Chapter 28

Rosalie POV

I let the shocking news sink in slowly. I was numb, yet feeling at the same time. Though all the feeling that I was felt at the moment was nothing but pain from the questions that raced through my mind at the speed of light. I wondered why, how, and other simple questions like that. Any compound questions were lost in a tizzy of confusion that plagued me often while I sat in the hospital bed, while I was nothing more than a shell holding an egg deep inside of me.

What should I do?

Should I just let the baby be born, then kill myself off?

Should I follow the drive of committing suicide, like I have my whole life?

Questions like this plagued me as I sat there, in the silence all on my own. My mind became nothing but a dark, sullen place that wasn't fit for someone that was living. I heard that the baby can feel whatever what the mother feels; so would my depression make my baby sad?

I felt tears burn in my eyes…I couldn't help but feel like this, I knew I was depressed, and I knew why—but I've never thought of how to rid myself of this void of emptiness in my chest. At times of happiness, like I had with Emmett, those moments and memories gave me meaning. When I had meaning filling me up, I didn't feel the need to die anymore. Maybe this baby would give me meaning?

I smiled sadly at the thought; I'm not fit to be a mother, especially to Emmett's little one.

But you can't just leave him all alone, like mother did so long ago…

No, not mother…

Some unknown woman that had adopted me, I didn't know my real mother; and to tell the truth, I really don't care if I ever do.

I must have done something wrong, to have made her give me away like that….I don't understand that reasoning. Maybe she had no choice?

Though that reason still doesn't make me understand…did she not want me?

I wiped away tears as they came, and found myself once again sobbing all alone in the white room of insanity. I hated there being no color, no life—it drove me insane!

I fell back against the pillow just as the nurse came through, holding a tray of mushy hospital food, and more jello.

When she caught me looking at her, she smiled sympathetically.

"I know, this stuff isn't that great, but you need to eat."

My tongue hurt as I talked, "I don't care…I don't want to eat…"

I don't even want to be alive right now…why couldn't they let me die when I had been raped and attempted suicide by biting of my own tongue? Why did they have to revive me, and then add guilt onto my conscience by telling me I'm pregnant?

I could've died in peace without knowing that I was pregnant, but now I'd turn in my grave for the rest of eternity if I killed Emmett's child…I don't think I would have the drive to kill the child even if it was 'his' child…I don't want to be a murderer.

My heart hurt, I wanted to see Emmett so badly right now…I wish he'd come and see me…then maybe my mind would be clearer, so I could figure things out and straighten my life out before the baby is born.

The sunlight drifted through my room then, and I felt a sad smile spread across my face as I thought of holding a baby in my arms, one that came from my womb…

But was I good enough to be this child's mother?

Emmett POV

I paced, for hours at a time.

I couldn't muster up the courage though, I don't know if I could handle it…but I have to do it.

My mother sat with my father at their expensive home out in the middle of the Washington wilderness. My father looked at me expectantly, and then flicked his eyes over in the direction of my waiting mother.

We told her that we had news to tell her, but I guess now I have no balls…I can't even tell my mother that's she's going to be a grandmother soon. She simply stared at me with expectant eyes, drumming her slim fingers silently against her thigh.

I swallowed my fear, and then told her the news.

She stared at me, wide eyed, before she started screaming.