Chapter 5

"You guys made out, though, right? Come on," Javi persisted with an adolescent enthusiasm. "Man, crazy stalker-chick would be pissed if she knew what was up. You should write her a letter, tell her all about it."

Kate chucked the lid of her coffee at him and it ricocheted off his cheek, speckled it with a streak of brown droplets he had to brush away. "You're sick, Esposito. And for the second time, no, we did not make out. We just talked."

It required effort to keep disappointment from creeping into her voice, and she hoped she'd succeeded well enough. "As for that woman, she doesn't have the first damn clue what pissed is. She's just lucky I wasn't the one that came walking down that sidewalk. If I had been, she wouldn't be able to write anything for a very long time."

"Damn, girl, see? I told you. All that love you two got."

She swallowed the final sip of her day's most recent dose of caffeine. There had been several. "If you ever catch me vomiting a rainbow, put me out of my misery," she chaffed with a nod to his earlier remark about Kevin and Jenny, and, checking her watch, scooped her travel bag from the floor. "On that lovely image, I'm going to go. I offered to bring Castle something to eat. Martha mentioned cooking earlier and he told her he would've done better to stay at the hospital, saved himself a trip."

"That's cold," Javi said with a snicker.

"That's self-preservation," Kate deadpanned. "At least I know he's still thinking somewhat clearly after all of this."

"What about your thinking, partner? Sounds like you're glad you decided to go over there and see him."

Rick had held her hand in his before she'd left, and she'd practically melted into his warmth, warmth still alive on her skin as she stood all the way across town. She'd only spent a short while longer with him after Martha's interruption because she'd wanted him to rest, but what she'd hoped for upon her arrival there, she'd been able to take away with her, and there wasn't anything more she could've asked for.

"I am, yeah. With some time, I think we might be able to figure all of this out. Actually talking to each other is probably going to make that a lot easier," she said in jest. "I don't know. Time will tell, I guess, but at least now it seems like we have a start."

"That's all good, but just remember what a real bitch time can be. No one ever knows what's coming around the next corner, like Castle walking down that sidewalk. You, of all people, should understand that, Beckett, so, just, both of you, figure it out and make it right. It's too important."

Kate zipped up her bag and pulled him into a hug. "I loved being your partner, Jav, but I love being your friend more," she told him at his ear. "Thank you for the call and the bagels and the talk…but not for this shitty couch. No offense, but I hope I never have to sleep here again, and I use the word sleep very loosely."

"Love you, too, you sap. Next time, maybe come for a visit when there isn't a stabbing involved."

"I'll think about it. You know I bore easily." They smiled at one another. "I'll text you when I get home."

In the car, Kate looked up the phone number to Rick's favorite deli and called in an order to pick up, left her father a voicemail to let him know how happy it'd made her to see him, and though fatigue had taken up residence in her muscles and her bones, she pushed it aside and headed back to the loft. It was too important.

xxxx

"I know you give me a look every time I say it, but I'm telling you, this stuff belongs in a hall of fame," Rick cooed over his container of gifted chicken noodle, Kate working on her own around a soft grin at his glow. "If there isn't one for soup, there should be. I wonder who I could call." With the thought, he paused and gave her a deliberate once-over. "It definitely doesn't hurt that the delivery girl's hot, either. Wait, sorry, delivery woman."

"You'd probably think a mailbox was hot on those meds of yours, Castle."

He flicked an eyebrow. "Maybe," he said. "Don't judge." Since she'd left earlier, Alexis had returned to the dorms and Martha had gone off on a suitor's arm for dinner, so the two of them were there alone, and there was a palpable and familiar spark in the air. "Hey," he followed, "in case I forgot to say it-or did and don't remember, which is very possible-thanks for coming back and keeping me company. I feel better, already."

The only thing worse than being so far away from him now and not being able to touch him was finally being so close and wondering if she should, and that feeling was torturous, so much so that she couldn't keep it inside.

"This isn't how I imagined seeing each other for the first time would be, Castle. I hate that I don't know if-I just, I wish…"

More often than not, humor was Rick's go-to life preserver, and, as such, that's what he tossed to her.

"You mean your fantasy didn't involve puncture wounds or passive-aggressive cracks or awkward silences? Isn't that every couple's dream reunion?"

Kate got up and began to pace behind her chair. "I'm serious, Castle. I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want us to keep disappearing from each other's lives when things get messy. And I know I've done it, too, but not hearing your voice every day or seeing your face is too hard for me now. I don't have anyone down there. I need to have you here."

When Rick held out a hand she stopped moving. "I'm greedy. I need two things. One is for you to come over here."

"What's the second thing?" she asked sideways without taking a step.

"Now who's greedy? No, first number one, please." He still had his hand outstretched in wait. "And this is my stabbed-by-a-stalker arm, so take pity on a guy, would ya, and make it snappy."

Dubious yet successfully weakened by the emotional blackmail, she moved around to his side of the table, gave him her hand. "You actually might need another kind of medication, too, you know that?" Her calf brushed against his and he nudged it playfully. "So? I'm here." Something in his eyes changed, and she watched it come over him. "Castle-"

"The second thing I need, Kate, is for you to hear me when I tell you the only reason I asked you to marry me is because I love you more than any writer has ever loved a muse, more than any civilian has ever loved a cop, more than any man has ever loved a woman, and knowing you've been thinking anything different this entire time makes me feel ashamed, and I'm so sorry." He opened her palm and pressed his lips to it. "I had lousy timing, and though I'm sure that part came as no surprise, I see it now."

"No, it didn't really," she teased, tracing a finger along the curl of his lips. "Kind of like that time I got shot and you told me you loved me. Also not the best."

Rick used his uninjured arm to encourage her down onto his lap. "My love is the best and you know it, no matter what time it is. Denying it is useless. It's written all over that magnificent face of yours."

"Castle, come on, I don't want to hurt you." She tried to climb off of him, but he grabbed her shirt in a fist and wouldn't let go. "Not more than I already have."

"Hey, look at me. Kate, look at me, please." He went on when she finally acquiesced, her eyes wet with tears. "We need to get better at some things, and you're right. We can't keep doing this." He nudged her chin up. "How about we agree to stop letting crazy people who want to kill us be the reason we say things to each other we should've already said a long time ago. Can we make that a rule from now on?"

She looked off into the room and came back to him. "This sounds like a really weird rule book. Maybe stick to mystery novels. I don't think anybody's going to buy it."

"Ha-ha, and I don't care about anybody else," he said with all earnestness. "Now, are you ready for the third thing I need?"

"Since when is there a third thing?"

His gaze traveled from her eyes to her lips and lingered there. "Since you're this close and I can't wait anymore." Then he kissed her long and soft.

xxxx

Rick heard the key in the lock a couple of hours later, followed by the tap of Martha's heels across the entry floor, and he waved his free arm in the air in an effort to keep her quiet. After their feast of soup and honesty, Kate had curled up and fallen asleep with her head on his lap, his fingers drawing gentle paths through her hair.

"How was the date?" he asked faintly when she came around, her hand finding her heart with the welcome vision of the pair there together. "The guy was wearing a sweater vest, Mother."

She hit him with a look-utterly dramatic, utterly Martha Rodgers. "You should really have a gander in a mirror before you start criticizing another man's appearance, Richard. Honestly, how many wolves were here?" Rick sneered, his fingers still at play. "This looks…better. For heaven's sake, is it possible she's even more stunning when she's asleep?"

"You two can stop whispering," Kate interjected from a slumber that was no longer. "And she's right, Castle. You could use a comb." She sat herself up, and with a yawn because she was powerless to stop it. "I hope you had fun, Martha."

"Thank you, Katherine, I had a lovely time. He's quite the gentleman, and he's apparently an admirer of yours, my son the famous novelist, so let's get those fingers flying across that keyboard of yours again, tout de suite. After all, it looks as though your muse might be musing again, unless my eyes dare deceive."

Rick set his hand on Kate's thigh, gave it a squeeze, and she flinched with the tickle. "I think my muse and I have come to an understanding."

Kate gave him a crook of her head, which Martha observantly spied.

"It seems the ladies are all ears, darling. Do tell."

"Well, from now on, she's going to let me visit her in our nation's capital whenever I'd like and to stay however long I'd like."

Kate's brow crinkled with the news flash. They'd discussed no such thing.

"And what does she get out of the deal?"

"She gets my company, of course. And a few things a man shouldn't say in front of his mother."

"Oh my God, Castle," Kate huffed and sprung up. "You know, I think I need to go. I have a long drive. I should get on the road."

Martha saw the disappointment on Rick's face and gave Kate a hug goodbye. "Please don't be a stranger, kiddo. We miss your light around here," she told her before disappearing upstairs.

"You're really going?" he asked, hoping it'd been a bogus threat. "It's late. You can't leave in the morning?"

Kate sat on the coffee table in front of him, wrapped her arms around his legs. "It's not that late, and I have to be back for work. I'm sorry," she said on his reaction. "We've been trying to close a case for a while and-"

He turned away with a hammy sigh. "No, I get it. I hate it, but I get it, and I guess I need to get used to it since you love me so much and never want to be without me ever again, not even for one day."

She rolled her eyes, precisely what he deserved. "About that 'understanding' of ours, Castle, I think we might need to tweak it a bit. As much as I'd love for you to visit all the time, that's just not going to be as easy as you make it sound. I'm still new with the agency, and I don't have any say in what my schedule is or isn't. Right now, I'm just holding on for dear life."

"Agent Beckett, how many times have I seen you since you moved to D.C.?"

Withholding an immediate answer, she slid off the table and carefully onto his lap. "For the record, I like it much better when you say it like that," she acknowledged with a kiss. It'd been soft and sweet, a far cry from the way he'd used the appellation earlier, like it was some kind of accusation. "And you've seen me zero times since I moved there."

"That's correct, so I suppose as long as I get to see you more than zero times, that'll be a step in the right direction. How about next weekend?" he pressed without a beat.

"How about we let things quiet down some, first? You have all your holiday stuff you guys always do, and my dad's coming down so we can spend Christmas Day together this year. We'll work on trying to plan something, though, I promise. Is that okay?"

Rick sat there unruffled, taking her in, every exquisite line and curve. Three months of hell had been brought to an end by awful hand, but all that was in him was gratitude.

"Mother was right. You are beautiful when you sleep, but it's nothing compared to that smile of yours." He held her tight at the hip. "Look, I know we're going to need time to work through all of this, and I know what happened to me-what could've happened-doesn't just erase everything, but I'm so glad and so thankful you were here. And if I wasn't hindered by drugs or the distraction of having your body on top of mine right now that would've been a lot more eloquent."

Kate angled for his ear and whispered. "I wish I could be on top of you." When she pulled back, his eyes were closed and his lips were turned downward in a frown. "How about this for an understanding?" she said and he flipped open one eye. "Next time we see each other, we only leave the bedroom for water, snacks, or if a meteor hits the city."

"Reminder to self," he mumbled. "Pack a mini fridge."