Being away from Hydra seemed to open the floodgates in my mind. It began to feel like I had all of the time in the world to reflect on my dreams and passing thoughts without the constant pressure of the next mission taking priority and I wasn't sure what to make of them. The things that did come to mind weren't in order, but so far I'd been able to string together a sort of timeline.
I'd gone around and apologized for what I did while with Hydra. I told them all that I could remember that might help find the base I'd been in. Still, it wasn't enough to me. I promised myself I'd do everything I could to right what I'd done, to actually work towards helping others this time.
A small sigh escaped me as I stared down at my forearms. Before I tried not to think of the long scar marring my left arm, but now that I was volunteering a vial of my blood to be examined it was the first thing I saw while looking away as Dr. Banner carefully stuck the other arm.
I needed to get out of here. It was going to be either him or me this time. I grabbed a large shard of glass from the pile that had fallen into the sink and spun around. This time I was serious about only one of us making it out. I couldn't take it anymore. James couldn't, wouldn't, control my life like this anymore.
He was standing there, unsure how to react. I took my chance and lashed out at him, missing at first, but backing him against the wall as I moved in. My next attempt managed to graze his arm, snapping him out of his momentary shock. Quickly stepping around me, a strong hand clamped around my wrist with the glass and his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me in close.
"Let me go!" I demanded, a plead making its way into my tone. This wasn't happening; it wasn't supposed to go this way.
"It's just me." The voice was warm and familiar. It didn't belong to James. I'd seen him standing there though, this was a trick. If only it really were Bruce, but he couldn't be here. Even I didn't know where I was. My arms were pressed along either side of my body and he managed to pry my weapon away from me. This was it. It might really be over this time. He was going to kill me. The weight of the realization hit me hard, and my legs gave out under the pressure of defeat.
Why were we just sitting here? He should be furious right now. "Rachel?" Again, it wasn't the harsh voice I was expecting. It was Bruce! I turned as his grip loosened to confirm what I was hearing. It was really him, concern written all over his face as he looked between us. What had I done?
"Are you feeling alright?" His voice was even, but gentle, as his brown eyes came into focus. He was watching me, waiting for an answer.
I glanced down quickly. Everything was in place, the vial of blood sitting idly on a tray among neatly organized supplies. Again, I was sighing, this time glad I hadn't unknowingly attacked the man in front of me, "Bruce?" I tested the name. It felt right; better than calling him Dr. Banner.
His eyebrows rose at the name. It was the first time since coming here that I hadn't called him by his formal name. "Yes, are you okay?" He asked again, his features lightening ever so slightly.
I nodded, gently tracing over the scar with my fingertips. "I was just thinking." He noticed my movement, eyes lingering before he brought them back. "I'm kind of a mess, huh?"
He shook his head, "No, not after considering all that's happened lately."
I watched as he paused and I could see the debate he had with himself going on. He'd been asking if I wanted to talk about some of the nightmares I'd had recently and sometimes I'd share, but most of the time not. This time, I beat him to it, "You were there this time, pulling me back from that horrible place where I felt like I'd run out of options." My gaze returned to the scar. It took a few dreams where I didn't wake up too soon for me to remember where it had come from, but I knew now. "I guess I've attacked you twice as far as I can remember. I'm sorry."
At that he gave a small shrug as if he were just letting it roll off of his shoulders and I couldn't help but narrow my eyes in scrutiny of his attitude about it. "Before you were here, did you ever want to hurt me?" He finally heaved a small sigh of his own after noticing that I wouldn't let the issue drop as easily as he'd planned to.
"No." I answered, "That doesn't just change what I did—what I tried to do."
I watched him adjust his glasses as he thought to himself. After a moment he shrugged his shoulders again, "I'm not mad. I don't blame you." He stated simply, turning to collect the tray and crossing the room to the equipment he needed. I got the feeling he wasn't saying something.
I stood, moving closer until I was in the same work area."Why not?" My question hung in the air and his movements slowed to a stop.
"I should have been there for you." He frowned, "If I checked on you, Hydra wouldn't have gotten to you."
I cringed at the name. It wasn't just what had gone on, but also the venom attached to it as he spoke. Clearly this wasn't just a passing thought of his. It had time to build up and fester, but this was the first time I saw him hint at a resentment he held for himself over the issue. "You can't really blame yourself, can you?"
He looked me in the eye, conveying what he couldn't with words in an instant. Pain, regret, anger…It was all mixed together. I'd felt those things on missions where I'd witnessed others get hurt, but at least at that time I'd believed I was helping humanity as a whole. I still felt that way when I thought about the mistakes I'd made.
"I was in the hospital because you prevented me from doing further harm to myself, right?"
Reluctant to agree with the way I'd explained it, he nodded slowly, "In a way."
"It wasn't your fault that I was there. It's not your fault Hydra was there." My words didn't help, the tension remaining deeply rooted.
"When I look at you, all I can think of is how grateful I am that you're still here. And then I think about all of the pain you must have endured and how if I could have held it together for just a few minutes at the hospital, maybe things wouldn't have happened the way they did." The hand resting near the equipment formed a tight fist and he let out a breath, trying to suppress the small flecks of green beginning to surface.
I placed my hand over his, attempting to perhaps comfort him and ease the toxic mix of emotions he'd been harboring for so long. If he could be this upset talking about it…"You must have really cared."
He stayed still until his hand began to relax under mine, the green in his eyes fading back to brown. A different kind of sadness softened his features, "I still do."
Something in that statement, maybe the raw emotion in his tone or the look on his face made my mind scramble to gather itself while words stuck in my throat. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, my mind continued to race with flashes of us relaxing, laughing, and enjoying the other's company. "How could I blame you for that?" I finally managed.
He offered a small smile, withdrawing his hand and composing himself to be the calm individual he usually portrayed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say so much. I don't want to add on to any stress, but I still wanted to be honest."
"I—Do you mind if I stay for the results on the blood sample?" My mind was still fogged with images coming back to me. It was all I could do to change the subject.
"Sure." He nodded and I walked back to my original seat in the lab.
Bruce worked diligently over the next hour, drawing small amounts from the sample multiple times for different tests. He'd been surprised when Rachel came to him with the idea, not that he hadn't been curious since her arrival, but he hadn't asked to avoid putting her in an awkward position. Beyond Dr. Sterns' version of the super soldier serum there was something else distinctly different about her that he could feel when nearby.
She'd admitted that she was indeed injected with something that should have theoretically weakened the Hulk, but she didn't know what it had been. Whatever it was, it was strong enough to absorb enough of the radiation emitted by the Other Guy such that with prolonged contact, he'd surely have returned to his former self had Madman not interrupted. If that were true, it'd be fair to assume the same contact with her now would possibly render him unconscious if it didn't trigger the Hulk first, yet he'd felt fine around her so far, even relaxed a moment ago. From that, he could only think that the amount of radiation she now absorbed varied based on her control over the new modification.
It made sense if he thought about it that way. When the Hulk reached out to her, she was in a lot of pain, so the radiation she took in could have been used to temporarily ease the discomfort and even give a short lived boost in her heightened healing capabilities. The ideas had been piling up in the back of his mind and now he could finally test them.
He glanced in her direction, finding her deep in thought and instantly felt his demeanor relax. On occasion he would have to remind himself that it really was her sitting there, breathing. It wasn't a dream or cruel trick of the mind, she was honestly there. He hated to think of all that had gone on while with Hydra, but every time he saw an unspoken question or look of confusion and shock across her face he felt compelled to ask. Trying to help without overwhelming her was a balancing act and he'd been shoved onto the tightrope without prior experience.
Progress was being made, sometimes in ways where he couldn't help but smile as she remembered a fond memory of hers or even asked about time spent together that wasn't prompted by a picture. Other times were bad to put it simply. She'd wake up in a cold sweat more often than he liked to recall, but it was still progress. The more pieces she gathered, the clearer the image would become. She took up her name once more and had even just called him by his own first name. It was small, but still a good sign. He'd worried that she wouldn't trust any of them after everything, that she'd run off and hide from both the Avengers and Hydra. And yet, there she was.
"Dr. Banner, the results are now available." Jarvis broke the silence, grounding both individuals in the present.
"Thank you, Jarvis." Bruce gestured across the screen closest to him, signaling for the information to be displayed as a hologram.
He turned his attention to the text floating in front of him, carefully reading over it. A set of quiet footsteps approached as Rachel came to see what had become of the blood sample she'd given. It was, in part, what Bruce expected to see. Some of the readings were comparable from the base line he'd drawn based on Steve's blood, but there were still some unknown things that didn't quite add up yet.
"Does any of this help?" She asked, still staring at the results.
"It's a big help, but there's still a lot of work to be done. I'd need to isolate and identify everything that has been modified and added and then go from there." Bruce elaborated, "I don't want to speak too soon and I can't say for sure that it's possible, but if I were able to do those things and develop a way to reverse them, would you want me to?"
"I don't know." She hadn't even thought about it to be honest, "But if you can, I think you should for all of the others I'm sure have been or will be changed by Dr. Sterns' work."
Bruce nodded. It was a very good point. They had no idea what they should expect, but nothing good would come of Dr. Sterns' or Hydra's vision of the future.
AN: I'm so sorry it took me this long to update. I took a few winter classes and didn't expect to be so busy. Thank you for sticking with me and the story, I hope you enjoyed it.