Chapter 20:

"Yukiko, you know you can't keep doing that."

Yukiko frowned to herself as she glanced at the retreating back of Kensei. It'd been about a week and a half since she began training with the Vizard in controlling her bankai and once again she'd pushed the large man away. She couldn't help it, anytime he drew too near, or they ended up alone together, she'd panic and try to think of what would make him want to walk away. Her only solution was to act like Mashiro in some way.

She really wasn't the type of person to pout or act childishly and knew Kensei would eventually figure that out, she was sure Shinji already had. But his dislike of dealing with the green haired woman meant that if she acted the same way, he'd lose his desire to be close and back away. So far, it worked. But every time she did that, her heart ached at the look he gave her. She hated pushing him away, but the thought of physically pushing him or screaming at him or something like that spurred her to repeat the action again and again.

"I know, but you saw the only memory of his I can't get through. I don't know what'll happen if he gets that close again."

In her mind, the little nightingale flitted around her, clearly frowning. "Yukiko, you need to talk to him. Tell him what's wrong, something. By dodging him and playing as Mashiro, you're only making things worse. You can't bridge that gap by lying."

"I know that." The inner version of the ex-soul reaper slipped to the floor of the long hallway of her mind, the door to her right shuddering a little. "But the only way I can think of to rid myself of that memory may make me hurt him first...and I can't do that again!"

"Don't you think this act of yours is hurting him just as much?"

Yukiko didn't answer, her hands clenching into fists at the thought. She knew there was the chance that her dodging his attempts were only hurting him, but that small part of her that desperately wanted him to be okay kept telling her this was better.

She blinked a few times, the light of the training grounds surrounding her as she got to her feet. Her bankai had run out a long time ago and she'd spent the remainder of her time trying to recover and not end up alone with the silver haired Vizard. As she glanced around, she spotted Shinji who was giving her a strange look she couldn't decipher. "Well, I guess it's time to go," she announced, brushing off her shihakusho. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Yukiko, we are going to try using that technique of yours again tomorrow, so please get some rest," Rose called out from where he sat. She nodded her understanding before leaving the training grounds and then the warehouse.

The trek back to her apartment was long, and she took the time between to clear her head and admire her surroundings. Stars were beginning to appear in the sky as the color shifted from the bright orange to a purple. The sunset was beautiful, and proved to ease her aching soul. She paused for a moment, drinking in the beauty and taking a deep calming breath. If only there was a faster way to get over this…

Her musings were interrupted as someone appeared in front of her, making her jump and reach for her invisible sword. She paused, however, when she saw who it was. "Oh, captain Hitsugaya, did you need something?" she asked, relaxing somewhat.

"The Head Captain is calling for you," he answered calmly, gesturing for her to follow him. She did so without any complaints.

As they leapt through the air, she observed the seeming child before her. Over the time she'd known the small captain, he always seemed bothered by everyone that addressed him, but not when it came from her. She theorized it was because of the respect she showed him while everyone else seemed a bit too candid. But then again, she didn't understand why she shouldn't show some respect. He'd reached the level of a captain after all, and the fact he was so young in doing so only made it that much more impressive to her. He deserved her respect.

In a short amount of time they reached an area of housing that was familiar. She realized the rooftop they landed on was the one she'd seen them after their battle with the arrancar. To her surprise, he led her to the window of one of the rooms and climbed inside. Confused, and feeling a bit intrusive, she followed him inside and almost jumped at the massive screen staring her in the face.

"Uh, where are we?" she asked nervously looking around at the empty apartment. "You guys didn't just take someone's apartment did you?"

"Nope, this is Orihime's place," Rangiku answered as she stepped into the room. Like usual, the clothes she was wearing looked as if they were going to burst at the seams because of her bosom.

"Is she really okay with this monstrosity in her home?" Yukiko asked looking around again. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen the woman since her sparring match over a week prior. "Where is she anyway?"

"She's fine with it," Rangiku assured her. "She even said we could continue using her place while she goes to the soul society to train with Rukia."

That explained a few things.

"Yukiko."

Said ex-soul reaper almost jumped out of her gigai at the sound of the voice before seeing the owner standing clearly in the massive screen. "Head Captain," she greeted, once she got a hold of herself. She'd felt his door shudder within her, but not nearly as badly as before. Seemed not being able to sense his energy helped immensely. "You wished to see me?"

"Yes. You've been silent these past weeks," he said harshly. "Your lack of reports has had me wondering about the validity of your continued stay in the world of the living."

"Oh." Yukiko swallowed hard at this. She'd entirely forgotten that she was supposed to be sending back weekly updates on her progress. "I apologize for my negligence. However, these past weeks have proven to be quite informative."

"Explain."

Yukiko took a deep breath, trying to sort through all she'd learned and accomplished and determine how much of it she should share. "About three weeks ago I came up with a potential plan to make my recovery that much easier. With help from Youruichi, Kisuke, and Tessai, I was able to test my theory and discovered its effectiveness."

"And what theory was this?"

"The idea is that my memories of the past are far too jumbled for me to ever truly work through them and properly determine which are real. So instead I need to focus on who these people are now. I decided to test it by spending a day with each of the three in turn. And at the end of each day, utilize meditation to sort through the memories containing them until I've solidified who they are to me now. For the three in question it has been successful."

There was silence following her explanation as the group studied her. "So, you believe that spending time with those from your past will rectify the damage Aizen has wrought?"

Yukiko nodded. "So far, it has been successful. And since a few memories do overlap with others, I have made strides with others as well, though not as great. There are still times where I need to take time to get my head on straight, even with them, but they are much fewer and farther between. I believe that if I were to return to soul society, this method would allow me to handle being with everyone once more."

"How long do you believe it would take to complete?"

Yukiko shook her head at this question. "I don't know. There are some memories that are not so easily dissuaded, but even without them, it could still take years to undo the damage."

Yamamoto nodded his understanding. "And have you solidified the traitorous three in your mind yet?"

Yukiko blanched at the question and slowly shook her head. "No, sir. I-I'm not certain if I can."

His countenance seemed to darken a little at her answer and she knew she was in hot water. Her promise regarding her failure surfaced to her mind and she shivered. Would she really have to follow through with it?

"Captain Hitsugaya, check in with Urahara regarding his thoughts on her progress and report back. Yukiko, you have two months to make greater progress. Do not forget to report in every week, or I may be forced to have you keep your promise before your time is up."

Yukiko felt weak at this declaration as the screen once more went black. Her time would be cut short if she forgot to report in again, meaning she'd have to go to the maggot's nest. After all the effort Shinji and Kensei put in to keep her out.

After saying her goodbyes to the little captain, she left the apartment and started walking down the street. "What am I going to do?" She asked her sword in depression. "I can't really do anything about those three. What do I do if I can't solidify them in my head?"

" Well you did promise to go to the maggots nest if you fail," Soyokaze reminded her.

"I know, but I really don't want to. It'd be such a waste after all the progress we made."

She waved goodbye to the tiny captain before leaving the apartment in a sort of fog. Her mind was reeling at what she'd learned and her heart ached. She had a month, maybe more to make a satisfactory amount of progress, but how was she supposed to? Realistically she couldn't spend any time getting to know the current trio of traitors to decide she didn't like them, nor could she feasibly return to soul society to spend time with the captains there. They didn't have time, she didn't have time.

"Ugh, what am I supposed to do?!"

Surprisingly, there was no answer to her internal scream. Soyokaze seemed just as lost as she was. She sighed heavily to herself and leaned against the nearest wall, just wanting to disappear inside it to avoid everything going on around her. Even though she was working as hard as she could to break out of Aizen's hold, she seemed to be letting everyone down, even herself.

She halfheartedly looked around herself to see how far she was from her apartment when she realized she'd gone in the wrong direction. Her tired eyes settled onto the Urahara Shop that sat several feet ahead of her as she leaned against the surrounding wall. Why had she come here of all places? She didn't know, but somehow, seeing the place where her old friends resided brought her a sense of hope.

She stepped forward into the yard as the two children came outside. They seemed to be closing up shop as they spotted Yukiko approaching and stopped.

"What do you want?" Ginta asked, placing his fists on his hip.

Yukiko could hear her blade scolding her for being there but she ignored it. "Is Kisuke here?" she asked.

"The owner is busy in his lab at the moment," Ururu answered with a bow. "Do you want to wait inside?"

Yukiko smiled and nodded at this as the two children go into a small spat as to whether or not they should have allowed her inside. She ignored this and stepped inside.

As soon as she opened the door to the back area, she spotted Tessai moving a few boxes around. He seemed to be cleaning up the store or something. He acknowledged her presence with a single nod before moving on. She planned on sitting at their table to wait and think about what she wanted to say to her old friend, but decided she should get a little more practice in and headed into the training area instead.

When she reached the bottom of the tall ladder, she did a few stretches to loosen her aching muscles. Then she stretched out her hands and prepared to practice using just her reiatsu, releasing the block on her gigai. Almost immediately she froze as she was bombarded by the energy of two clashing powers. Seconds later, what looked like a snake head rose above the rocky terrain with a person being pushed by the nose.

"Is that...Chad?"

"Seems like it."

"Who's sword is that though?"

"I believe it's the bankai of the 6th squad's lieutenant."

"You mean Renji?" Yukiko was stunned. She'd never seen the hotheaded lieutenant's bankai, much less expected he'd achieved it. "Wow, it looks pretty powerful."

"Yes, but something seems strange."

"What do you mean?"

"His spirit appears to be irritated, or perhaps disappointed." Yukiko noticed her own spirit close her eyes in thought, feeling the energy coming off the other. "It's almost as if it isn't quite...whole."

Yukiko didn't know what to make of that statement. She'd never seen a bankai not be whole...well, unless you counted the ones that had been broken before. But even then Soyokaze had never said they hadn't been whole. Just broken. Hearing her words, made her wonder about her own bankai. "Are we?"

Her sword giggled a little. "Yes."

Yukiko smiled and was about to respond when she felt someone land beside her. "Yukiko, what brings you here at this hour?"

She turned and smiled sheepishly at him. "Hi, Kisuke. Mind if we go somewhere a little more private?"

He seemed confused by her request but nodded and led the way back up the ladder to the main portion of the house. She followed silently, contemplating what it was she wanted, and what she wanted to say. Her eyes occasionally scanning the man before him. His green kimono really did seem to suit him better than the soul reaper shihakusho ever did, and it made him seem larger than he was. A part of her wondered why that was.

In a short amount of time, the pair reached an empty room which he entered and closed the door behind her. Only then did he move to one side and sit down on a small cushion, gesturing for her to do the same. She did so, crossing her legs and taking several breaths to allow her thoughts to clear.

"So, what's on your mind?"

Yukiko looked up at him and even though she still hadn't figured out why she stopped by in the first place, she found herself explaining about her meeting with the head captain. "But there's nothing I can really do to finish sorting through their memories. Not unless I spend time with them, and that's out of the question," she finished with a sigh.

"I see, that is rather distressing," Urahara agreed. "But then, what is it you want from me?"

She took one more moment to sort through her thoughts before answering. "From all the machines you've built, all the experiments you've conducted, is there anything you have that can help speed up this process for me?"

Urahara sighed. "Yukiko, this isn't something you can force. There are no shortcuts for your condition."

She shook her head vehemently. "I know that, but I need something. If I had more than these one or two months to get farther I wouldn't worry too much," she said firmly. "But, if I don't do something soon, I may end up going to the maggot's nest, negating all the effort you all went through to keep me out. If that happens I'll lose Soyokaze, and I won't be able to hold myself together anymore. She's the one keeping all these memories separated after all. I might end up regressing to that ball of fear Youruichi found me in. So please, if there's anything you can do to help, let me know."

Again he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "There is...one thing I could use."

"What is it?!"

Urahara held up his hands to stop her from saying anything more. "I'm only telling you this because you asked, but I highly suggest you take a different alternative."

"Why?"

"There are far too many risks involved." He once again stopped her from speaking. "I mean it. This method I have would force you to relive these memories in their entirety. You won't be able to stop them or manipulate them in anyway. You will simply be in an eternal loop until you've made a decision about those involved with the memories." Yukiko felt her stomach drop at the thought, but the surprises didn't stop there. "There's also no guarantee you'd come out the way you want much less waking up at all. If you cannot come to a decision you will not awaken after all. And even though we all hope it'd mean you could come out ready and capable of fighting of the traitorous trio...it's far more likely you'd end up being their ally and not ours."

Shippoman: Yukiko's in a tight spot. She slowly running out of time and doesn't seem to be progressing at a speed good enough for Yamamoto. With such a short amount of time left, will she be able to succeed before her deadline, or will she be forced to return to the maggot's nest? And if so, will she accept like she claimed? Stay tuned to find out. Next chapter, Yukiko makes a surprising decision that comes back to bite her. Please remember to R&R.