The drive to Great Lakes City was a quiet one. Lincoln sat in the back of the bus half-listening to an Ace Savvy podcast, but mainly thinking about what he would say to Ronnie Anne when he arrived.
From the start Ronnie Anne had been a bit of a "mystery" and to this day it was unknown just how much she liked him. He knew that he liked her a lot, but he also didn't like living in fear of getting punched. Clyde had once told him about how his therapist said that true love doesn't hit, but Lincoln had no idea if it was "true love", heck he hardly comprehended love at all. He may not understand romantic love, but he knew about loyalty, and friendship, and about family. He knew that come heck or high water that Ronnie Anne needed a loyal friend desperately right now.
When the bus stopped in front of the Santiago apartment Lincoln was heartbroken to see a wreath of flowers symbolizing mourning on their door. This was the moment that it hit the boy that this nightmare was reality. It broke his heart further to know that Lori was miles away both physically and mentally from this realization.
He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He was greeted by a dramatically wailing abuelita who instantly engulfed him in a bone-crushing embrace. Lincoln weakly tried to reciprocate.
She stood in the doorway holding him for what felt like an eternity when Lincoln caught sight of Ronnie Anne, who looked….totally broken. For someone so strong it terrified him to see her looking so….helpless.
As soon as she saw him she looked behind him frantically, as if expected Lori as well before bolting into her room and slamming the door.
"Ronnie Anne….Mija come back!" her mother cried. She looked destroyed too, but like she was fighting to be strong for her surviving child.
"I'M NOT TALKING TO ANYONE!" Ronnie Anne cried.
"Mija I miss him too….but….we need each other now!" she cried as her sister came over to comfort her.
She looked up and noticed Lincoln and soon the rest of the Santiago's had the poor boy in their group embrace.
"Is-is Lori with you?" Mrs. Santiago asked quietly.
Lincoln shook his head sadly.
"How is she holding up?" she asked. She had grown to love Lori like a daughter and was concerned about her as if she was already family.
Lincoln didn't know how to respond to the woman, who clearly already had enough on her plate.
"She has lots of support."
"Tia….Tia are you sure Bobby isn't coming back? Even for Christmas and my Birthday?" Carlos asked innocently.
The woman responded by sobbing and holding the boy.
Lincoln took the opportunity to sneak away to try to talk to Ronnie Anne.
"Ronnie Anne? C'mon Ronnie Anne…..please let me in….you can hit me as hard as you want."
"I don't ever want to talk to you loser! Or your loser family or any other loser ever again!"
"Ronnie….you think everyone's a loser…." Lincoln leveled with her.
"Then I guess I just won't ever talk to anyone again! All my big mouth does is ruin lives! It ruins lives and…..sometimes ends them…." She whispered as she sobbed harder.
"Ronnie, this wasn't your fault," Lincoln said. He knew she wouldn't believe him right away but he would try for eternity if need be until she did believe it.
To his surprise she opened the door and grabbed his shirt to pull him into her tiny bedroom. There were tissues all over the floor and some of the furniture looked like it had literally been scratched and torn. It was clear Ronnie had suffered a complete meltdown, and if her family interaction was any indication she had gone through it all-alone.
"I need to tell you something, but you gotta swear you never breathe a word to Lori," she started.
Lincoln hated keeping things from his family, but thinking this was the best way to help his friend, he nodded regardless.
"It really is all my fault that Bobby's dead," she said burying her face in her knees and crying like a scared little girl as opposed to the rough and tough girl Lincoln adored.
"No it is-"
"IT IS LINCOLN! IT TOTALLY IS! A FEW NIGHTS BEFORE HE-HE JUMPED…..HE WAS STRESSING ABOUT HIS ACT SCORES AND GETTING INTO COLLEGE! GRANDDAD SAID HE COULD JUST OWN THE BODAGA AND I OPENED MY MOUTH AND SAID IT WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH TO SUPPORT LORI AND HAVE A BIG FAMILY WITH HER! I KNEW HOW MUCH HE WANTED TO MARRY LORI AND START A BIG FAMILY AND I MADE HIM FEEL LIKE A LOSER AND NOW….NOW HE'S GONE AND NOT COMING BACK AND I-I WON'T EVER GET TO TELL HIM HOW SORRY I AM! AND WHEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT NO ONE WILL LOVE ME ANYMORE AND I WON'T HAVE A FAMILY EITHER! AND I ALREADY KNOW YOU HATE ME SO I….SO I WON'T EVEN HAVE YOU!" She wailed, though she kept the words muffled enough to keep her dirty secret from her family for a little longer.
Lincoln had no words. It caused him to re-evaluate everything; how he saw Bobby as an individual, how he saw Ronnie Anne, and how he saw Bobby's relationship with his sister that was so often the subject of playful family mocking.
It hadn't all set in, but he knew that right now there was one thing Ronnie Anne had to hear from him.
"It's not your fault, it's not your fault, even if it were, which it's not, he would forgive you. He loved you, your family loves you….my family loves you…..I love you Ronnie Anne and nothing you can do will ever change that ever."
She sobbed into his chest as he rubbed her back and kept repeating it over and over again.
"It's not your fault, not your fault, never will be your fault, it's not your fault Ronnie…."