Hope you all had a festive Christmas!
Happy reading, i don't really know where to go from here, any suggestions would be lovely if not, i hope you go with the flow.
Sue sat over the paper reading it over and over the same way I had, she had her hand over mine. Her lips moving as she read the lines over and over,
'Lily none of this is not true, your Mother did die in a car crash I don't know where they have got all of this information from, why now? Why stir up what needs to be forgotten?, I'll sort it out and give them the true facts' Sue said shaking her head turning back to the article she got her pen and marked all of the incorrect parts, I gave her a hug.
'Thank you, I'll see you soon' I said, seeing Sue was getting ready to let someone have it.
'Take care darling' Sue said looking out at Paul who was waiting for me,
I walked out, i closed the door and padded down the steps. Paul moved over to me and met me, he crouched down I climbed onto his back and he trotted off, I turned and waved to Sue.
That night I was so close to Paul all night I don't think he slept much. i just lay here, still, silent my mind just turning over constantly.
I woke up Paul was looking at me, I moved over and placed a kiss on is soft lips, he smiled his eyes red and tired like always. For someone so young and handsome, he had the eyes of a tired old man.
'you should have slept' I told him wrapping my arms around him, he kissed my forehead as I rested my head on his shoulder, he trailed his fingers up and down my back, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I felt him kiss my shoulder over and over, I laughed and rolled onto my back looking at him, smiling.
'Sue asked if we wanted to have tea at hers tonight' Paul said I look and nodded at him
'Yeah that would be lovely' I told him excited I wondered if Sue had emailed the newspaper yet. I had a shower and relaxed, I walked out the towel wrapped around me, Paul sitting up in bed, the sheet covering his bottom half, he moved the hair out from his eyes it was getting longer.
'It's rude to look' I told him looking away. I had my clothes, gathered up in my arms, he still just sat there though he put his hand over his eyes that smirk on his face, I went into the bathroom to clean my teeth and put my deodorant on, I pulled my underwear on and looked at myself, I was thinner. Stress, constantly feeling sick.
I walked back out Paul sat there peeking his hand flew to his eyes again, I laughed he was like a naughty kid, I spent a while bending over sorting my jeans out and pulled them on slowly, I checked over my shoulder, the grin on his face, I bet he peeked. I had never had anyone so into me. I bent over to get my top I looked up, his hand was gone, he was just staring at me, he moved forwards on all 4's and climbed over to me, his muscles moving and shoulder blades moving as though he was a large cat hunting a wilder beast. I pulled my top on and straightened up laughing, I pulled my hair out from my top and pulled my hoodie on over my top. Paul stopped his eyes drawing me in.
I moved over closer and closer to him so we were nose to nose. His lips parted
'I'll cook breakfast' I said then moved away from him earning myself a growl from him, I skipped down the stairs, I pulled my phone out, there was no news from Sue, though I did text her saying that I was thinking of her and that I couldn't wait to see her tonight, I checked the time. I put some bacon in the pan and started frying it, I put some toast in the toaster and some eggs in a pan. I got it all going. I looked around Paul had done such a good job, Quill and Jake had been helping him along with the others. I hurried back over to the pan and turned everything over and turned the heat down, Paul walked down, he smelt fresh, he just had his cut off's on hanging low, he walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck.
'You're too good' he mumbled into my neck
'You obviously don't know me well' I laughed and ran my hands through his hair.
'It's getting long' I commented
'Yeah, I'll cut it later' he said smiling
'You cut it?' I said surprised
'Yeah!' he said kissing my neck again and putting the kettle on and made us both a coffee. I dished up the food and sat down opposite him as we tucked into the meal.
'What you doing today?' I asked him
'I've got to work' he said looking up at me stuffing his mouth full
'Cool can I come?' I asked him
'I won't get any work done if you're near me' he said with a wink I just blushed
'Oh okay will I just stay here?' I asked baffled
'No way, I've sorted out you can go to Kims Jarad will be there then I'll take you to Sues in the evening' he said pushing my plate towards me to eat, I picked at the bacon cutting it up and eating small amounts.
'Sounds like fun' I smiled slightly sad I wasn't spending the day with Paul. He cleared the plates away, I went upstairs and finished getting ready, I packed my small bag ready to go to Kims, Paul had pulled a hoodie on and zipped it up half way, I licked my lips when I saw him, he looked as I walked down the stairs.
'Ready?' he asked holding the door open, checking outside taking a long deep smell of the outside air his eyes sharp.
'Yeah' I walked beside him and took his hand as he walked us to the truck. The drive wasn't long, Paul walked me to the front door, he knocked hard and loud on Kims door, Paul bent down quickly and placed a kiss on my lips before he door opened, Kim was so excited to see me, she flung her arms around me.
'See you later' Paul called as I was taken inside
'We'll look after Lil' Kim brushed him off
'See you later!' I called as he laughed and shut the door.
Kim took me to the living room Jarad was playing on the Xbox she sat down on the sofa I sat opposite Kim.
'Tell me everything' she said leaning in closer to me
'What do you mean?' I asked worried i'd have to talk about my Mom and family
'About Paul' She said excited
'Yeah tell us!' Jarad said pausing the game and walked over
'Get away, you can't know' Kim teased him, he lightly stroked her arm as he walked past and out of the door.
'Well thins are going well, Paul is amazing he is so sweet' I said thinking of him
'Really? He has always been such an ass that just annoys everyone' Kim said sounding surprised
'Yeah I know it is strange' I said happy it was just us girls and we could just sit and gossip.
Kim and I was slouching on the sofa, a double duvet over us as we watched a rality T.V show eating chips and, this was bliss. We commented on the women and how the men were acting.
'Who would wear that, I mean it is just ridiculous!' Kim commented taking a drink of I nodded in agreement
'It's like that time Beth wore that skirt to the Mall' I laughed thinking of it
'Yeah and then wondered why there were so many guy on the lift behind her!' Kim said putting her drink down, we both laughed thinking about it.
'What is Beth up to now?' I asked Kim, she just rolled her eyes
'I feel sad that all she does is hop from one guy to other other, Beth Loves hard and hurts harder though she would never show it or admit it!' Kim said sadly
'Yeah?' I questioned shocked at this
'Yeah hopefully when she goes to uni next year she will settle down' Kim said eating some chips and passed them to me.
'Yeah I guess or make her worse' I laughed taking some chips and moving around to get cosy.
West watching the show until it finished, I stretched as Kim yawned. I checked my phone.
'Kim?' I asked looking at her and she was flicking through the channels
'Lily' she replies turning her head slightly but keeping her eyes on the T.V
'What if Edward does get to me, change me. What if Paul has to kill me, if I loose everyone' I said terrified
'Hey, gosh where is this coming from' Kim said putting the remote down turning to me worried
'I am so terrified, I haven't been able to tell anyone, and it's all I can think about' I said sniffing, Kim almost launched herself towards me, flinging her arm around me holding me close and tight to her.
'Don't think that, it will never happen, you hear me, you're strong, you can do this, you are not going to let him win' she reassured me firmly I just hugged her and let her words wash over me. She held onto me for a while telling me how strong I was though I hadn't felt this scared.
Later Kim had made me a coffee and we had been wrapped up chatting i felt better just getting everything off of my chest, the door bell rang, Kim and I turned around to the door quickly,
'Hello?!' Paul called out into the house
'Go in man!' I heard Jarads chirpy voice call out. I wiped my face making sure I looked okay, i turned to Kim, he nodded saying i looked fine, Paul and Jarad walked in. I understood why Edward saw so much pain it was all I had felt and experience since I lost my Mom. I smiled when Paul walked in, he was grubby from working on the cars, he went over to me, he crouched down so we were face to face.
'Miss me?' he asked in a cocky tone making me laugh
'Didn't realise you were gone' I smiled rolling my eyes he took my hand in his and kissed the back of it.
'Awww' Kim said beside me I just nudged into her under the covers she just smiled at us.
'Thanks for keeping an Eye out' Paul said to Jarad standing up and shaking his hand
'Thanks for a brilliant time' I said giving Kim a hug
'Well you know where I am, it really was good fun' she said holding me. We parted I stood up leaving the warmth I shivered and got my things together. I went over to Paul, and thanked jarad, he walked us out, I waved to Kim, I took Pauls hand as he walked us to is truck, he got the heating on and pulled me close to him,
'I missed you' I told him looking up, he lent down and kissed me
'I missed you too' he said softly kissing me again, he turned the engine on as we drove back to ours, to clean up before going to Sues, Paul had his shower first, I sat looking at the floor where My Aunt had tried to take me away, the images flashing in my mind, the realisation they were gone, the dull ache pulled on my heart and stomach, I felt sick. I needed to feel alive, to feel loved
I took my clothes off and walked towards the bathroom, Paul was still in the shower humming to himself, I still felt numb, I pulled the curtain back, he looked around and seemed surprised to see me, he glanced down at me and smiled, he pulled me into the shower and placed me under the water, the hot water running over our bodies, my eyes closing as it ran over my face, he took me by the tops f my arms, and pulled me up towards him as we kissed each other, hard, almost frantic, the water running over us, his tongue entered my mouth, water entering unwanted, he pulled me closer and closer to to him, our bodies pressed against each other, his arms snaked around my body, I ran my hands through his hair, pulling it so he dipped lower, a growl came from him, he took me by my wrists and spun me so my back was against the shower wall, my arms pinned above my head by his strong grip, the water running down his face as he looked at me. His eye growing dark as he tilted his head down to look at me, the water running down hos arms onto my skin, his chest rising and falling, he gave me a smile what matched his eyes, my eyes widened slightly, feeling vulnerable.
I had lied to Paul when I had been telling him I had been to see either the girls or Sue I had been seeing a councillor, I obviously couldn't tell her the truth but I could tell her about my Mom and it was out now my Aunt and Uncle were missing, I twisted the truth, though she was helping me to express myself and to help me overcome feeling. I didn't like having no control over what was happening around me.
His grip was tight on my wrists, I could see why the girls loved him, Kim had told me Paul used to be a player and he would go out quite often, I think that Kim had softened the story to make me not feel as sad, though the fact I knew it was worse made me feel inadequate, though I know he was devoted to m, I still felt bad hat Paul couldn't go out and do what he wanted and used to do, I had told the counsellor this, no names just my feelings. Kim and Emily spoke about their feeling for their guys, the way there was this invisible bond, though I never felt it, I Missed Paul but I didn't feel as reliant on him as the girl did with their imprints, which worried me but I couldn't tell them, as they would tell the guys and it would go back around to Paul, I didn't want to make him angry or sad, so I just agreed thinking I would never find out what it felt like to be connected to someone, I ha lost everyone I was terrified I would lose Paul, but I didn't want to be disappointed so holding back was my defence. Maybe the pain that the vampires could feel and that was stopping me from having my mind read was my defence to keep me unattached, so I wouldn't be missed.
He lent down and kissed my shoulder, moving up my neck, I moved my head giving him more room, I smiled and moaned, I felt my mind start to clear and forget as he pulled on my skin, I tried to free my hands, he kept his grip tight, moving to the other side of my neck. I moved my body around, his free hand cupped my face as our eyes locked together. The water falling mingling with my tears, disguising them, washing them away.
Pauls deep growl echoed around the bathroom, I rested my head against his chest, feeling his heart beat, I closed my eyes, my hands still above my head, Pauls hand came under my chin lifting my head up to look at him, he let my arms go, I rested them on his shoulders, I leaned up and kissed him, his hands ran down my back, sliding over my ass, his large hands giving my ass a squeeze, I gasped and opened my mouth as his tongue entered my mouth, I pressed up against his body, my hand running down his chest slowly, making its way down to his-
'Fuck' he growled our lips parting suddenly I smiled and kissed him again our hearts beating faster, the water flowing over us. Our moans filling the room. i crouched down the water hitting my back,
'Do we 'ave to go?' Paul asked laying on the bed watching me as I curled my hair and put my make up on.
'Shit' I said inspecting the hair in the mirror that was slightly fried
'You okay?' Paul called pulling a shirt on
'Yep' 'I said in a cheery voice clipping the sides back hiding the singed hair I heard Paul sniff a few times, he thought he knew what was going on, I didn't want to keep things from him though he had enough going on. He didn't need me being a bother. I checked my hair and make up again.
'Perfect' Paul said wrapping his arms around me after approaching me from behind and kissed my cheek, I just smiled at him.
'You look good' I commented turning around looking at him
'Thanks' He said spraying some aftershave on himself. I took in the different smell, I stood up and checked the time, we walked down to the truck and drove over to Sues, I sat looking out the window, my mind too cluttered to think.
Dinner at Sues was wonderful, I had missed her so much, I hoped Paul wouldn't bring up about the times I was supposed to be seeing her or have Sue drop me in the fact she was out when I was suppose to be with her. I was nervous but I knew Sue would back me up without a second thought. Seth was with us, it was good to see him. Paul loved the pack and family aspect of it all, you could ell he missed him Mom and Dad. I just sat there letting them all chat, joining in occasionally.
'So how is practice going?' Sue asked the guys taking a sip, I frowned at them confused
'Really good!' Seth beamed at his Mom, Paul wasn't saying anything he was fixed on his plate
'So yesterday, Paul and Jake, were fighting the Massive Cullen and his Dad, it was mad, they had nothing on us' Seth said getting all excited, my chest felt like it split with pain (If I could feel any more), as it did so Paul looked in my direction, I just sat slouched over looking at him sadly, my appetite gone. i placed my Knife and folk down, my frowning expression, of confusion, hurt and sadness all mixed together, he just looked at me a though he was scared of my reaction, I just looked away and played with my food, then looking up at Seth giving him my best smile, Sue had gone to so much trouble i couldn't spoil the evening
'Sounds like you're teaching them' I said blinking a few too many times, I had to force myself to swallow, the lump in my throat feeling like a plug, stopping food and water from passing over my tongue, would it stop the air entering my lungs? I paused then looked back at Seth, he loved talking about it all unlike Paul.
'How often are you training now?' I asked him feeling my hands getting clammy i tried to pick my knife up i slipped and clattered on the plate, i just picked it up again. i couldn't look at Paul
'Well, I'm times a week though Jake, Sam and Paul are as you know 5 plus times a week, either with the Cullens, or just practice against one another' Seth said Paul was staring at him hard, Seth fell silent
'Sounds like you'll be ready' I said smiling at him, looking over to Paul, I brought my lips into my mouth and bit them I looked back down and had a mouthful of food, Sue chatted, I stayed silent. I thanked Sue for the meal, I Washed up as Sue tidied the dining room up and got the dessert ready.
'Lily I-' Paul said taking a T-towel and started to dry up. lowering his voice
'It's okay' I said in a flat tone continuing to wash up
'No it isn't I shouldn't have kept it from you' He said quietly worry all over his face
'It's fine honestly' I said putting the dish on the draining board and picked up some cutlery.
'No, I should have told you, I just didn't want you to worry' Paul said still wiping the same plate
'Paul I get it, you need to train to kill the newborns, to stop Edward, I get it' I said to him focused on the cutlery, still in a flat tone, i couldn't get angry at him.
'No, I lied to you' he said seeming angry that i wasn't fighting him.
'You done it to protect me' I said looking at him, the pain joining the rest in my body.
We sat and ate Sues crumble. Sue and I chatted on the Sofa with a coffee after, about the news paper E-Mail.
I gave Sue a long tight hug and then Seth one too, he kept me there, I could tell Paul wasn't too happy.
'See you soon' Seth said finally letting me go
'See you' I replied to him thanking them both again, I climbed in the truck, Paul and I sat in silence. He pulled up to the house, he unlocked the door. I just headed upstairs and undressed and got into my P.J's I took my make up off and climbed into bed, I heard the T.V turn on downstairs, I just looked down, I felt so sad, what was my life? Killing? Loss? Feeling lost? My limbs seemed to ache they felt heavy. I closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek, as the next one followed they took it in terns to leave my body, I tried to imagine each tear was pain leaving me, to relieve some of the pressure I felt. I wiped my face over and over, I took a shaky breath and sniffed. I held my breath and turned into the pillow, my mind sounding like the static television, as though a hundred flies were buzzing around the rotting flesh of my mind, eating away at it, I turned my head and took a deep breath followed by some shallow ones, the T.V was still on downstairs, I wiped my face with the back of my hand and climbed out of bed and down the stairs, I looked Paul was sitting on the sofa, a beer in one hand, 2 empty cans on the table the rest lined up, he had a hard life, no Mom or Dad, everyone thinking he was an ass, not believing in the good of his soul. He turned his head it was cold, I wrapped my arms around myself, he took his feet off the table and sat up.
'Sorry is it too loud?' he asked grabbing the remote
'No, its you' I said moving over to him
'Lily I didn't mean for you to find out like that, Seth just doesn't think' Paul said he stopped when he sensed my emotions, my red eyes and puffy face relieving the truth. Even Paul sensed pain from me.
'Oh God' he said pushing himself up
'I- I haven't been honest with you' I told him looking up, he stopped moving almost frozen
'I have been seeing someone' I said before I could finish, a growl came from Paul, a look of pure hate flashed across his face
'Who?' he snarled
'A counsellor, I can't cope' I admitted realising how weak it sounded his face dropped all anger gone.
We sat chatting, we told each other everything, I fell asleep on his lap, in his arms. My mind quiet. Paul was still asleep on the sofa, I had made some coffee and some breakfast, I sat outside in the fresh air and ate, slowly sipping my hot drink, I was still in my P.J's my hair down over to one side. I shivered and made myself in to a small ball, it was nearly 9am, I leaned back and let the sun wash over me, I yawned, the door was still open a jar. I looked up when I noticed something moving near the edge of the woods, I just sat there I blinked and squinted slightly, it was Jake, he was jogging towards the house I waved to him, I held up my cup he gave me the thumbs up I went in and checked on Paul, he was fast asleep on the sofa, I ran my hands though his hair and kissed hid forehead and made Jake a drink.
'Thanks' Jake said as I passed it to him going back outside
'That's okay, how are you?' I asked him sitting down again as Jake joined me
'I'm okay, I wondered how you were, how you really were?' he said Jake could easily be Alpha one day
'Yeah, getting there' I smiled wrapping my hands around my cup it was silent I continued
'I um- I've been seeing a counsellor, I only told Paul last night, there is so much going on in my head, I can't make it all out' I said looking into my cup.
'Oh Lil, It is really helping?' he asked taking a long drink
'Yes, I mean I can't tell them the truth but I like having someone to talk to and then leave it all behind' I said glancing up at him
'Yeah I get that, I'm glad you're getting the help' he smiled
'Thanks, I don't think Paul is happy' I said worried Jake leaned near the door
'How long has he been out?' he asked
'I don't know but he isn't waking up soon, he never seems to sleep' I said baffled by Paul
'Yeah he works hard' Jake nodded
'How is Bella?' I asked him his eyes darted away from mine and to his cup as his pursed his lips, he stayed silent, I put my hand on his wrist looking at his eyes, his grip was so strong the cup suddenly, smashed in his hand.
'Shit, sorry' he hurried
'Jake, it's fine' I said after jumping with fright, I took the broken parts from his clenched fist, I picked up the bigger bits and placed them near the door
'I'm sorry' Jake was flustered
'Chill, it's okay' I tried to calm him, the sun still shining. Jake closed his eyes
'Jake what's going on?' I asked placing my hand on his wrist again
'Bell, she is moving away, she's going to live with her Mom' he said as though his heart had been ripped out
'Oh Jake, I- I'm so sorry, when?' I asked him shocked by this
'Soon' he said looking out to the woods
'I can't make her stay, Bella feels guilty about all of this Edward crap, Bella wouldn't hurt any one, She is worried about me, She-' he stopped and bent his head down rubbing the back of his neck.
'Bella can't leave not with Edward like this' I said almost stating the obvious
'Bella she won't listen to me, to anyone!' Jake said still looking at the floor
'You poor thing' I said rubbing his back feeling his pain
'I can't let her leave' the pain in Jakes voice pulling on my heart
'Can you not go with her?' I asked him softly still rubbing his back
'No, I have to be with the pack, Bella knows this, she knows everything apart from this is not the best option' he said raising his head a tear streak down his cheek, I had never seen Jake cut up like this before.
'Do you want me to have a word with her?' I offered he looked at me
'Would you, I mean I won't hurt' he said I nodded
'Of course I will, I really like Bella' I smiled at him
'Thank you' he said giving me a big bear hug, I almost squeaked when he crushed me I wrapped my arms around him.
'Thank you' he said again letting me go a took a deep breath in.
'That's okay, I'll have a word with her this morning?' I asked him
'Yeah she is at mine' he said
After waving Jake off I put the old cup in the bin and walked back over to Paul again who was fast asleep, his breath deep, his eyes closed, his lips perfect, I placed a kiss on his lips, his body was still toasty warm. I cleared up the beer bottles and tuned the T.V down. I shut the front door and had a shower, I pulled on my black jeans, a black top and a bright yellow thick corded jumper, I done my hair in a loose plat down one side and make up. I walked downstairs. I wrote Paul a note and text him. I would be back for lunch easy I pulled on Pauls bomber jacket, it smelled of him. I closed the door behind me I checked the time it was 10.27am. I made my way over to Jakes.
Hope you all had a good read! hopefully an update soon.