Kelly exited the bathroom with a wet washcloth and carefully washed Casey's face, the streaks of tears had dried up and hardened against his skin, then new ones ran down the same trails, and they had also dried up, and again, and again. Matt's face was about as red as his eyes were. Everybody else had left the hospital earlier when Casey finally calmed down and seemed to fall asleep, but shortly after they left, he opened his eyes, not quite wide awake but enough that he was up to talking, somewhat.

"I'm so embarrassed," he said in a weak, tired voice.

"Don't be," Kelly told him as he smoothed the rag over Casey's eye, "Casey, nobody can begin to imagine what you were put through."

Casey groaned and started to turn away, Severide pushed him back. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but if you do, we're all here for you, you know that."

Casey looked up at him with exhausted eyes and asked him, "Do you really think you can take it, Severide? Knowing what happened?"

Kelly looked down at him, and just nodded. Though he wanted to assure Casey of his convictions, he didn't trust himself to talk at that moment.

Casey finally shook his head, "I don't."

"I understand," Kelly said, "but if you change your mind..."

Casey looked to the side and weakly nodded, then turned on his side to stare at the wall.

Kelly watched him for a minute, then put a hand on his back and rubbed it in small circles and told Casey, "I'm gonna stay here tonight."

Casey's back did a fair job of muffling his words but Kelly still heard them clearly, "You don't have to."

"I don't have to do anything, you're my best friend, I'm not leaving you alone," Kelly told him.

Casey didn't say anything at first, though Severide could hear him swallow heavily a couple times. Then a quiet, "Thanks."

Severide moved his hand up to Casey's shoulder and rolled him back towards him to look at him. "Hey," he said quietly, looking him in the eyes, "I love you, buddy."

Casey looked up at him with tired eyes that could hardly comprehend what he was saying, but Casey forced himself up and hugged Kelly, then Severide heard a low hiss of pain force its way between his teeth.

"Easy, easy," Kelly told him as he helped Casey lay back down, careful not to upset his stitches again.

"Every single part of this is so degrading," Casey said, feeling his eyes stinging with tears of frustration.

"I know, I'm sorry," Severide looked down at him, "I wish you didn't have to be here, but I'm glad you are."

The gravity of what they'd learned from Voight hung in the air, it was still too horrible for either of them to speak about, that of all people, First Responders could be the chosen targets for such a horrible fate. It was something nobody ever liked to admit in the first place could happen or was actually possible, but the idea of it being their own people just made it all the more terrifying.

The two men looked at each other for a minute, and neither could speak. Finally Casey told him, "I love you, Kelly."

Severide laughed as he ran a hand over the top of Matt's head and smoothed his hair back.

"I'll be back in a minute," he told him, "don't go anywhere."

"Ha-ha," Casey dryly responded.

Everybody else had gone home earlier, deciding it'd be best to leave Casey alone and let him rest. So Severide was surprised to see Christopher had come back and was heading towards the hall leading to Matt's room.

"Hey Herrmann, what're you doing here?" Then Severide realized Herrmann had something tucked under his arm and asked him, "What's that?"

"Oh, well, I told Cindy about what happened, I had to, she knew something was wrong with him missing two days, but don't worry, she'll keep her mouth shut."

"Right," Kelly nodded.

"But I just told the kids that Casey got hurt and he has to stay in the hospital for a while, so my youngest had this idea to give him this," Herrmann held up a slightly weathered teddy bear, "to keep him company so he won't be lonely."

The sight of the bear and Herrmann's explanation had Kelly busting out laughing. "It's cute, Herrmann, he should like it."

"Hey, how's he doing anyway?" Herrmann asked as he walked over to Kelly.

"Uh, doing better," Severide answered, "he's exhausted...Will says his body's adjusting to the sutures and they won't have to replace them."

"Oh that's good," Herrmann sighed in relief, "I'll tell you, after I had my vasectomy-"

"Herrmann," Kelly said warningly.

"Oh, sorry...uh look, Severide, I know I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth sometimes and I know this is not a good time for it, so maybe you should just give this to Casey for me," Herrmann said as he held the stuffed toy out to Kelly.

Another laugh escaped from Kelly as he nodded and took the bear and told Christopher, "I'll see that he gets it. Thanks, Herrmann."

"Hey, I hope he feels better soon, it ain't gonna be the same at 51 without him," Herrmann said.

Kelly just nodded in agreement. Herrmann turned to leave and Severide headed back down the hall.

Severide was grinning from ear to ear as he went back to Casey's hospital room with the teddy bear in tow. He held it up in front of him as he walked back into the room, "Hey Casey, look what Herrmann..."

He lowered the bear to see Casey's face, and saw that Matt was asleep in the bed. Kelly went over and watched Casey and determined that he was in a deep sleep and hopefully wouldn't wake up anytime soon. He carefully set the bear down beside Casey's pillow, then went over to the vacant bed on the other side of the room to get some sleep himself, and like Herrmann, hoped that Casey would be feeling better in the morning.

Will Halstead came up to Kelly in the corridor the next morning.

"Kelly, I heard the news from Jay," he said, "the guy who did this to Casey is dead?"

"Seems so," Severide nodded as he got a drink out of the vending machine.

"Well, that has to be worth something," Will said, "though between you and me..." Severide leaned over so what Halstead said wouldn't spread too far, "if this had gone to trial, I would've been very happy to testify."

"To what?" Kelly asked, "I thought you couldn't determine rape from a patient's injuries."

"The injuries themselves, no," Will shook his head. "You know, Kelly, we see a lot of sexual injuries all the time in this hospital, it's far more common than anybody is comfortable thinking about. Almost every week we get somebody in here who likes it rough, or they're inexperienced, they try something new, they got carried away, things got out of hand, suddenly they need stitches, or surgery, it's common but it's a very embarrassing experience for them."

"I would imagine," Kelly said.

"That's just it, Kelly, most of them are embarrassed, to be here, and to admit what happened, and to have a doctor treat it...but somebody gets brought in like Matt, and acts like he does," Will grimly shook his head, "that's not embarrassment, that's sheer terror, and that doesn't come from any kind of consensual affair, and if need be, I would've been only too eager to explain that to the jury."

"Well, I'm glad that won't be the case, but thanks anyway," Kelly told him.

"I'll be in later to check on Matt, how'd he do overnight?"

Kelly shook his head, "Never heard him."

Will nodded, "Good to know, I'll see you guys later."

"Yeah, thanks," Kelly said as he headed back to Casey's room.

Matt was still asleep when Kelly returned, but he slowly started to wake up, and turned over, and his eyes bulged. "Severide."

"Huh?"

"What drugs they got me on? I'm seeing bears," Casey groggily commented.

Kelly turned back towards the bed and laughed, "Herrmann brought that for you last night, one of his kids sent it for you."

"Huh?" Casey looked up at him.

"He just told them you got hurt on a job, it's okay," Severide assured him.

Casey propped his elbow on the pillow and rested his head on his hand and looked at the teddy bear.

"Well?" Severide asked.

A hint of a smirk formed on Casey's face as he looked up at Kelly, "I like it."

Severide laughed. "How're you feeling?"

"I'll get back to you on that," Casey said as he turned over.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Okay. Did I get you up?"

"Nah, I slept like the dead." After a pause, he asked Casey, "You know that cardiac doctor here, Rhodes?"

"Uh...sounds familiar."

"I ran into him the other day. He was telling me about the guy that he worked under when he came here, Dr. Downey, very unorthodox guy. He was telling me about this time Downey chewed him out for going against a patient's wishes even though it wound up saving their life, told him if a patient believes that dressing their wounds in green bandages is more effective, they will dress them in green bandages...which coincidentally is how Downey woke up after surgery."

That got a small laugh from Casey.

"Oh, just so you know, Will's going to be in later to take a look at you."

"Kelly."

"Sorry Casey, I'm still not busting you out of here," Kelly told him, "you're just going to have to wait until Will says it's okay."

"Not that..." Casey looked down, "I need to talk to Dr. Halstead about...something."

Severide looked at him with concern, "Your stitches bothering you again?"

"No more than usual...I realize it's too late for them to do a...rape kit, and there's not much point anyway because we know who did it...but I need to see about getting some meds for..." even with his head down Kelly could see Casey squeezing his eyes shut.

Severide got it. "You think the guy had an STD?"

"I don't know," Casey shook his head, then looked up at him, "I've tried not to think about it...part of me doesn't want to know."

"But?"

"Kelly," Casey's voice started to falter as he admitted, "I'm scared."

Severide sat down on the edge of the bed and put his arm around Casey's back and rubbed his shoulder, "It'll be okay, Will will get you what you need."

Casey shook his head, "I'm already going to have to live with what that bastard did to me, the rest of my life...the thought of getting a disease from him that could kill me...having to take meds for that for the rest of my life...that's even worse."

"You're getting ahead of yourself," Kelly assured him, "There's plenty of time to get it taken care of, you'll be alright."

"I hope so," Casey replied, "that would be ironic, wouldn't it? Survive the attack of a serial killer, only to die because he gave me AIDS."

"That doesn't happen anymore, Casey."

"Yes it does."

"Not like it used to, and you're still getting ahead of yourself, you'll be fine," Severide told him.

Will looked at Casey and answered, "Yes, we can start you on antibiotics and antiretrovirals, if we could've done a hospital rape kit, most of the former expenses would've been covered by your insurance."

"I don't care what it costs," Casey told him, "Just do it."

Will looked at him and thought for a minute and responded, "There is another way we could do it, it wouldn't exactly be on the level, but officially there wouldn't be anything wrong with it."

"What's that?" Casey asked.

"So far CPD has not disclosed that your attacker is dead," Will said, "as far as we at the hospital know, it's still an ongoing investigation, so a rape kit would be conducted to try and identify your attacker."

"But you can't test for anything by now," Casey told him.

"I know, still, we start a rape kit, go through the motions, get you the antibiotics, backdate when the kit was done, hand it off to somebody we trust. After that all we'd have to do is get you the ARVs," Will explained.

Casey shook his head, "You can't do that, it'd be taking resources away from somebody who needs it."

"We don't actually go through as many kits as you might think, Matt, and unfortunately we have wasted our time and those resources on several false accusations before, so what's one more that's not exactly legit? At least this time we know it would actually be helping someone."

Matt thought it over for a minute, then asked uncertainly, "What would I have to do?"

"We'll take you to an exam room, take a few swabs, and get you your meds," Will told him.

Casey heaved in a sigh and slowly nodded, "Okay, let's do it."

Casey sat uncomfortably on an exam table in his hospital gown, on a paper cover that rustled under his butt every time he moved, and held his mouth open while Will took an oral swab. Even knowing they were just dummying up a phony rape kit, Casey still felt violated going through with it. He didn't want to think about the full procedure other victims had to endure.

"Now what?" he asked when the swab was removed.

"I'll get this bagged and tagged and we'll start on the next part," Will told him.

Casey was scared to ask what that was, he pressed his knees together and grabbed the gap at the bottom of his gown and looked around the room. He heard footsteps approaching and saw Maggie entering with a bottle of water and small medication cups stacked on each other.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Matt, here you go," she said as she laid the cups out on a stand beside the exam table.

"Thanks," he glumly replied. He fidgeted with the lid on the water bottle and asked, "What happens next?"

"Once you take your pills, you can go back to your room," she told him.

Casey blinked and shook his head, "I'm sorry, what?"

"The exam's over."

Casey looked back at Dr. Halstead and said, "We just got started, all he did was swab my mouth."

"Remember I mentioned backdating the kit?" Will turned around, "We took the clothes you were wearing, cut out samples to send for testing so we could find out as early as possible if they had your attacker's DNA, and kept the rest of them incase you did agree to a rape kit. Then when we got you cleaned up we took some blood samples to see if any of it is your attacker's, put that in as well, that way they can test for any STDs and also any medications for them, so we'll have a better idea what we're working with. Shirt, jeans, oral swab, blood samples, it's not a complete kit but it's more than most ever have."

Casey looked at Will, and at Maggie, trying to figure out what they were saying.

"We thought you might want a kit done, whether you got examined or not," Maggie said, "so we erred on the side of getting answers. We're proceeding with the medications because we haven't heard back on the samples yet."

"I..." he shook his head, "I don't know what to say...thanks...I..."

"We understand how difficult this is for you, Matt," Maggie told him, "we wanted to help, whether you'd accept it or not."

"Of course," Will told him, "you realize these meds won't work against all STDs, you will have to come back for a followup exam to see if you test positive for any others."

Matt nodded glumly. "I understand."

"I know it's overwhelming," Will said, "but you're on the right track and we can whittle the possibilities down as we go along. You know I can't promise anything, but off the record, I'm sure you'll be fine."

Boden knocked on the door to Casey's room, "You up for a visitor?"

Casey looked up at him. "Yeah, sure, come in. Uh look, Chief, about the other night..."

Boden raised a hand and shook his head, "You don't have to explain anything to anybody, Casey, all you have to do is focus on recovering."

Casey nodded uncertainly, "Thanks, Chief."

"So how're you holding up?"

Matt opened his mouth, then closed it, and tried again, "It still doesn't seem real...I know it was, but I was going in and out of consciousness the whole time, parts of it just feel like a nightmare, I'm not really sure what all I remember, and what I just think I remember."

"Don't push yourself," Boden told him as he walked over to the bed and sat down in the chair next to it.

"I didn't want everybody to know," Casey admitted.

Boden nodded, "I know."

"Even knowing what Voight said, that this guy had...done the same thing to other First Responders...it doesn't make it any easier to accept what happened to me."

"I know," Boden said again, "but you survived, that's what matters."

"But why didn't the others?" Casey asked.

Boden shook his head, "I don't know, Matt. I just thank God that you did."

Casey looked down at the sheet covering his legs, and tried to bring up the question that had been bothering him all day. "Chief...who uh...who was it that...at the hotel, who..."

"Does it matter to you, Casey?" Boden asked.

"I don't know," he confessed, "On one hand, I don't want to know...but I can't stop wondering."

"And you want me to tell you."

Casey looked at him for a minute and said quietly, "If I don't like the answer, I can always pretend I didn't hear it."

"Casey, why are you scared of knowing who found you?"

"I blacked out, I don't know what happened, but based on everything I've heard I can guess it wasn't good," Casey said, then he raised his hands to his face as he groaned, "If I knew, I don't know that I could face them."

"All you need to know is that everybody at 51 has your back, and if you let them, they will help you get through this," Boden told him.

Casey nodded in understanding, "Copy that, Chief, thanks."

Otis came up to the door and stuck his head in and asked, "Is this a bad time?"

"No, come on in," Casey said, and noticed Otis had something behind his back, "What's that?"

"Oh well, I thought you could use a little pick-me-up," Otis held up a cellophane bag full of...

"Cookies?" Casey raised an eyebrow.

"Babba's secret recipe," Otis said as he handed the bag to the lieutenant, "she sent a package of them to the hospital when I had my tonsils taken out, far be it to say I was the most popular patient in the pediatric ward."

Boden chuckled at his comment. Casey untied the bag and looked in it, whatever was in them, they smelled good anyway. "Thanks, Otis."

"So how're you doing?"

"That question's going to get old real fast," Casey noted.

"You know if you don't eat this, they're going to be gone, right?" Kelly held up the bag of cookies that had hardly been touched since Otis's visit earlier.

"I'm not real hungry," Casey insisted.

"I noticed, Casey, you can't live off an IV, you know that, don't you?" Kelly asked.

"Oh I was just planning on doing it for a couple weeks," Casey lightly remarked.

Severide put the pieces together. "When the stitches come out."

"Going to the bathroom right now is definitely one of my least favorite things," Casey told him, "and most painful."

Kelly looked at him with a touch of worry on his face, "You know Will said if you're having any pain you need to tell him."

"I have pain every minute of the day, look at me!" Casey threw down the sheet to reveal the bruises on his body, "how am I supposed to know if it's a new pain or just an old one coming back?"

"Casey, calm down."

Matt folded his arms and clenched his hands under his armpits and said, unrelated, "I'm scared to to think what Otis told his grandma."

"What?" Kelly asked.

"Everybody's been coming to visit, and bringing stuff, and you'd think I was here to have my appendix taken out or something, but what is everyone telling everyone else? That's the irony, I didn't do anything wrong, and it's not my fault, but nobody dares tell anybody else about what really happened because it's still just too...what's the word? It's embarrassing for sure, beyond that, mortifying, horrific, there's got to be something, some word that sums up why we're scared to death to talk about this with anyone."

Casey groaned and moved to the edge of the bed. "Here we go again."

Severide helped Casey up and watched him limp over to the bathroom door and slam it behind him. Kelly sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed, he was trying to help Casey but he didn't have any idea what to do. He wished the two weeks were already over, maybe then things could start to get back to something resembling normal.

"Do I really have to do this?" Casey folded his arms against his chest and focused on the tiles in the ceiling, and not on Dr. Charles sitting next to his bed.

"Believe me, Matt, this is the least favorite part for every patient," Daniel told him, "but I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it would help."

"I'm tired of help," Casey groaned.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Dr. Halstead explained the side effects of the medication I'm on, most of which are not going to interact well with the stitches I was given," Casey dryly explained, "this whole process is..."

"Overwhelming," Dr. Charles took a stab.

"Dehumanizing," Casey responded. "I have a pretty good feeling even cattle get treated better than this."

"You know where cattle end up, Matt."

"Might not be a bad idea," he said.

Daniel took his glasses off and told Matt, "You know, in previous generations in other cultures, rape victims were referred to as 'worse than dead'. Not because of the ancient customs of worth based on purity or virginity...but because dead, the victims didn't have to remember what happened, they didn't have to live with it."

Casey made a small sound in his throat and said, trying to sound nonchalant, "Might be something to that idea."

"Matt, can I ask you a personal question?"

"That's your job, isn't it?" he lightly sniped.

"Do you know anyone who was raped?" Dr. Charles asked.

"No," Casey answered.

"How do you know?"

Casey turned to him to respond, then closed his mouth as he tried to figure out what Dr. Charles was asking.

"Do you think you would know if somebody was?" he asked.

Matt's mouth opened and closed again as he tried to process the question.

"As I'm sure you're aware, most victims prefer not to disclose their attacks to the people around them for various reasons," Dr. Charles pointed out, "and we know that 500,000 people are sexually assaulted in this country every single year. So out of a population of 320 million, and especially when you consider Chicago has roughly 2 and a half million people living in it, what would you say the odds are that you know somebody who was raped, but just don't know that they were?"

Casey took that in and after a minute told the psychiatrist, "I never thought of that."

"Once you take the taboo off of it, it's not so black and white, is it?" Dr. Charles asked.

"But it always will be, it's always going to be a subject nobody wants to talk about," Casey said, "now if we...if the victims aren't the ones that did anything wrong, why is it still like that?"

"Matt, there are a lot of things most people aren't comfortable opening up about, and some of them I don't think how society responds would make any difference, even if nothing was taboo, there would still be things people don't want to talk about that happened to them," Daniel told him. "Some that probably you can appreciate because you've already lived them."

He thought about that. "Like my dad abusing my mom."

"For starters."

"And then her killing him."

"Not a popular conversation piece, is it? And you weren't even directly involved."

"That depends on who you ask," Casey responded. "Am I really going to have to do this when I get discharged?"

"I would highly recommend it," Dr. Charles said, "and I can recommend some people if you'd like."

"Whatever," Casey shrugged. "Boden already made it clear I can't come back to shift if I don't comply with seeing a therapist, why the hell is he doing this to me?"

"Well, getting psychiatric help won't stop all flashbacks and triggers, but it will help you learn to cope with them. How many hotel fires have you responded to that were similar to the one you were kept in?"

Casey shook his head, "I don't know, a few."

"And there could be others...and what happens if you respond to one and things start getting too familiar? Something takes you back to your attack?"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Casey snapped, "but I still don't like it."

"Unfortunately nobody said you had to," Dr. Charles pointed out.

Casey closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and said with a frustrated groan, "I want to go home."