"May! May! Do you have your kimono on?"April knocks on her sister's door."Or do you need some help? Because I know-"
The door opens April looks expecting her sister to be dressed like she was, ready to go to the Summer festival. That festival she promised to take her sister to, knowing how much her sister really enjoyed them. Mr. Hamoto use to talk and tell stories about them back in the day. And her sister always captivated by them, wishing to go to one. Now she would be able to fulfill such a dream. April went out to buy kimonos for the two of them and the accessories needed. April wore deep blue one with yellow patterns, a yellow obi and the proper footwear. Her hair she styled in a rather nice bun with the ornaments. It didn't take to long to change, unlike her sister who seem to have trouble with it. Once back in America May had tired to wear one, but couldn't put it on properly.
Hana and Yuna came over, dressed and ready. All they needed was May, who needed to be ready, the festival was going to start rather soon. The door fully open, she finds her sister had not yet changed was still in her pajamas. Much to April's shock and annoyance.
"May? Why haven't you changed?"she asked the sulking girl."The festival is starting soon. We have to hurry up and catch the train. Are you having trouble again with the kimo-"
Looking up at your sister and mutter."I'm not going. It's okay. Have a good time."With that you shut the door on her, April stops it her foot. Turning around to her, the look she gave you scared you.
Downstairs Yana and Keiko waited, wondering what was taking April and May long. Looking at her watch, Keiko was starting to worried they would miss the train."I hope they hurry soon."
Hearing clunking sounding like clogs coming down the stairs, they turn and see April in high spirits. Pulling behind her, you."Alright! Let's get going."
"Yeah."Yana and Keiko say."To the festival!"
Rushing to reach the train station, just barely making it. You sat with the others. April chatting away with her friends all three of them delighted about going to the festival. Talking about the games they would play, and bringing up old memories they shared at festivals from before. You sat blocking them out, though would at times come back hearing their stories. To fade out again, they were so lucky to share such memories with each other. Very lucky, you had hoped to have those memories since returning but, that clearly wasn't or never would happen. Not after what happened at the Prefectural Tournament and the way you've been, not to mention what you've been noticing and seeing. The feeling of isolation and distant came back. Looking out the window absently, thinking about the words that Rin said to you. Still branded in your psyche. The way Haru looks at you. The heartbreak and frustration in Nagisa's eyes when you reject him. Even if gets over it, the pain still lingered in those magenta eyes. The way Gou sadden by your decline for reestablishing the friendship you two shared. The wall and falseness you gave. Makoto too. The way his eyes trying to search your eyes to understand what's going on, what's wrong. All of them desperate to know. Why you choose to not give them the time of day. Why you look at them with a huge amount of burden and guilt. Feeling unwanted. It left them puzzled and confused. They tired their best to cope with it, in their own way. Makoto still remaining kind and concern. Nagisa still wanting to smile and greet you. Gou still inviting you. Rin using his cruel words on you. Haru remaining rather cold.
This wasn't what you wanted, not at all. These where not the memories you truly desired, but, it was what you had. As Rin said, you now take pictures of sorrow instead of joy. Capturing Haru's defeat, made you go over all your pictures again from back then to now. There was a huge difference. A huge one, one you didn't even notice. Because you forced yourself to believe you could experience that feeling again. Rin was right, your pictures capture nothing but sorrow. Now.
Staring at your camera, April forced you to take. Against your will, to capture wonderful moments. It felt like fire in your hands, burning them for your betrayal. You didn't deserve this, none of it. Not after that...
Even though you tired to go and show concern for Haru after his lost. Rin called you out on it, and he was right. What was reason for being there? Did you actually care? Because it was clear you didn't, when you took that picture. Feeling suddenly sick to your stomach, feeling yourself fall deeper. Being swallowed up by your self loathing and guilt.
"May. May."April calls to you, bringing you back."Where here."she tells you standing up holding out her hand for you with a smile."Come on, let's go have a good time."
Standing behind Keiko and Yana smiling at you. Reaching for her hand, you hesitate but she grabs it pulling you up anyway. You nearly tumbled in your Gotas. But she caught you."S-sorry."you apologize standing back up.
"It's fine."she brushes it off and pulls you with her off the train. Following her friends.
It was rather hard to run in this footwear, you had to make sure your balance was good. April was rushing to get there, laughing with her friends. It was rather refreshing. But even more so, when you saw the lights. The bright lights of the festival, the lanterns that hung. Booths, booths all around. Games, food, items. People laughing having a merry time. Children running to the next thing to do. Smiles on everyone's faces. So many colors. So many different smells. So many different feelings. It was just breath taking. Stunning. This was just glorious. Music being played. Friends and family meeting up to go and start their night of fun. Your eyes felt overwhelmed trying to take it all in. This place it felt, it reminded you of...
Seeing their faces flash in your mind, smiling at you. Their hands out for you. All of them, including April and Coach. Your imagination suddenly took over, bringing you back to your younger days. Dressed in festival kimono, the same one you wore now. A mint hue, with golden accents and a dark green obi around your waist. Your hair pulled back in a low ponytail, bangs swept to your left. Flower accessories in your hair. Running over to the others, who waited for your your arrival. Nagisa jumping on you hugging you. Gou coming and taking hold of your hands in hers, squeezing them. Excited and begins talking about all the things the two of you would be doing. Both of you agreeing on winning a fish. Nagisa jumping in suggesting what to eat.
Everything he says sounding delicious, Rin telling the three of you to hurry. Ready to get the festival starting, starting a friendly competition with Haru. Makoto smiling. Everyone starts to run into the festival, smiles on their faces.
Opening your eyes, finding that never existed. That feeling never happened. Those memories to never exist. Looking at the group of friends meeting up, how lucky they where. Seeing the strong bond and completion with the four of them. The happiness shining on their faces. Your eyes follow them running into the festival. What joy.
A joy life would never return. Sorrow was all gave you and misery. Guilt and shame. That you pulled you down, more and more. Forcing you to wither away inside. Shackled by chains of punishment. Feeling empty and incomplete. It hurt.
"Seijuro!"you hear April say. Coming out of it, you see him a couple feet away. Waving to her, he waste no time and goes over to her. A few members of his team with him. You watch April and him embrace the other. He wasn't dressed festive, just in casual clothes.
You study him, the smile he had for your sister and the genuine happiness and love seeing her. Even the way he hugged her. And the way she returned his affections. It was a lovely sight, you just couldn't really feel anything. Except hollow.
"You girls made it."Seijuro said, looking at everyone."Don't we all look nice. You though April look stunning."he tells her, making her blush. Yana and Keiko couldn't help but giggle and awe. Making Seijuro grin with laughter, lavishing it. Poking fun at her flustering. When he notices you."Hey May! Glad you came out too."he walks over to you with April."You look wonderful too."
Looking at him, a part of you wanted to ignore him. But you simply smile."Thank you. My sister bought it for me."
"She does have good taste."he tells you holding April closer."Just look."He thumbs to himself. Making everyone laugh, except you. But you put on a mirror smile."Why don't we get this started. April told me,May. This it your first time at a festival and how much you really wanted to go to one."He slings his free around your shoulders. The weight almost knocked you over."Sorry. You're going to love it here. Your sister and I have gone to many together. It's going to be great going with you this time."He smiles."Ready?"
Not really, was what you wanted to say and go back home. But that wasn't going to happen. You had to go along with it, even a part of you was detesting it. Biting your lower lip for a second, you give everyone smile that masked everything. Taking out your camera.
"Before we go, why don't I take a picture of all of you."you suggest. Stepping back a couple of feet, holding up your camera. Signalling them to get closer. They do as you say, focusing the lens you take a few pictures. Looking down at them, with a stepford smile."Wonderful. We can now."
"Why don't I take one of yo-"April said reaching for your camera.
But you move it away 'playfully' and go around thumbing over your shoulder."We can take many others. I just can't wait to see what the festival has. Come on."you grab her hand and being to pull her with you.
Seeing the eager smile, April drops it and goes with you. Seijuro watches the two sisters enter, following a few seconds after with the others. The festival was even bigger inside. So many Squid theme relations. The games they had looked like fun. The prizes too. Your eyes remained open and bright, pointing to many different things. Laughter and smiles shared. You took pictures of everyone. Capturing their joy and happiness. You tired on a few masks with Keiko and Yana. Seijuro insisted try some games, which you did. He played a few with you, and the you played with a couple of the members. You shared some treats with April. Who couldn't be happier seeing her sister having a good time. Standing by Seijuro most of the time, doing her best to keep herself in high spirits. Even if she was starting to become rather tired. She was grateful she only had two episodes. Watching you exhibit delight and energy brought a smile to her. Her boyfriend noticed the way she looking at her sister, the two of them standing back watching May waiting in line for candy apples, talking to the members of the team with Keiko and Yana. Holding the conversation. Giggling and smiling. April rest her head upon Seijuro who held her close and carefully.
"Seems things are turning around."Seijuro said."It took awhile, but glad she's having a good time."
Nodding her head, April agrees."..."
"Completely different compared to when she came back. That day."
She knew what he was talking about, when her sister came back from the Swimming match. April greeted her with open arms, ready to know how it went. But May didn't share the same spirits as April. She came back seemingly void and angry. April didn't know what for, all she knew was that something happened that day. To effect her sister in such a way, May ran up to her room and shut the door. Greatly concerned April raced after her, but her sister locked her door refusing to let her in. It was bleak night and the next couple of days, April did her best to remain in positive. Coming to her sister with a smile, a few times trying to see how it went. But May wouldn't say, only to soon project a smile and lie through her teeth. That everything was alright, when it clearly wasn't. April wasn't stupid, she could read her sister's smile.
That plastered smile she wore had become like a mask now. Since the start of school. April tired to figure it out but, May never let her in. Keeping her out and at a distance, which worried her. Causing her to become stress. This wasn't what she wanted for her sister. She wanted her sister to...to...
Why, she wondered a few times. Her sister did this to herself? Her friends where still here and around her, yet she seem to not even bother to make any attempt to rekindle anything. She could see it taking effect on May, slowly but surely. It wasn't fair that May missed out on so much when she was gone. Right when she was finally becoming happy again, with the others years ago. For it to be snatched away from her. No doubt May felt isolated again when she returned, seeing the others. But, she was sure May would have gotten over it and jumped right back in. But that was not the case, that night her sister went out, no doubt to the old Iwatobi Swim Club. Reality smashed down hard on her, things changed. Her safe haven no longer there, where she had countless memories and laughs. Felt the happiest, being with everyone. Back then seeing that April, knew her sister would be alright. When it was time for her to leave. Now, in the present April wasn't really sure with the many twist and turns, ups and downs her sister did. With her personality. It didn't seem stable. While she became more distant, she reverted back to becoming heavily attached to April. April could feel her sister clinging to her and knew May saw her as her only joy and happiness. Majority of the time, which April was fine with, but knew she couldn't be forever.
This was April's last year and of course she wanted to enjoy every moment with her sister. To make up for lost times. But she wasn't the only one or ones who May needed to make up for lost time and be in her life. To start something new. The reality of knowing her sister would be left alone if she didn't break free of her shackles, she truly would never experience the joy and happiness April remembered her having. The blissful memories came to the older sister, such lovely ones. Happy ones. Joyful ones. Silly ones. They two shared. It would soon be over. Looking back at her sister coming back with a candy apple. Still smiling, it warmed and pained April. Seijuro could tell and holds her closer.
Quickly April rids herself of such thoughts and smiles upon her sister's return."Someone seems to be having a good time."she says to you.
Taking a bite of your apple."Yes. I really am. Would you like a bite?"you offer the apple to her, but she declines.
"No, that's alright."she coughs just a bit. Wiping her brow, taking out her fan fanning herself."It sure is hot with all this food around. You know you can't make this an official festival visit, until we go to the shrine and pray. How about it May? You want to go."
"Yes, of course."you agree and follow her.
Seijuro shows everyone the way to the shrine, saying he and his team already came here to pray for Regionals. He jokes with you that you better pray for the team to win. Keiko, Yuna and April go to pray together. Then Seijuro and April. Finally you, April said for you to first pray by yourself then the two of you would pray together. Approaching the shrine, you really didn't know what to actually pray for. Looking at the coin in your hand. Standing before it, nothing crossed your mind. But your heart was a different story. You felt it trying to speak, but you refused to listen to it. Hearing someone approaching you quickly throw the coin in and give a fake prayer.
"Oh, you just finished."April comes over to you, handing you another coin."I was starting to worry. So did you make good prayer?"
"...Yes. I did."you give her a smile. She smiles back."That's good. Ready to pray together?"Standing next to you, she throws in her coin and you do the same. Clapping hands, closing the eyes bowing and pray. Just like before you didn't know what to pray for you left it unsaid. Finishing the same time as April."I hope you prayed for something good."Your smile started to weaver. But you managed to keep it on well."Good. Let's go."
The house was empty, which was good. It allowed April to have the privacy she needed. Her sister out, summoned by Seijuro to attend the practice. She had no choice, with Regionals coming. She was needed. So she went on her way, knowing if not what Seijuro would do to her. Wearing her standard uniform and packing her bathing suit just in case she needed to take pictures in the pool.
With her laptop open, April was able to work on what she had been doing so since day one. Going over her recordings of herself, looking over the pictures she scanned. Putting everything in order. Matching the music, reading how long it would and hoping she was putting everything in it. Having all she needed, well just one more video then it would be complete. It'll be ready by the time Regionals came around. Her sister was going whether she liked it or not. April knew in her heart, May didn't want to go. Seeing how she didn't want to go to practice. But, May needed to be there, even if she felt she didn't. Her sister needed to be around Samezuka, it therapeutic, April could see the small changes in her since she was forced to be apart of the team. Her sister becoming rather moody about it, it still was a good for her. Looking at the time, she had enough time to get this finished. She had to finish it. Ignoring her body's warnings, she pushed on through. Finger on the mouse pad, shaking. She kept it moving. Feeling the tightness in her chest becoming more and more. Her coughing becoming worse, it all spiked after the festival. Rubbing her eyes, to focus on the screen. Pleading with herself just a bit more time was all she needed. To complete this. That's all she needed.
Taking another picture, you look at it. It came out rather well, but you felt nothing from it. Taking another one again and again. The members coming over to you to see and you telling them what they needed to improve on. There was no need for you to be in the water this time. You just wanted to take surface pictures of their strokes and form. Standing on the far side of the pool, away from Rin. Doing your best to not look over at him. You would have stayed by Aiichiro, but he chose to be in the line next to Rin or be there to praise him.
You just hoped that Seijuro would make you go over to Rin to take pictures because you didn't want to. Getting your camera, you let the next one on the block that you're ready. They jump off and you document them, following them till half way and hurry to the turn, getting down and take their picture. Then follow them back half way again taking pictures.
Stopping to look at the pictures, they did well. But their form could be better. Noticing you needed to upload the pictures to your laptop, you let them know and head to your work space. The office, Seijuro asked if you could use it, which was alright. Your laptop at the desk, taking a seat and plug in your camera. Clicking on the icon and upload the pictures. Finding the folders the pictures belong in, bringing them up. You first start with highlighting certain things on picture, adding notes. Before moving the pictures over into the folders. When you had the photos in the folders, you brought the internet to email them to person. Just as you log in to your email, you hear a what sounded like an argument going on. Yelling was exchanged, trying to figure out the voices. You realize who they belonged to.
Rei and Rin.
Getting up from the chair and hurry over to the window, you peer out surprised to find Rei here, but more surprised at him pinning Rin up against the wall. Holding him by the collar of his jacket, glaring at him. You could feel the intensity and anger from them both. Though it seem to be coming more so from Rei. You listen to every single word said, and what you heard wasn't what you expected. Rin tired to lash out back at Rei, but turned back around on him. So, this was the reason why Rin acted the way he did at the Prefectural Tournament. And what happened during the years had been absent. Why everything was broken. Though you seem to have your answer, it came with more questions. More 'Why' questions. Listening to the very last thing from Rei before he left, he mentions you quickly. What he said surprised you. Watching him walk away, you look down at Rin.
Later that day, when practice begin to wrap up. Your mind reminded on what happened. Zipping up your bag, you notice Rin walking with Aiichiro back to the dorms. You stop and kept your eyes on him. Feeling eyes on him, he looks over at you. The way you looked at him told him you knew what was said. He quickly looks away and speeds up. He didn't need that pity look from you.
With your things packed, there was still good light. Practice didn't go too long. Good, you had just enough to make it there. Slinging your bag on, you leave. With the money you had catch the train. Fidgeting with your phone. Arriving at your destination, you get off and continue to make your way to where you needed to go. Looking around, it's been some time since you've been over here. You came few times to play with Nagisa at his place. Back in the day. Looking down at your phone that was guiding you to the residence. Taking a right walking down a bit. To make another right. You where nearing it.
Over at Rei's place his friends came over to see if he was alright, as Nagisa told them he was sick. Which turned out to be a lie. Haru though saw through it and knew he went to talk rather confront Rin. Which concerned the others, but Rei assured them it was behind him now. Having said what he needed to say. The others relieved to hear that and thankful that Rei went out his way for them. To celebrate Nagisa brought out melon bread, that nearly killed Haru. Luckily it didn't. Rei enjoyed the company of his friends, finally feeling apart of something.
A thought that made him lament on someone else, that too use to be part of this group. A person whom he was just barely getting to know, but could see the infliction they put on themselves. About the others, even if they didn't say it, Rei could feel it. It often puzzled him as he could see it did with them. He had to say what said to Rin about them. To let him know the way he was acting wasn't just effecting the Haru and the others but also them. Her. Witnessing how he cruel he was to her at the Tournament wasn't right. She already consumed with enough, now Rin gave her more.
Hearing a knock on the door to his room, surprised him. He wasn't expecting anyone else over. Haru and the others wondered who it could be too. Nagisa asking if Rei was expecting anyone, which he told him no. Getting up he goes and answers the door. Shocked and surprised like the others to find, you standing there.
"May?!"Rei said rather surprised.
You look up at him about to say something when, you noticed the others. This wasn't what you expected, looking at each of them with fear pouring out of your eyes. Turning away in shame and quickly apologize for coming, saying it was a huge mistake and rush out.
"W-wait! May hold on!"Rei calls after you, Nagisa sprints up first and hurries after you. Rei follows him, Haru and Makoto at each other stun then get up and hurry after you. You managed to quickly put on your footwear and leave in a flash. Nagisa closely behind you with Rei. They don't even bother to put on their footwear and hurry after you. Makoto and Haru following, Nagisa calling after you. For you to stop, but you didn't listen to him and quickly rush down the stairs. Being careful not to fall, turning the corner rather sharp. Rei managed to pass Nagisa, jumping a couple of stairs. Trying to call you back, but you didn't stop. Makoto and Haru come after Nagisa. They finally had you, they just needed to get you. There was so much that needed to be said, you needed to hear.
Reaching the last flight of stairs you get ready to jump the last few when someone grabs hold of your wrist. But you scream for them let you go, yanking it away and lose your balance. Falling back, everything just stopped. Memories flashing before you of old and what you wished to make. You see April for some reason. Shutting your eyes, everything goes dark. When something inside you tells you to wake up. Your eyes shoot open at that moment and you twist your body able to catch yourself, tucking and rolling. Only hitting the last two stairs. Rei gasp at what just happened.
He didn't mean for that to happen. He was just trying to stop you, standing there horrified."May! May!"he hears Nagisa yells fade in, to hear it him gasp at what he saw. At the bottom of the stairs you hurt. Wasting no time he hurries over to you,jumping the last few. Makoto and Haru come seconds later, they see the sight. Haru stood there just as stun as Rei. Makoto waste no time and hurries over to you, being held by Nagisa. Who was crying over you. Pleading for you to wake up. Makoto took a bit of a calmer approach, pressing two fingers to your neck to feel a pulse, which he did. Relieved, he takes out his cellphone about to call for an ambulance when you started to come to. He stops mid-way.
Slowly you open your eyes, your vision a bit blurry but you soon made out Nagisa and Makoto. Relieved to see you alright, Haru and Rei hurry over to you. They surround you, Rei apologizing to you over and over again. Nagisa fussing over you, Makoto scared, and Haru you couldn't really read him. But you could see something. It took you a second for you to realize what happened and them all around you. You start to wiggle your way out of Nagisa's hold, but he wouldn't let you. Telling you to stay put, while Makoto tells you help is on the way.
Hearing that and mistaking the use of his words. You snap at him. All of them,"I don't...n-n-need help!"Pushing yourself out of Nagisa's grip. Hitting the ground, you just ignore the pain.
Nagisa was stun like the rest at your outburst, you didn't care. You just needed to get out here, you didn't deserve to here. With them, this was a huge mistake. Struggling to pick yourself up, Makoto goes to help you. But you snap at him, to leave you alone. Casting your eyes down, to hide the tears forming.
"May, you shouldn't.."Rei gets up slowly and goes over to you."May, it is best that you have someone come and look you over. You don't seem well."About to touch you, smack his hand away. To fall from your injuries. Luckily Rei catches you just in time. The others hurry over to you, all of the equally worried.
Feeling someone grab your hand and squeeze it, it was Nagisa."You'll be okay May. Okay!"
Makoto rest his hand on your forehead."It's okay May, we're right here."
Haru looks at you about to say something, but you didn't want to hear it. With the bit of strength, you force yourself from Rei. Nearly stumbling, grab your bag and run off. Staggering just a bit, holding your injured arm close. Leaving the others.
Heaving heavily, you manage to make to the train and get on. Those on there look at you, no doubt you didn't look right. A few bruises and scraps, not to mention the way you held your arm. But you didn't care nor did you care about the pain. It meant nothing, despite it throbbing. The train exit the station, the little jerk hurt but you suck it up. Grinding your teeth.
This pain was nothing, you tell yourself. Nothing at all.