.
That was when their eyes met. Though they expressed a torrent of emotions, the occasion demanded that they shut them away and celebrate the bundle of joy they had created together.
Emma, who had been fidgeting only moments earlier stopped immediately when she noticed her dad was waving at her. Her face immediately split into a smile and she redid the same with all the enthusiasm a child possesses.
"Aww..." was the sound that escaped from almost everyone's lips on seeing this interaction.
Tears filled Rachel's eyes, which honestly wasn't really that uncommon now. Not since she had last met him four months ago. Yes, Emma was indeed daddy's girl, she thought, reveling in the father-daughter moment. Ross had almost always managed to console her when she had failed. Yet, Emma needed her mother more... Right? Or was it something they had decided arbitrarily?
Rachel's trance was broken by a grumbling sound coming from her right. As everyone laughed, she realised that it had been Jean's stomach. She let out a laugh as well. Jean reminded her a little too much of Joey. And by extension, of New York.
"Let's cut the cake before Jean has it all by himself!" Paul exclaimed, smirking.
"Yeah." Rachel replied, smiling. Her colleagues were really good chaps. Although everyone in this room (except for her) could comprehend and respond in fluid French, they had restricted themselves to English for her advantage and comfort. And she truly appreciated that.
A joyous chorus of 'Happy Birthday' rang through the room as Rachel took Emma's tiny palm in hers as they cut the cake in unison. Whoops and cheers echoed followed by 'Aww's' as Emma had her face lathered with the frosting.
On the other end, Ross was cheering in his office. Though he had joined in, his heart ached with the knowledge that he couldn't actually hug his daughter on her special day, or give her the gift she deserved. Yet, getting to see her live had been a precious moment. A moment which he should've known had been too good to last, as his PS made her appearance through the wooden doors. Knocking, she asked for his attention. Ross indicated that he was busy, upon which she mouthed 'It's urgent', while looking sincerely apologetic.
Finding no choice, he called her in.
On passing a single glance at the letterhead, Ross's joy evaporated almost instantly. It was from the Dean himself and the matter required his immediate presence to be resolved. He had no choice. He had to say goodbye to his daughter. Again.
"What's the matter?" Rachel asked, after watching the exchange on the other side.
"I... gotta go." Ross replied, his voice heavy.
"Now?! But we've only just started! There's presents to be opened... And, Emma hasn't even talked to you yet!" Rachel pleaded.
"Emma wants to talk!" Emma said, her lips turning into a pout.
Stopping himself from breaking down was all Ross could do as he met eyes with Rachel, his eyes reflecting a mixture of pride and deep sorrow for his daughter, whose eyes he didn't dare meet.
Understanding the pain and urgency in his big, brown eyes, Rachel nodded slowly.
"Believe me... I'm sorry." Ross whispered before he turned to Emma, saying,
"Goodbye, Ems."
Emma really didn't get it that Ross was leaving her. At first, she thought it was just a game. But when Ross finally ended the video chat, that was when things begun to get a little complicated.
In the meanwhile, the guests had begun entertaining themselves, getting into the groove of the party. So it was quite sometime before people started noticing that something was wrong.
"Daddy!" Emma wailed at the screen which had suddenly turned blank.
"Daddy'll be back soon, sweetheart." Rachel said, gently fondling her face, trying to make her understand.
"No! Emma want Daddy now!" she replied, her voice only increasing it's pitch.
Sam stared sadly at the mother who was failing miserably at pacifying her daughter, whose crying had finally attracted the attention of everyone present.
Rachel couldn't stand it anymore.
"Help me..." she said, weakly to Sam, on the verge of breaking down herself.
"How about we start opening presents?" Sam said, chattering excitedly as one would to grab the attention of a kid. "Oh look what this is!" she exclaimed, ripping open a present.
"It's a Teddy bear!" she exclaimed, waving it in her hand.
Emma, who had quietened momentarily, resumed crying yet again.
"DADDY!" she shouted, not even looking at the bear.
But Sam thought she should give it another try. That was a mistake.
"Hi, Emma! I'm Mr. Teddy! I'm here to wish you a Happy birth..." Sam said, whilst hiding her face behind the bear and moving it's arms. Before she could finish wishing, however, the teddy was snatched and thrown away by a furious Emma.
"Emma!" Rachel exclaimed, shocked by her daughter's behaviour. Emma had always been a peaceful child and though she could be quite difficult to manage sometimes, she had never thrown a tantrum before.
Until today.
Sam, though taken aback recovered quickly enough and begun searching for another present, something, anything that could pacify Emma. Rachel got over her own despair as well. But to no avail, for Emma threw every toy that was offered and cried until her voice turned hoarse and her eyes red.
Slowly, the guests left the party, all feeling sorry for the mother-daughter pair, who were inconsolable.
Thought they all had words and gestures to offer, they simply weren't enough.
* * *
"Her outburst still haunts me sometimes" Rachel revealed, her voice sounding like an eerie whisper.
"Me too." Sam replied.
There was a brief silence which was broken by Rachel as she opened the bottle of wine and generously filled both the glasses.
"So what happened afterwards?" Sam asked, picking up her glass.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Rachel asked, nonplussed.
"That day, when Ross called you again. You really didn't tell me the details." Sam said.
Rachel purposefully took her time with the wine, gulping it slowly, thereby delaying her response.
"We agreed that it was in the best interests of our daughter if we met." she finally replied, before she reached out for the bottle and poured herself a second helping.
Sam looked slightly alarmed at the rate Rachel was having her wine. Nevertheless, she prodded her further.
"That's it?" she asked, skeptic.
"Uh huh" Rachel replied, already halfway through her glass.
Sam looked at her for a solid minute before she asked or rather said,
"Parting with Emma's not the only reason you are dreading to go to New York, am I right?"
This time, there was no mistaking it. Rachel instantly lowered her gaze to avoid meeting eyes with Sam.
"What else could there be?" she asked, frowning as she did so.
"C'mon Rach, don't lie to me. You still love him, don't you?" Sam asked, as she kept her now empty glass back on the table.
Rachel's eyes widened slightly as she had not expected such a direct response from Sam.
"I..." was all that she could come up with.
"It could be the only explaination for why you keep pushing guys away using whatever excuse you have at hand." Sam said, her gaze triumphant.
Rachel chose not to respond, and instead poured them more wine.
"I mean, I know Jean suspects you for being a lesbian or something." Sam continued, accepting the glass. "But that's obviously not the case, isn't it?"
Before Rachel could respond, Sam said,
"Plus, I see it in your eyes, Rach. That's why you were so divided about buying the house. Because, somewhere, you are still seeing a silver lining for the two of you."
Rachel sighed, as she put down her glass. She really hadn't been looking forward to talk about this, but it felt like there was no choice.
"Honestly, Sam, when it comes to the two of us, there's always going to be a silver lining." she said, reflecting on the last proper conversation she had had with Ross a month ago.
* * *
October 23, After Emma's party
The living room of Rachel Green's apartment had all the signs of a celebration. There was wrapping paper scattered all over the place. Toys littered the room, being flung into various nooks and crannies of the room. There was food on the table, including a half eaten cake, which thankfully didn't look like a human penis this time. Everything seemed perfect.
But something seemed off. The 'feel' was wrong. It wasn't the one proclaiming a 'cheerful aftermath'. Rather it had an eerie silence. A silence which was suddenly broken by the voice of the phone, resembling the sound of a cracked twig in the dead of the night.
Rachel, who had somehow managed to put Emma to sleep, woke up instantly at the voice. She looked at the watch. It was a little past midnight. Only one person would contact her at this ungodly hour. She rushed to pick up the phone as she definitely had a lot to say.
"He..." came the greeting, which stumbled upon hearing the steaming voice from the other end.
"What were you even thinking?!" she said, as loudly as she could without waking her daughter.
"Rach?" Ross asked, not quite understanding the question.
"Your daughter was seeing you for the first time in four months, and you run off to do some of that stupid work of yours without even saying a proper goodbye?! What's wrong with you?" she fumed, unable to hold it in anymore.
"Rach, I..." Ross said, sounding apologetic.
"Shut up! Just shut up! Do you have any idea what she went through when you took off like that?" Rachel asked, close to tears now.
"Please, I..." he pleaded, genuinely upset.
"She was bawling, literally bawling at the top of her lungs for you! She threw away everything I could offer... I've never seen her like that. And you act as if you don't even care?" she said, tears streaming down her eyes now.
Ross snapped on hearing her last statement.
"I DO CARE ABOUT HER! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE LISTEN TO ME?!" he shouted, managing to stun Rachel long enough to continue talking.
"I'm sorry, alright? I really am. Do you really think leaving her made me happy? I left because I simply had no choice!" he said, trying to make her understand.
"Oh really? Then why didn't you come to the party today?" Rachel asked, recovering.
"Rach, this is international travel we are talking about. Not intercity or something. I just..." Ross replied, but he was cut short by Rachel yet again.
"Just what?! Huh, just what?! Couldn't find time in your 'busy' schedule for your own daughter?" she asked, smirking as she did so.
There was a pause on the line before Ross came up with the classic 'offence is the best defence' strategy.
"How come I get all the blame?! Rachel, you haven't been in New York ever since you left 5 months ago. Don't you think it's about time?!" he debated.
"Well, I've been busy establishing my own life here, Ross! It's not like I've been hiking or something!" Rachel replied, although her voice slightly faltered towards the end.
"If you are so determined to 'establish your life', then it's obvious that you don't need me there, isn't it?" Ross asked, unable to mask the sadness of his voice.
"This isn't about me, Ross! It's about Emma! It's her who needs you so badly. Or did you miss that?" Rachel reflexively replied. But as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them, for they weren't entirely true. Hell, there wasn't even a bit of truth in them.
"So you mean to say that it's only her, huh? Wow, I'd thought that the old college queen Rachel Green had long gone. But, no! Here she is, back after more than 10 years." Ross said, his voice turning bitter.
"What's that supposed to mean? You take that back right now!" Rachel said, as the words stung her deep within.
'Really?!' she thought to herself.
She heard Ross exhale into the mouthpiece before he continued,
"Rach, while you've been engrossed in 'establishing life' there, acting as though we ceased to exist, the others have had a hard time doing the same. Mon doesn't say it, but I sure as hell know that she misses you a lot. And so does Joey, Pheebs and Chandler." he said, sounding a lot more calmer and sincere than before.
Rachel nodded on the other end as couple more tears made their way down her nose. Maybe it was her daughter who had made her so vulnerable today, fir,to her surprise she ended up asking a question which she hadn't thought she would ever ask him.
"What about you?"
"So do I Rach, I thought that was obvious! A day, nay not even an hour has gone by without me missing you. Or the time that we spent together." Ross replied, exuding nothing but honesty in his voice
Neither of them could recollect the last time they had felt so close to each other. For they had kept their distance ever since they has tried to 'establish' their own lives, talking only when necessary. The silence on the line seemed to stretch, but it wasn't an awkward pause anymore. Well.. atleast until Ross ended up saying
"Not 'together' together per say, I just meant..."
"I know, Ross. God, I've missed you a lot. And also Mon and everyone else. I'm really sorry if I hurt Mon by talking less to her. Does everyone think the same way?" Rachel asked, concerned.
"Same what?" Ross asked.
"Does everyone think that I've drifted apart?" she repeated, although she felt like she already knew the answer. Of course she had.
"What's there to think, Rach? You literally have." Ross stated, attempting to make light of the situation while confirming Rachel's doubts.
"I'm sorry. I guess I just went overboard." Rachel replied, truthfully regretting ditching her friends.
"Come to New York, Rach." Ross said, his voice laden with emotion.
"Come home."
The last two words shook Rachel to the core as she began to feel sorry for both of them. Any moment now she could become the proud owner of a house in Paris. She had a life here now. How could she call New York her home?
"I... I promise that I'll try my best, Ross. But New York... it isn't my home anymore."
* * *
"But Rach, that's insane! I mean, how long are you gonna wait? What if... What if... it never happens?" Sam asked, pulling Rachel out of her reverie.
Rachel swirled around her glass in circles, watching the last few drops prance at the bottom as she bitterly said,
"Then I'll die alone."
If Sam had been shocked by Rachel's earlier response, then it was nothing in comparison to how she reacted now, as she physically double backed and ended up choking on her wine.
Rachel gently patted her back with a sad smile on her face, but as soon as Sam recovered, she pushed away Rachel's hand, wanting a justification for her statement instead.
"What?! What the hell are you saying?" she asked, coughing a bit.
"I'm saying that a lot of innocent people have been hurt because of us, Sam. That day, seeing Emma cry helplessly, it... it changed something inside of me. I mean... call it being a single mom or being on my own for so long... but I was finally able to see things from another perspective." Rachel said, realising that it was the first time she was saying it out loud.
"I realized that we simply couldn't let our relationship ruin other's lives. Not anymore. And that's precisely why I haven't dated anyone. I don't want to, because I know I'll end up hurting them. Because 'we' aren't 'over'. And maybe we'll never be. But only we will pay the price for that. Nobody else." she said, finding herself glad for finally revealing her reason for being single.
"So is that why you are afraid of going to New York? Because you are afraid you'll end up hurting you and your friends?" Sam asked, in a sympathetic manner.
"Actually, that's not the thing I'm most afraid of. The thing I'm most afraid of is hurting Emma. I'm dreading snatching away her image of a complete family after it's been given to her only for a span good enough so as to truly appreciate it's value." Rachel replied, while Sam just looked on, awestruck and rendered speechless.
* * *
Present day, 3,627 miles away...
The occasional scratching of the pen against the paper was the only sound that the chamber had perceived since the past couple of hours. If it hadn't been for that, then the vacancy of the chamber would've been a reasonable assumption to make. For the office hours were already over and the night watchmen had taken guard, inspecting and shutting down every door that wasn't supposed to be open at these hours.
But seeing Ross Geller work after hours had been a common site since a long time. Ever since he had taken over the job as the HOD, he had earned the reputation of a hardworking fellow, one who took his job seriously.
Truth was, that it kept him occupied. For the mind was a fickle thing. If you don't give it something to feed on, then it wandered away on it's own. And that couldn't mean anything good.
"Sir?" came a voice from the door, preceded by a knock.
"Yes?" Ross asked, not looking up.
"I wanted to ask you whether you would be staying in the office or would you prefer heading to your quarters? For it's my duty to shut the department at midnight, Sir. And I won't be allowed to reopen the doors untill 6:00 in the morning." the guard asked from the other side.
'Midnight?! Shit!' Ross thought to himself as he glanced at his watch. 'Five past twelve' it proclaimed. He hadn't meant to stay in that long.
"I'll be out in ten minutes." Ross told him.
"Alright, Sir. I'll be waiting." he said and the words were followed by the sound of receding footsteps.
Ross yawned and stretched his limbs as he slowly got out of his chair and began packing the papers in his suitcase. Once he was done tidying the place, he cast another look at the golden clock above the mantlepiece.
'Twelve fifteen. Just eight more hours until flight AU 974 was scheduled to land at Newark airport.'
And then it hit him. The wave which he had managed to keep at bay. The reason why he spent long hours in his office. The reason why his personal life had narrowed down to his closest friends and his son, Ben. Rachel Green, yet again.
Being physically away from her had made him realise that getting 'over' her was something he had never managed. And perhaps would remain something that he never would. Even as her words echoed in his mind,
'But New York... it isn't my home anymore'
He still felt there was hope. That their story wasn't quite complete. And that tomorrow (or rather today, as it was already past twelve), a new chapter would be written.
No matter what happened, he had sworn that he wouldn't let another person be a casualty in their seemingly never ending relationship.
It was strange, indeed. Though physically seperated, their thoughts had never been more aligned. So, had they really drifted apart?
Or had they...
If you were confused, the last paragraph is actually a third person/narrative point of view, which has been very rare in this story.
By the way, 3,627 miles is the flight distance between New York and Paris. I just googled it for adding a spin.
So how did you find this format? It's most probably a one time thing, but I might just use it later on. And stay tuned, because it's gonna be interesting next chapter on.