Disclaimer: The wonderful world of Mass Effect isn't mine…blah, blah, blah…you all get it.

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Here's another chapter, dear readers!

Chapter Nineteen

"Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble." – Yehuda Berg

"You're distracted," Liara observed, her gaze following Shepard as he paced back and forth in her office.

Shepard shrugged, "There's been a lot to deal with lately."

She wasn't the least bit convinced. Before the destruction of the original Normandy, she'd thought there was nothing he couldn't do. Then again, she'd been horribly naïve, hardly more than a child. But here he was, standing before her, a tightly bound bundle of nerves she hardly recognized.

It pained her.

She brought him back. Perhaps that was selfish but there was no going back, not now.

Now she could only try to help him as much as she could. After all he had done, it was the least she could do for him.

"I don't doubt it," she smiled, "it's been difficult to keep tabs on you what with you dashing from one end of the galaxy to the other."

"There are always fires to put out," Shepard said with a sad, forced smirk.

"Some things never change I suppose," she eyed him curiously, noting the tension in his body and the distant, far-off look in his eyes, "You have though."

That caught his attention.

He looked to her, his confusion evident.

"I knew when I gave your body to Cerberus that if they succeeded in bringing you back you wouldn't be the same," she sighed, "who would? The galaxy is asking more of you now than ever before."

"I'm not alone," Shepard said quickly, "and I've been doing this for a long time, Liara. It's nothing new to me."

"I know. But something's clearly bothering you," she said gently, "I have resources; surely there's a way I can help you?"

For a brief, fleeting moment, Shepard considered telling her everything. The nightmares and flashbacks, the guilt and doubt…how he'd lashed out at a friend when she'd been brave enough to try to help him – all of it.

He suspected he would feel lighter for it, but the words failed to form on his lips.

It'd been three days since Alchera and Eira had yet to emerge from her room in the starboard cargo hold. Garrus, Gabby, and Kasumi had all tried unsuccessfully to coax her from her room, but she never gave any indication she even heard them. He feigned indifference the entire time, brushing off Garrus' concerns when he came to him asking him to take action.

In truth, Shepard was worried. He wanted to demand that EDI open the door or blast his way through, but he did neither and the guilt was nearly suffocating. So he'd attempted to drown himself in work, hoping to recommit himself to the task set before him and stop his mind from wandering back to Eira.

He'd come to Ilium to help Miranda get her sister safely off the planet. But once the mission was complete he had headed straight for Liara's office while the others went back to the Normandy. He hadn't consciously sought her out, rather his feet had taken him here and before he could second guess it, he was pacing in her office.

"Still trying to get used to it I guess," he muttered, "Two years…"

Liara nodded, "Much has changed."

Shepard let out a shaky breath and tried to shake off the tightening pinch in his chest. The last thing he needed was to break down in front of her.

"I've got Joker and Garrus with me," he said, trying to convince himself rather than her, "some things don't at least."

Liara had heard about his encounter with Ashley on Horizon of course, she had eyes and ears everywhere. She could only imagine the damage her rejection had inflicted upon the already fragile man. She opted not to bring up the gunnery chief, not wanting to pour salt on a wound she had no doubt was still open and festered.

"I've heard you're assembling an impressive crew, Shepard. I…am sorry I cannot be there for you in this."

Shepard looked to her, a fondness in his sad eyes.

"You're here; it's enough."

Liara smiled, "If you ever need anything I'm here, Shepard. You only need to ask."

Shepard spent hours aimlessly wandering Ilium after leaving Liara's office before he finally decided to return to the Normandy. He knew it wasn't a smart idea, wandering without backup, but he couldn't bring himself to care; he needed the solitude to think.

It was late by then and the mess hall was largely disserted, crew members having retired to the barracks long ago. With a heavy sigh, Shepard made his way towards the lift only to be interrupted by Garrus, who was leaning against the mess hall counter, a drink in his hand.

"There you are," Garrus said, slamming down his drink, "You didn't answer any of Miranda's messages."

Shepard stopped and gave a shrug, "I didn't want to speak to her."

"I can't blame you there," Garrus said with a light chuckle, "but you had us worried."

Shepard said nothing. He just wanted Garrus to stop talking so he could retreat to his cabin and the bottle of unopened whiskey that awaited him.

"Don't you want to know why she was trying to get a hold of you though?" Garrus pressed, his light tone now gone and something akin to irritation in his voice.

Shepard decided to humor him, "Why?"

"We finally got Eira out of the cargo hold," Garrus said as he approached Shepard, "she's in with Chakwas now."

Shepard tensed and a sudden tightness formed in the center of his chest. He clenched his fists and nodded, trying to control his reaction. He wanted to bolt to the med-bay, wanted to apologize for everything and somehow make it up to her. But he couldn't. She was a weakness he couldn't afford and while he hated himself for saying what he did he knew there was no way he could go back on it. Still, the guilt weight heavy on him and the idea of her hurt or sick because of him made it difficult for him to remain composed.

He only briefly looked to Garrus, finding it difficult to feign indifference and look the turian in the eye.

"She all right?"

"Doc says she's severely dehydrated. She's hardly eaten a damn thing since locking herself in there either, and with her being a biotic that wasn't smart. She's spending the night in the med-bay so Chakwas can keep an eye on her."

"So she'll be fine," Shepard said quickly, "That's good."

"If it weren't for EDI alerting me to her condition she might not be," Garrus said sternly.

Shepard didn't miss the hardness in his voice and he eyed the turian, his gaze cold.

"If you have something to say Garrus, just say it."

Garrus took the invitation, "What the hell happened between you and her, Shepard? She's not an idiot; she would have known the consequences of not keeping her energy up as a biotic."

"It doesn't matter what we talked about. She's an adult, Garrus," Shepard snapped, "Eira can make her own decisions. If she doesn't want to eat, I certainly can't make her. If she wants to pout like a child in her room for three days, then so be it. I have more important things to do than babysit a kid."

Garrus looked taken aback. He slowly shook his head and stepped out of Shepard's way.

"Whatever's going on Shepard you need to get it sorted; this isn't you."

Shepard said nothing. He knew Garrus was right, there was no denying it. Instead he headed for the lift, more eager than ever to crack open the bottle of whiskey waiting for him.

"Just tell me you'll go and see her," Garrus said with a sigh, "The Shepard I know would visit one of his team in medical – regardless of why they were there."

He wanted to. He wanted to see her and know for himself she was going to be all right but he couldn't.

It took all of his strength to step onto the lift.

"Tomorrow," he assured the turian, "I need to get some sleep and I'm sure she does too."

The lift door hissed closed as Shepard retreated to his cabin. Garrus remained in the mess hall for some time afterwards, wracking his brain for something, anything; he could do to stop the self-destruct sequence Shepard seemed to be stuck in.

He'd lost his friend once and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was losing him again.

Eira woke from a deep sleep early in the morning feeling considerably worse then she had the day before. Her limbs still felt weak and heavy and she seriously doubted she'd be able to hold herself up if she were to attempt to stand. The pounding headache remained as well, though Chakwas assured her it would fade with water and rest.

With great effort, Eira sat up on her cot and began to slowly fix the tangled mess of her braid.

Despite her state, she was still angry EDI had alerted Garrus and allowed him into her room. For three days she had laid curled up on her bed, crying until she physically couldn't anymore. She'd pass out and wake only to cry again. Where the tears came from she had no clue, by now she thought she was tapped out. The entire time she was sequestered in her room, she kept replaying everything in her head. Every moment she'd had with Shepard since meeting him on Nafna, every stupid mistake and fumble she had made…

She was a fool; it was the only explanation that made any sense.

How she ever thought that he might…

Eira felt her chin start to quiver again and she took a deep breath to steady herself.

She'd cried enough.

There was no point in shedding anymore tears; it wouldn't solve anything or erase what had already happened. She'd made a fool of herself; blatantly and tactlessly fawned over a man she couldn't possibly have…and now she had to get over it. She had to get over him.

Chakwas emerged from her room and gave Eira a beaming smile as she started preparing another dose of IV fluids for her.

"Feeling any better, my dear?"

Eira shrugged, "'m better, still feel weak though."

"There's a reason why biotics require a higher caloric intake, but I'd think you would know that," she gave Eira a disappointed look, "Whatever were you thinking, my dear?"

Eira remained silent.

She wasn't sure why she had done it. At the time all that had mattered was being alone. She hadn't thought of food at all. Now it all felt more than a little foolish.

The hurt was still there though; just as sharp as it had been when Shepard left her room.

Being alone hadn't solved anything.

"I don't know," Eira finally said, her gaze fixed upon the floor.

Chakwas sighed as she poked Eira with the needle and begun the drip, "Well neither do I. If Garrus hadn't found you –

"I know," Eira interjected, "I'd be a lot worse…"

After double checking the drip, Chakwas grabbed a sheet from the foot of the bed and draped it over Eira's shoulders.

"You most certainly would be," she brushed stray strands of hair out of Eira's eyes, "Whatever got you so upset, my dear?"

Eira bit her lip, making no attempt to answer the doctor.

"Keep your secrets then, but the commander will expect some answers when he gets here."

Eira's gaze snapped to the doctor, "No, please, just tell him I'm fine, it was just a stomach bug or something!"

"Eira…"

Before she had a chance to plead her case any further, the med-bay door opened and Shepard entered. He seemed genuinely surprised to see Eira awake but the shock on his face faded quickly and was replaced by a stern, distant look she was becoming all too familiar with.

"How is your patient, doctor?" Shepard asked as he approached.

Chakwas opened a screen on her data-pad and moved to show him her scans.

"Very well all things considered. Just last night she was extremely dehydrated, weak, and suffering from hallucinations brought on by a severe migraine. I placed her on fluids and gave her a mild sedative to allow her some uninterrupted rest. The prognosis is good," she looked back to Eira, "although it wouldn't be if not for EDI and Garrus."

Shepard's focus remained on the data-pad.

"And how is she now?"

"She's still weak and suffering from a mild headache, but nothing severe. I'll be releasing her from my care later today with strict instructions to rest and keep her biotics offline for another forty-eight hours."

Shepard handed the pad back to Chakwas, "Thank you, doctor. May I have a moment alone with the patient to speak in private?"

"Of course," Chakwas said without hesitation, "Perhaps you can get an explanation from her."

Eira watched as Chakwas left, leaving her alone in the small med-bay with Shepard. When the door closed behind her, Eira brought the blanket more securely around her, feeling horribly exposed. It wasn't just that she only wore the tank top and shorts she'd gone to bed in, but that he knew the reason for her pain.

There was nothing for her to hide behind.

"Are you feeling better?" Shepard asked as he shifted on his feet, looking anywhere but at her.

Eira nodded, "Yes, commander."

"Good, you had Garrus worried."

She slowly raised her gaze to look at him, fighting back tears all the while.

"I didn't ask for his help, or EDI's," she said quietly, "I wanted to be alone."

There was a tense silence between them and she had to bite her lip to keep herself from lashing out at him, demanding answers of her own.

When he finally spoke, his words hit her with enough force to knock the wind from her lungs.

"You're a valuable resource to the mission. Garrus and EDI were within their rights to intervene when your health was jeopardized."

Eira was shaking but she clenched the blanket tightly, hoping he'd think she was just cold if he bothered to look at her at all.

"Of course, commander," she said as coldly and sharply as she could muster.

"I trust this won't happen again."

"You've my word, commander."

With a nod, he turned as if to leave but paused near the door.

She could tell he was tense, she could see it plainly in his shoulders and jawline. He looked exhausted, she noted sadly, seeing that the dark circles under his eyes hadn't faded since last she'd seen him.

"The Normandy is bound for Tuchunka next. I've agreed to help Mordin and Grunt in personal matters and I'd like to have you as part of my team when we go planet side."

That surprised her. After his outburst, she thought he wouldn't so much as speak to her again let alone take her on any mission. While she'd have leapt at the chance to go with him before, now she dreaded it. Enduring his cold and distant acceptance of her wasn't something she suspected she would have an easy time doing. But she knew from his tone he wasn't asking her, so she simply nodded.

He left the room without saying another word and Eira let out a shaky breath as soon as the door closed behind him. She fiddled with the bracelet at her wrist, her fingers tracing the now familiar patterns slowly. She thought back to that day on the Citadel, to when he had bought her the bracelet.

With tears in her eyes she tried to find the exact moment where she had gone wrong, where her presence or actions had offended him so greatly. But try as she might nothing came to mind, nothing that had happened made his outburst make any sense.

Stretching out on the bed, Eira felt exhaustion settle over her like a shroud and she had to fight to keep her eyes open.

Just before exhaustion won out, Eira found herself thinking for the first time that she wished she could go back to Nafna.

Later that day, just as dinner was being served in the mess hall, Chakwas released Eira from the med-bay with strict instructions to take it easy for the next two days. She walked past the tables of laughing crew members, pausing only to waive at Gabby and Kenneth, before taking the lift down to the engineering deck.

Considerably quieter than the mess hall, there was only the gentle hum of the mass effect core to break the silence. It was strangely soothing and she found herself thinking hopefully that her move to the lower deck might have been a good one for her.

"Retreating back to your room, princess?"

Eira stopped and turned to see Jack leaning against the wall near a stairwell, her arms crossed over her nearly-bare chest.

"Does that somehow offend you?" Eira asked, too worn out to feign niceties when the last time they spoke the tattooed biotic had spat on everything she'd known to be true.

Jack snorted, "Look, whatever has your panties in a fucking twist you need to get over now. Nothing is worth sobbing over for three days."

Eira shot her a cold look, "I didn't realize you cared."

"I couldn't care less," Jack corrected, "I'm just amazed someone who is supposed to be a crazy strong biotic would cry like a baby whenever life fucked her over."

"And what would you do, Jack?" Eira countered, "Since you clearly know what I should be doing."

"Get angry," Jack hissed, "it fixes things better than tears ever could."

Eira was angry – but at herself, not Shepard. She had tried, hoping that if she was angry at him she might feel better but it had done no good.

"Anger won't fix this," Eira finally said, "Good night, Jack."

A/N: A bit of a slower chapter but things are definitely going to pick up from here! Tuchunka is next, dear readers! Things are not going to be the same for Eira and Shepard after it! - Fallon.