Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, save the OCs you will encounter in this particular story. It will not merely be a re-telling of the ME story as we know it, so expect changes and (hopefully) surprising and enjoyable twists! This story is rated M for a reason and will contain future scenes of violence, gore, sex, and various other mature situations. There will also be copious amounts of wonderful, wonderful angst. Please consider yourself warned.

(As a side note – have you guys seen the 'Mass Effect Andromeda' teaser clip? Can't wait till Holiday 2016!)

I am so, so sorry for the crazy long delay in updating, folks! It's been an insane few months here for me and that, coupled with writer's block, left me with little desire to write. I'm hoping to get back into this story as I am still very excited for where I plan on taking it!

Any and all reviews are appreciated! A big thank you goes out to everyone who has added this story to their alerts and/or faves :) It all means so much to me! – Fallon.

Chapter Fourteen

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." – Anatole France

Eira and Shepard left the range hours later. Her arms ached fiercely but that pain had abated some when Shepard had told her he was pleased with how she had done.

They made their way back to the skycar lot to hail a cab back to the Wards when Eira's stomach grumbled – loudly.

Shepard laughed and stopped in his tracks, shooting her an amused - and incredibly handsome - smirk.

Eira blushed, placing a hand on her stomach, "Umm…guess I worked up an appetite."

"Then let's get something to eat," he scanned the platform and spotted a small café on a balcony overlooking the vast expanse of the Citadel, "Come on."

Eira hurried to catch up to him, "Commander, there's no need, really. I'm fine."

"You're a biotic, you need your calories. Besides, you made me realize I'm starving."

Shepard sat at a table in a less crowded corner of the patio and opened the menu. He looked to Eira, who stood awkwardly nearby.

They'd spent the better part of the morning together at the shooting range but there was something undeniably intimate about this, eating together. There wouldn't be guns and shooting tips to talk about and while she supposed they could always talk about the mission, she wished there was more.

He looked up at her, confused about her hesitation.

"I thought you were hungry?"

"I am but –

"Sit," he said, pulling out a chair for her, "I'm sure this place will have something you'll like."

Realizing she wasn't going to get anywhere, she sat down and looked at the menu.

"Are you all right?" He asked, noticing how uncomfortable she was and the awkward way in which she held the datapad that displayed the menu.

"I've never done this," she said softly, "Never been to a restaurant, never had choice in my meals…like this," she looked up at him, "I'm not sure what to do."

He couldn't look away from her. The fact that she had never experienced something so mundane was sad, as was the overwhelmed look in her eyes.

"Pick whatever you'd like to try, whatever sounds good," he pointed to a section of the menu that was human-friendly, "Everything here is safe."

The waitress came to their table and they placed their orders.

Eira noticed the waitress take a long, appraising glance at Shepard as she turned to leave, her gaze fixing on his muscular arms. Much to her surprise, Shepard didn't seem to notice and was watching the skycars zoom by with a small, content smile on his lips.

"Is Earth like this?" She asked softly, hoping her nervousness wasn't evident in her voice.

"Not everywhere. The major cities are built up like the Citadel. They're crowded and loud. But there are places on Earth that are quiet and green…peaceful," he shook his head, "It's not something the Citadel has."

There was sadness in his voice she picked up on.

Tentatively, she spoke.

"Has it been a while?"

His gaze snapped back to her.

"Hmm?"

"Since you've been to Earth?"

"Yes…it's been…nearly four years if you include the two years I was technically dead." He said after giving it some thought.

"And you miss it?"

Eira wasn't sure where her courage to ask such questions was coming from. She had no right to pry, that she knew, but she wanted to know more and she was determined not to be awkward and silent.

"I'm sorry," she said when he didn't respond; "It's not my business."

He waved off her concern, "Its fine, Eira. I was just thinking. And I do miss it. Earth is…well, there's nothing quite like it."

He smirked as he lapsed into silence.

"What is it?" She asked, puzzled by the look on his face.

"I was just thinking of the last time I was there, at the Alliance's headquarters in Vancouver. I'd just been assigned to the Normandy and the night before I was set to leave, I couldn't sleep. I got in my skycar and just drove; ended up in the city's outskirts. I stayed out there for hours."

"Why?"

He gave a sad, short chuckle.

"At night you can't see the stars in Vancouver, the light from the city pollutes the sky. I sat there for hours just looking at the stars." His gaze returned to the passing skycars and he sighed heavily, "Forgot about that…"

She smiled, "Well I'd like to see it for myself someday. Corrine always made Earth sound so horrible when she spoke of it."

Shepard's expression brightened some and he chuckled.

"Earth's not perfect; it has its dangers and flaws. But it's beautiful and it's our home world. You should see it, Eira; decide for yourself if Knowles was right."

She smiled and there was a brief moment of strangely comfortable silence before she spoke again.

"Were you born there?" She asked, eyeing him nervously as she spoke her bold question.

It was personal and she wasn't sure he'd want to tread into that territory. And though she knew the answer from the snooping she had done when she'd first joined the Normandy, she'd hope to know more about him. At the very least she just wanted to hear his voice.

"No," he smiled, "My parents were stationed off-planet at the time. So I was born on a space station actually, Arcturus. I didn't see Earth until I joined the Alliance and started basic training. Even then I didn't see much of it; the Alliance has always kept me busy."

"And you were happy?" She continued, "With the Alliance?"

Shepard shot her a curious glance. His brow was arched and a smug sort of smirk was tugging at the corner of his lips.

Eira felt her stomach flutter.

"You're awfully inquisitive today, Eira."

Realizing just how many questions she'd rattled off, she snapped her mouth closed and swallowed hard. She felt her cheeks flush red in embarrassment and she quickly looked away from him, her gaze settling on her hands.

With a sigh, Shepard reached across the table and patted her hands quickly, careful not to linger.

"It's all right, just teasing, kid," He leaned back in his seat, "And to answer your question, yes. When I started basic training, I discovered there were things I was actually good at. That's not to say it wasn't hard. The training was grueling. But it came naturally to me, strangely enough, and the regulations, the structure…was very comforting."

As he drifted off, his smiled dimmed and his gaze became unfocused as if his mind was a million miles away; trapped in a memory. A memory that, judging by the way his jaw clenched and his usually piercing pale blue eyes darkened, wasn't pleasant in the least.

But just as her lips parted and she made to apologise, his expression changed as though a switch had been flipped or a carefully maintained mask had been worked back into position. Shepard let out the breath he'd been holding and looked at her with softer eyes.

"Mind if I ask a question since I've answered so many of yours'?"

She nodded, though nerves bubbled in the pit of her stomach.

"Ask away."

His expression turned serious and she immediately feared he was angry with her, but the whisper-soft tone of his voice stomped that fear.

"Why all the questions, Eira? About me, I mean."

Her breath caught in her throat and her heart pounded so fiercely she could feel its frantic beat in her head.

He was confused, not angry, yet somehow that mortified her even more.

"I…umm…"

She was spared from answering when the waitress returned with their meals. She rattled off a pathetic excuse, a rushed 'oh no reason', and dug into her food before he had the chance to press her for more.

She felt his gaze linger on her, caught a glimpse of the confused look on his face, and prayed that'd he'd let the matter drop.

Mercifully, he did.

Upon returning to the Normandy, Shepard was called to the comm room and gave Eira a curt nod before hurrying off to take the call. His pace was brisk and he didn't so much as spare her a backwards glance.

She couldn't keep the pout from her lips.

The moment he disappeared from sight, she slouched against the wall and sighed heavily.

She couldn't have come off more pathetic if she'd tried. There was certainly no way he was going to take her along on another mission now. And it had started off so good! That's what frustrated her the most. She'd been pleased with what she'd accomplished on the range and, much to her relief, he had been too. Then she'd gone and opened her mouth.

She made her way slowly back to the port observation deck. The mess hall was oddly quiet, with only a few stragglers sitting at the tables, for which she was grateful for. She wasn't in the mood to chat with Gabby or Garrus. All she wanted to do was retreat to her room and wallow.

The moment her door hissed open she knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Who are you?" She asked with far more venom than she intended, "I mean…"

The hooded woman merely smiled, "Apologies, I am Kasumi Goto. You were with Shep when I was recruited on the Citadel, yes?"

"I...yes, I was."

"I had hoped to introduce myself, hence my lurking about your room. You needn't worry, I managed to restrain myself from snooping while I waited and you'll find all of your belongings in their rightful place."

"It's not like I have anything worth stealing, but thanks…for showing restraint."

Kasumi chuckled, "My pleasure. Honestly, I've not even been here a day and already I've heard tell of your talents. The crew is fascinated by you and I was curious to meet you face-to-face."

"Well, I suppose I am a bit of a curiosity…"

Kasumi frowned, "You're no circus freak, despite what you may feel. I've been all over the galaxy, Eira, and you are hardly the most bizarre person to have crossed my path."

"I…thank you, Miss Goto."

"Kasumi."

Eira smiled.

"So," Kasumi drawled, "What is there between you and Shep?"

Eira paled; her eyes wide and her mouth gaping as she stammered, tripping over her words in an attempt to say something, anything, to silence the thief.

"I…I…what?"

Kasumi's grin only grew as Eira's discomfort did. She reached forward and playfully swatted Eira on the arm.

"You're fun to rile up."

Eira pouted. Her day had been one long embarrassment and clearly she couldn't even find solace in her own room.

"There's nothing –

"I'm a very good thief, Eira. Do you know why?"

She shrugged, having no idea what made a good thief beyond pure luck.

Kasumi leaned against the lounge, smirking as she spoke, "I am an expert at reading people. A man can tell all the lies he wants, but if his actions betray his words then he's wasting his breath."

"I'm not lying though," Eira muttered, "There really is nothing."

"Truly?" Kasumi looked skeptical, "How were you recruited?"

Eira told her. Her willingness to do so surprised even herself. This woman was a stranger and a notorious thief, how trustworthy could she be? But by the time she was finished, both women were lounging on the couch, laughing as if they'd known each other for years. Kasumi was easy to talk to and had a confidence about her that Eira couldn't help but admire. She found herself no longer dwelling on the slipups she felt she had made with the Commander and her desire to retreat and wallow was officially gone.

"It's all very romantic," she said with a drawn out sigh, "Nearly abducted by mercenaries only to be saved by a man revered across the galaxy…"

"I suppose so, yes," Eira conceded, "Didn't feel so romantic at the time though. I sort of dislocated his shoulder…"

Kasumi doubled over in a fit of laughter, unable to quiet herself despite Eira's pleas to stop laughing.

"It's not funny…"

Kasumi brushed the tears from her eyes, "Hate to break it to you, Eira, but it is."

"What is?"

Both women turned to see Shepard standing in the doorway. Eira immediately feared just how much he had heard.

"Thought you were a thief, Goto," Shepard teased, his arms folded across his chest and his brow arched, "Should have been harder to sneak up on you."

"Watch your tongue, Shep. Your talking to the galaxy's best thief," Kasumi cautioned, the hint of offense in her voice real, "I was just getting to know our biotic friend here," she nodded to Eira, a fond smirk on her lips.

Shepard's gaze snapped to Eira briefly.

"I'm glad to see you're settling in nicely, making friends."

"You've got a good crew coming together. They're suspicious of me, but they're surprisingly professional. Cerberus doesn't half-ass anything it would seem."

Eira noticed Shepard tense, clearly uneasy at the mention of Cerberus. She couldn't help but wonder why. From what she had gathered so far, Cerberus was very controversial in the world beyond Nafna.

"So it would seem," Shepard cleared his throat, "A mission has presented itself, I was hoping you'd accompany me, Kasumi."

Eira wasn't surprised that he hadn't asked her but it still stung. He still had his doubts and she respected that. But she felt strangely shunned. He wasn't even looking at her and had barely acknowledged her presence. It hurt and she couldn't quite pinpoint why.

Kasumi nodded, "Of course. I'll grab my gear and meet you at the shuttle?"

"Head straight there, we'll be in the Iera system shortly."

"Our target?" Kasumi asked as she stood.

"Horizon."

"Hmm, I've never been. Should be fun," she smiled at Eira, "I'll see you later, Eira. I expect to hear the end of your story! Don't think this is an excuse to hold out on me!"

Eira smiled weakly, "Wouldn't dream of it."

Kasumi left the observation deck, slipping past Shepard with a spring in her step.

Shepard lingered in the doorway, arms still folded across his chest and his gaze fixed anywhere but at her.

"You and Kasumi are getting along?" He said finally, his voice stiff and disconnected.

"Yes, she sort of cornered me in my room but I like her, she's easy to talk to."

Shepard nodded.

"You understand why I'm not taking you?"

"I do," she answered truthfully, though her voice cracked some.

"I'll bring you along again, I promise, I just want to give you time to feel comfortable with a gun in your hand."

She forced a smile, "Of course, Commander. Can…can I ask what the mission is?"

"The colony has gone silent, which means the Collectors are either en route or have already landed on the planet's surface. We haven't had a chance like this before. The Illusive Man wants intel, something that puts us ahead of them for a change."

"Sounds dangerous…"

"Always is," he said dismissively, "I need to ready my gear and debrief my team..."

"Oh, of course…good luck."

He turned and left the observation deck with nothing more than a brief, awkward glance up at her. As fleeting and strange as it was, Eira supposed it was something.

EDI's voice echoed throughout the ship, signalling the crew that they were nearing Horizon. Eira took the elevator down to loading bay, where the shuttle was docked, hoping to watch its launch.

She bumped into Garrus, quite literally, as she stepped off the elevator.

"Woah, where are you off to in such a hurry, kid?" He asked, gripping her shoulders to steady her.

"I was hoping to see the shuttle launch. The Commander's taking you along?"

Garrus nodded, "I'm grateful for it too. He's been out of sorts since speaking to the Illusive Man about this mission."

"Why?"

Garrus hesitated, glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were alone before continuing.

"The Illusive Man informed him that a member of our old crew is stationed on Horizon," he said in a whisper, "Ashley Williams."

Oh, she thought, that certainly explained a lot.

"Is he all right?" She asked, knowing the moment the words left her mouth just how foolish the question was.

"No, not really."

Eira looked beyond Garrus to the shuttle, where Kasumi and crew members were helping Shepard load their supplies.

He wore his hard-suit and was loaded down with various pistols and shotguns. He was working quickly, obviously eager to get their mission started. His features were cold and he looked completely lost in the task at hand.

She began nibbling the inside of her cheek.

"Don't worry, kid," Garrus assured her, "I'll have his back. We'll all be back before you know it."

With a small smile she wished him luck and watched as he made to join Kasumi and Shepard at the shuttle. The Commander allowed them to board first and crew members fell back, clearing the way for the shuttle to power up.

She vaguely registered EDI's voice over the intercom. She was too lost in the 'what ifs' that raced through her mind to pay her words any mind. Coupled with that was a bizarre feeling that struck her square in her stomach. It took her a moment to place it, but she eventually recognized it as something akin to jealousy. It was ridiculous of course. As she had told Kasumi, there was nothing between her and Shepard. He had Williams and she had…

Eira bit her lip to stifle its quivering.

How pathetic am I?

She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling very exposed, and turned her focus back to the shuttle only to find Shepard's gaze fixed upon her.

It startled her, but she waved and even managed a small smile. Despite the distance between them, the intensity of his gaze was not lost. She had no idea how he did it or if he even knew he did, but he could disarm her with a single look.

The shuttled powered up, its engines flaring to life, and she heard the pilot urge Shepard to board.

He did, but not before waving back to her.

A/N: The shit is going to hit the proverbial fan in the next chapter, dear readers! ;)