Fated
Summary: Jessie finds herself in exile, forced into captivity with a mysterious stranger. With nowhere to go and seemingly no hope of escape, they share the stories behind their miserable fates. Hers is filled with questions. His is filled with answers.
Chapter 20: Fate, Destiny, and Other Ways the Universe Likes to Play Games
She loves her momma's lemonade
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her
She's just the way she is
But no one's told her that's OK
She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
...Jon McLaughlin - Beautiful Disaster
"Is there any point in asking you to reconsider?" Jack questioned the next day, watching as Jessie chiselled into the wooden wall.
"Nope," she chirped innocently.
"You do realize that you could be there for a long time?" Jack asked, placing several logs into the fire, "The walls are very thick and those Rockets used some very long bolts when they were installing your restraint system."
Jessie paused in her work, "Jack, if Miya was the one being forced to marry some jerk, would you just sit idly by or would you try to get loose and save her?"
"That's not even a question," Jack said as Jessie resumed her work, "and hey, maybe James will get out of this alright. Maybe he'll marry her and then once he get's his inheritance, maybe she'll let him go."
Jessie paused again, "I'm sure after the first heir is born, our lovely niece will do the sensible thing and do away with the husband," she quoted, "Was that not what your brother said when I arrived in this godforsaken place?"
"You have quite the memory," Jack commented, "and the 'do away' part doesn't have to mean kill-"
"Okay, you said yourself that day that it meant murder. And first off, Jessiebelle is a crazy, whip-happy psychopath that derives pleasure from having James all to herself. She will not just let him go. Second, the mere idea of her seducing MY boyfriend is enough to make me ill and will probably make him suicidal if he's not already," she explained before turning back to chisel at the wall.
"All valid points," Jack allowed, "but let me ask you: once you're free, how are you going to make it down this mountain on your broken ankle in a skirt with your hands bound?"
"I'll worry about that later," Jessie spat.
"And what if those cuffs around your wrists are similar to my ankle brace? What if they detonate after so many yards?" Jack questioned.
"I'll worry about that later," Jessie repeated.
"You're no use to James dead," he stated.
"I have to try!" she exploded, dropping the knife to the floor and whirling around to face him, "You might be content with just sitting around here, but I'm not! James NEEDS me! Teddy NEEDS me! My children NEED me! Hell, even Meowth NEEDS me! I have to try!"
"You think I'm content with this?" Jack shot back, "You don't think people NEED me too? You don't think that if I could, I would be off this mountain so fucking fast?"
"At least I'm trying!" Jessie cried, "At least I'm making an effort to escape!"
"You don't think I've made efforts?" Jack shouted back, "You don't think I've thought about escaping? I have! Every day since I've been here, I've thought about cutting off my own FOOT to get off this mountain! Every FUCKING day! And every time, I have to tell myself that if I did that, I would die of blood loss before I made it to the bottom of the mountain! Not to mention that the second Giovanni found out that I was gone, someone very important to me would be killed!" Jack revealed, "So don't you sit there and fucking tell me that I haven't tried!" he yelled, disappearing out into the cold with a slamming of the door.
Jessie blinked in shock and stared at the spot he had so suddenly vacated. She really did it this time. It was stupid of her to question him. Surely, after twenty-two years, he would have thought of everything he could have to escape this mountain…especially if he had someone important waiting for him back in the real world. Miya maybe? Or maybe their child?
"Shit," Jessie cursed, burying her head in her hands and praying that he wouldn't do something stupid.
0
Jack trudged angrily through the snow, not wearing the snow gear that Giovanni had mercifully sent him years before. His pants were already soaked through and he could not feel anything below his knees.
"FUCK!" he cried out, sinking to his knees and the cold wind whipped around him, hitting his exposed face and neck, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?" he screamed, angry up at the imposing mountain silhouetted against the dull grey sky, "WHY? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO FUCKING DESERVE THIS? I SHOULDN'T BE HERE!" he yelled up at the mountain, his fists clenched, praying that high pile of snow up by the peak would give way and crush him, end his misery, "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! TWENTY-TWO YEARS AND YOU DON'T DO A FUCKING THING, BUT THAT DAY, YOU JUST HAD TO FUCKING FALL, DIDN'T YOU? DIDN'T YOU?" Jack cried, angry, sorrowful tears falling from his eyes, "YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING KILL ME AND GET IT OVER WITH?" he sobbed, his voice breaking as he buried his face in his hands.
Then he suddenly looked up, alert with wetness glimmering on his cheeks. He looked around him. He could have swore that he heard a chirp-like sound, not a bird, but more akin to a baby kitten mewling for its mother…
Anger suddenly licked his insides again.
"Don't you dare," he growled in a low, steady voice, "Don't you dare come near me, you little bastard!" he cried, struggling to his feet, panting hard and looking all around him, an almost deranged look in his eyes.
Then he suddenly felt himself floating.
He shouted a string of violent swearwords.
0
Jessie sat in her spot for an hour, just staring down at the knife she had dropped, cursing herself for the things she said and thinking of anything to make it better.
It was a relief when the door opened and Jack stepped inside. That relief was short-lived when she took in his appearance. Oddly enough, he was dry, despite trudging into the cold, wet snow, and his face, which should have been angry red and wind-burnt, was it's normal pale colour. It was his expression that unnerved Jessie. His jaw was clenched shut and his mouth was a thin, furious line. His eyes were wide, but there was an almost unhinged look about them, like he was about to lose it.
"Jack, I'm sorry-" the word's tumbling from her mouth, but he held up a hand to stop her. Without a word, he sat down on his home-made chair in front of the fireplace, his hands clenched as he watched the fire burn.
"Jack, I never should have said those things," Jessie blurted out again, "I was just-"
"Desperate?" Jack supplied, not taking his eyes off the fire.
"I was going to say stupid, but that actually works better," Jessie admitted.
He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head, "I shouldn't have questioned you," he said in an even voice, "I thought I was trying to help, keep you alive, but now it's all too clear to me how irritating it is when someone tries to help you against your will. Little fucking bastard."
"Sorry?" Jessie asked, more than a little disturbed. Jack shook his head.
"Nothing. Just…an ongoing feud with a particular, annoyingly helpful little pokemon," he explained.
"Right…and this pokemon is…"
"If you value my sanity at all, Jessilina," Jack said through clenched teeth, "You will forget about it. I try to."
"Uh…okay," Jessie agreed, definitely doubting Jack's sanity by this point, "Um, look, I am really sorry and I feel that I owe you an explanation."
"None needed," Jack shrugged, "You have people who need you. I understand."
"It's more than that," Jessie admitted, "Way more."
"Big appointment tomorrow."
"Fuck, James! You gave me a heart attack!" I yelped, glaring over at him. He chuckled and tried to peck me on the lips. I dodged him.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, making that face that always managed to get him out of trouble. I sighed in a huff and smacked him with the book I had been reading. Well, reading may not be a good word for it. I had been staring in horror at page 196 for the last five minutes.
"You'd better be," I griped, "You'd better be real sorry."
He laughed. The idiot actually had the gull to laugh, "I won't sneak up on you again," he promised. I groaned and whacked him with the book again.
"Not that, you bonehead," I moaned, "This!" I exclaimed, turning to page 196. He cringed away, not that I could blame him, "That is what you did to me," I told him, "and in about five months, that is going to be me doing that and I CANNOT do that!"
Page 196 had a big two-page image of a labour-in-progress with helpful little arrows describing the process in detail. Not that I managed to look at the little arrows yet; I was still hung up on the picture. James was too. He was still trying to look away.
"Aw, Jess, come on. You'll…no one tougher…really, you can do that…"
"No!" I cried, twisting on the sofa so I was looking at him seriously, "I can't! No way! And there's two of them! I can't! So, here's the deal, we're gonna put them in you and you can do that."
James looked very relieved that he was a man, "Aw, Sweetie, I'm sorry. Wish I could, but I just don't have the…uh…stuff to do that."
I slumped against the sofa and pouted. I had put off reading the pregnancy book for the last couple months, but now, as our next doctor's appointment grew closer, I had started flipping through it, just to be prepared. I think I just ended up scaring myself.
"Well, I'm glad you're finally reading the books," James murmured, leaning over to kiss my shoulder. I groaned and moved over to cuddle against him.
"Where's Teddy?" I asked.
"He's playing with his friends out on the beach," he told me.
"And Meowth?"
"Snoozing in a lawn chair. What are you thinking?" he asked raising an eyebrow suggestively.
"The same thing you are…sex addict."
"Temptress," he shot back, catching my lips in a passionate kiss. I pulled him closer to me, more that willing to take things further.
Then we jumped apart when four giggling kids burst through the patio door. Teddy's friends were our next-door neighbours Miles Hanger and Oliver Porter. Miles and Oliver were in Teddy's grade at school.
"Ask 'em!" Oliver hissed, shoving Teddy forward. I sighed and exchanged a frustrated look with James. It was very hard to get busy with a kid running around.
"Err…" Teddy looked at us and then back at his friends.
"What's going on, Ted?" James asked.
"Can I stay over at Oliver's?" Teddy asked.
"Sounds good to me," I said. And it did. That meant one less interruption.
"Awesome!" Oliver exclaimed, "Your parents are awesome!"
"You better go get packed," Miles suggested and the boys bounded off to Teddy's room with little Kari on their heels.
"Shouldn't we have checked with his mother or something?" James asked with that adorable clueless look.
"Beats me," I shrugged, "I've only been a parent for three months."
Apparently James and I suck at creating cover stories, which is how we became "parents" to James's eight-year-old brother. In public, at least. The three of us had gone shopping at the local grocery store and of course, in a town where everybody knows everybody, we stood out like a sore thumb. This lead to the local teacher coming over to introduce herself to her new pupil and his parents. Usually James and I are pretty good on our feet, but the teacher had already launched into parent-teacher interviews and homework and all that so it was hard to dispute her. After we got home, a very long and elaborate cover story was created.
We said that Teddy would be James's "son" due to the close resemblance, but that I would be Teddy's "step-mom". Teddy didn't look like me at all and it was probably better for him to have the option to either call me 'Mom' or 'Jessie', considering he had just lost his mother. Plus this meant that I wouldn't have to pretend that I had him when I was fifteen. If anyone asked, we'd say that Teddy's birth mother was dead, which technically was the truth. So after creating this story, we needed the documentation, so we took a day-trip to Violet City to talk to a guy about fake identification. Then we worked on blending in, which included enrolling Ted into school and James getting a job at the local paper. He wanted something with flexible hours so he could be home if I needed him and he was actually a pretty good writer.
"Well, you're very good at it," James complimented, kissing my cheek. I grinned and pulled him back into me.
"After they leave, you and I are going upstairs," I whispered in his ear before I nipped at it.
"I have a better idea," he told me, his voice low and seductive.
"It had better involve you taking your pants off," I quipped. He chuckled.
"You have a one track mind," he commented, "I was thinking that with Teddy occupied for the night, we could maybe…go out for a change. Just you and me. Like a date."
"A date?" I asked frowning, "We've never gone on a date before," I said playfully. He grinned.
"I know, but I figure I'd better take you out on at least one before you give birth to my children. I think I owe you that much," he said. I smirked.
"Yeah, and a whole hell of a lot more," I replied, grabbing the pregnancy book and giving him a shot of page 196.
"Gah!" he cringed and fell off the couch. I laughed.
About an hour later, Teddy and his friends were out the door and on their way to Oliver's house. James was somewhere in the house and I was struggling and failing to zip up the sexy black dress I had bought just after we first moved into town. With a huff, I surveyed my reflection. Everything, with the exception of the damn dress, was perfect. My make-up was flawless, naturally, and my hair was immaculate. Short, but immaculate. It was a bit harder to style my hair now that there wasn't much to work with, but thanks to my superior fashion skills, I made it work. It all looked great. Now only if the goddamn dress would cooperate.
"You look beautiful," James commented from the doorway. I looked at him through the reflection of the mirror. One thing about James, he did know how to dress himself. He looked quite handsome in his dark suit jacket and his dark green dress shirt. He was holding a single red rose and smiling.
"Zip me," I requested and he came up behind me and tried.
"I think it's stuck," he grunted.
"No, it's not. I'm a balloon," I growled in frustration. Only four months into this whole pregnancy thing and I felt like I didn't know myself. In addition to the now noticeable bump in my abdomen area, everything from my breasts to my feet seemed larger.
"You're beautiful," James said, as had become his automatic response every time I commented about my body, "Now hold still," he told me and he tried again. Fifteen minutes later and we succeeded in doing up the dress.
"So where are we headed?" I asked as I gathered up my purse and fake ids, "And you'd better tell me or so help me, I'm going to-"
"Death threats aren't necessary, Sweetie," James stated, causing me to glare at him, "There's this restaurant near the harbour that looked good."
"Seafood? I can't have seafood-"
"I think it's Italian," James assured me, "and it will be perfect, I promise. Nothing's going to go wrong tonight."
It was as if he could read my mind. It seemed every time we went out, something had to happen to drastically change our plans. I shrugged and followed him out the door.
The restaurant was nice. Really nice for Silver Shoal, which I had deduced to be a pretty laid back small community. I guess the harbour was the part of town that passing tourists frequented the most, which made sense for it to have a higher end restaurant on that side of town. We were shown to our seats and served our food. All in all, great meal.
"You don't even know what you've done," I gushed, cradling the superb Styrofoam dish of stuffed ravioli to me as James and I walked out, "This is better than sex."
"Better than sex with me?" James pouted. I snorted.
"Please. I could be sprawled out on the bed buck naked and you would still go for the jelly donut in the kitchen," I replied, pretending to be oblivious as an old couple walking by stared.
"You know what would be good," James mused, leading me towards the pier, "You on the bed buck naked WITH a jelly donut."
"How did I not see that coming?" I laughed, leaning against the rail of the pier and staring out at the ocean. It was a perfect night. The way the moonlight shimmered on the water reminded me of that first night with James by a river in Sinnoh and the stars twinkled brightly and brilliantly up above. Beautiful.
"I love this place," James said, leaning next to me.
"It is pretty great," I admitted, glancing over him. He smiled somewhat nervously and looked down at his hands.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing!" he said a little too quickly. I raised an eyebrow. He sighed.
"I've been trying to figure out how to do this," he said. I frowned.
"Do what?" I questioned.
"Jessie, I love you," he stated, "I think I've always loved you, even when we were just friends. Maybe that's why all of this…you, me, the babies…is so easy. Maybe that's why we were drawn together and why we fit so good. Maybe I was meant to love you. Maybe fate brought us together for a reason and that reason was so that we'd be here at this point. I think I'm destined to love you so," at this point, he knelt to the ground and my eyes got as big as saucers, "Will you marry me?"
I think my mouth opened and closed more than a magikarp's.
"Jessie?" James squeaked. I looked down at him. He was sheet white and his eyes were huge as his fingers trembled to open the ring box in his shaky hands. I had only seen him like that a handful of times, twice when we ran across that whip-happy fiancé of his, and once when a deluded little girl begged him to be her husband. While he truly loved me, I knew that the idea of marriage scared the shit out of him. I put my ravioli on the railing and knelt down to his level.
"James, I love you and for me, right now, that's more than enough," I said as gently as I could. He blinked and I didn't know if he was relieved or hurt, "James, I know that the idea of marriage terrifies you-"
"No it doesn't…er, okay maybe a little," James admitted upon my disbelieving look.
"I know that it scares you and I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to-"
"I want to be with you," he said sincerely.
"And that's all I want," I said, "I just want you. I know convention says that we're supposed to get married, but when have you and I ever done things the conventional way? Or when have we ever done anything we're supposed to?" I asked. He cracked a small smile.
"You know, I really think you and I were destined to be together," he laughed. His smile was infectious and I instantly felt relief.
I leaned into him and pecked him on the lips before I whispered in his ear, "Destiny has nothing to do with the way I feel about you, James Morgan. I'd love you even if the universe said 'no'."
"So would I…but I think the universe is screaming 'yes'," James giggled, pulling us both to our feet and closing the distance once more.
"Still think it's screaming 'yes'?" Jack asked, lounging casually in his chair as Jessie told the tale. Jessie smiled at him.
"I don't care if it is or it isn't," she replied, "It can scream 'Oh, Hell No!' and I'm still going to love James and try to get to him. Destiny doesn't dictate my life…at least that's what I try to tell myself, anyways."
You know how I said that every time James and I go out, something happens to derail all plans? Well, true to form, that happened. James and I had just got home and after ensuring that Meowth was MIA, we raced upstairs. I slipped into something highly uncomfortable, but waaaay more revealing and James lit candles and stripped down to his boxers.
"Still want the donuts?" I asked, leaning against the door. I had the satisfaction of seeing his jaw drop. I knew I took a risk even mentioning the donuts. He had worse cravings than I did.
"Screw the donuts," he said breathlessly and then he had me up against the wall, kissing me senseless, only a couple measly scraps of cloth separating us.
"Bed," I managed in a strangled gasp as he kissed my neck. We fumbled towards the bed, my hands raking over his chest, feeling his ribs beneath my hands. I hated how he could eat virtually anything and still have his too-thin figure. Even in the middle of foreplay, the fact still irked me, but fortunately I could put my frustrations to more constructive use. In a matter of seconds, I was on top of him, ready to go, when a sound caught both of our attention.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Is that someone at the door?" James asked dumbly, lifting his head off the pillow with his hair deliciously dishevelled.
"Who would be knocking at this hour?" I asked, frustration creeping into my voice.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
James and I exchanged wide-eyed looks. Cops? Surely they wouldn't knock if they knew we were criminals. Team Rocket? They'd just barge in.
"Oh fuck," I groaned, crawling off of James who let out a moan.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
The knocking became more insistent and it made us hurry. My feet hit the floor first and I grabbed for a robe. James made a rushed grab for his pants.
"Who the-" THUD!
Apparently James can't talk and put on his pants at the same time. I didn't even check to see if he picked himself up off the floor as I rushed for the door.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
"I'm coming!" I called as I did up my robe. My heart plummeted when I saw a cop standing on my doorstep. Shit.
"Uh…" my voice failed me.
"Are you Mrs. Logan?" the cop asked me. He used my fake name…
"Uh, yes," I answered.
"We picked up your son over by the school with his friends. They were toilet papering the playground," he explained, looking down. I saw a very remorseful-looking Teddy Parker-Morgan staring up at me with pleading eyes as the cop placed a meaty hand on his shoulder.
"Hi, Mom," Teddy squeaked, nervously looking up at the cop. Mom? There was a first for the little turquoise-haired boy.
"He was what?" I asked again, trying to process what the policeman said.
"He and his friends were toilet papering the playground so we picked them up," the cop said again, gently pushing Teddy towards me.
"I don't get it," I said, looking down at Teddy, "You were staying at Oliver's tonight."
"We were staying out in the tent and we couldn't fall asleep so Miles said that we should take a walk and then we got to the school and we played on the playground for a while and then we went back to Oliver's. And then Miles said that we should go back with the toilet paper 'cause we saw this movie and-"
"Okay, Ted, I got it," I told him, pinching the bridge of my nose. He was eight-years-old for crying out loud! Even I didn't start my vandalism career until I was at least thirteen.
"Now, Ma'am, there won't be any charges filed this time, but I would strongly recommend that you explain to your son that vandalism is no laughing matter and-"
"What's going on?" James asked, coming up beside me. I put and hand on Teddy's shoulder and guided him into the house.
"Ted, why don't you go into the living room and tell your father what you did," I suggested. James frowned and followed Teddy into the house, leaving me with the cop, "Thank you so much for bringing him home. This will not happen again."
"Have a good night, Ma'am," the cop said, "We have to get his other friend home."
I shut the door and walked back to the living room where Teddy was sitting on the couch looking terrified and James was sitting on the edge of the coffee table, a horribly confused look on his face, as he cradled his arm to his chest.
"Alright, Ted, what were you thinking?" I asked. Teddy gulped as he looked up at me.
"Miles and Oliver said it would be fun and-"
"If Miles and Oliver jumped off a bridge, would you?" I questioned, crossing my arms as I looked down at him.
"Is that in the mother's handbook somewhere?" Jack asked. Jessie chuckled.
"No but I'm sorry!" Teddy whimpered. I sighed.
"Teddy, we can't draw attention to ourselves! They're looking for James and if they find him, I'll end up arrested, and when they find you, they'll send you back to you biological father!"
"I'm sorry-"
"And what if you got hurt? It's dark out and all types of crazy people are out after dark! You could have been run over or kidnapped or something!"
"Jessie, I'm sorry-"
"And another thing-"
"Jess!" James derailed my tirade and now I noticed that Teddy was close to tears, "Look, Ted, we'll deal with this in the morning. Head up to your room," James suggested. Teddy nodded and scampered up the steps, keeping his head bowed.
"Dammit!" I moaned, "I didn't mean to do that!"
"Well, you kind of sounded like my mother when I used to play outside," James replied. I glared at him.
"It's a good thing!" he defended, "It's not like you knocked him over the head the way you do with me and Meowth. You didn't say anything really bad either."
While that was true, I couldn't shake the image of tears filling little Teddy's eyes.
"I made him cry…"
"Ted's sensitive. You know that. I was sensitive when I was younger and you didn't feel bad when you were yelling at me," James commented. I scoffed at him.
"Of course I felt bad, you dolt. You think I wanted to come off as a bitch? I just knew I had to make you look out for yourself or you probably would have died," I said back to him.
"Harsh," James whistled, "but I guess you were right because now, I can look out for myself, you, Teddy, and even the twins. I can handle it because I could handle you. I'm a stronger person because of you," he said. I rolled my eyes.
"You know, not every good thing about you is because of me," I told him.
"No, but most of the good things are," he assured me, "When we met, I was a scared kid like Teddy. Then you took pity on me and saved me from the bullies. You forced me to stand up for myself and when you knocked me over the head, that was your way of saying 'grow up and think.' You took me with you on adventures and when I needed you to be there for me, you always were. That's why I love you so much. You let me have my freedom, but you never let me go too crazy."
"I think you just like pain," I muttered. He ignored me.
"Look, I know that you adore Ted, but occasionally we're going to have to be the bad guys," he said, "I was reading this parenting book and it said that discipline is essential for raising a well-balanced kid and-"
"I don't wanna make the kid cry," I shot at him.
"Look, you don't have be as…uh…intense as you were with me, but we still have to be firm with him," James said, "The book said-"
"Oh, what does the book know?" I growled. Books, books, books. I was getting sick of the damn books. Couldn't people have babies without reading a billion (often contradicting) things? James opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the patio door opened.
"What are youse two doin' up?" Meowth asked as he walked in, "Oh no! Don't tell me youse two are doin' da nasty in here! C'mon, we gotta have some boundaries here!"
"Oh shut up, fur ball!" I snapped, trudging into the kitchen to get my leftovers. If I wasn't going to satisfy one craving tonight, I might as well try to satisfy the other. I could hear James explaining the situation as I dug in.
"Ah, so dat's why I saw dat Oliver kid getting a police escort," Meowth said, "His ma did not look happy. So what happened to your arm, Jimmy?" he asked. I frowned as I carried my food over to the living room. James turned red.
"Uh…I uh…fell…"
"Oh man!" Meowth moaned, hitting his face with his paw, "Let Meowth guess: youse two was in da middle of da no-pants game and-"
I threw a pillow at him and then looked at James, "Is it broken?"
"Just sprained I think," he assured me, "I'm good to go," he shot me a flirtatious grin.
"Oh, yuck," Meowth groaned. Sure, he was oblivious for the two months James and I were sneaking around, but now he could read our devious expressions like a book.
"I think I'm gonna turn in," I said, "I've had enough excitement for one night."
James pouted adorably as I made my way back to our room. On the way, I heard sniffling and I immediately felt guilty as I looked into Teddy's room to see him sitting on his bed, crying.
"Ah, damn," I sighed, entering the darkened room that always seemed a little too neat for an eight-year-old, "Ted, are you okay?" I asked. He looked up at me in surprise and I could see the light reflect off of the unshed tears in his eyes.
"Yeah," he said thickly as I sat down at the edge of his bed, "Jessie, I'm sorry!" he suddenly blurted out, looking and sounding a lot like his big brother used to, "I didn't mean to get into trouble…I don't want you and James to be in trouble and I don't wanna have to go back there and…and…"
The kid was getting crazy worked up and it kind of reminded me of the way James freaked whenever he was around that crazy fiancé of his.
"Teddy, shh," I whispered, pulling him into me on some unknown, foreign instinct.
"I'm sorry," he whimpered, "I'm sorry that I made you and James mad."
"I know you are, Ted. Things are just really tense right now and we all have to be careful," I said, choosing my words very carefully, "We all want to stay together and all of us have to protect each other. And James and I weren't so much mad as we were worried about you. I mean, yeah, when your brother and I were younger, we did some crazy stuff too, but…things have changed…"
"Good change or bad change?" Teddy asked. I frowned, not quite sure how I felt about all of the changes. Sure, it was great to have a warm bed to sleep and lots of food to eat, but on the other hand…well…we were on the run, obviously…and then there was the fact that we were gonna be up to our ears in responsibility…
"In between," I replied, "Some things are great and some things aren't so great."
"Am I great?" he asked. He looked extraordinarily vulnerable.
"Absolutely," I answered with a smile, "but your brother says we have to discipline you or something so…you're grounded?"
He smiled and nodded, "Okay. I'll be grounded."
I left Teddy to go to sleep and when I got to the hall, James was standing there.
"Am I great?" he asked, giggling. I swiped at him and he ducked.
"Bedtime," I said firmly, "We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow."
"I guess you are a parent," Jack said smiling.
"Yeah," Jessie laughed, "You know how James said I'd be good at the discipline part? Well, apparently I'm a sucker for those big, watery, teary eyes that kids are so good at making. James said that he should have learned that trick years ago."
"So how does dis ting work?" Meowth asked, spinning in the doctor's chair. Teddy grinned as he watched Meowth spin, but remained sitting in his chair.
"They put gel on Jessie's stomach and then they scan her stomach and then the image is gonna pop up on the screen," James explained.
"Does it hurt?" Teddy asked softly.
"I hope not," I muttered. Then the door opened and our doctor walked inside as chipper as ever.
"Mr. and Mrs. Logan!" Dr. Hall greeted, "How are you?"
"Great," I answered from my perch on the bed.
"Ditto," James echoed from behind Teddy's chair. Meowth hopped off his chair and joined Teddy on his.
"I see this is a family affair," the doc smiled, "And who is this young man?"
"This is Teddy," I answered, "James's son from a previous relationship," I recited the cover story.
"Well hello there," Dr. Hall greeted kindly, "Excited to see your siblings?" she asked. Teddy nodded. Dr. Hall prepared all the necessary equipment and I lifted my shirt to expose my abdomen.
"And you want to know the genders of the babies as well, right?" Hall asked.
"That would be great," James said.
"We can get that done today. Usually once parents see the ultrasound, they get the sense that there is an actual baby inside the womb. It's a great bonding experience and it's nice big brother is involved. It's nice that you brought your meowth too," Hall said, smiling, "Pokemon pets should be involved in the pregnancy process. They're very intuitive and it will help with the bonding process when the babies are born. Your meowth is very well-behaved," she said. Meowth seemed to freeze and I could see his fur bristle. Crap. You don't compare Meowth to regular pokemon and you DEFINITELY don't call him a pet.
"Extremely," James agreed, picking Meowth up and holding him tightly. Apparently James sensed danger too.
"So are we going to see them?" I asked a little louder than possible.
"Of course," Hall said, gently putting a bunch of cool gel on my stomach. Then she passed the ultrasound thing over my stomach. An image leapt to the screen and I saw this round thing.
"What's that?" Teddy asked, leaning forwards to dodge Meowth, who was squirming in James's grasp.
"That is the head of baby number one, who is a," Hall paused to move the scanner, "boy."
"A boy?" James asked, disbelieving as he looked at the tiny thing on the screen. I gaped at the screen. I was going to have a son. We were going to have a son.
"Jesus," I breathed, not taking my eyes off of the screen as Hall focused on his face again. He looked like a baby, a real one. He even moved a little, but I couldn't feel it.
"Wow," James whispered, and even Meowth stopped moving to look at the baby boy.
"Should we see his twin?" Hall asked. I blinked remembering that there was another baby to look at. As bad as it was, I hoped that it was a girl. I didn't particularly look forward to being stuck in a house with five boys, including Meowth. Don't get me wrong. I would love my sons, but still, I'd love to dress up a little girl and read her princess stories…do all the things that I wished my mom had done with me.
"A girl," Hall said, smiling, "Looks like you guys get the best of both worlds."
A boy and a girl, I thought, delirious as I stared at my daughter, who looked like her brother. She even moved a little and yawned. I beamed at James. When I looked back, Hall had zoomed out so I could see both babies, the boy on the left and the girl on the right.
James and I walked out of the hospital, hovered over the photograph of our babies.
"I still don't believe dat dere's two kids in dere," Meowth commented from James's shoulder.
"Believe it, Furball," I said, "There's definitely going to be two little kids pawing at you for the next four to six years," I estimated. Meowth shuddered.
"Let's get dis straight right now," he said, "I am NOT no pet and dere will be no pawing of dis cat, no matter how cute da little rugrats are."
"We'll see when the rugrats get here," James replied, happily pulling me closer.
"How do they get here?" Teddy asked. I looked and James and he looked at me.
"Oh no!" James shook his head, "Not again."
"Dad?"
"You explain the facts of life to the boys and I'll worry about the girl," I said firmly.
"Mom?"
"Don't worry, Ted," I said sweetly as we walked by the elderly lady that lived down the road, "Dad will tell you all about it when we get home," I said, mirth in my eyes as James whimpered.
"So you have a girl and a boy, huh?" Jack asked. Jessie smiled wider than he had ever seen her.
"I have a girl and a boy," she confirmed, "Well, I guess a girl and two boys if you count Teddy."
"You love them a lot," Jack stated, a small smile on his face.
"I do," Jessie replied, "and that kind of brings us to the next part. I loved them so much, even back before they were born…and I was terrified that I was going to make a mistake."
That night, I couldn't sleep. I knew I should, considering the fact that in five months, NOBODY would be getting any sleep, but there was just something that was gnawing at the back of my mind. Truth to be told, that thought had been there since the moment I heard that rapid heartbeat for the first time and in the recent months, it had only become more pronounced. It was there every doctor's visit, every time James began talking about meeting our babies, every time Teddy called me 'mom' in public, and when I stared at the image of my babies for the first time. The thought ate away at me and try as I might, I couldn't ignore it anymore.
I sighed and wiggled out of James's embrace, careful not to wake him. I grabbed a blanket from the chair in the corner and slid the sliding door as quietly as I could. I stepped out onto the balcony and shut the door. I wrapped the blanket around myself and sat on the stone floor, leaning against the cement back and looking through the black iron bars at the ocean.
It was my favourite place in the entire house and as of right now, it was the place where I took my refuge. I recognized the feelings that were welling up inside me. I knew them well, for I had been living with them for as long as I can remember, only this time they had a different flavour to them, which I suppose could be because of my new situation: impending motherhood. Not that I'm surprised. They say becoming a parent changes you…something I'd been hoping for since the day Meowth told me that I was going to have a kid. I remember that one of my first thoughts had been that I was in no shape to be a mom. I was scared out of my mind that I wouldn't be able to handle it, but James somehow made it lessen when I realized that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was going to see this through. I don't know how he does it, but he makes me hope, and lately I'd been hoping that somehow, I would find the strength to be what everyone, including two people who had yet to be born, needed me to be.
Only…I didn't know how to be everything that they needed.
And that's where my present problems came from. It was why I couldn't sleep.
"It's a lot of pressure," Jack commented. Jessie nodded.
I'd felt pressure before, especially when in Team Rocket. There was always that force there, driving me to push my team to the limits for success. And when I was younger, there was always the thought that I had to succeed because my survival depended on it. I've felt pressure all of my life and it had all started from one event, one that I can't remember.
A tear streaked down my cheek as the weight bore down on me. I realized why I was feeling this way…why I'd always felt this way. It was the reason for countless tears as a child, the reason for the nights I drowned my thoughts in a vodka bottle, and the reason I now sat on a balcony, crying.
Then I felt a warm, furry paw reach up and brush a tear from my cheek. It only made me cry harder. I'm sure if I looked at Meowth, I would have seen a look of confusion on his face. I thought I had scared the cat off.
Then, the next instant the sliding door opened and I felt James wrap his arms around me.
"I've got you, Jess," he whispered soothingly, kissing my temple and whispering other words of comfort. It just made me sob harder against him, not even attempting to pull away or whack him over the head like I would have done before. I now blame the hormones.
Finally it seemed that I had mastered the sobs and I only trembled in his arms as the tears dripped down my cheeks. I felt him kiss my hair and I clung to him tighter.
"It's all going to be okay, Honey," he murmured. First time he ever called me 'honey', not that I could tease him about it in my current state. Instead I just managed a shaky breath.
"I'm alone," I finally managed to squeak out, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. It was the first time I had ever said it out loud. That was the first feeling I had felt since before I could remember: loneliness.
"You're not alone, Baby," he cooed. First time for that one, too, "I'm here. Meowth's here. Teddy's here," he listed and I could feel him trace slow circles on my back with his fingers. Of course he didn't understand. I knew that I had them, my boys, but it still didn't lessen the crushing feeling because I had long been missing a very important person in my life.
"I know and I love you for it," I managed to get out in a thick voice, "But I never…she was never…"
"Who?" he asked gently. I shut my eyes as I searched for the words.
"When I…when I saw them on the screen…I…I wanted them so, so badly," I admitted, taking a breath as tears slid down my cheeks again, "but I can't help but wonder…did my…did my mother ever feel that about me?" there. I had finally asked the question I had been desperately wondering the answer to all along: Did my mother ever give a damn about me?
"Honey…" James was at a loss. And he used that term of endearment again…
"I can't remember her at all," I admitted, "Just…the only thing…a doll I had when I was taken to my first foster home…I never knew where I got it. I made believe that it was from her, but…I…don't know and it kills me!" I cried.
"Jessie, your mom…of course she loved-"
"If she loved me so much, why did she leave me?" I asked, cutting him off, suddenly feeling angry, "Why did she go and leave me on my own? I needed her!"
"Maybe she didn't have a choice," James said quietly, which was really the best thing that he could do because for a moment, my anger had ebbed. Then it rose again.
"How is that fair?" I asked angrily, breathing hard.
"It's not fair, Jess," James whispered gently, though his hold on me tightened slightly.
"So basically either my mom's a bitch or life's a bitch?" I fumed bitterly, "Which is it?"
"Life," James chose, which surprised me a little. I looked over at him, properly since this entire ordeal began. There were tear tracks on his face, though I couldn't fathom why he had been crying, and there was something…a mixture of compassion and pity in his eyes. He reached over and caressed the side of my face.
"Sometimes I think that all of this…it's just part of life's plan, you know? Like, when we're born, all our cards have been dealt and there are good ones, but then there are crappy ones too. Nothing about what you've gone through is fair, Jess, and I wish that I could turn back time and make it so you had your mother, but for whatever reason, the universe decided to take her from you. I know it hurts and it was a shitty deal, but then there's all the good things…you know, like those cards that turn the entire game around…the ones that bought us together and brought us Meowth and Teddy and our babies," he explained, "I guess it's kind of like fate or karma or destiny or something."
"You've been playing too many card games," I scoffed. He chuckled and kissed me.
"Maybe," he agreed, "but look at us, Jess. Over and over, we've come into each other's lives when we needed each other to most. For every shitty card we've been dealt, we've also been dealt a good one. As much as I wish all the bad stuff…my parents, Jessiebelle, Team Rocket…hadn't happened, in a weird way I'm kind of happy it did because it got me to you. You're my good card and I'm not going to let go of you ever," he pledged. He was so sincere, like always, and I felt my own despair ebbing away.
"So even though my mom's gone, I have to look at the good stuff," I translated. He smiled.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"You could have just said that," I muttered. He laughed.
"What can I say? I'm a romantic," he shrugged, grinning. His smile made me smile. I kissed him, firmly pulling him down so that he was lying awkwardly on top of me. I knew exactly what I needed from him. I started unbuttoning his pyjama shirt and I heard him chuckle softly.
"Temptress," he muttered, pushing my nightgown up.
"Sex addict," I whispered back, delighting in the feel of his lips on my skin.
"Wow," Jack said, "You were really all over the place."
"Yeah," Jessie agreed.
"He's right about your mom. Sometimes you just have to move on," he said. Jessie nodded.
"It's true and that night was actually a big night for both of us. We both kind of realized a lot."
I woke up the next morning snuggled against James in our bed. I had no recollection of moving from the balcony to the bed. I cringed, embarrassed at my behaviour from the night before. James chuckled softly and I cracked an eye open to look at him.
"Morning," he said, grinning at me.
"Ugh! I was a total basket case last night, wasn't I?" I asked. James laughed.
"Oh, you were all over the hormonal spectrum," he informed me.
"Shit. Sorry," I murmured, covering my face with my hands. He kissed my temple.
"It's okay, Honey," he laughed. I frowned.
"You're not allowed that term of endearment either," I told him seriously.
"But Sweetie, that's what you said about 'Sweetie' and 'Dear'," he remarked, smirking at me.
"Don't make me hurt you," I groaned. He just laughed. Then we lay in silence for a moment.
"Are you feeling any better?" he asked. I nodded against him.
"What you said actually made sense," I admitted, "It's just…hard I guess. It always has been, but now it's like she's always in the back of my mind, you know?"
"I do," he nodded, "I really do. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if my dad ever felt the way I do now."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah. When I saw them yesterday on the ultrasound, I just got to thinking about how lucky we are and how much I want to see them in person. I love you so much and I want them as much as you do. I can't wait to hold them and teach 'em how to talk and walk and all that. Sometimes, though, I doubt that my dad ever wanted to do those things with me," he admitted. I frowned as I thought about it. It was one thing, me growing up without parents, but then it was totally another thing for him, who had parents who never really cared for his feelings.
"You know, we're both pretty screwed up, you and I," I commented. He chuckled softly.
"Yeah. I just hope we don't screw them up," he confessed. That was my big fear too, but staring into those warm green eyes of his, I knew that somehow, we would be okay.
"If we do, at least we have some cash for future therapy," I murmured. James chuckled and rolled over so that he was on top of me and moved the blankets down. I shivered as the warmth left me, but before I could call him an idiot, he moved so his head was laying on my stomach.
"Hello in there," he said, and I realized he was talking to our kids, "I don't know how much of that you heard, but the gist of it is that your mommy and daddy are pretty screwed up people. It's really your grandparents' fault, but you know what, maybe it's a good thing they did screw us up because now that we're having you two, we wanna make sure that you guys are as unscrewed up as possible," he said and I laughed, "We're gonna be there through all the good stuff and all the not-so-good stuff. We'll teach you how to walk and talk, but maybe don't listen to Mommy talk because she has the mouth of a sailor," at this I playfully hit his shoulder, "and then when you get older I'll teach you guys how to ride a bike and Mommy will teach you how to throw a punch because she has a mean right hook. I'm talking deadly…which, boy baby, is going to be real useful when some icky boy is hitting on your sister."
"James!" I laughed.
"And girl baby, you need to be able to defend yourself in the off chance that some little brat manages to get passed me and your brother."
"Our poor daughter," I muttered.
"So, in short, just so you know, Mommy and Daddy might seem a bit nuts sometimes, but we're both going to love you two a lot. We already do," he concluded. I smiled contently and ran my hand through his hair. He came up and kissed me. I knew that somehow, everything was going to be alright. Despite the bullshit our parents put us through, he and I were going to be the best damn parents ever.
"That's why I need to get back so badly," Jessie admitted, looking down at her hands, "I don't want my kids to ever have to feel like that. I want them to know how much I love them and that I tried everything I could to be there for them. Finding out that James was with Jessiebelle was the trigger that set it off. I guess I still half-hoped that he had escaped or something and was with them, but now I know that he's not so I feel like I have to…"
"I understand," Jack said simply, taking her hand as she blinked back tears, "and for what it's worth, I think you're a pretty damn good mother for growing up without one. And a good person too."
"Thanks, Jack," Jessie said, "Are you sure you're not mad at what I said?"
He shook his head, "You were desperate and if there's one thing I understand better than anyone, it's desperation."
TBC
AN: So here's another chapter...and we see that the universe (aka author) has a nasty way of throwing curveballs into Jessie and Jack's lives. Of course after being abandoned as a child, Jessie would have issues with her impending situation. Just saying. I'd love to know what you guys think of the fic so far. Love it? Hate it? Ways to improve? Anyone?
Songs that Inspired This Chapter:
-To the Moon and Back by Savage Garden. Classic.
-Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin. Great song! Astoundingly beautiful and tragic and really describes Jessie's life.
-The Way That You Are by Atomic Kitten.
-Breathe by Ryan Star.