Last chance chapter 5 – Are you ok
I walk into my first class of the day tears still fresh in my eyes. After my talk with Archie this morning school is the last place I want to be, but my mother's constant surveillance over me has made it impossible to stay home without an excuse, and I can't risk her finding out so school was the only option for me today. I walk through the door, planning to sit as far from Archie as possible but my late entrance to class has ruined that plan as everyone has occupied their usual seats leaving only mine available. I walk over and sit down next to Archie trying to hold back tears. My attempt to do so is successful for the first 10 minutes until I am overcome but emotions. I run from the classroom as the tears begin to fall from my eyes uncontrollably. "where do you think, you're going miss cooper" yells Miss Smith after me, but getting into trouble is the least of my worries right now. I tear through the hallways running until I reach a cubical in the girl bathroom where I drop to the floor and begin to sob. I stay this way for a while before I decide to go home. Realising that facing my mother is better than being near Archie today. I wipe the mascara from under my eyes and make my way out of the girl's bathroom. As I open the door I crash into a body waiting just on the other side. "are you ok?" asks the all too familiar voice, before I look up I know exactly who this voice belongs too…. Archie.
I take a second to compose myself even though this is a next to impossible task, given that my mascara has run down my face. I look up to Archie, staring into his eyes for a second before responding. Trying to determine whether I should answer this question like it has been asked by the Archie I have known and loved since I was a child, or by the Archie I spoke to this morning who was cold and cruel. I decide on the latter because I haven't seen the other side of Archie in weeks. "I'm fine" I answer unconvincingly with my voice still croaky from sobbing. I watch Archie's eyes as he examines me before replying "you don't look fine" his response causes all the sadness and fear I have felt in the last few hours to be replaced by anger. "no, you're right Archie, I'm not ok, I'm the furthest thing from ok right now, but as you made perfectly clear this morning you could care less so LEAVE ME ALONE" Archie stares at me in shock, clearly not used to me speaking to him or anyone in this way but being nice is the least of my worries right now. "Betty I'm sorry, the way I acted this morning" I cut Archie off before he has a chance to continue. "I can't do this right now Archie, Ok I just want to go home" I can see by the look on Archie's face that he is hurt by my lack of interest in his apology "Can I at least drive you home" Archie is the last person in the world I want to need right now, but the anger, fear and sobbing today have left me feeling queasy and dizzy, causing me to feel unsure of my ability to make it home on my own, so I answer with a faint "yes"
We drive in silence, both our minds clearly preoccupied, Archie pulls up outside our houses and interrupts the silence. "Do you want to come inside for a bit, my dad's not home, we could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about this morning" I want to say no but I know that I can't put this conversation off forever and honestly, I'm just glad he isn't acting how he was this morning "Ok" I reply unsure what else to say. We go inside and head upstairs to Archie's bedroom. As soon as we enter the room I instinctively sit down on Archie's bed the way I have our entire lives, but am suddenly overcome by a sense of guilt, after what happened between Archie and I even being alone with him feels like cheating. But before I have a chance to correct this instinct Archie joins me on the bed sitting next to me. "What's going on Betty?" Archie asks, never in my life has a simple four-word question been so difficult to answer. "I have to tell you something Arch and I need you not to freak ok?" Archie looks at me my words clearly having the opposite effect than intended as I see the worry in his face. "Betty what's wrong" he asks softly. I gain as much courage as I can and answer "Archie I'm late" I say as tears begin to flood my eyes for the millionth time today.
Archie sits next to me silently, as he realises what I am telling him "Archie please say something" I beg "Does Jug know" he asks "No" I reply quickly "Why not" Archie asks clearly confused "because it couldn't be his, with everything that has happened this summer, all I could focus on was your trial and then by the time I knew you were free I felt so guilty for what we had done I could barely even look at him let alone… We haven't been together in months" I look over at Archie expecting to see fear or worry instead I see him looking at me with concern in his eyes "I'm so sorry Betty" I look at him confused "For what" I ask, "when you came to me this morning, you must have been terrified and I didn't just turn you away I was horrible to you" The thought of our conversation this morning brings tears to my eyes so I am quick to move off the topic "you were hurting" I say sympathetically. Archie reaches his hand towards my back to comfort me but I pull away, if even being in his room together makes me feel guilty, touching will make me feel a million times worse and I don't want to feel any worse right now. Archie notices me pulling away and I see the sadness in his eyes "Betty" he says almost pleading "I can't think about us right now Archie and you shouldn't be either, whatever is going on between us isn't what's important right now" Archie looks at me as though he is about to speak but then doesn't, probably considering how everything he has said to me today has gotten him in trouble. "We should take a test, my dad isn't home it might be the only chance we get for a while" I sit for a second not relying or even acknowledging Archie's suggestion, in a state of shock. How did perfect Betty Cooper get herself into this mess "Betty?" Archie's asks clearly wondering if I have been listening at all "Ok" I reply unsure of what else to say. And with that we both head out the door to buy a test.