What the hell

I went to bed that night. Katarina didn't visit me, nor did Leona, so I felt like it was an entire Lux time, which I hadn't had in soooo muuuch time and absolutely needed.

Today was probably the worst day since I joined the league, we lost all the battles probably because of me. It's so hard to focus on the last few days… I have slept near to nothing on the last few days, always the same dark dream and not even being tired seems to help.

"Shake it off Lux!" – I murmured to the walls in my room. – "Maybe I should take a midnight stroll" – I thought. I headed to the highest place I could find, the balcony from where we used to watch the battles and people training, hoping that getting some fresh air would help me, lighten my head a bit. Maybe all I need is a vacation, maybe I just miss Demacia, being homesick isn't a crime these days, or is it?

The cold autumn air made me shiver a couple of times, but autumn is, surprisingly my favorite season, even though everyone keeps saying it's when everything dies, I see it as a new beginning, a period of transformation to say the least. It's an opportunity to renew ourselves. And that's exactly what we all need from time to time.

As I sat in the edge of the balcony I looked up, to the most perfect stared sky I'd seen since I left Demacia, we are all under the same sky, that's something that connects us. Maybe my friends are seeing the same stars I am, maybe they, like me, are wondering how things are doing, I bet they miss as much as I miss them. But in a couple of days, maybe less, I'll be there, home, with those I hold dear. I never thought being in the league, even if my brother and some friends are here, could be so hard.
"What the hell Lux! Just focus girl." – I thought angry at myself, well, not angry, just disappointed, and I really need to focus on the positive things.

"Hey there." – Janna's voice startled me. – "What are you doing here so late?" – she sounded concerned.

I take a deep breath and turn around slowly. "I can't really sleep… so I came here for some fresh air" I smiled as well as I could, apparently not covering the fact that something bothered me.

"Where you crying?" – she asked.

"What's the point in hiding it? You'd know if I lied… The league, and not having any news of Demacia, and just being stuck here, it's just a lot of pressure and I don't know what to do, but I'm reaching my limit. I'm not even healing well, sleeping well, hell, I cannot even focus anymore…"

"Lux, baby girl. You are amazing, just amazing. Remember those times when you and I competed and you always got my ass beat because you are the best sorceress your age? You are a prodigy and know, always know, that wherever your parents and Demacian friends are, they are as proud of you as I am… just listen… what we are doing here, what YOU are doing here is stopping a war between kingdoms, something only a few were brave enough to do… something just a couple of people had the guts to go through." - she grabbed my hands and pulled me off the edge towards her for a warm hug. – "this is really wrecking you, let's plan a trip to Demacia, maybe we can go in a couple of days. Just try to relax, you're so tense."

I felt tears forming from the deepest of my insides, they started flowing down my face as if I was crying the river that was my soul.

"I'm sorry Janna." – I sobbed. Trying to look as professional as I could, but she just looked shocked. – "What's the matter?" – I tried to look where she was looking, but she stopped me saying it was nothing. – "Janna, let me see." – She grabbed me by my shoulders and faced me the other direction so I'd stare at her instead of the training fields. I struggled to move but she was bigger than me so I couldn't turn myself.

"You know… sometimes I wish I was Ahry so I could just enchant you to look at my eyes and nothing else." – Her grip got limp and I escaped. I tried to make a sense out of what she saw, but my vision was still foggy from crying. – "Hey, you won't like what you'll see Lux, maybe we should just retreat…" – She grabbed my wrist. It was when I saw what she meant.

Katarina and Morgana, just there, in front of me, on the floor near the river, it was the place when we first went all the way…

My heart shattered in a thousand pieces, Janna's efforts had a reason after all. She was looking at me like if she wanted to help me collect the pieces of my heart to glue them together.

And again, there was I… crying in Janna's shoulder. Every fiber in my body told me to go there, confront Katarina, scream my lungs out, punch her until my rage was over.

"Let me go Janna!" - I think they heard me because Katarina let go of Morgana and looked, almost incredulous in my direction. She got up and came our direction.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" - Janna just stood there listening to our unnecessary screams, until I couldn't control myself and loudly punch Katarina in the jaw, she fell and I kicked her ribcage a couple of times before Janna pulled me to her. I ended up punching Janna's stomach as well. There was when I came to senses, I held on to Janna, who was on her knees, bending over her belly. I didn't realize I had punched her so hard, she didn't deserve any of this. After all she was trying to help. Helping her up, without a word we went to my room. She was the one to break our awkward silence.

"Lux, I'm sorry. I should have held you better. You didn't have to go through this, not today."

"No, Janna, it was me who acted wrong. You were trying to help. I was the one being too impulsive and hot headed after all, please forgive me for losing my temper and, most of all for hitting you like that. Would you mind if I saw?"

"Lux, don't worry, it's okay. Let's just hang on a couple more days and then we'll go to Demacia as we said." – she took off her jacket and lifted her shirt slowly. – "It will leave a mark for some days, but time heals everything, even broken hearts."

"Can we not talk about this now? Please?"

"Of course, sorry. Do you need to be alone?" – she asked wiping a tear that my rebellious heart kept trying to expel from my body.

"Actually, would you please stay?" – I asked.

"Sure." – she smiled and kissed my front softly, her silk soft hands caressed my face. She sat on the edge of the bed next to me, with crossed legs and an arm around my shoulders. – "Maybe you'd want to get a bath, maybe it'll relax you." – she said softly to my ear.