The next day Severide went back on shift, leaving Casey by himself for the day, and Kelly found the whole experience nerve wracking. Every hour or so he found an excuse to call Casey and check in on him; he sounded like he was doing okay, but then again he didn't have another session with his therapist for a few days. During a lull in between calls, he paid a visit to Boden's office to speak with the chief personally about the matter.

"If you saw what I see every time Casey leaves that office...I don't know how the hell this is supposed to be helping him," Kelly told Wallace, "he spends an hour there and by the time he comes out, he's too worn out to do anything except go to bed, he can't talk, he can't do anything."

"What his therapist is doing is making him go back to the time of his attack and relive everything that he remembers from the time he was conscious so he can deal with it," Boden told him, "it is emotionally draining, if therapy was easy, there wouldn't still be a taboo on it 200 years later."

"But if he's still seeing that shrink by the time he comes back here-"

"We can presume Casey will not be resuming his duties as acting lieutenant for a while," Boden explained, "by which time he will have a better handle on this, and hopefully have begun to heal from it. In the meantime, all we can do is be there for him."

"The first time, he came home and swore he wouldn't go back, the only reason he is is because I'm forcing him to, I see what it does to him every time, I feel awful about it," Kelly said.

"Kelly, you know as well as I do the right thing is almost never the easy thing, it's the same thing you learn when you're a parent," Boden told him. "It's hard, but it's what Casey needs."

"What if it doesn't help though? What if he just gets worse?"

"If Casey thinks he is receiving inadequate psychiatric help he is well within his rights to find another doctor," Wallace said, "and we both know nobody can make Matt Casey do anything he doesn't set his mind to do. So the fact he is still going suggests he knows he needs to do this."

Severide took Casey to his next therapy session, then brought him home when it was over. Casey said nothing the whole drive back, but he looked like hell and Kelly knew anything he was seeing paled in comparison to what was going on inside his head. As they stepped into the apartment, Severide closed the door and told Casey, "Go lie down for a while and relax, I'll get you when dinner's ready."

Casey turned and looked at him with a confused expression and opened his mouth to protest, but Kelly cut him off.

"Take it easy and relax," he told him, "I've got this."

Matt sighed but didn't argue, he peeled off his jacket and went to the bedroom. Kelly heard the door close, and went to the kitchen to start on dinner.

Casey wouldn't tell him what was going on when he talked to the psychiatrist, and he could respect that, but he was having a hard time dealing with everything that was going on when he didn't know what had happened. So he'd decided the first chance he got, he was going to see Voight and find out what the sergeant had deliberately not told them at the hospital. He'd only said that the guy who attacked Casey killed all his other victims, but he didn't say how, and until Severide knew what had happened to all the others, he didn't feel that he could fully help Casey to move on from it.

An hour later dinner was ready and he went to Casey's room to get him, he pushed the door open, and with the last fading rays of light shining in the window he saw Casey curled in a ball on his side of the bed, dead to the world. Kelly weighed his options, then went to the kitchen to put the food in the fridge for tomorrow. After that he returned to the bedroom, crawled in on his side and laid down beside Casey, and for the longest time just watched him sleep.

When Casey woke up it was completely dark, he turned over to see what time it was, and realized there was somebody in bed with him.

"Kelly?"

Severide took out his phone and used the light from the screen to illuminate his face, "Boo."

"What time is it?"

"Just after 9."

Casey laid back down and said with a tired groan, "So much for dinner."

"I put it in the fridge, we'll have it tomorrow."

Casey looked at him and asked, "So what's this? A step back? I've gone from sleeping on my own to needing you to stay with me again?"

"Nah, I just thought you could use some company," Kelly told him.

Casey pressed half his face against the pillow and stared at him through one eye and responded, "You better watch it, Severide, I could get used to this."

Kelly just laughed in response. He reached over and placed a hand on the back of Casey's head, but he pushed it away, and turned on his other side, and told Severide, "I wish you'd stop being nice to me."

Kelly laughed again and asked, "Since when is that something to complain about?"

Casey turned back over and answered, "Because I know what it means. You never acted like this before...before my...attack...you're scared I can't be treated normally anymore."

The smile was gone from Severide's face and a vexed frown took its place. "What're you talking about?"

"Come on, Kelly, I know you, you think I'm going to go to pieces..." the self deprecation in his tone was audible as he added, "just like I have been ever since it happened."

"Nobody thinks that, Casey."

"I'm not stupid, Kelly, I know what's going on, everybody whispering behind my back because they don't have the guts to say to my face they think I'm suddenly too fragile to be trusted alone."

"That's not what's going on," Kelly replied, "Casey, nobody thinks that."

"Yes they do," he insisted, "when that beam fell on me, everybody wasn't huddled around me like they have been now. They're too scared to talk about it to my face, but I know what they're thinking, because of what happened to me, what I let happen to me, that I'm too weak to come back as a firefighter, that I can't handle it."

"You're wrong," Kelly told him. "Matt, you were there when Voight said this guy killed nine other firefighters, cops."

An involuntary moan escaped from Casey's throat and in the dark Kelly saw him raise his arms over his head as if protecting himself from a blow. That fact seemed to be more than he could handle. Severide took advantage of Casey's distraction and grabbed him, and pulled Casey against him, despite his struggling against him.

"Casey, listen-to-me, everybody knows this wasn't your fault, and nobody is questioning your abilities," Kelly told him.

Casey raised his head and said in a weak, scared tone, "I am."

"What?" Kelly blinked.

Casey heaved in a sigh and explained, "First day out of the hospital...I couldn't even set foot in here...how the hell am I going to go back to 51? What the hell good am I gonna be on a call?"

Severide felt his heart sink from his chest as he realized the gravity of what Casey was struggling with.

"Oh Matt," he said quietly as he hugged his best friend.

Casey struggled against him. "Let go of me."

"No," Kelly said firmly, "not until you hear what I have to say." Even in the dark, he saw Matt's eyes looking at him, and he told him, "First of all, we know you weren't the only victim this guy had, and we both know what it takes to be a firefighter, what happened isn't on you, or them, it has nothing to do with strength or weakness, he targeted them and he hit them from behind so nobody saw it coming, nobody had a chance to fight back. Voight told us this guy had a type for his victims, single First Responders in their 30s, Casey, that could just as easily have been me when we went off shift, and if it was, and it was me they'd pulled out of that hotel room, and it was me that went through everything that's happened in the past two weeks, would you think I was too weak to go back on Squad?"

Casey looked at him for a minute, then finally answered, "No."

"Matt, for three days nobody knew where you were, we didn't know what happened, we didn't know if you were still alive, I was starting to think I'd never see you again. When we heard they'd found you in the hotel, I couldn't believe it, it just seemed too much to hope for. Those two days we waited for the cops to call us with an update, any update...I was never so scared in my life. I know the guy who hurt you is dead, I know he can't come back, and I know how crazy it sounds, but after what happened I'm scared to let you out of my sight."

"What?" Casey asked in disbelief. "Why?"

"I'm not worried that you can't do everything you did before your attack, what scares me is before this happened, I never thought about it, now I'm wondering how many other bastards are out there that're just like him that we don't know about. That's why I freaked out when you came back from the shrink that first day screaming, that's why I've been going with you to every other session. I wasn't checking up on you when I went back on shift because I don't think you can be trusted by yourself, I was doing it because I needed to know you were okay. I needed to be sure nothing was wrong."

Casey looked at him in shock, and finally responded, "I didn't know."

"Casey, I need you back on shift because I know there I won't have to worry what's happening to you," Kelly told him, "it's just like when Voight was gunning for you years ago, I didn't doubt your abilities to protect yourself then either, but I knew in-house you'd be safe because he wouldn't be able to get to you through all of us."

Casey finally stopped trying to pull away, and he replied, "I never thought of it like that."

"Everybody's waiting for you to come back, and I hate that you have to keep going to therapy to do it, but if that's what it takes, you've got to do it, we need you back at 51," Kelly told him.

Even in the dark he was able to make out a small smile on Casey's face, he leaned against Kelly and returned the hug, then he pulled back from him, and it sounded like he was either laughing or crying.

"What is it?" Kelly asked.

It was obvious now that Casey was laughing, and Severide asked him, "What's so funny?"

"You," Casey answered.

"What?"

"You, flipping out because," Casey tried to breathe between laughs, "You thought my shrink was taking advantage of me." His voice reached higher decibels as he laughed harder.

Severide thought about it for a minute, then a small laugh escaped from his throat. "I guess it is kind of crazy."

Casey laughed until he couldn't breathe, from what little light was in the room Severide could see tears forced from his eyes as he caught his breath, and he told him, "You are a nut, Kelly." He reached over and hugged him again and told him, "And I appreciate that you care enough to worry, but I'm doing enough of that for both of us right now."

"You don't need to," Kelly told him, "you're going to be fine."

"I wish I was as sure of that as you are," Casey said.

"Give it time, you didn't just get up and walk away from the beam crushing your head right away either," Severide reminded him.

"Yeah but that was different, all they had to fix was my head, this time it's in my head, and you can't fix that like a skull fracture," Casey pointed out, the worry evident in his tone again.

Severide didn't respond, instead he lay there in the dark and thought for a minute. Then to break the silence he asked, "You hungry?"

"I could eat."

"Good, let's go heat up dinner," Kelly said as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up.

The next day started off well, Casey was in a fairly good mood, Kelly thought they were heading in the right direction. He cooked lunch and he and Casey were starting to dish up. Casey still wasn't eating much even though the medications he was taking hadn't subjected him to much more in the way of side effects than a turned stomach, he still didn't want to press his luck, but he was eating regularly now that he was out of the hospital. Casey reached for a knife to cut his chicken with, and he froze and stared at the rack of knives on the wall over the stove. Something seemed familiar. He blinked, and in the split second his eyes were closed, he saw something.

A tray with knives on it.

He opened his eyes and looked at them again, the picture was starting to get clearer.

Casey didn't know what time it was, what day it was, life had quickly become hell and there was no end. There was no sleep, there was no rest, there was no peace, there was only blacking out when the man who raped him strangled him to the point of unconsciousness, then let him revive, then it started all over again. He'd tried for the longest time to break out of his restraints but it had been in vain. All it had earned him was a lot of bruises, whoever his captor was, hit him when he resisted, sometimes with his hands, sometimes with objects, though Casey couldn't identify any of them by the impact of battering into his flesh. His tongue was thick and felt stuck against the roof of his mouth, it had been so long since he'd had anything to drink, he couldn't think straight anymore. He felt the sandpaper skin of his attacker's hand against the welts on the back of his thighs, he'd lost the energy to even struggle against it anymore. He felt like crying but tears had stopped forming in his eyes long ago, somewhere in his mind he knew that meant he was very dehydrated, but he still had no concept of how long it had been since he'd been brought here. He was so weak he hardly even cared anymore, about anything, he just wanted the pain to stop.

In between his attacks, he'd tried to thrash around and break loose, that hadn't worked, but it had never really occurred to him to look around the room, for what? If he could foresee any escape, maybe some details for the cops, but he knew there wasn't any way he could get out of here. And knowing that should've been the most depressing realization he ever had, but it hardly fazed him in his sluggish mind. But he heard the man behind him moving around, and it sounded like he was doing something. He turned his head to the right, and the man came over, and casually set something down on the nightstand, not that Casey could reach it anyway, even if his hands were loose it would still be just out of his reach.

A small tray with knives laid on it. There were half a dozen, maybe more, most of them had black handles, most of them had blades only an inch long or so, though two on the end were much longer.

Somewhere in his mind he instinctively knew what the knives were for, and he could feel his body shaking weakly. He was cold, he was starving, he was dehydrated, he was in constant pain, he was exhausted, any of these might've been the reason for the tremors. His brain felt too disconnected to even register fear anymore.

Casey dropped his plate and it landed on the counter with a loud clatter.

"Casey?" Severide hadn't seen what happened.

Casey backed away from the stove and said grimly, "I'm not hungry." And with that he stalked off to the living room.

Kelly waited a minute to see if anything happened, and when he didn't hear anything, he went to the living room and saw Casey sitting on the couch, looking half dazed. Severide didn't know what happened, and he didn't know what a good response would be. He settled for, "You want some company?"

Casey shook his head. "No, just...please leave me alone."

Kelly slowly nodded, "Okay..."

Severide retreated to the kitchen. He'd already got his lunch dished up, but his appetite just disappeared, still he sat at the table and ate a few bites while he waited to see what happened next and tried to figure out what it was he should do. Half an hour later he was still sitting at the table when he heard Casey's phone buzzing in the living room. He couldn't hear Casey's part of the conversation, just the low, muffled sound of his voice a couple times. Then there was nothing. A few minutes later, he heard Casey scream, and he jumped up from the table.

"Casey?" Severide ran to the living room and saw Casey on the floor by the couch, he looked like he'd collapsed. Severide fell on his knees beside him, "What happened?"

Casey looked at him and said in a low voice, slowly putting the words together as if he could barely comprehend them, "That was Dr. Halstead, they got the test results back from Murtaugh's autopsy."

Kelly didn't even dare think what the answer was going to be, he was too scared.

Casey looked up at him, and Severide saw one eye glistening with tears that were starting to build.

"...He's clean," Casey told him, and then a sudden laugh escaped him. There was no humor in it, but he started laughing hysterically as the gravity of the doctor's words sat with him. "I'm okay..." another set of laughs, then, "I don't have to take the pills anymore..." then a shrieking laugh, and the tears started running down his face as he continued to laugh darkly. After a while the laughter stopped and was automatically replaced with sobs as his chest started heaving and his whole body started trembling.

Severide took Casey in his arms and slowly rocked on his knees as he tried to make sense of what Matt had said. It finally dawned on him what he meant, and he felt like a sudden weight had been lifted off his chest.

"That's great, Casey," Kelly sighed in relief. He felt Casey's head pressed against his shoulder as he continued to cry, Severide looked towards the ceiling and smiled.

Kelly sat on the armrest of the couch and looked down at Casey, who'd fallen asleep on the couch earlier in the afternoon, and had been asleep for the last couple hours. After Dr. Halstead's phone call, Casey cried until he wore himself out, Kelly finally got him back up on the couch, where he fell asleep almost instantly. The look on his face actually seemed to be one of content, now that they knew Casey no longer had to worry about any diseases from his attack.

Severide watched Casey while he slept, watching every movement of his chest, glad that he was able to rest, but also waiting for him to wake up, and he couldn't suppress the grin on his face. Casey hadn't known it, but Severide had brought home the teddy bear Herrmann brought to the hospital, and when he knew Casey was out cold, he'd taken it out of his bag and mischievously slipped it in the crook of Matt's arm. He wanted to see the look on Casey's face when he realized what had happened, and he hoped his friend could get a laugh out of it.

Casey took in a particularly long breath and his chest rose higher than it had before, then he scooted over onto his side so he faced the back of the couch, he opened his eyes, and came face to face with the teddy bear again. Severide was practically holding his breath waiting to see what happened. Slowly, Casey turned his head so he was staring at the Squad lieutenant seated at the end of the couch, and had his eyes half open in an expression of curiosity, and said only in question, "Green bandages, huh?"

Kelly laughed and responded, "Well, Herrmann never asked for it back."

"You're a sick man, Severide, you know that, don't you?" Casey grumbled.

Kelly just laughed again.

Casey yawned and stretched and groaned as he slowly came around.

"Feeling better?" Severide asked.

Casey thought about it for a minute and then nodded. "Yeah, thanks." He shivered like a chill ran through him, and he told Severide, "I've tried not to think about this, not to deal with it...but it's one of the only things I've been able to think about...it's almost...almost worse than what I was put through."

But Kelly knew Casey wasn't about to tell him what that was. He wouldn't ask, but he had a plan to find out anyway. But that would wait for later. For the time being, he had an idea.

"I think we need to celebrate the good news you got," Kelly told him.

Casey grumbled and said, "I don't feel like going out and seeing the others."

"Then we'll stay in, but I've got an idea," Kelly said.

Casey looked at him and asked in a deadpan tone, "Why doesn't that make me feel better?"

Since Casey didn't have to keep taking the pills anymore, and any possible side effects would shortly become a thing of the past, Severide's idea of celebrating had been to order in pizza; he had also taken the liberty of having a few things delivered from the grocery store and banished Casey from the kitchen while he prepared dessert for them. Casey didn't have any idea what Kelly was up to, he just sat on the couch in the living room listening to the endless whirring of the blender in the kitchen. When he finally heard it shut off, he tilted his head back and called to the kitchen, "What are you doing in there?"

"I'll be out in a minute!" Severide called back.

Casey rolled his eyes and hit his head back against the cushions.

Severide finally entered the living room, carrying two tall glasses filled just short of the brim with something that looked like a watered down chocolate shake.

"What's that?" Casey asked.

All Severide was willing to say was, "I made these all the time as a kid, you're gonna love it."

That remained to be seen. Casey took one glass and sniffed it and picked up the scent of root beer, and a hint of vanilla. He took a drink and just about spit it back in the glass. He couldn't even tell what it was. He took another sip, root beer, ice cream, something else, he tried again, and made a face as he realized it was chocolate sauce, also marshmallow cream, and...he looked over the glass and couldn't see anything, but he would swear he was tasting maraschino cherries. He looked over at Kelly who just drank his down as if it was a completely normal beverage.

Casey managed to swallow another mouthful and asked, "Tell me something, Kelly, do you still have your own teeth?"

Severide smiled at him as he swallowed part of his and responded, "Yeah I know it's a little sweet."

"A little? You could go into a coma from that," Casey said.

"That's what my mom used to say," he remarked dismissively, "I drank 10 of these a week, nothing ever happened to me."

"And yet that would explain so much," Casey remarked with a cynical look.

Kelly scowled back at him.

"Seriously..." Casey put his glass down. There was no way in hell he could drink that whole concoction. "I appreciate everything you've done, Kelly, thank you. I know I haven't been easy to live with."

"Casey, all that matters is that you get better, and you've already come a long way."

"Yeah...but not far enough."

"It's a process, you'll get there," Kelly told him.