Shippoman: Sorry for the long space between updates, but I am slowly getting the rest of the story out. In fact I'd say I'm closing in on the end here. I probably only have at most five chapters left. I think. I did want to get this one out for Christmas but I guess I'm a day late...make that two. It's almost 1 AM here. Anyway, here's a special shout out to those that have been reviewing. Hearing what you think keeps me wanting to write more.

Chapter 21:

"...iko. Yukiko!"

The ex-soul reaper blinked as the voice reached her. Her eyes fell on her friends and saw several of them struggling for air. Instantly she released the energy needed to gather the air and returned her sword to its sheath before touch back on the ground.

"I'm so sorry," she exclaimed, rushing over to them. "Is everyone alright?

Almost instantly a fist landed on top of her head, courtesy of Kensei while the others recovered from their suffocation. "Where the hell was your head?" he demanded. "This isn't the same as your Shikai, you know. If you're not careful you could kill everyone around you."

"Don't you think I know that!" she shouted back at him. She took a deep breath and calmed herself down as she looked everyone over. "I'm sorry. I-I guess my head was somewhere else today."

"You mean for the past week," Shinji said giving her a pointed look. Yukiko reluctantly nodded and looked away from him. "Alright, why don't you take a moment to get your head on straight and try again."

She nodded again and went to sit down without meeting Kensei's gaze. "Yukiko, you should tell them what you heard. They can help," Soyokaze said the moment she took a seat.

"No, Soyokaze, I can't," Yukiko returned. "I can't put that on them, you know that. I just have to get stronger and solidify those three in my mind."

"No, you have to confident in your relationships with many of the soul reapers and those three," Soyokaze said seriously. "Just saying you'll fight those three won't be enough. You know this."

Yukiko felt her stomach drop and resisted the urge to curl up. She knew her sword was right. The soul society had a history of not allowing things that seemed threatening continue to exist, especially where she was concerned. Her uncontrolled power in the past, and now her uncontrolled mind. Unless she could prove she'd gained control like before she'd be locked away. But she'd hit a wall and hadn't progressed at all in over a week. She was running out of ideas, time, and especially hope.

She looked up and scanned the faces of those around her. Most had returned to what they were doing before to kill time. Hiyori had returned to training Ichigo once they'd regained their breath and Shinji was relaxing on a sofa while occasionally shooting her worried looks. Then he eyes landed on Kensei. He was avoiding looking in her direction and she could see his hands close into tight fists, the knuckles slowly turning white under the strain.

"Kensei...I have to try again," Yukiko murmured in her mind.

"Yukiko, it nearly destroyed him the last time," Soyokaze pointed out. "It's not a good idea. You should really be focusing on your bankai and on figuring out how you're going to convince the head captain you're ready to fight."

"I know...and this is how I'm going to do that," Yukiko said determinedly.

She got to her feet, ignoring her sword's protests and warnings, and slowly made her way over to her ex-captain. When she reached his side, she watched his hand relax as he turned to look at her. "Need something, Yukiko?" he asked, not quite meeting her gaze.

"Um...I was wondering if you'd like to spar with me for a bit," she answered slowly. He eyes lifted enough to meet hers and he raised his pierced eyebrow in question. "It's just been so long since the last time...and I figure I need something familiar to help me focus before I go back to using my bankai."

His eyes scanned her for a moment as she waited nervously. She was never able to decipher what he was thinking, but she hoped he'd say yes. To her surprise he smirked and got to his feet, brushing off his cargo pants. "Fine, but you know I never go easy on anyone," he said, pulling his combat knife from his boot.

Yukiko felt the knife plunge brutally into her chest, momentarily loosing the ability to breathe, but quickly shook it off and pulled her own sword free. "I haven't forgotten," she said, forcing a smile onto her own face to hide what had just happened. "I wouldn't have any other way."

Kensei's smirk grew before he charged her. The two clashed in a shower of sparks as their blades connected. Distantly, Yukiko could hear Mashiro cheering her on before the voice was lost in another clash. She quickly became caught up in the battle against her old captain; memories of their past training sessions returning with each blow.

Each clash of their blades brought a bigger smile to her face until she was laughing in joy. This was what life was supposed to be for her, spending time with her superiors, training, getting stronger, and having fun. After parrying a particularly hard attack from Kensei, Yukiko sheathed her sword and ducked his blade before rushing in and ramming into his stomach; her arms wrapping around his waist in the process.

Somehow, his blade disappeared as well as he wrapped his arms around her in response. He easily pulled her off of him and put her in a hold, cinching it tight. She struggled and managed to slip out before jumping on his back and locking her arms around his neck. In seconds he had her off of him, facing away, with her arms crossed in front of her and being pulled back by the wrist.

She couldn't help the laugh that came out as she panted for air. Even though she knew she lost, the match had been fun and she couldn't hold back the sound of pleasure. To her surprise, she heard more laughter that wasn't hers. Then her arms were released and she turned to see Kensei smirking at her in amusement.

"Feeling relaxed now?" he asked. He was breathing easily, showing he hadn't used much energy during their little spat.

Yukiko grinned fully at him. "Yeah, thanks," she said. She took a deep breath to ease her pounding heart. "Say, Kensei?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you like to join me for a picnic dinner after training?" she asked. Her hands were beginning to sweat as she asked and she felt like her heart was going to jump right out of her chest.

Kensei looked confused for a moment as he scanned her features until he met her gaze. "Sure." Yukiko's face exploded with heat at his answer and she wanted to hug him in joy, but her fear kept her from moving any closer. "Want me to get it made up while you train?"

She smiled in relief and nodded. "Yes. Thank you."

He nodded and silently headed off. As she moved back to the center of her training space, Soyokaze reminded her once more about what had happened the last time she tried to be alone with him and warned her not to fall into the same trap. She acknowledged her sword's words but calmly pushed it to the back of her mind. If she could complete Kensei's memories, then she knew she'd be able to finish those three. So long as she had the assurance that he was the man she wanted to believe him to be, then there would be nothing they could do to change her. She'd be okay...

An hour and a half passed rather quickly for Kensei as he made up a filling, yet easily transported, dinner and packed it away into an ice chest. He had a hard time keeping his hollow from messing with the meal in any way as his mind kept wandering back to her request, leaving himself momentarily vulnerable to his hollow. The request had been completely unexpected, but very welcome. Hearing her ask him for a picnic increased his hope that she'd be able to go back to normal. At the very least it was clear she was still trying, and he wanted to encourage that.

When everything was packed up, he brought it all out to the entrance of the warehouse, where she was waiting, nervously. "You all finished?" he asked raising an eyebrow at her.

She nodded and glanced up at him. "Shinji said I was going to wear myself out if I didn't get a break in," she said, licking her lips slightly. "That and I have been at this all day. It might be a good idea to call it a night."

Kensei was pleased to hear she was taking care of herself, seemingly better than when she'd been a part of his squad. He gestured for her to lead the way as he lifted the ice chest back up and followed. The pair traveled in silence across town until they reached a secluded area that sat near Karakura River. The sun was setting over the horizon giving the sky a pink and orange tinge, making the setting a little more romantic.

"This is good," she said, taking a seat on the grass and looking up at him expectantly.

He brought the ice chest closer to her and set it down before pulling out the items inside. Her reaction to the food was amusing as he revealed a dinner of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, and what looked like a brownie for dessert.

"You made all of this?" she asked in amasement.

"Yeah," he answered, placing the items on the ground and handing her a plate and utensil. "Go ahead, tell me how it tastes."

After serving himself some food, he watched her take a few bites and beam in joy. She kept eating, her mouth constantly too full to carry on a conversation; which was just fine for him. Right now, he just wanted to savor the closeness, and the look of joy on her face, as he knew there was the chance that at any moment both would end.

When the food was gone, he took his time putting all the dishes back into the ice chest. As he sat back, his work finished, he felt Yukiko lean against him. Looking down, he saw a contented smile on her face while her head gently rubbed against his arm. After a moment, he shifted his arm allowing her to rest against his chest instead, his arm gently wrapping around her shoulders.

"Better?" he asked.

She nodded into his chest. "You're more comfortable than I thought," she murmured, closing her eyes.

Kensei smirked at her answer then contemplated shifting their position even more. It was really uncomfortable for him the way they were after all. So after a few moments of contemplation, and a few shouted words between him and his hollow, he slowly laid back on the ground, pulling Yukiko with him.

"What about this?" he asked. This time he was really worried as he'd felt her tense at his movement.

She didn't answer right away and he could feel her body shaking slightly under his touch. Maybe he'd pushed it too far again. He was about to sit up and pull away when he felt her hand grip tightly onto his tank top. "I like it." Her voice was barely a whisper and he had to wonder how much was true and how much she was forcing out for him.

"If you want me to stop or back off just say so," he growled out. "You don't have to force yourself for my sake."

The hand on his tank top tightened slightly. "This is just as much for me as it is for you," she said firmly. "I can't tell you how much I want this."

Kensei's neck started to heat a little at her answer and he heard his hollow laughing at him for getting so embarrassed by it. Then to his surprise, she pulled herself up just enough to kiss his cheek. He looked up at her and she smiled at him, her cheeks turning a bright red.

Slowly he sat up, keeping his eyes on her as she moved with him and a cold wind rushed passed the pair. Her scent invaded his nostrils and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. The kiss was more of a brushing of the lips as he remembered the previous outcome. They sat there for several moments after it breathing in each other's scent.

He wanted to ask her if she was okay with more or if they should leave it at that, but his words died in his throat as she moved this time, melding their lips more firmly. To add to the growing intensity, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands tightened into fists for a moment before wrapping around her as well. Once again he was drowning in her scent and didn't want to be saved.

He began moving against her, pleased when she followed suit. As they moved he slowly tested the edge of her mouth with his tongue until he felt hers meet his. Then he plunged the appendage in deep, taking the moment to explore every inch of it as she moaned audibly into his mouth. Again he was surprised when she didn't pull back or tell him to stop and he was urged to go farther, the hunger of his hollow making his desire more unbearable than before.

The intense liplock led to him moving over top of her, pressing her into the ground as he continued to explore her mouth. His hands took on a life of their own as well, moving over the light shirt she wore and moving it aside enough to brush skin.

When the kiss was broken, he moved on to kissing down her neck. It wasn't enough, it still wasn't enough. He needed more of her; needed to see, to touch, and to taste more of her. His chest tingled as he felt her hand against it, making him growl in desire, his hands pushing her clothing aside even farther. A part of his brain began shouting he needed to stop, that he was taking it too far too fast, but he couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop.

Next thing he knew, he was on his back several feet away after receiving a strong blow to his side. Looking up in confusion, he saw Yukiko scooting away from him, terror written all over her face as she panted. Her cheeks were very red, her lips looked swollen, and she was surrounded by her wind reiatsu. Had she actually attacked him? Wanting to understand and worried about what she was going to do next, he made to stand up.

"Stay away from me!" she screamed.

Kensei froze at her exclamation knowing any sort of movement could make it worse. "Yukiko..."

She scrambled to her feet, keeping her arms locked in front of her protectively. "No! No...just...just..." Without finishing her sentence she flash stepped away, disappearing in an instant.

"Shit," he swore, slowly getting to his feet. How had things turned so wrong again? He'd told her to let him know if she needed him to stop, so why hadn't she before she exploded like that?

"Too easy."

Kensei frowned as his hollow laughed from inside. Then to his horror, he replayed the scene for him. Suddenly he felt sick to his stomach. She had told him to stop, begged him not to keep going, but he hadn't heard her. She'd needed him to be strong and remain in control, and he'd failed her again.

"Yukiko...I'm sorry."

Shippoman: Danggit Kensei! Not again. They were so close and yet he once again lost himself. Can you really blame him too much though? He's finally getting a chance to have the relationship he's fantasized about for over 100 years...well almost the same. Question is though, what will Yukiko do now? Stay tuned to find out, and please remember to R&R. :D