The first night passed with no incidences. When Severide woke up it was morning, he turned over and saw Casey laying facedown with his face buried in the pillow, he took that as a good sign, still, Kelly didn't want the whole thing to backfire, so he'd stick around for a couple more nights. He'd already talked to Boden about taking off the next couple shifts to stay with Casey, to really sell it he'd stressed the idea of making sure somebody was with him if he had any further complications with his stitches, because they both knew if he did, he wouldn't go back to the hospital of his own volition. Boden had called in a replacement Squad lieutenant for the week, so Severide was free to just hang around the apartment and make sure Casey was doing alright.

Though Kelly knew that Casey could suffer a flashback at any time, day or night, it wasn't the days he worried about, it just didn't seem as likely that there could be anything to trigger Casey. It was the nights he worried about, and always anticipated Matt waking up in the night screaming, reliving his attack. So far it hadn't happened, and he hoped it didn't, but he didn't want to be caught off guard if it did, because Casey could easily kill him before he realized he wasn't back in the hotel, and Severide knew this. The fact Casey's attacker had struck him, and all the others that he'd killed, from behind to stun them said plenty, if it had been a fair fight, he wouldn't have stood a chance. Though that reminded Severide of something he wanted to check on whenever he was able to get away from Casey for a while. He wanted to find Voight and ask him something that he definitely did not want Casey to hear.

The second night back in his own apartment, Casey took a long shower and then walked into the bedroom, finally changed out of the clothes he'd come home from the hospital in, and wearing a pair of pajama pants and a T-shirt that showed the fading bruises on his arms. Severide looked at this and felt dumbstruck, he supposed this was a sign of improvement, but he decided not to mention it, he didn't want to share a bed with Casey if he was going to be on the defensive all night.

"Tired?" he asked.

Casey merely nodded as he climbed into bed. Kelly got in on the other side and gestured to the light, "Out?"

Casey nodded again. Kelly turned the lamp off and they were in the dark again.

Sometime during the night, Severide woke up because he heard Casey screaming. It wasn't a long scream, but it was enough to wake him up, and with the small amount of light shining through the blind slats from the streetlamps outside, he saw Casey shoot up in bed as he seemed to scream himself awake. Kelly sat up and reached over for him, trying to calm him down, "It's alright, Casey, it's over, you're okay."

He saw Casey turn his head to look at him, then he threw back the covers, jumped out of bed and ran for the door.

"Casey!"

Severide got out of bed and ran after him and just barely reached the doorway before he heard the bathroom door slam shut, and he heard the lock turn. He turned on the light, stood by the door and pressed his ear against it, he heard Casey breathing heavily, then heard the faucet running. He tapped on the door, "Casey, are you okay?"

No answer, just more labored breathing. Severide decided to leave Casey alone and let him calm down, but he didn't go far. 20 minutes later he hadn't heard anymore activity from the bathroom, so he padded back over to it and lightly rapped again, nothing overbearing or intrusive, just to let Casey know he was there for him.

"Casey, you alright?" he softly called out.

He heard the lock turn and stepped back from the door. Casey stepped out but wouldn't make eye contact with him.

"I'm so embarrassed," was the first thing he said.

"Casey..."

"It's not what you think," Casey told him, and reiterated, "It's not."

"Okay," Severide said, hoping whatever it was he could be reassuring for his friend's sake.

Casey wandered back over to the bedroom and turned on the light as he passed by. He went over to the bed and sat down on the edge and asked Kelly, "Do you ever have falling dreams?"

"Uh yeah, I think everyone does," Severide answered.

Even now Casey couldn't bring himself to look at him. "Well the most recurring one I have is we're at a fire, I'm on the top floor of this building, the fire is out of control, I have no choice but to run to the window and jump...there's no aerial, there's no ladder, there's nothing and I just fall 10 stories to the ground."

Severide went over to the bed, and didn't miss the fact that Casey's skin was covered in gooseflesh and he was slightly trembling. Whether it was from the nightmare, or the cool night air, he didn't know. He also didn't say anything, he just pulled the lightweight quilt off the top of the bed and wrapped it around Casey's shoulders.

"Casey, we deal with fires on all floors of buildings all the time, sometimes we've had to jump when there was no aerial, it's only natural to dream about it, what's embarrassing about that?" he asked.

"It's embarrassing because you're here," Casey told him, finally looking him in the eyes, "normally I don't have to explain it to anyone...they don't happen all the time, but I've been having them for years."

Severide felt sure what the answer would be, still he felt a need to ask, "You're not lying to me, are you?"

Casey responded, "Last time I had to tell anyone about it was Hallie...I thought I owed her an explanation for why I kept waking up screaming all the time."

Well that sealed it, Casey might lie about a lot of stuff, but never about Hallie. Severide reached over and wrapped an arm around Casey and pulled him against him.

"I'm sorry, buddy."

Casey shook his head, "This whole thing is a mess, before it's over I'm not going to have any secrets left." He pulled away from Severide and asked cynically, "Shall we get this over with? You be the shrink," he laid down across the bed, still cocooned in the quilt, and counted off in a monotonous tone, "I hated my father and wanted to marry my mother, I wet the bed until I was four and I got the crap beat out of me for it, my sister used to make me wear her old dresses..."

"Casey," Severide half stifled a laugh as he reached over and poked him, "come on, it's not as bad as all that."

"It's bad enough," Casey said as he sat back up. "Dr. Charles was right, if the son of the bitch had just killed me, I wouldn't have to go through all this."

"He said what?" Kelly asked in outrage.

"It came up during a conversation," Casey explained, "something about the way people used to view rape victims, dead their suffering was over, mine's just beginning."

"Casey," Severide didn't even know what to say, he pulled Casey against him again and hugged him tightly. He held him for a minute, felt Casey actually lean against him with hardly a sound, and asked him, "Think you can get back to sleep?"

He felt Casey nod against his shoulder. "One thing about them, I might wake up screaming, but it's not usually for long. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's alright."

The next night, Severide woke up and found Casey's side of the bed empty. The apartment was quiet at night, and he heard a sound coming from the bathroom that sounded like a hurt animal whimpering.

"Casey?" Severide made his way through the dark and saw the light shining through the crack of the doorjamb. The door was unlocked, he opened it and saw Casey curled in a ball on the floor, his arms folded tight against his chest as he cried. Kelly knelt down beside him and tried to get him to turn over on his back to see if he was hurt, but Casey wouldn't budge. Severide realized that this time Casey must've had a nightmare about his attack. He tried to slip his arms under Casey and pull him up against him, but Casey refused to move.

"What happened, Matt?" Kelly asked, forcing himself to remain calm. "What was it?"

Casey was too upset to answer, he pressed his knees tighter against his chest and continued to sob. Severide couldn't get him up, least of all not without Casey fighting him every step of the way, and he knew Casey didn't need that right now. So he sat on the tiled floor beside Casey, not saying anything to him, just soothingly rubbing his back slowly for the next hour as Casey wore himself out. About 4 o' clock Casey finally stopped crying and seemed to calm down, might have even fell asleep after a while, but Kelly wasn't having anymore of this.

"Come on, Casey," he said as he patted Matt's back, "it's cold on this floor."

Casey groaned softly and slowly worked his way out of the fetal position, stretching his legs as he turned over.

"Come on, we can go sit in the living room," Kelly told him.

Casey got up on his knees and shook his head, his voice was still choked with sobs though he seemed to be all cried out, "No...it's fine...I'm fine..."

"You want to talk about it?" Kelly asked. It never seemed to matter how many times over the years and how many different situations it was asked in, it always struck him as a stupid question. Anybody who wanted to talk would talk, they didn't need an invitation, but in all the years he'd never learned anything better to say, it could at least open the door.

Casey shook his head and said quietly, "No."

Severide groaned as he got up, his joints killing him from sitting on the floor for an hour. He reached over to the sink counter and picked up a washrag. "Let's at least get your face washed." He ran the rag under the faucet and told him, "If you don't, your eyes are gonna be glued shut by morning."

Casey half glared at him, his eyes red and exhausted, he reached for the rag but Severide told him, "It's okay, I'll do it" and washed his face carefully, just as he'd done at the hospital. Casey continued to glare at him as he did.

"I know you're exhausted," Kelly told him. "We can still get a couple hours' sleep." He put the rag in the sink and told Casey, "Come on."

"Kelly," Matt said quietly, his voice sounding almost panicked. He turned to Severide, "Kelly...promise me you won't tell anyone about this."

"Is this okay?" Kelly placed a reassuring hand on Casey's shoulder. He looked his friend in the eyes and told him, "I'm not going to tell anybody anything unless you want me to...what you're going through right now isn't anybody's business unless you decide it is. Okay?"

Casey looked at him, then closed his eyes, lowered his head, and slowly nodded.

"Okay," Kelly said soothingly, "let's go back to bed."

As they returned to the bedroom he turned to Casey and asked him, "You're sure about this?"

Matt nodded.

"You want the light on?" Kelly asked.

"No," he said quietly.

"Let's at least switch sides," Severide suggested.

Casey shook his head again.

"It's okay, Casey," Kelly told him.

"I'm fine," Casey weakly insisted.

Casey went back to the bed, and looked at it as if he wasn't sure, Severide stood to the side and watched him, waiting to see if Casey did change his mind. He didn't know what had happened, he didn't know how long Casey was lying on the bathroom floor before he woke up, but he was willing to do whatever he had to help Casey.

Green bandages.

He didn't know where that came from, but it flashed through his mind. This was already widely uncharted territory for all of them, and he had no idea what the right way was to help somebody who had lived through such a horrible ordeal. But he was willing to try anything, no matter how minor or bizarre it seemed. He'd take the left side of the bed, he'd personally tuck Casey in if he thought it would help, he'd take the bedding out to the living room and fix up the couch so they could sit up watching TV for the rest of the night, right now nothing was too strange or awkward, all Casey had to do was ask, he'd do it because he wanted to help his best friend.

Finally, Casey climbed onto the bed, and rolled over every which way before finally settling on his side. Before he grabbed the covers, Kelly drew them up on him, then got back in on the other side.

When Casey woke up the next morning, the sun was bright shining in through the windows and he could hear the sounds of the city through the closed glass. He knew it was later than when he usually got up, but he fumbled around to grab the clock and felt his eyes widen when he saw it was going on 11 in the morning. He threw back the covers and jumped out of bed.

Kelly appeared in the doorway, "Morning."

Casey turned around and glared at him, "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"

Kelly weighed his options and went with the safest response he could think of. "You're still recovering, you need to rest so your body can heal up."

Casey closed his eyes, scrunched up his face and ran both hands over it with a groan. "Last night..."

"You don't have to explain it to me, Casey," Kelly told him, "I get it."

"I hadn't been having any nightmares," Matt confessed, "I was hoping I wouldn't."

Kelly picked up on the insecurities Casey couldn't voice, and he told him, "Casey, nightmares are normal...this isn't a step back, it doesn't mean that."

"Then why didn't I have them before?" he asked.

"I don't know," Severide answered, "I just know it's not a bad sign. I know it doesn't seem that way, but you don't need to worry about it. Recovery isn't fast, but you just keep moving forward."

"I don't feel like I'm moving forward," Casey told him, "I feel like I just got knocked clear back."

Kelly stepped over towards him, looked him in the eyes, and told him, "We get knocked down, we get back up, it's what we've always done."

The next night, Severide woke up because he'd heard something. At first he didn't know what, but he looked over to the other side of the bed and saw Casey was face down on the bed, moaning and whimpering. He had both arms stretched above his head on the pillow, and his feet were rapidly kicking the mattress as if he were struggling with somebody.

"Casey," Kelly sat up and reached over and pressed his hand against Casey's shoulder and shook him to try and wake him up.

Casey groaned something half audible through his closed mouth, then his whole body jerked and he screamed. He pressed his head against the pillow and started crying in his sleep. No matter what Kelly tried, he couldn't get Casey to wake up. Casey just turned his head to the side, pressed the side of his face into the pillow and sobbed softly as his whole body went lax, the fight gone out of him.

Severide wasn't sure if he was going to make things better or worse but he felt he had to try something. He turned on his side, reached over with one arm and managed to roll Casey over to face towards him, and pulled him over to him, then drew the covers over both of them and held Casey in his arms, whispering assurances that it was all over and he was safe now, and that he wasn't going to let anything else happen to Casey. If he could actually hear what Severide was saying, he didn't let on, but Kelly hoped somewhere in Casey's mind it would do him some good.

The next morning, Kelly lay on his side of the bed and thought about a few things. When Casey stayed over at his apartment, there had been no nightmares, no flashbacks, no jerking up in bed screaming in the middle of the night. The first night back here things had still been good, then things started going to hell, why? He couldn't swear to anything, but he still wouldn't be surprised if part of the problem was Casey's bed itself. It was definitely not as comfortable as his own, in fact, Severide raised his butt off the mattress and pressed his weight back against it, there was a spring somewhere under him that squeaked every time he moved. He'd gotten Dr. Charles' lecture secondhand about triggers that could cause Casey to flashback, and if the bed in the hotel room was anything like this one, that would explain a lot. It almost sounded too simple to even be true, but he guessed anything was possible.

Casey had already gotten up earlier and was going about his usual morning routine, somewhat usual anyway. About an hour after he got up, he went to the bedroom to wake up Severide for breakfast, and instead he saw Kelly dressed and on the floor by the bed, the bedding all tossed in one corner of the room, the mattress on its side against the dresser, and Severide was pulling the box spring off the frame.

"What the hell are you doing?" Casey demanded to know.

Kelly looked up at him as if just acknowledging his presence, and answered, "You know your box spring's broken?"

"What?" Casey couldn't even grasp what the hell Severide was saying.

Kelly got to his feet and told Matt, "Look Casey, I don't have any problem staying here and bunking with you, you know that, but this bed is killing my back. The mattress seems alright, but you definitely need a new box spring...you know they don't even make them out of wood anymore? They're metal and fold up like a cot now, get one of those and the mattress should set firm and even." He looked Casey in the eyes and added, "I'm begging you, I can't sleep on this thing one more night."

It took Casey a few seconds to figure out what Kelly was talking about, then he rolled his eyes and groaned, "Alright, alright, I'll see about getting another one later."

Kelly sighed in relief, "Thank you."

That afternoon the two lieutenants returned to the apartment with a new box spring from the furniture store, dragged it into the bedroom, took it out of the box, got it unfolded, got the material cover on it that preserved the mattress shape around the black crisscrossed metal, got it set on the frame, got the mattress replaced on top of it, and both of them fell on the bed to test it out.

"Ooh now that's nice," Severide said as he felt everything at the same level, and noted nothing was squeaking now.

Casey tossed and turned and flopped from one side to the other on his side of the bed and admitted, "That is a bit of an improvement."

Kelly smiled to himself, hoping that that meant Casey would be able to sleep in the bed now without flashing back to his attack, but he knew only time would tell for that one.

Casey and Severide kept the same sleeping arrangements for the next couple nights, during which time Kelly never heard him wake up screaming, which he took as a major sign of improvement, and he noticed Casey no longer had any reservations about entering the bedroom or going to bed, so he decided it was time to try something different. That night, Casey would sleep in his bed, but Severide would sleep on the couch in the living room, that way he would be there if Casey needed him for anything, but Casey would adjust to sleeping alone again. When the night actually came, Casey would've sworn Severide was more anxious about it than he was, he stopped in Casey's room as he was getting ready for bed, strictly to see how he was doing before turning in himself, but he stuck around several minutes and did everything but tuck Casey in and kiss him goodnight. Then he went out to the living room, and crashed on the couch, but he kept an ear open for any sounds from the bedroom. By the time he finally fell asleep, there still had been none.

In the morning, Severide woke up and the apartment was quiet, he crept to the bedroom, opened the door, and saw Casey laying on his side in the middle of the bed, apparently still asleep. Kelly stepped back and pulled the door shut behind him.

Casey had gone to his first therapy session with a new psychiatrist, and Severide waited anxiously to find out how it went. By the time he finally heard the door to Casey's pickup slam shut, he'd about worn a hole in the floor. He didn't want overwhelm Casey as soon as he walked through the door, so he forced himself to stay on the couch until Casey was in the room.

Casey unlocked the door, threw it open and slammed it shut.

"How'd it go?" Kelly asked quietly.

Turning around, Casey yelled at him, "It was the single worst day of my entire life, I'm not going back, I don't care if Boden fires me, I'm not doing it, you can't make me!" and with that he stomped off to the bedroom and slammed the door, leaving Kelly there in a stupor.

After a few seconds he finally put together what Casey was saying, and jumped off the couch with a pronounced, "Hey!" and went after him.

He stopped at the door and beat on it a couple times, then put his ear against it to see if he could hear anything. After a few seconds he heard the muffled sound of Matt crying, and Kelly's stomach dropped as a dozen different scenarios ran through his mind. He tried the door, it wasn't locked, and slowly opened it and saw Casey lying facedown on the bed with a pillow over his head, just like he'd done at the hospital. It was Severide's first instinct to go to him and find out what happened, but he knew in Casey's current state it would not be appreciated and he'd probably just beat the hell out of Kelly for getting too close to him, so, against his better judgment, Kelly backed out the room and closed the door and left Casey alone for the time being.

Half an hour later, Severide heard the door open and he was there when Casey stepped out, the half dried tears streaking down his face told Kelly he'd stopped crying a while ago, though every few breaths a small sob worked its way out of his throat. Kelly wasn't sure what to say, so he just stood there with his arms open, Casey took the invitation and latched onto him with all the strength he had.

"What happened?" Kelly asked him.

Another breath, another sob, though Casey's voice was strong enough as he answered, "I don't want to talk about it."

The worst of the worst ideas flashed through Kelly's mind and he wanted to know, "Did he do something to you?" He knew it sounded ridiculous but he'd also paid enough attention to the news stories over the years to know even psychiatrists weren't above doing horrible things to their patients, the scourge of the earth could hide behind any profession.

Casey tried to laugh, instead it came out as another sob, "Nothing like that."

Kelly pulled back enough to look him in the eyes and asked, "Then what?"

Casey shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it." He rested his head on Kelly's shoulder and told him, "I'm not going back...I don't care if they never let me be a firefighter again, I can't take it."

Kelly rubbed Casey's back consolingly and asked him, "When's your next session?"

"In a few days, I'm not going."

Severide merely nodded and responded, "Okay."

"Why the hell did you bring me here?" Casey demanded to know as they got out of the car and he realized Severide had driven them back to his psychiatrist's office.

Severide held up a hand to get his attention and told him, "Look, I know what you said the other day, but you have to do this, Casey."

"I won't-"

"Let me finish," Severide cut him off. "Casey you have to do this, not just because of the job, it's to help you."

"Help?" Casey exploded.

Severide pointed to the building and told him, "You said the doctor didn't do anything to you, right?"

"Yeah but-"

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Kelly asked.

"Oh ho," Casey snorted, "you better believe I don't. That's the last thing I want."

"Okay then," Kelly pointed back towards his car, "then I am going to be waiting right here when you come out."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Casey asked with a groan.

Kelly looked at him and answered, "If I knew how to help you myself, I would, but I don't, I'm sorry, we need to bring a professional in on this."

Casey felt his eyes burning with frustrated tears that were just starting to form. "I can't-"

"You can, you will," Severide assured him, "And I will be right here waiting when it's over."

Casey looked at him for a minute, then turned away and headed for the door.

Severide sat behind the wheel of his Mustang and watched the front door of the doctor's office. He also checked the windows every so often just to make sure Casey didn't try something drastic to escape. It had been almost an hour, he'd forgotten to ask Casey how long the session was for. Maybe it wouldn't have been allowed, but he wished Casey would've let him sit in on it so he could figure out what was going on. If the doctor himself hadn't done anything to Casey, what...

The door opened and Casey came out, looking like he'd just left the dentist with a root canal. Kelly sat up in his seat and got ready to drive them out of there. Casey threw the passenger side door open and got in, he wouldn't talk to Severide, he wouldn't even look at him. As Kelly started the car, Casey put his feet on the dashboard and drew his knees up towards his chest and pressed his head against them. Severide took the hint not to ask any questions, and just got them out of there.

They drove on in silence for a few minutes before Severide happened to glance over and saw Casey trembling with his head still pressed to his knees, Kelly realized he was crying again. He wondered what had happened this time, but he knew not to ask, instead he acted like he didn't notice, and just kept driving. After a few more minutes he spotted a vacant lot and pulled in towards it and stopped the car. If Casey noticed that they'd stopped, he made no sign of it, he never lifted his head up. Severide turned in his seat and reached over, wrapped his arms around Casey, and silently held him as he sobbed, figuring it was the best thing he could do for his friend right now. If Casey decided to tell him what had happened, he would, but it had to be on his own time, and in the meantime Kelly knew he had to be more patient with him now than he'd ever been with anyone before in his life.

"I hate therapy, why do I have to go?" Casey asked after the third session, sounding every bit like a child whining about school.

This time he'd actually managed to come home without screaming or throwing anything, he hadn't talked to Severide though, just sat down at the table and started on some paperwork. After a while Kelly realized Casey was tearing off sheets from the notepad, balling them up and tossing them into the wastebasket, then started writing on another one.

"What is it this time?" he asked as he went over to the table.

"This stupid exercise I'm supposed to do," Casey threw another sheet in the trash and pressed both hands against his head, "supposed to be a way for victims to get closure if their rapists are dead and they can't face them in court. You write down everything you would've said to them in a letter."

"That works?" Kelly asked.

"Not for me," Casey said, "I can't think of anything to write, it's a stupid idea." Casey kicked one of the legs on the table as he pushed his chair back and stalked off to his room again.

Kelly waited until he heard the door slam, then he bent over and took the balls of paper out of the trash and unfolded them to see what Casey had written. Most of them were little more than run-of-the-mill 'I Hate You's and 'Burn in Hell's, the one he seemed to put the most effort in said 'I hate you, I wish you were still alive so I could kill you myself'. The one at the bottom of the wastebasket was the one that broke Kelly's heart. 'Why me?' Severide put them back in the trash, and went to the bedroom. Casey had his head shoved under the pillows again, but this time he was quiet and his breathing was steady, Kelly guessed that must be some improvement that he'd made it this far without the latest session reducing him to tears. He went over to the bed, sat on the edge, let Matt feel the shift in the mattress with his added weight, and carefully reached over and placed a comforting hand on his arm, and just waited. After a few minutes, Casey pushed the pillow aside and turned to look at him.

"I know this is hard for you," Severide told him, "but you're doing the right thing."

"That's easy to say when you're not the one that has to do it," Casey replied.

"No, but I have to see what it does to you," Kelly pointed out, "believe me, that's painful too, because I don't know how to help you."

Casey pushed up onto his knees and told him, "With everything that shrink's putting me through, I'm glad you don't know how." He reached over and clung to Severide, his breathing was labored, Kelly could hear the tears building in his throat. He put his arm around Casey and stroked his free hand through Matt's hair and quietly murmured, "I'm sorry."