The rest of morning training went smoothly, but soon we had to break because I was getting too hungry. I'd failed to obtain sustenance last night after Dimitri had shown up unwelcomed, and, because of his presence this morning, I'd only had a banana since then.
My stomach growled loudly which halted all movements of the present Guardians until Christopher started laughing uncontrollably. Dimitri looked pained as both Christopher and Jasper threw an arm around my shoulder and led me upstairs.
"What'll it be, Rosie?" Jasper asked after he'd placed me at the breakfast bar.
"You can cook?" I asked as Kyle came and sat down next to me.
"Not well," Kyle mumbled which received a glare from Jasper.
"I'm good at a select few things." Jasper corrected.
"Such as?" I prompted.
"Grilled cheese sandwiches, ramen, and stir-fry," Jasper responded proudly.
"I might love you if you make me a good stir-fry." I laughed.
"Your love is all I desire," Jasper said dreamily as he stroked the side of my face. I rolled my eyes but heard Dimitri growl loudly from behind me. Kyle and I turned around slowly in our seats to stare questioningly at him.
Christopher came up behind him and patted him patronizingly on the shoulder.
"Can I get in on that free love?" Christopher asked walking up beside me, ignoring Dimitri's fiery gaze, or maybe I was cherishing it.
"It's not free love, Christopher," I said leaning closer to him until we were a breath away, noses almost touching. "I expect something in return."
"Name it, it's yours," Christopher smirked letting his eyes flick to Dimitri.
"I. Want. You," I started and paused enough to let Dimitri's pain fuel my Darkness, "to make me food."
"You're a tease, Rosie," Christopher said with a sigh and a small chuckle, but he moved away to help Jasper with lunch.
"I thought you said you'll be training in the afternoons?" Baba's voice rang out as he entered the kitchen. I froze in my place and cursed under my breath. "What was that?"
"Nothing," I said quickly turning to face him with the most innocent look I could muster. "I was just really excited about training, Baba. I couldn't wait. Please don't be too mad."
"I'm not mad, Kiz," Baba said with a sigh, his voice adapting to a more gentle tone when he took me in. "But you are going to take the afternoon off. You're not training again today. It's up to you to decide if you want to train in the morning or in the afternoon, but you're not doing both."
"I understand," I said smiling at him. Truth is, I didn't want to train again today. Being in the gym with Dimitri was bringing back memories that I had wanted to stay buried. Feeling his eyes on me was a distraction, and if he had taught me anything it was that distractions get you killed. "I have some things I need to discuss with you after lunch, privately."
I didn't mean for my voice to come out sounding so menacing, but it did, and I couldn't stop it. Baba tried to mask the worry that flashed across his face, but I saw it. He nodded at me and left the kitchen, presumably to find Pavel who hadn't come up from the gym and to get away from me.
Jasper and Christopher had finished chopping the carrots and broccoli for the stir-fry.
"Chicken or pork?' Christopher asked looking in the fridge to see what proteins we had.
"I've got a thing for swine," I said off-handedly. Kyle looked over at me with an amused looked. Dimitri had moved further into the kitchen and placed himself on the stool on the other side of Kyle.
Jasper looked over at me with a raised eyebrow, but I just shrugged.
"You guys want to go for a swim after my meeting with Baba?" I asked when the only sound in the kitchen was cooking meat. I hated Dimitri being here for several reasons, one of them because he made everything so awkward. If he hadn't been here, Christopher and I would be throwing sarcastic remarks all around the kitchen with Jasper chiming in occasionally and Kyle observing us with an amused expression.
Everyone was too tense. I hated this feeling, and I hated Dimitri for making it this way.
"I could use a swim, especially if you're wearing that bikini again," Christopher said with a wink.
"I'm not promising anything. Besides, that was my most conservative swimsuit." I smirked. "I was actually hoping to get some tanning in, but I hate tan lines, so you guys may have to vacate the beach for a few hours."
"We don't have to leave the beach, Rosie. I promise we won't look." Jasper said raising his right hand.
"Speak for yourself," Christopher said eyeing me up and down. I heard Dimitri growl from the other side of Kyle, but it didn't stop the laugh that escaped me.
"Behave yourself, Guardian Fleming," I said lightly.
"What smells so good?" Sydney asked coming into the kitchen. She looked like she had just woken up, but that didn't seem to faze Jasper as his eyes held awe as he beheld her.
"Jasper and Christopher are cooking lunch," I replied. "Did you just get up?"
"Yeah, Pavel tried to wake me this morning for your training, but I didn't want to leave that bed."
"I know how that feels." I laughed. "We'll probably be training in the afternoon after today, though. You can sleep as late as you want for the next week. After that, hopefully, we'll be ready to get out and scout."
"Have you talked about setting up a routine with Pavel?" Kyle asked.
"Not yet. I explained a little of it to him this morning during our run but didn't go into too much detail." I responded. My mouth began to water as Jasper started serving up large bowls of the stir-fry.
Christopher took two bowls over to the table motioning for me to follow him. I quickly chased the food he was holding and plopped down in the seat next to him. Jasper joined us with a bowl for himself and one for Sydney. Sydney was sitting across from me and Jasper across from Christopher. Kyle joined us with a bowl of his own.
I decided to thank Christopher with a kiss just to see what Dimitri would do. I leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Christopher's cheek. He returned my kiss with a knowing smirk. I know we didn't act like it all the time, but Christopher would never be anything more to me than a friend. However, he understood the desire to get under Dimitri's skin.
Typically, Dimitri would growl, as he had every other time Christopher and I interacted. This time, Dimitri calmly rose from his seat and headed upstairs, but not before I felt his pain. It was more pain than I'd felt from one person.
The pain was all-consuming and made my breath stop in my lungs. I felt tears well in my eyes at the intensity as I pulled it into me. I heard Dimitri pause on the stairs, but after a moment's hesitation, he continued up them.
"Rose, what's wrong?" Kyle asked immediately noticing my shift.
"Nothing," I answered quickly. "This smells really good, guys."
"It tastes good too," Sydney added swallowing her first bite. I felt more pain and suddenly lost my huge appetite. I forced the majority of the stir-fry into my mouth, and it settled uneasily in my stomach as I left to find Baba.
I hadn't seen him come back up from the basement so I started my search there. From the sound of it, Amca was in a heated discussion with Baba, but I couldn't understand any of it considering it was all in Turkish. I did hear my name thrown out there along with Dimitri's numerous times.
"Do you have any idea what she's going through now that he's here!?" Amca yelled suddenly switching to English.
"She fine! She's got three Guardians to protect her from him." Baba responded.
"God, Abe! You're a fool! It's killing her! Have you not seen the look in her eyes every time he's near her? He's not fairing much better, either, mind you."
"She would have said something if she's not happy," Baba said weakly.
"I tried telling you yesterday, but you said he was my guardian and there wasn't anything I could do to change it," I spoke up causing both men to spin quickly to look at me. "That's actually what I was going to talk to you about. I don't want him here, Baba. He's in pain just looking at me, and I know I will be the longer he stays."
"Pain?" Baba question.
"Yes, pain. I can feel it. There are times his anger is suffocating, but most of the time it's pain and sadness. It's every time he looks at me. It's every time I hug you or Amca, every time I speak or laugh. Baba, he's in pain, and I'm causing it."
"He caused his own pain when he broke your heart, Kiz" Baba spat, a new fire came into his eyes.
"Why is he here?" I asked.
"He's here because Yeva called in a favor. She said it would do him some good to be here without being able to have you."
"You realize that she sent him here so I'd eventually take him back, right?" I said "She practically told me in Russia that we were meant to be together. She wouldn't have sent him here if we weren't meant to be together."
"So you're going to take him back?" Amca asked incredulously.
"No," I said firmly, but the voice at the back of my head whispered 'Not yet.' "Despite his words yesterday, there's no way that I could possibly trust him not to hurt me again. I can't go through that a second time."
"So you're going to remain in pain until he decides to leave?" Baba asked sadly.
"I don't have much of a choice. You're the one that brought him here." I responded before looking toward Amca. "Do you think you could choose where we're hunting each night. Don't tell us until we're about to leave, though. We don't want to have a discernable pattern just in case there is one clever Strigoi."
"I think I can do that. Will you be hunting every night?" He asked in response.
"Not every night, but we don't want to wait more than a couple days in between hunts unless, on the off chance, one of us gets hurt," I explained.
"Yeah, I can do that. Do you have a list of locations?"
"Not yet, but I'll write it down for you," I said before turning to leave. "We'll be in the ocean if you need us."
"Have fun, Kiz," Baba said softly.
I walked back upstairs and noticed Christopher, Jasper, and Kyle had changed into their board shorts and were having a discussion in the living room, which stopped abruptly as I came up the stairs.
"Cause that's not suspicious at all," I said to them with a curious look. They all returned my look with a smile. "Definitely not suspicious," I grumbled and headed to my room to change.
I put on my deep red string bikini and pulled my white coverup on over it before making my way back downstairs. Like before, conversation stopped at my approach. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I walked past them. While I was curious as to the topic of discussion, it wasn't too hard to deduce it was about me, probably including Dimitri, too.
I left my coverup under a rock near the start of the sand to retrieve later. I walked slowly down to the water's edge. The sand was warm under my toes which caused me to shiver in the blowing wind.
I felt his eyes on me almost as soon as I stepped out of the house. His pain grew again as the boys followed me. They didn't really come near me, opting to do their own thing off to the side. I didn't mind. For once, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
My thoughts, of course, were filled with Dimitri. Every good memory and, unfortunately, the all too often bad memories. I wrapped my arms around myself, not because I was cold, but because I needed comfort and the man I wanted it from wasn't beside me. He was standing in his room looking down at me.
I waded out into the water slowly, letting my body acclimate to the temperature difference. I felt his eyes leave me, and I turned around to look into his window. He was gone. I sighed in annoyance at my sadness. I missed the feeling of his gaze. He watched me like I was the only person in the world, like I made his life have meaning.
There was movement in Baba's office, and I watched Dimitri appear within and sit with Abe. It was definitely a serious talk as they were sitting around his desk and not around his fireplace. Even at this distance, I could see his beautiful face perfectly.
The way his lips moved when he spoke was fascinating. His eyes looked haunted, but the longer the conversation went on, the more life invaded them. I didn't know what their conversation was about, but I'm glad they were having it. I liked this Dimitri better, the one that looked happy.
He deserved to be happy. Too much has happened to him for him not to deserve happiness. I leaned back in the water letting myself float. I closed my eyes and let my body relax in the sun.
I could hear the guys horsing around on the beach, but I just wanted to enjoy the cool water and the warm rays. A few minutes later I felt Dimitri's eyes return to me and felt a smile spread across my face.
I missed him. My body missed him, but my heart was still trying to recover from the pain he'd caused me.
I cleared my mind and thought of Lissa. She'd been spending the past day trying to swindle information out of Eddie, even going as far as to contemplate using compulsion to get the information out of him. Eddie had kept his word and not told anyone he'd had contact with me, but Adrian could tell that he was lying when he asked earlier.
Adrian had sunken to a new low in his alcohol abuse, and Lissa was starting to get worried. There wasn't anyone that Adrian would listen to anymore. I used to have a little control, but I never thought I was the right person for Adrian. The right person would have been able to make him stop without a second thought.
He stopped smoking for me, but he never stopped drinking. His Darkness wasn't being handled by me. The right person would have made the Darkness dissipate. Lissa's Darkness is becoming almost nonexistent now that she and Christian had fixed things.
That's where Lissa was now, with Christian. I was happy for her, but my heart began to ache again as I saw the love shine in Christian's eyes as he looked at Lissa. I left quickly, knowing that my reality wasn't much different in way of heartache.
Sydney had joined the guys on the beach but wasn't brave enough to brace the cool water. She and Jasper were lying beside each other talking while Christopher was attempting to build a sandcastle. Kyle observed, as always, glancing in my direction occasionally.
I felt Dimitri's eyes leave me again, and I found myself looking up to his room again to see what could have pulled his attention. He'd pulled his shirt off as he walked toward his closet. He disappeared for a few seconds before coming back out, still shirtless but with board shorts on.
I tried to keep myself from feeling excitement at the prospect of Dimitri joining us on the beach. I relaxed back into the water, trying to calm myself down. I felt when he exited the house as his eyes immediately found me.
I allowed myself to sneak a glance at him as he watched me. He made his way over to the part of the beach where the others weren't and sat down. He just sat there for a moment, watching me, before he turned his face toward the sun and closed his eyes. I watched in awe as a smile spread across his face.
That was the way he stayed. He just sat there, face turned to the sun in contentment. I wondered what it felt like, to find enjoyment out of such a simple thing. He'd spent months of his life without access to the sun, but now that he was restored, he seemed to appreciate it differently.
Dimitri's eyes shot open as Kyle sat down next to him. He gave Kyle a questioning look, but Kyle just looked out to where I was floating. Dimitri turned his eyes to watch me, too, waiting for Kyle to speak.
When Kyle did speak, Dimitri's face adopted a frown. I didn't like it being there and wondered what Kyle said to make the smile disappear. Dimitri didn't say anything as Kyle kept talking, just nodding occasionally.
Toward the end of the conversation, Dimitri's smile returned. He looked over at Kyle and nodded fervently. Kyle seemed to accept his answer and returned his smile. He patted Dimitri on the shoulder as he stood and left. Dimitri's eyes quickly found mine again as I was openly staring at him.
His smile grew as he looked at me, and I gave him a small one in return. He motioned me to come to him, and I did so. I sat in the sand next to him and looked out over the ocean. I could still feel him watching me, but he didn't say anything.
"How are you feeling?" I asked breaking the silence.
"I've been better." Came his response.
I only nodded as we fell back into the slightly awkward silence.
"Rose. I want to ask you something." Dimitri began.
"What do you want to ask me?" I inquired finally looking over at him only to have him look down at the sand between his fingers.
"I want to start over."
"That's not a question, Dimitri," I said. "If you want to start over, why are you here? Being back here with me isn't starting over."
"That's not what I meant." Dimitri sighed. "I want us to start over. You had said yesterday that the man you fell in love with died in the caves in Montana. I told you yesterday that wasn't true, except that it is. I'm not the same man I was back in the academy. I'm definitely not the monster I was during my time as a Strigoi."
"What are you getting at?" I asked hesitantly.
"I'm not the same person I was when we fell in love. You're not the same person you were when we fell in love. I'm asking if we can start over."
"Start over?" I repeated.
"Yes. I've done some stupid things since being restored, Rose. The things I did to you as a Strigoi were horrible, but my actions as a man were worse, far worse. I want to fall in love with you again. I want you to give us a chance, to give me a chance." Dimitri pleaded.
"So, we start over? A new slate?" I asked looking up at him.
"Yes. That's all I want. If this doesn't work out, I'll leave, and you won't ever have to see me ever again." Dimitri said firmly, though I could see the pain in his eyes at the thought of leaving me.
I thought for a few more minutes. Could I really do this? Could I put myself at potential risk? Could I really give him another chance? I wanted this man, there was no denying that, but could I handle him leaving again?
However, we could fall in love again. From what he's told me, he never fell out of love with me. I've never stopped loving him, I couldn't even if I did try, but could I risk this?
Dimitri was still looking at me with hope written all over his face.
"I think I can give you a chance but only as a friend," I said softly and smiled as his face lit up before falling a little, but he seemed to accept it. He stuck out a hand, and I stared at it hesitantly, not really sure what he was doing, before I grasped it. He shook my hand firmly but gently.
"Hello, it's nice to meet you." He said, the smile still on his face. "I'm Dimitri Belikov. I'll be your guardian."
"Hi, Dimitri," I said with a small smile of my own. "I'm Rose Hathaway, and I don't need a guardian."
"From what I understand, you don't have much of a choice." He said lightly.
"I know, but don't think I'm going to be happy about this," I said rolling my eyes.
He continued to smile at me but didn't say anything else. We sat in the comfortable silence, taking in the sun until Amca called us in for dinner. He stood first and offered me his hand. I placed mine lightly in his, and he pulled me up. He gestured me toward the house and followed me inside.
He was happy.
I guess I could live with this. I just wanted him happy, and if this made him happy, I could risk the heartache.