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AN: This turned out long, but I don't mind and hopefully you won't either. Missing scene for 4.07 – The Grave Danger Job. Thanks to anyone who's reviewed since last time. You're amazing!
.oOo.
The office feels weird. Like coming home from a long holiday. Or the opposite of that. Eliot can't find the right words for it. Everything is exactly like it was when they got the call, and everything is different.
His ability to shut down emotions and focus on the job is what has allowed for Eliot to be what he is. He had been aware of Hardison's time running out, the odds of them not saving him, but he hadn't felt it. There was a job to do. The ticking clock was nothing but a deadline. Until they pulled Hardison from that grave, deadline met, job done, and it all caught up with him. Like a blast wave after thinking he's cleared an explosion. Even now, over an hour after they left the graveyard, traces of vertigo remain.
Today, they were minutes at the most from losing Hardison forever. The same argument could be made for what Eliot in his head has dubbed 'the incident with Moreau', but in fact they are nothing alike. Eliot could see him then, could decide to go after him. He didn't have to hear Hardison's panicked voice over the comms, knowing that they might not find him in time. With Moreau, they didn't listen to Hardison take the breath that might be his last.
Nate has directed Hardison to his computer, playing Tetris. He's on a level fast enough to give Eliot a headache just from watching, so he doesn't. The studies showing that playing Tetris shortly after a traumatizing event can lessen the amount of flashbacks are relatively new, but Eliot's read about them. It's hard not to wonder if that knowledge would have made a difference for him, way back when. Hopefully it does for Hardison.
They are all shaken. The words they speak pretend to be normal but are too soft. Parker is on the stairs, silently looking out the window, and the fact that she's around at all says more than it should. Eliot busies himself with cooking, the familiar feeling of peeling and slicing helping to calm his mind.
Eliot has lost people before, lots of them. Army brothers and sisters he gained on foreign soil that never made it home. Yet the circumstances had been different then, and the stakes had been clear. He'd been different then too. This attack was a strike of lightning out of a clear sky. It shouldn't have happened. But it did, and they will all need some time to come to terms with that. Maybe Hardison shouldn't be the only one playing Tetris.
After pushing her vegetables around her plate for half an hour Parker slips out. None of them comment on it. Hardison has eaten half a plate of food, which Eliot takes as a win, and is joining their regular easy banter. It's a pretended normalcy, but it's a step on the way. Maybe they'll come out okay on the other side after all.
"I should get going." Hardison says not an hour later, just as the falling darkness outside is getting noticeable. He glances at Eliot as he speaks.
There's a lot of room for interpretation. The glance could mean absolutely nothing, but Eliot doesn't think so. It might be him reading what he wants into the exchange, because at least to himself Eliot can admit he might not be prepared to let Hardison out of his sight yet. Eliot should have been there to stop them from taking Hardison, and as irrational as it is he still feels he needs to make sure the younger man makes it home safely.
"I'll drive you." Eliot offers, hoping Hardison will pick up that it's not really a question.
Hardison shrugs. "As long as you'll pick me up on the way in tomorrow," he says. "I intend to use tomorrow to single-mindedly destroy these people, so you better have a plan for that." The last part is directed at Nate.
"I might have an angle or two. We'll make it happen." Nate slaps Hardison on the shoulder in something that might wish it was a hug.
Sophie isn't as shy and wraps her arms around Hardison for a few seconds. When they break apart she takes the time to look him in the eye. "Call us if you need anything," she says. "Any time." She only gets a nod in response.
The car drive is done in silence. Talking has never been Eliot's strong suit, but it should be Hardison's. It makes Eliot realize how used he is to Hardison being the one to start the discussions. Instead the hacker leans back against his seat, watching the streets pass them by. A mere three weeks have passed since they were going home from the carnival, roles reversed but the quality of the silence the same.
"What now, Eliot?" Hardison asks as they're about to enter his neighborhood. "What do I do now?" His voice is gruff, like it hasn't been used in a few days.
Eliot has no idea what to say to that. It's not like he's some poster boy of handling your shit with dignity. Telling Hardison exactly why he sleeps no more than three hours a night is not what this day needs. He also can't tell Hardison he'd gotten out of his first, worst, imprisonment in Myanmar and hadn't even waited for his body to heal before throwing himself back in the field. That he'd left the government that had left him and started working for the people who had brought that prison down. Sometimes he wonders how his life would have turned out if he'd dared to go back home to Amy instead.
"I might be out on a limb here," Hardison continues, the silence having stretched too long. "But I'm having this feeling you've been in some real crappy places."
Flinching is a tell Eliot has long since made himself unlearn. Instead he takes a slow breath.
"Dammit Hardison," Eliot says, and it comes out harsher than he meant it to. "It's not like I've done any of this shit the right way. Google should provide you with better intel than I can." Sliding the car into a parking space outside Hardison's apartment spares Eliot of having to look at the man himself.
"Sorry… I'm sorry… I just…" Hardison's voice sounds scared, or something. The shame that comes from that makes Eliot even less inclined to look at him.
Letting go of the steering wheel Eliot folds his hands in his lap for a second before bringing them up to intertwine behind his neck. Hardison has already taken off his seatbelt and is moving to open the door. The time to figure out how to make this right is running out.
"Look," Eliot says. He feels Hardison's eyes on him but uses his arms as an excuse for not turning to face him. "When you learn about horses and riding there's this thing, right? Whenever you fall off, or get thrown off, you get back up in the saddle. So, for me it's not been just an idiom, it's been a real thing you do. You fall off, you get up, and you get back in the saddle. Right away, because otherwise you risk getting scared of it."
A quick glance to Eliot's right show him Hardison's looking at him, frozen in place with his hand on the door handle. "Guess I just stuck to the habit, later." Eliot continues, making sure to keep away from details. "Never wanted to give them more control over me than necessary."
"Okay, yeah, maybe I can do that." There's something shaky in Hardison's voice as he speaks, but even lowering his arms and looking at his friend Eliot can't tell exactly what it is. Fear probably, or trepidation, but also decisiveness. "And revenge," Hardison says, voice steadier. "I'm definitely doing revenge."
Eliot smiles at that. "Yeah," he agrees, "revenge is also good."
"Hey," Eliot then adds, before they lose the topic. "Just remember that you've got a lot of options here that I didn't have. If you need help you can get it. They're called professionals for a reason." Eliot himself might never be able to talk about things like that, there is too much guilt and darkness. That doesn't mean he thinks it isn't a good idea for other people.
"Really?" Hardison questions, and there's a cheeky smile on his face. "I though real men suffered in silence?"
"Seriously? It's the 21th century; real men do what it takes to stay functional, and…" Eliot stabs a finger at Hardison. "they do their part at home, so you'd better start learning how to cook."
"Nah man," Hardison says. "That's why we have take-out, and you. I can do dusting and stuff."
There's nothing Eliot can say to that, so he doesn't. After a few seconds Hardison speaks up again. "I should get going," he says for the second time that night. "No point sitting in the parking lot all night." Again, Eliot wonders if what he hears is actually there of if it's just an excuse for what he's saying next.
"You want company?" He asks, watching Hardison for tells but not finding anything to neither confirm nor deny his thesis.
Hardison nods before he speaks. "Yeah, I think so."
Together they ride the elevator to Hardison's floor. They'd taken the stairs to and from the office, but it is Hardison leading the way now as well, muttering under his breath about saddles and not letting them stop him. In the cabin he carefully breaths in through his nose before letting the air out slowly. He keeps from visibly freaking out and Eliot is proud for him in some strange way.
The apartment Hardison calls home is a two bedrooms typical bachelor pad which Eliot has never before had a reason to visit. He can't help but find it odd that, even though he knows where each member of the team lives, this is the first time he's been at anybody's place but Nate's. And Nate's living in the office. Then again, they spend a lot of time together on the job, at the office, and at the bar - not much else has been needed.
While Hardison gets them beers from his understocked kitchen Eliot sends a quick text to Parker. At Hardison's, why don't you come over? Then Hardison is back and Eliot pretends he did no such thing. What Hardison doesn't know won't hurt him in case Parker is a no-show.
The second bedroom is filled with computers and screens and technical geeky stuff, but the tv is in the living room. They sink into the corners of a huge, surprisingly comfortable, sofa and Hardison sifts through the channels ending up on a Die Hard marathon that's only just begun. For the sake of both their sanities they watch the movie in silence, knowing that if they start pointing out stupid things about the plot or effects there will be no stopping.
Die Hard 2 has only just begun when there's a tap on the window. The fact that they're on the seventh floor apparently means little to Parker. Eliot can't help but smile slightly as Hardison gets up to let her in. It's good that she came, he thinks they both need it.
Parker gracefully slips into Hardison's old spot just before he has time to sit back down. He squawks indignantly but she says it's warm and he lets her keep it, sitting instead in between her and Eliot. Eliot wonders how long she was outside the window before deciding to join them, but he doesn't ask. He probably doesn't want to know.
By the end of the movie both Parker and Hardison are asleep. She is curled awkwardly against the armrest and he has listed over to lean against her. Eliot rises carefully and gets them a blanket before grabbing himself a new beer and the remote to turn down the volume. Sitting back down it strikes him he's probably meant to head home at this point, but he can't bring himself to leave them. Not tonight.
What should be an awkward third-wheel thing simply isn't. Seeing them together like this feels nothing but good. Like a pocket of calm is created in the storm still raging inside Eliot after the day. He wants them to have this, even if it should turn out to be at his expense. They're like siblings to him, the way real siblings never are. Eliot and his actual sister doesn't have a close relationship, never had. Biological families are just people forced together by genetics, as opposed to by choice. No matter how the team started, Eliot has been choosing them freely for a long time now, and so far they've been choosing him too. If it's too good to last, he can at least make the most of it in the time he gets.
So, Eliot stays, watching muted crappy movies. He won't sleep, not with other people around, but he might doze lightly for a few hours later if he gets too tired. During the night he'll keep them safe, be around to discreetly wake them if nightmares get them. In the morning he can see if Hardison has anything in that kitchen of his that will make a decent breakfast before they head back to the office. That is more than enough until they join up with Nate and Sophie to make Javier pay for what he did.