Fated

Summary: Jessie finds herself in exile, forced into captivity with a mysterious stranger. With nowhere to go and seemingly no hope of escape, they share the stories behind their miserable fates. Hers is filled with questions. His is filled with answers.

Chapter 27: That Could Be Arranged: Part 2

Right now you seem so far away
So much confusion clouds my way
And I don't know which path to take.

Here's hoping you'll help me to be brave.

Devotion save me now
I don't wanna stray from the hallowed ground
I'll turn temptation down.
I'm asking you to take me
to safety
this time.
...Hurts - Devotion

"So? What happened to Joseph?" Jessie asked.

Jack smiled and continued his tale.

I sat in a chair in the corner of the room, staring at my brother's sleeping form. The Team Rocket medics managed to patch him up and after Mother called Dr. Moretti, the family doctor, it was determined that the bullet that had pierced my brother's torso had missed his vital organs and that he was expected to make a full, if painful, recovery.

And all I could think as I stared at his pale face was that it should have been me. I should have went to Hoenn after Malkan and the men who tried to kill my girlfriend and baby daughter. That bullet was meant for me, not Joseph, never Joseph who had his own family to think of. Isabelle was beside herself when she found out. She had to be sedated. Jade was taking care of Jessiebelle and Silver. When I let my brother fight my battles for me, I never considered his own family.

"He's lucky," Giovanni said quietly, startling me as he soundlessly entered the room, "Malkan spent years in the shooting range. He could have easily killed Joseph without a second thought."

"I can't believe Malkan would do this," I said thickly, "He was like family." I had never felt so betrayed in my life.

"But he wasn't, Jack. He wasn't one of us. He was an outsider who would never get higher than elite standing even after he so loyally tended to us," Giovanni explained, "He wanted more than he deserved. Now, when Mother's associates catch him, he will get what he deserves."

"I wish it was different. I wish I could change it," I murmured, looking at my hands. I felt Giovanni clap a hand on my shoulder.

"That would be something, wouldn't it?" he agreed, "But, if lazily written movies have taught me anything, it's that if one thing changes in our lives, our entire lives will change as well. There are things in my life that I would not trade for the world."

"Really?" I asked, not that I doubted his claim, but that I had never heard him talk like this before. I guess the thought of losing a brother affected Giovanni more than he allowed others to see.

"Of course. Mother's always gone on about family. It was never easy for me to see her point, but lately…Silver…he's almost like a person now. Before…it was hard to see, but he has a personality. One day, he will be a force to be reckoned with," Giovanni said proudly. It was nice to see my brother talking so warmly about his son, the one thing he wouldn't trade for anything else. I guess I knew just how he felt as my thoughts turned to my daughter. Only a few months old and already there was nothing that I wouldn't do for her.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I actually know how our mother feels," Giovanni snorted, "She would do anything for y-…us to help us succeed. I will do the same for my son."

"I admire that, Gio," I told him, and I really did.

"If only I knew then what I know now," Jack laughed ruefully.

"Why?" Jessie asked in awe.

"Giovanni was not to be admired."

"Well, duh," Jessie commented. Jack laughed.

"Well, look who's back in the land of the living," Giovanni straightened, looking down at Joseph, who's blue eyes had opened.

"How do you feel, Joe?" I asked, approaching the bed with Giovanni.

"Little high," he muttered hoarsely.

"That'll be the morphine," Giovanni told him, "You have Mother on the warpath, Brother."

"Isabelle?" Joseph asked for his wife.

"She's been sedated," Giovanni revealed, "Jack, could you go inquire about Isabelle's condition?"

I nodded and hopped to it, like the good brother I was. Isabelle was still under the effects of the drug Dr. Moretti gave her. Instead I looked in on Jade, who was watching Silver and Jessiebelle play on the floor.

"Alright, Sis?" I asked.

"We're fine," she sighed, "How's Joseph?"

"Awake now," I told her, "Giovanni's talking to him."

Jade bit her lower lip for a moment before looking at me, "You should get back to them. I'm sure Joseph wants to see you," she told me. I smiled and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before I returned to my brothers. Giovanni was sitting on the edge of the bed with a confident smirk on his face, the kind I had seen him wear whenever he made a particularly good move in chess. Joseph was frowning as he shifted positions, probably finding it impossible to get comfortable.

"Well, I suppose I should go see if there's something Mother needs me for," Giovanni announced strolling to the door. I nodded to him and pulled a chair up beside Joe's bed.

"Isabelle's still out," I told him, "Jessiebelle's with Jade."

"That's what Gio said," Joe managed weakly. That was when I broke.

"Joe, I'm so sorry!" I gushed, "It should have been me! I should have been the one to go! I-"

"Ah, Jack, take it easy," he dismissed me, "These things happen."

"Joseph, you only went because of me! Malkan was after my girlfriend-"

"Jack, just shut up," he ordered and I fell silent, "I wanted to go and the fact that I'm injured has nothing to do with you. Malkan pulled the trigger. Not you. Get over it."

"Brother, I never wanted to see you hurt," I admitted quietly.

"Jack, don't worry about me," he shrugged, "I only wish that I could have done more for you."

"Joe-"

"Now tell me, what have you been up to since I've been gone?" he asked. I had no choice but to comply with his wishes.

"I started a daycare," I told him, "For Rocket agents. They work and I help take care of their kids."

"So you can take care of your kid?" Joe asked. I nodded.

"She's beautiful, Joe. Look at her," I said, producing a photo of Jessie from my pocket.

"You carried a picture of your daughter around?" Jessie asked softly, trying to limit the emotion there. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever believe that her father had carried a photo of her with him to proudly show the world.

"Yeah," Jack admitted, "I guess it's a dad thing," he said, frowning as he saw a myriad of emotions flicker across Jessie's face. Why did something like that affect her so? He got to his feet and dug out a box from under his bed.

"Here," he said, setting down the box in front of her, "Giovanni sent this over to me after he sent me here," he explained as he pulled out a picture and held it out to her. Jessie took it and her eyes were immediately drawn to the laughing red-haired baby girl. Jessie was speechless for a moment as she stared at herself as a baby. No wonder Jack had been so enthralled with her. Even as a baby, she was beautiful.

Then Jessie noticed the woman peering around behind her baby-self. Her breath caught in her throat as she realized who the woman was. She was just as Jack had described, with curly purple hair and aqua eyes. Miyamoto. Jessie's mother.

"Wow," Jessie squeaked, never taking her eyes off of the woman who had given her life.

Suddenly, inexplicably, Jack was reminded of when his brother stared at that same picture.

Joseph stared at the photo for a long moment before he spoke, "She is beautiful. She has a bit of Sakaki in her."

"She does," I agreed, "She's only a few months old, but she has a little personality. She's like Miya. She likes to laugh at me."

"You are funny looking," Joseph gave a weak chuckle, "Jack…this thing…with me hurt…don't dwell on it. It wasn't your fault. None of it is."

"Joe-"

"Trust me. None of it is," he repeated, closing his eyes. I smiled, though I knew that it didn't matter what he said; it was my fault.

"Just rest, Joe," I told him. Then I quietly made my way out of the room and into Mother's front hallway.

"He will heal, Jack," Mother's voice jolted me out of my thoughts. I looked over at her. She was sitting in her chair, her hands folded across her lap. She looked tired, her grey eyes heavy as she stared at me.

"I know," I answered softly, pausing in front of her.

"I know you do," she replied, "but I know this must affect you."

Her words gave me pause and for a moment, I could see the mother who had an injured son, not the cold head of a criminal organization. I knelt before her, "And I know how this must affect you, Mother."

She touched my cheek and offered a rare smile, "So like your father. Compassionate. I wonder…"

"Mother?" I asked as she trailed off.

"Never mind. Your daycare opens tomorrow, correct?"

"That's the plan. I can postpone it if you need me at home," I told her.

"No no, Son. I just want you to take Jessiebelle with you tomorrow. It would give dear Isabelle a break while she tends to Joseph," Mother requested.

"Of course," I bowed.

"Good. Now go get some rest," she told me, "You need it."

"So do you," I told her, and in a rare moment, I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. My mother was never the most affectionate woman, but she gave me a soft smile as she watched me leave her sight. I took the basement tunnel over to headquarters, where I ascended the floors to my rooms. Yawning, I opened the door to find a surprise.

"You look like Hell," Miya commented, perched on my bed, clad in her Team Rocket uniform.

"It's been Hell," I admitted, flopping down beside her and crawling to rest my head on her stomach.

"How is your brother?" she asked, her slender fingers running slowly through my hair. It felt heavenly, though I knew in the back of my mind that if someone walked in, we would be in trouble.

"He's going to be okay. Everything's just messed up," I admitted.

"Well, brace yourself 'cause it's going to get a whole lot messier tomorrow," she quipped, "Or are you still opening the daycare tomorrow?"

"That's the plan," I murmured, snuggling closer to her, but then paused, "Is that spit-up?" I asked, looking at the pink stain on her uniform.

"Probably," she deadpanned and before I could laugh, she added, "Just wait until tomorrow's over. Those silk shirts of yours are going to need a drycleaner."

"Yeah, yeah," I shrugged it off, "So what did you feed Jessie that was pink?" I asked.

"Strawberry yogurt," Miya said, "You should try the raspberry kind tomorrow. She might like that better."

"Doubtful," Jessie muttered. Jack frowned.

"What?"

"Uh…" Jessie trailed off, "yogurt's disgusting," she recovered.

The next day, I had was sitting on the curb in front of Rocket Daycare, my big idea. Jessie and Cassidy were in my arms. Silver peaked out from behind a stroller, which held Jessiebelle.

Miya, Catherine, Jade, and Daphne watched from the sidelines as the Viridian Press took a couple photos of me and the kids in front of the building. Parents with small children watched, waiting for the official opening.

"Would you like to say anything for the paper?" a reporter asked me. I blinked. I hadn't really anticipated a story in the paper, but I guess it was good advertising.

"Um, first off, I'd like to say thank you to all of the great people who donated time or sippy cups to Rocket Daycare. This day wouldn't be possible without those people. Rocket Daycare is really all about the kids and making them feel like they really can go to the moon or to Saturn or wherever they want. It's about a good first step and making parents feel like their kids are in the best possible place."

"So the name has nothing to do with Team Rocket?" the reporter asked. I looked at her. She had a foreign accent and aqua hair.

"Absolutely not," I said calmly, "My family protects one another. I will protect every kid in that daycare as if they were my own child."

"Thank you," she said, flashing me a smile as she walked away.

"She seemed delightful," Miya muttered as she, Catherine, and Jade stepped forward to collect their kids.

"Lovely," I agreed, exchanging a look with her as she took Jessie from me. It was little wonder why Miya was Mother's favorite agent. From that look alone, I knew that she'd be checking out the reporter. No words were needed.

"So are you sure you can handle all this?" Jade asked as parents began filtering into the daycare.

"I've hired a couple people," I shrugged, "They're really good. Not…affiliated. You should go meet them."

"I think I might," Jade agreed, taking Silver by the hand and pushing Jessiebelle's stroller, "The meet and greet was a nice touch."

"I believe that was my brilliant idea," Catherine said, "If it was up to the guys, there'd be a child drop-off box."

"Yes, yes, what would I do without my lovely assistants?" I quipped sarcastically.

"Assistants?" Miya and Catherine scoffed.

"I'm kidding," I said, "but speaking of, where are Amy and her son? They were supposed to be here too, right?"

"I don't know," Catherine said, "Maybe Madam Boss needed her."

"Are you speaking of Miss Carson?" an all too familiar voice asked. The three of us whirled around to find my mother standing there.

"Madam Boss," Catherine and Miya said together.

"Mother," I stammered, "What are you doing here? Is there something wrong?"

"Of course not," Mother waved me off, "I was simply interested in the opening. You've done well."

"Thank you," I bowed, embarrassed by her praise, "but I couldn't have done it alone," I emphasized, gesturing to Miya and Catherine.

"Of course," Mother agreed, an approving smile on her firm features as she nodded at the two women. She paused for a moment when her eyes fell on Jessie. My heart pounded in my chest. Would she recognize the resemblance to me?

"Shall we go inside?" I asked, moving from Miya's side to hold the door for my mother. Catherine followed and then Miya, who gave me a significant look as she passed me. She had picked up on Mother's stare as well.

"So you are saying that Carson is absent?" Mother asked me.

"I haven't seen her," I confirmed. The girls nodded along with me.

"That is odd," Mother said, and to my astonishment, I think I actually saw concern there, "What with all of this business revolving around Malkan and the last…attempt."

"Perhaps she's having trouble with her son," Catherine suggested.

"Perhaps," Mother agreed, looking around. I took the opportunity to introduce Delia.

"Mother, this is one of my helpers, Delia Hazelwood. Delia, meet my mother, the financial backer to this Daycare," I introduced.

"Lovely to meet you," Delia bowed respectfully.

"Oh, and this is my sister-in-law, Jade," I motioned for my sister, "Jade, meet Delia."

"Nice to meet you," Jade said, tensing up around my mother, as usual.

"Likewise," Delia said, though she sounded unsure, "You're Mr. Joseph's wife?"

"Giovanni's," Jade clarified, "But my husband is busy at the moment."

"Oh," and for a moment, I saw confusion and then hurt on the young brunette's face, "Um, I should go see if Heath needs help with the refreshments."

"Ah, the 'wife-meeting-the-other-woman' scenario," Jessie commented.

"That's what it sounded like to me. It also explained Gio's trips to Pallet Town," Jack agreed.

"Oh, there's Amy and her son…um…"

"Butch," Catherine filled in for Miya, who nodded appreciatively. Amy was toting her green-haired boy through the door and walking towards us.

"Madam Boss, Mr. Sakaki, I apologize for my tardiness," she apologized solemnly, though the dark sunglasses she still wore, even inside the building, detracted from the sentiment.

"It is alright, Carson," Mother waved off, "You can escort me to the office," she said, bidding us all goodbye.

"We should go too," Miya suggested, passing Jessie off to me, "I have a reporter to check out."

"Agreed," Catherine said, placing Cassidy in a playpen, "Would you like a ride, Mrs. Sakaki?" she offered to Jade.

"That would be wonderful, Catherine. And please, call me Jade. I'm just married to the mob; I'm not part of it. Silver and Jessiebelle can stay with you, Jack?" she asked.

"That's what I'm here for, Sis."

The three women left and then it was up to me, Delia, a woman named Nicole, Lana, Heath, and Motorcycle to care for the kids. Heath, Lana, and Motorcycle were filling in until I could get more help. So far, I had five babies in my care: Jessie, Jessiebelle, Cassidy, and two others; and seven toddlers, including Butch and Silver. Not a bad start.

The day was pretty quiet. I discovered that Jessie did not like raspberry yogurt, Butch had separation anxiety, and that expensive silk suits were not appropriate child-care clothes. Delia was pretty quiet throughout the day, hardly batting an eyelash at Heath's jokes or Motorcycle's skills at diaper changing. Not that I had much time to dwell on it. It was almost a relief at the end of the day when the parents came to pick up their kids.

I ignored Miya's triumphant look when she say the pink stains on my shirt. God, I hated when that woman was right. She made up for it when she told me to come over after Amy picked up Butch, the last of the kids at the daycare.

Amy was an hour late, but thankfully, baby Butch was finally warming up to me and the others. He was playing with Motorcycle when Amy finally appeared, still sporting those sunglasses.

"Nice shades, Amy," I commented. She disregarded it.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Sakaki. How was he?" she asked earnestly, watching as Butch giggled while Motorcycle bounced him in the air.

"Good. It took him a little while to warm up to us, but he's having fun now," I shrugged.

"That's great," she smiled, "I'd better get going now. It's awful late and I'd better get home to Robert."

"You aren't going to wear sunglasses in the dark, are you Aimes?" Motorcycle asked, coming over with Butch, who practically leapt for his mother, knocking those dark sunglasses from her face. The purple bruise around her eye shocked both me and Motorcycle.

"Aimes, what happened?" Motorcycle breathed, the rare smile that had graced his face gone, replaced with a look of fury.

"Cupboard door this morning," she shrugged, looking away, "It was stupid."

She tried to laugh it off, but it was a hollow laugh.

"Amy-"

"Goodbye, Sir. Bye, Ted," she left quickly, leaving me and Motorcycle dumbfounded.

"Uh, what the hell was that?" I asked.

"Cupboard door, my ass," Motorcycle grumbled, "Ketch, Lana, let's go!" he ordered, stalking off.

"Uh…"

"Would you like me to lock up, Mr. Sakaki?" Delia asked quietly, her eyes red and a little puffy.

"Uh, sure, Delia. Are you okay?" I questioned.

"Fine, Sir," she assured me.

"Your staff has a few problems," Jessie noted.

"More than a few," Jack agreed, "Delia must have been upset about Giovanni leading her on or something and as for Amy and Motorcycle…well….that came later."

"Do you think it was her husband that gave her that black eye?" Jessie asked. Jack nodded, a cold look on his face.

"Unfortunately, that son-of-a-bitch did more than give her a black eye, but as I said, that came later."

"Well, what came next?" Jessie asked.

"This is getting dangerous," Miya said to me as she unzipped her dress later that night.

"Gonna narrow that down?" I asked from the bed as I fed Jessie a bottle.

"When your mother looked at Jessie, I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest," Miya clarified.

"Ditto," I agreed, looking down into my daughter's big blue eyes as she sucked slowly on the bottle.

"We have to do something about it," Miya said. My head snapped up so fast, I was sure that I had a touch of whiplash.

"Like what?" I squeaked, apprehensive. I didn't want to lose her again. There was a smirk on her lips as she surveyed my panicked look.

"I'll take that look as a compliment," she said, "Calm down and breathe, Jack."

I took her advice and breathed, "So what are you thinking?" I asked, watching as she crossed the room and crawled on the bed with me and Jessie.

"I'm thinking that the boss's son is going to offhandedly remark that he's going out on a date with a stunning single mother of one of his daycare kids," she whispered in my ear.

"So we're going public, now?"

"That a problem, Sakaki?" she asked seductively. The nightgown she had chosen left little to the imagination. My eye travelled down her body, which she had worked back to the slim, svelte form she had had pre-baby.

"Not in the slightest, Lillis. I can prove it to you once we get the baby to bed," I told her.

"Well, get on that, Daddy," Miya ordered, laying back on the pillows. I smiled involuntarily.

"What happened to 'Uncle Jack'?" I asked.

"Slip up," she shrugged.

"I like it," I said, pecking her on the lips before I got up to take Jessie to her room. It took a few minutes to calm the fussy baby, but then I sprinted back to Miya's room.

"So you guys decided to go public?" Jessie asked, "You didn't have to hide anymore?"

"Not exactly," Jack shook his head.

"But-"

"Jessilina, whenever I make a plan for my life, something always happens to screw it up. Always. It's a law of the universe."

To say that I played my part well was an understatement. I was ecstatic at the prospect that I would no longer have to hide the best thing that ever happened to me.

"You're in an unusually good mood," Giovanni observed as we walked together to Mother's office.

"I have a date tonight," I announced, grinning like a fool. Giovanni raised his eyebrows.

"I see Miss Miyamoto has urged you to break your celibacy stint," he said, "How long has it been, Jack?"

"How'd you know about-"

"Please, Jack. You've been telling everyone and their brother about your romantic evening," Giovanni rolled his eyes and I felt my cheeks colour.

"Is it wrong for me to be excited about my date?" I shot at him.

"Of course not," Giovanni conceded, "She's a beautiful woman, even after she had her child. Of course she is feisty…perhaps too feisty for you, little brother."

"I can handle it," I assured him, ignoring the twinge of jealousy that arose at my brother's comments.

"No doubt, Jack. Give my regards to mother," he bade me farewell as he left me in front of Mother's office.

"You shouldn't have told him about Miya," Jessie announced. She had deduced that since Giovanni had exiled her father, he had also been responsible for her mother's disappearance.

"It would have made little difference," Jack replied, "My brother was forming his master plan way before that conversation."

I stepped into Mother's office and found her sitting behind the mahogany desk. Her face lit up when she saw me.

"There you are, Jack! Come, I have wonderful news!" she exclaimed, rising and motioning me over with more enthusiasm than I had ever seen her display.

"What is it, Mother?" I asked.

"We are to be expecting guests," she told me, "A young man from Sinnoh. Very ambitious, but very powerful."

"Umm…fantastic?" I wagered.

"It is, Jack. It definitely is!" she gushed, "We are going to have a most powerful ally and you, my handsome son, are going to be responsible for securing such an ally for us!"

"Me?" I asked doubtfully, "What can I do?"

"This is going to be bad," Jessie predicted. Jack nodded in agreement.

"You have NO idea."

"This young man is bringing along his sister, a lovely young woman, I'm told. I've already spoken with the young man and he agrees that it is a most wonderful idea," Mother explained.

"What is a most wonderful idea?" I asked warily.

"The joining of the most powerful group in Sinnoh with the most powerful group in Kanto. You marrying the sister," Mother told me. Her eyes shinned with triumph as all the colour drained from my face.

"WHAT?" Jessie yelped.

"My sentiments exactly."

"WHAT?" I yelped.

"I took the idea from sweet Jessiebelle and James and arranged a bride for you, my son. Oh, it will be lovely-"

"M-mother, I can't…I won't…I'm not getting married," I managed to get out.

"Nonsense. You will marry-"

"No. I won't, Mother. I would do anything, anything else for you, Mother, but not this. Never this," I begged. The smile slipped from her face.

"You will marry her, Jack! Think of this family-"

"I love this family, Mother, but I have to think for myself in this matter!" I argued.

"And have you? Your brothers are both married with families while you gallivant around like some no-account playboy!" she shot at me.

"Is that what you think? Maybe before, but now I am looking to start a family and when I look to start one, I am going to love my wife!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, I've heard all about how you intend on starting a family!" she sniffed angrily, "Tell me, Son, is your date with Miyamoto Lillis going to help you start this perfect family of yours?"

"If it does, than I would expect you to be accepting of my choice in wife," I shot at her. Thankfully, I wasn't angry enough to forget my head and reveal something incriminating.

"I could never! She is beneath you! A lowly agent-"

"You seem to think very highly of her, Mother!" I reminded her.

"She is a capable agent, but not a good enough wife for a son of mine! She's tainted!"

"Tainted?" I questioned.

"She had a child out of wedlock! When she announced her pregnancy, I told her that no good could come from raising a bastard child. No man would have her and stay to raise another man's mistake. Certainly NOT my son!" she spat at me. My fists were clenched and I was shaking. Never had I felt this way about my mother before.

"I would," I said, forcing my voice to stay even, "I adore Miya and I adore her daughter."

"Then I would disown you," she threatened.

"Fine!" I snarled.

"Then I would remove the temptation," she amended. Her cold, grey eyes were like steel as they glared into me. I felt my shoulders sag in defeat. The threat against Miya and Jessie was enough to subdue me to her will.

"Then perhaps I shall have to bury my feelings, lest it cause you to harm an innocent woman and child," I murmured, the words leaving a sour taste in my mouth. Mother's smile returned, as victorious as ever.

"Then you will marry Jacelyn Akagi?" she questioned. I flinched at the name of my betrothed.

"Son?"

"Yes, Mother."

"And that was the beginning of the end of my relationship with my mother," Jack sighed.

"No kidding," Jessie said, a theory suddenly forming in her mind of her mother's fate, "So what did Miya say about all this?"

"Nothing good," Jack said tiredly, "Nothing good at all."

"You look tired, Jack," Jessie observed. Jack let out a dry chuckle.

"You try hauling firewood all day and see how you feel," he retorted, "I think its bedtime."

For once, Jessie didn't argue, "Sure. And Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Karma's a real bitch, huh?"

"True, but how do you figure?" he asked.

"You signed as witness to James's arranged marriage and then you had one yourself," she explained.

"Goodnight, Jessilina," he deadpanned.

TBC

AN: So here I am...again. Ugh, I'm a little disgusted with my updating habits, but I am determined to finish this fic if it's the last thing I do.

That said, I'm glad to be back writing. Grading tests and planning lessons...not so fun. A big thank you goes out to all the people who have reviewed this fic. You definately keep me motivated :)

Songs that inspired this chapter:
- Devotion by Hurts. Amazing song. Thank you Vampire Diaries for introducing me to such awesome music.
-All About Us by T.a.T.u. The urgency in that song reminds me of Jack and Miya.
-Beside You Now by the Fold. Sweet little song.
-Brave by Gavin Mikhail. I love this guy. He does the most amazing piano covers. This song reminds me a lot of how Miya and Jessie motivate Jack and James.
-The Weight of Us by Sanders Boike. Another Vampire Diaries song.
-The Weight of the World by the Editors. Yet another Vampire Diaries song. Both as so haunting and so perfect.