Voight came down the stairs at the 21st District and saw Kelly Severide standing by the front desk.

"Something I can do for you?" he asked.

"I need to talk to you," Kelly said.

"About what?"

"Ed Murtaugh."

Voight sighed through closed lips and shook his head, "I already told you what happened."

"Not all of it," Kelly went over to him, "you didn't say how he killed his other victims."

"Casey was in no condition to know about that," Voight told him.

"I need to know," Kelly said.

"You're not in any condition to know about that either," Voight shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Why're you here?" Voight asked.

"Because Casey's my best friend and I'm trying to help him."

Voight pointed a finger at him and answered, "That's why not. You're too close to this, Severide, you don't want to know." With that, Voight turned around and started to walk away.

Kelly followed after him, "Look, Voight, you don't know what kind of man Casey is."

Voight turned around and asked, "Excuse me?" There was a pause between them, then Voight added, "Maybe you don't remember so well, I made that man's life a living hell so he'd back off my son's case, and he still put me in prison. I know very much what kind of man Matt Casey is."

"Well, not like I do," Severide added, "he had a building collapse on him, his skull was fractured, if it happens again he will die, the doctors explained that to him in no uncertain terms, he spent 6 weeks out of commission because of it, he never once doubted returning to work as a firefighter. Now he is, he thinks he can't do it, Hank, I have to know what happened to him, he won't tell me, the only other person who was there is dead, you're my only hope."

"Depressing, isn't it?" Voight asked lightly.

"Look, Voight, I never ask you for anything, I'm begging you, I have to know," Kelly said, staring the sergeant dead square in the eyes.

Voight huffed and told him, "Don't say I didn't warn you." He looked around the busy room and told him, "Not here, come on upstairs."

They went up to the bullpen and Voight pointed Severide over to his office. Kelly shut the door and sat down, Voight sat behind his desk and leaned back.

"I'll do you one favor and I won't show you the crime scene photos," Voight told him. "The worst details of the murders were never released, part of that's just procedure, leave the most graphic details out, so if anybody ever confesses we can tell if they're lying or not. Another part of it is nobody who works in law enforcement, or EMS or the fire department, wants anyone, let alone the whole city to know, that one of their own died in such a horrible manner, they want to preserve some dignity for their fallen brethren, and their families."

"What happened?" Kelly asked.

"We talked to the medical examiners, all had the same stories, all victims were hit in the back of the head, abducted, raped and tortured for up to 72 hours before death, and each time, there were several cuts and lacerations on the victims' bodies, all medical examiners speculated by blades of various sizes and styles."

Kelly squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out that image, then he opened them again and said, "Casey was bloody when they found him but he wasn't cut."

"Apparently something interrupted him before he got that far," Voight said, "did the firemen who found Casey say anything about a set of knives in the room? Anything like that?"

Kelly shook his head.

"So Casey got very lucky," Voight said. "The first case, the first medical examiner had it pegged as a first time killer, because the cuts were jagged and uneven, thought it was hesitation marks. When the second and third bodies turned up, they had the same marks, then the ME realized they weren't hesitation marks, it was because the victims struggled when he cut them. He had their hands and feet tied, this we know because they all had those same ligature marks, but there were no restraint marks across the bodies, so they weren't fully tied down, so they were still able to struggle, which every criminal profiler figured was part of the thrill for him, watching them try to fight. The way they had it figured, he was only interested in them as long as they could struggle, 3 days with no food or water, they lost the energy to fight, they weren't of any further use to him, he got bored with them, so he killed them."

"Casey was already unconscious when they found him," Kelly realized.

Voight nodded grimly, "He got lucky, but his time was running out. If that hotel hadn't caught fire..."

Severide closed his eyes and tried not to think about that. Then he opened his eyes and realized, "But they didn't die from that."

Voight shook his head, "No they didn't. When he finally killed them, he either broke their neck, or shot them in the head." He saw the look on Kelly's face and added, "I told you you didn't want to know."

"But...how could nobody in the hotel hear what was going on? There had to be witnesses, somebody had to have heard something, known something."

"Murders are committed in hotels more often than you think, Severide," Voight told him. "That urban legend, the dead body stuffed under the bed...not just a story, it happens. Depending on the hotel, people make a habit of not seeing, or hearing, or knowing anything, others are largely vacant so there's nobody around to hear anything. Only one other room on that floor was occupied at the time, we don't know how well the sound traveled through the walls."

Severide slowly took it all in and looked like he was going to be sick.

Voight explaind to him, "Something like this, the experts who profile killers for a living, they tend to say stuff like the overkill is personal, that you'd look for suspects in people who tried to become a First Responder who didn't make the cut, stuff like that...that's why nobody knew who was behind it, because they did look, and this guy has nothing of the sort on his record whatsoever. Never joined the fire academy, never joined the police academy, never even signed up for the army."

"So why did he do it?" Kelly wanted to know.

"Asking the wrong person, all I do is find out who they are, get a confession, and lock them up," Voight said, "we know nobody just wakes up one day and does something like this, but Murtaugh was smart enough to keep himself off the radar for years, this is not the garden variety sociopath we normally deal with. We're just lucky whoever killed him did. As a cop, I'm supposed to want to see all these bastards rot in prison...the people at stake in this case, he's better off dead, gives the families a little more closure."

Severide didn't remember leaving the 21st District, he didn't remember getting his car and he didn't remember driving back to Casey's apartment. It just seemed that he was there. He sat in the car staring at the front door for the longest time, without any idea why. He looked around and saw Casey's pickup parked at the curb and took that as a good sign. He got out, ran up to the door, all but forced the door open and stepped in, and called out, "Casey?" He didn't see him anywhere but he knew Matt must be nearby, he called again, unaware of how desperate his voice sounded, "Casey!"

Casey came out of the kitchen with a puzzled look on his face. "What is it?"

Kelly didn't say anything, he just put his arms around his best friend in a bone crushing hug and knocked the wind out of Casey. Matt just stood there, very confused. He put his hands on Severide's shoulders to try and push away from him, but with no luck. Finally he thought to ask, "What's wrong, Kelly?"

Severide maintained a tight hold on his best friend, and finally answered, sounding exhausted, "I'm just glad that you're alright."

Casey didn't get it, but he decided not to question it, and instead reciprocated the hug, the two of them stood there in complete silence for several minutes.

The first day after the next shift, Severide went to Chicago Med and headed to Dr. Charles' office, the psychiatrist was in and Kelly asked him, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Daniel looked up from his desk and took off his glasses, "Kelly Severide, come on in. What's on your mind?"

"It's about Casey, I was hoping you could help me," Kelly said as he sat down.

"What's going on?"

"Okay...when he got discharged from the hospital, he stayed with me for a few days, and he was fine...no flashbacks, nothing like that...then we went back to his apartment, and almost every night for a while he started having nightmares about his attack, he starts screaming and crying and he can't stop, he's worried that it means he's getting worse, and I don't know what to tell him."

"Uh huh," Dr. Charles took that in, "did he have any such episodes when he was still in the hospital?"

"Only when we found out that he'd killed his other victims, other than that," Kelly shook his head.

"And nothing while he was staying with you?"

"No."

"How long was that?"

"A few days."

Daniel nodded, "Casey was severely dehydrated when he was brought in...his rapist didn't give him anything to eat or drink for three days, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And we can gather from the bruises on Matt's neck, that he was unconscious for at least part of his attack, how much of it we don't have any way of knowing."

"What's it all mean?" Kelly asked.

"Kelly, are you familiar with the 7 stages of grief?" Dr. Charles asked.

Kelly looked at him blankly for a minute, then he blinked, "Yeah, I think so, denial, guilt, anger, so what?"

"Sometimes in people's lives, traumatic experiences that don't involve death still require a grieving process to fully and healthily move on from," Dr. Charles explained. "It's very possible that Matt wasn't able at the time to process what was happening to him because he was deprived of food, water and air for we don't know what amount of time. He was not open to anybody about his assault while in the hospital, possibly trying to repress what happened but more likely slowly coming to terms with what happened, remembering a little more each time. Now that he's so far past the attack, he has time to actually think about what happened, and he can now express all the emotions that he was not able to at the time, where before it may all have seemed unreal or like a dream, now it's just starting to hit him that it was in fact very real, and possibly only now can he appreciate how close he came to dying. It's hard to deal with, but it's not a step back, people who live through such trauma and don't have any such episodes, those are the ones I would be concerned about because it strongly implies that there's nothing left in them. That Casey remembers what happened, and it affects him this much, he's still there. It's a hard lesson to learn, but definitely one worth knowing."

"I see, I guess," Kelly said, "but what do I do?"

"Aside from offering your physical and emotional support, there's not much you can do," Dr. Charles told him, "he has to exorcise these demons for himself to get anywhere."

Kelly nodded, and got silent for a moment, and told the psychiatrist, looking down at his desk instead of up at him, "I think I did something dumb."

"What's that?" Dr. Charles asked.

"Well, that's kind of a long story, it started when Casey was in the hospital and Herrmann brought this teddy bear for him that had belonged to one of his kids."

Kelly proceeded to explain to Dr. Charles about Casey's apparent 'inferiority complex' that had him doubting his own abilities to return to 51 as a firefighter.

"He's worried that everybody's going to treat him differently now, you know, kid gloves so he doesn't fall apart, he's worried that nobody respects him now," Kelly said, "and I think I made it worse."

Dr. Charles took all of this in with little more than a nod, then he asked Kelly, "Where is the teddy bear?"

"Still at the apartment."

"Where?"

"In the bedroom."

"And he hasn't gotten rid of it?"

Kelly shook his head.

"Kelly, do you know why giving kids stuffed animals and dolls to sleep with is such a popular idea?" Dr. Charles asked.

Kelly just shook his head again.

"Because it works," Dr. Charles told him. "Nobody knows what it is, nobody can explain how it works, but it works, kids have these things for bed precisely because it helps them fall asleep. No matter their age, they inherently know these toys aren't alive, but they're a comfort, they still give off a feeling of somebody being with them. Believe me, there are a lot of doctors out there who wish their adult patients could adopt the practice so easily, instead of turning to pills to get through the night."

"I just thought he'd get a laugh out of it, but I think it's making him worse...I think...I know it sounds weird, but I think it's hurt his ego," Kelly said.

Dr. Charles considered that and told Severide, "The road to hell often is paved with good intentions...if you really think that this has created a problem, talk to Casey about it. If he confirms it, take the bear away, if not..." Daniel shrugged, "what harm in keeping it around? It may actually prove to be therapeutic for him."

"Somehow I doubt that," Severide said, "and how do I talk to him about this?"

"You two have been friends for a long time, I'm sure you can find a way," Dr. Charles said. "You seem to know Matt about as well as anybody...maybe better."

Kelly entered the apartment, closed the door and leaned against it with his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. He wasn't sure about this.

"Casey?" he called out.

There was no response. Kelly turned to look out the door, Casey's pickup was still parked out there, so he had to be home.

"Casey?" Kelly made his way over to the kitchen. Nothing.

He tried not to panic, despite the thoughts that were suddenly racing around in his head. He forced himself to stay calm until he'd checked over the whole apartment. Fighting the anxiety that was coursing through his body, Severide forced himself to walk over to the bedroom and look in. He reached the doorway, pushed the door open, and stopped, and felt his eyes bulge.

Casey was facedown on the bed asleep, that wasn't what caught Kelly offguard, what did was that Casey had the teddy bear in question, and had half of it shoved under his head like a pillow and had the other half loosely gripped in his arm. Severide stood in the doorway for several seconds unable to move, trying to make some sense of what he was seeing, then he slowly and quietly backed out of the room and pulled the door shut behind him.

Casey sat at the kitchen table, his head down, his eyes staring down at something, he hadn't made eye contact with Severide since he entered the room, and he hadn't said a word to him. Kelly got dinner ready, then went to wake Casey up, concerned that Matt had slept apparently all afternoon. Casey woke up and realized two things, one, Severide was staring down at him, two, he still had the teddy bear in his grasp. He hadn't said a word, just looked at Severide with a horrified expression on his face, Kelly hadn't said anything, not having any idea what to say without saying the wrong thing. The silence became too awkward and he didn't know what to do, so he left the room to give Casey some privacy. A few minutes later he'd come into the kitchen, not even able to look at Kelly, but he'd made his way over to the table, and sat down, a scowl on his face, his eyes staring at the floor like a child trying to appear unfazed by his punishment. Since Casey wasn't going to say anything, Kelly decided he needed to, and he found himself pacing around the room, hoping he didn't screw up and say the wrong thing. Casey wouldn't look up at him but Kelly could still feel his eyes watching him.

"Casey, I don't see what the problem is, I don't know why you're freaking out about this. You already know that I'm not going to tell anybody anything about what's going on, I meant it, you don't want anybody to know, nobody's gonna find out, it's as simple as that, but I'm telling you, you're making too much out of this. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, if you do, I'm here."

Casey didn't lift his head but Kelly could see his eyes looking upward towards him instead of down at the floor. After a couple minutes he raised his head to actually look at Kelly, and asked cautiously, sounding as much like a scared kid as he was acting, "You won't laugh?"

Kelly huffed, raised his hand and said, "I, Kelly Severide, swear on my mother's life and her eternal wrath if I lie, I will not laugh."

Casey self consciously looked down again for a minute, then he slowly looked back over at Kelly, and said quietly, "It helps...I can't explain it, but it helps."

Kelly shrugged and responded, "Then that's all that matters."

Casey looked at Severide like he wasn't getting it, "Kelly it's so-"

"I know, but you don't have to worry, nobody's going to know."

"See, that's the problem," Casey said somberly, "again, even though I'm not the one that did anything wrong, nobody can know about this."

"So explain it to me," Kelly said, "what's so embarrassing about it?"

Casey glared at him, "You're kidding, right?"

Kelly shrugged, "Explain it to me. If it helps you, what's the problem?"

Casey looked at him and said, "You know what will happen if anybody finds out about this."

"Casey, you know the guys at 51 better than that," Kelly replied. Casey closed his eyes and shook his head, as if he was trying to push all of this away. "Casey, Herrmann wouldn't have brought it in the first place if he didn't think it would help."

"And who all knows about that?" Casey asked, looking at him. He took Severide's silence for an answer, "See?"

Severide felt like they were going in circles. He tiredly rubbed his eyes as he responded, "Look Casey, bottom line is if it helps, then that's all that matters, okay? You don't want anybody finding out about this, you have my word, they'll never hear about it from me."

Casey shook his head hopelessly and said, "I hate all of this. I want my life back the way it was."

"I know."

There was a pause between them before Kelly said, "Can I ask you something? When did-"

"It was a few nights after you started sleeping on the couch," Casey answered, "It's not like that."

Severide nodded. "Casey, if you had to take medication to help you sleep, would it be embarrassing if people knew about that?"

"Somewhat," he answered, meeting Kelly's questioning eyes, "less than this."

"Casey, what's so embarrassing about needing help?'

"This from the guy who hid a broken neck for how many months?" Matt replied.

"That was different."

"You didn't want to be told you couldn't be a firefighter anymore," Casey said, "so much so you were willing to risk your life and anybody else's on the job."

Kelly remembered what Dr. Charles said about Casey being on the defensive and pushing the others away from him, so he let that one pass for the most part, but responded, "Not one of the smartest decisions I ever made."

"I'm smart," Casey replied, "if I don't go back, I don't put anybody else at risk, since I can't be depended on anyway."

"What're you talking about?"

"I'm too much of a liability," Casey said, "the therapy isn't helping, I'm not getting any better, I won't be good for anything on a call..." he folded his arms on the table and set his head on them and groaned, "it's better that I just don't go back."

Severide looked down at him and said simply, "That's not true."

"I wouldn't trust myself on a call, I can't expect anybody else to either," Casey said.

"Casey," Severide was well aware he was the pot calling the kettle black right now, but he told Matt, "you're being too impatient with yourself. This is going to take time, you have got to calm down."

"Yeah, I need to calm down, I need to take it easy," Casey's tone took on varying degrees of resentment and hostility, "I need to be wrapped up in bubble paper so I don't fall apart, which is exactly what everybody's waiting on."

"That's not true either, and you know it," Kelly told him as he got up from his chair and went over to his side of the table. "Casey, I'm trying to help you."

"I don't want your help."

"Maybe not, but you need it, and that's not something to be embarrassed about either."

Casey snorted and scoffed in response.

"Look, Casey, whether you like it or not, you're not getting rid of me. And you know why?"

Casey made a small dismissive sound in his throat.

Severide leaned down to look him in the eyes. "Because you're my best friend, and I need to know you're okay, and if I'm not here, and I can't see for myself that you're alright, I'm going to go crazy worrying about you. Don't shut me out."

Casey looked at him, then closed his eyes, and a small sob suddenly tore loose. Severide knelt down beside Casey's chair and rubbed his back as he waited to see what happened next.

Kelly pushed the bedroom door open and peered in. The room was dark but he was able to make out the image of Casey in the middle of the bed, curled on his side, one arm holding Herrmann's teddy bear against his chest in a death grip. If he squeezed it any harder, the stuffing would pop out of it. Kelly took a step back and pulled the door shut behind him, and went back to his spot on the couch.

He thought back to his discussion with Dr. Charles, and he still wasn't sure whether this fell under the heading of 'help' or 'hurt', but if Casey was able to sleep, it had to be a good thing. So where did it all go so wrong? He thought about it for a minute, then decided he was going to wake Casey up, he hated to do it, but he had to get something off of his chest.

"Casey, you awake?" he asked as he rapped on the door and headed in.

In the dark he heard Casey move around in the bed and heard the covers being moved. Even though everything was all out in the open, he knew that Casey had stuffed the teddy bear away somewhere.

"Can we talk?" Severide asked as he made his way over to the bed.

"About what?" Matt asked.

Kelly sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at him, "I'm sorry that I embarrassed you earlier. That was never my intention. I know this is hard for you, I just thought," he snaked his hand under the covers, found the bear, latched onto its ear and pulled it out even though neither one could see much of anything in the dark, "I thought it'd cheer you up, I didn't think that it would be a problem."

"I'm not mad at you," Casey told him, "I'm mad at myself. I don't like being like this, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better...I don't think I can ever go back to 51, but I don't want to lose the respect of everybody there."

"You won't," Kelly shook his head, "you know that, you know them better than that."

"Anything else, I'd agree, but this is different, this has never happened before," Casey said.

Kelly felt rather than saw Casey turn towards him, and heard him say in full sincerity, "I just knew I was going to die in that hotel."

That weighed the air down for Severide, he felt like a boulder had just been put over his chest.

"I didn't have any illusions about getting out of there alive," Casey told him. "I tried to break loose, but nothing happened, and past that...I guess I just accepted it. Even when I knew he was about to kill me..."

Kelly squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to ward off the mental image from what Voight had told him.

"I knew there wasn't any point in struggling," Casey said. "I sound like a coward."

"No," Kelly shook his head, "you're the strongest person I know, Casey." He reached over and pulled Matt into a tight embrace, "I couldn't do what you did. I'm so sorry, Casey."

He felt Casey shaking his head, "It's not your fault...nobody knew where I was, nobody knew what was happening, there just wasn't anything that anybody could've done to stop it. It's just the way it was."

"I'm still sorry," Kelly told him.

He felt Casey grab him and reciprocate the hug. After a few seconds he heard Casey ask, "You promise you won't tell the others?"

"I won't tell them anything you don't want me to," Kelly said.

"I know you're right, that they wouldn't...but it's just easier not to tell them in the first place," Casey said.

"I understand," Kelly replied. He looked at him and told him, "Casey, anything you think will help you, I'm willing to try. You know that, don't you?"

Casey nodded. "I know...I just can't think of anything."

"Well," Kelly picked up the teddy bear and placed it on Casey's chest, "This might not be a bad place to start. From what I've seen, you sleep pretty well with this...think how much people would save on sleeping pills if they tried the same thing."

Casey laughed.

The next day on shift, Severide was in his quarters, seated at his desk, a pen in one hand to finish an incident report, the other hand had his phone and was typing up a quick message for Casey, when he heard a knock on the door. He turned and saw it was Herrmann.

"Hey Severide, I just want to make sure I got this right, can you look over this incident report real quick?" he asked.

Kelly put his phone down, "Sure, Herrmann." He stood up, took the paper from Christopher, looked it over and concluded, "Looks okay to me."

"Good, I was hoping a fresh set of eyes woud help," Herrmann replied. "What're you doing?"

"Oh...just checking in with Casey."

"How's he doing?" Herrmann asked.

"Uh...I don't know," Kelly answered as he sat back down. "He has a lot of ups and downs right now...I'm going crazy not knowing what he's up to, and he's going crazy from me checking in with him all the time."

"So why do you do it?" Herrmann asked.

"I want to make sure he's alright."

"When was the last time you checked in with him?"

"Oh...about an hour ago."

"Okay, but uh...wasn't he alright when you left this morning?" Herrmann asked.

"Seemed to be."

"So why would you think he isn't now?" Christopher asked.

"I don't know...it's just hard not to think about all the stuff that could be happening," Kelly's hand reached for his phone again.

"Severide, stop," Herrmann said in the same voice he probably used on his kids all the time. "Kelly, we're all worried about Casey, incase you haven't noticed, our plan to rotate each shift hasn't gone quite as planned, you've been the only one with him most days."

"I know," Kelly said in a helpless 'what-can-I-do?' tone.

"Severide, I know Casey, he is not going to have a nervous breakdown or slit his wrists just because you're not calling in every hour on the hour," Herrmann said, "you gotta back off and give him some space."

"You haven't seen what I've seen," Severide told him.

Christopher looked at him inquisitively, "What do you mean?"

Severide leaned back in his chair. "He told me point blank last night that he knew he was going to die in that hotel, do you have any idea how much that hurts? He knew we wouldn't be there, he knew nobody would come to save him...and the worst part is he's absolutely right. We didn't know...if the fire hadn't broken out he would be dead, and we'd never have known that either."

"You can't blame yourself for that, Severide," Herrmann said.

"I just want him to get better...I want him to stop talking about he can't come back to 51, that he won't be any good on a call..." he felt his eyes starting to sting as he continued, "I want him to stop crying every single time he comes home from the psychiatrist, I want him to get through the night without screaming...is that too much to ask for?"

"Hey, hey," Herrmann said as he reached over and placed a hand on Kelly's shoulder, "Severide, calm down, you are not going to do you or Casey any good making yourself sick worrying about him. Now I know, everybody knows, Casey has been through hell during all this, and his recovery is definitely not easy, but I know he's going to be alright, because that's the kind of man that he is, nothing can hold him back."

"I hope you're right, Herrmann, but it's different this time."

"So it's different, so was the building falling on him, hey he came away from that one alright, didn't he? He will this too."