Marsh gazed upon the hospital bed forlornly, not muttering a single syllable. His breathing was deep and heavy, like the slow rise of ocean water just before the crashing and breaking of its waves. His own crash had yet to arrive, but best believe it was on its way. Neither he nor Fiona spoke, and the blonde longed to hug him and stop him from clenching his fists until it appeared the vessels were about to pop, but at the same time she was afraid, afraid because the last time she had tried to help him through something like this it hadn't ended so well for either of them, afraid because she did not want to hurt him even more.

But she had to know why this had happened, she was too curious to remain silent for long.

Feet planted right beside him, she drew in a deep breath herself and placed one toned arm over Marshall's shoulder.

"I was on my way to visit you guys for the first time since the big move, but I showed up and you weren't there and your mom-your mom wasn't quite cold yet." Marshall's fists tightened, digging his nails into the fleshy canvas of his already scarred palms. "She was...there were so many empty cans and she kept um, she kept saying things…"

At the point Marshall had also begun clamping down on his own tongue with his jaws and teeth, blood began to leak out of new tongue wounds and he swallowed it all so no one would notice, the metallic sweetness dripping down the inside of his throat. Stomach full of pennies of his own invention.

Eventually, Marsh gave Fi what she had wanted all along. A response. Evidence that he was listening, and willing to talk about all the things he did not want to deal with at that moment. Marshall's eyes were fixated on the hospital room curtain near the door, and he studied the ugly green swirls that graced the cloth with unmoving eyes.

"What sorts of things." It wasn't really phrased as a question, but Marshall didn't care.

"Something about... her little boy losing his innocence, she said something else I think, about a new friend... Marshall, is something going on I need to know about?"

Either way, how was this her business?

The red fluid continued to pour out as Marshall continued to swallow; more and more of the vulgar tasting "drink" barely made its way down his throat. It probably did not help that he continued to gnaw on the damaged area, the pace of his teeth colliding onto muscle grew faster with each word his best friend spoke. It hurt,but no more than this conversation,or the ones like it that were sure to follow.

It's all my fault... Not only was I not there, I'm the reason that she's-

"I don't think this is a good time to ignore me, Marsh."

Images flashed through his mind like a hurricane of photographs, him letting Bubba into his home, his smooth and pristine skin brushing along Marshall's baggy tee-shirt, Bubba's smile and his laugh and the noise he made when-

Oh god. I ruined everything over a cheap lay.

Then again, Bubba was more than that, wasn't he? It was...different. More nuanced.

Marshall had finally stopped biting on his tongue. He worked on his breathing again. Something like 5-7-5 in regards to seconds spent, maybe a little more, maybe a little less. Breathe in, hold, breathe out. His personal haiku.

"What you want me to say isn't the same as what you want to hear, you know?"

But apparently that wasn't what Fiona wanted to hear either. She didn't like things with nuance, she liked to live in black and white, good and bad, wrong and right. Fancy words and fancier concepts just made her cross.

"What does that even mean?"

She squinted like she was staring at something incredibly bright, she toyed with the one sliver of hair that always found its way out of her ponytail. She was nearly as tense as he was.

As Marshall struggled to find words he found his jagged teeth cutting back into the newly developed gash that graced his tongue, like the words were inside the bits and pieces of his mouth, like he could find what he was looking for inside of himself. His heartbeat grew to be more rapid as he struggled to breath just through his nostrils.

"It means I have to go to the bathroom," he said. And so he did. He flung himself over the sink, and opened his mouth wide for the drain to see. Red-hot poured out in waves,hitting the white before slipping away out of view. The crash. His mouth tasted both bitter and sour and the cut felt deep, but he didn't dare face himself in the mirror, and risk throwing up at the sight of it. As you might have guessed, he was prone to throwing up. As he was most bodily dysfunction.

When he was done with the sink, he just kind of sat there for a bit, wedged up against wall and bathroom tile. His hands tracing circles into the ground. Lack of hygiene at its finest. If Bubba had been there, he would have scolded him for that,sitting among all the germs.

The thought of this made him smile.

But only a little.

I was gonna do more shit for this chapter but I didn't, because my mind is all over the place. Do any of you like Kpop girl groups? (Outside of Girl's Generation) I'm a fan of Mamamoo, Ladies Code (Rip EunB and RiSe), Sistar, HelloVenus, AOA bc Jimin, 2ne1, Kara, Hyuna, Girl's Day, Afterschool, Orange Caramel, etc. That was a completely unrelated question, but I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations. Eh. New chapter that I KNOW I'll have up really soon because I've been mentally writing it for three days now.

-Writer

P.S. I love you all very much, thank you for reading this gay bullshit.