Hello, Vinzelles here. Welcome back to A Path to Freedom.
I've got a few things to say before we get going so please bear with me.
First of all, I FINALLY picked Arc 3 back up just yesterday. Now that I started writing again, I'm really looking forward to the following Arcs, which are, if I didn't already say so, completely original! This piece of news was for those of you guys who are interested in how development is going, so to speak.
Now the piece of news that concerns me specifically, and those who care about such matters, I suppose. You might have noticed the sudden increase in reviews. You also might have noticed they're all from the same person, all 10 of them. If you've seen the contents of said reviews, you might be able to understand why I need to address this.
For those who didn't read them, I'll tell you immediately that I wasn't insulted in any way, shape or form. That isn't the problem.
The problem is the content.
Right from the start, I delivered several warnings, such as my English not being perfect and stuff like that. In particular, I made sure to convey that I wasn't experienced at all in writing stories like this, seeing that this was my very first time.
As such, criticism is expected, both positive and negative. Hell, I honestly expected to get negative criticism a lot earlier than this. I don't mind receiving it at all, in fact I welcome it because it might help me improve my writing as time goes on.
The problem lies within the fact that my story, my content, has been called "boring" and "predictable", and no valid reason for it has been given to me by the person that wrote those reviews.
My story is boring? Fair enough. I'm nowhere near good enough to entertain every single one of my readers with something that strays, somewhat, from the original story. But exactly what is boring? Exactly what is predictable? Mr. Reviewer, you seem to have forgotten to tell me that little detail. How am I expected to improve my fic if I am not told these things?
From my point of view (and I hate to say this), this isn't any different than trying to argue with a child throwing a tantrum. I've read a few of the reviews you receive for your own stories and, from what little I saw, it looked like whoever had something to say about your fics has explained exactly what they thought you could have improved upon. I only ask that those who find my story unsatisfactory try to do the same for me. That's what makes the criticism constructive. That's what any newbie would like to receive when they start writing. Being shot down for no reason will not help at all.
...Sorry about that. As we say in Italy, I felt I had to "get the pebble out of my shoe".
Anyway, the story. A bunch of line breaks here, and I needed all of them this time. My apologies. Either way, the story should, in theory, pick up from here.
I'll see you at the bottom.
Enjoy.
Arc 2 Chapter 11 - The Plan (Part 2)
"HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
A brawl had exploded between the twin nekomatas Ni and Li and Orochi. He found out quickly, in their exchange of punches and kicks, that the two girls in front of him weren't total pushovers despite being Pawns. For some reason their blows had effect on him despite Heaven's Gate's power, and his physical condition was worsening by the second. Unbeknownst to him, their limbs were currently infused with Ki, or life energy, a form of energy that every object and person possessed in varying quantities: what they were trying to do was to disrupt the flow of life energy in their opponent, which would damage his soul severely. And sure enough, Orochi had been fighting with gritted teeth from the pain for several seconds in a row against the two of them.
'I'll run out of time soon! I have to finish this!'
"HA!" As he thought that, he pushed back the twins that had pinned him in one spot for a short while as he fought.
One of his legs briefly gave out, leaving him kneeled on the soft grass. Their fight had moved them to the woods separating the gym from the new building of the fake Kuoh, where Riser currently had his base. Orochi absolutely had to finish his clean-up before two minutes passed, or Raynare would start carpet-bombing the area with her Fragments and potentially harm him if he didn't get out of the way.
"Although we don't know you that well, we can tell your soul is full of malice-nya!"
"Our Senjutsu is particularly effective against people like you-nya! You don't have a chance-nya!"
"..."
He rose to his feet. The twins were currently pincering him, one of them on either of his sides.
"Senjutsu, huh? Looks like I can still learn something despite the difference in strength."
"?" "?"
"At any rate, I'd better end this. I planned to use this a little later in the battle, but I'm running out of time. This technique really, really shouldn't be used on people, but it can't be helped."
He pulled back his right arm and faced Ni, the blue-haired twin.
Suddenly, all the muscles in his right arm bulged, and some sparks of lightning started circling around the arm.
"You can start holding your breath, Riser Phenex! This technique's next target will be you, so prepare yourself!"
It seemed that he was preparing to punch the empty space between him and the blue-haired nekomata.
"Get blown away! Bergschneider!" (1)
He threw his right fist towards Ni's general direction.
And every tree in that direction was crushed by the sheer power generated.
"Oh, I recognize that one! You have been its first target, haven't you, Unryuu-san?" inquired Nina, her voice full of mirth.
"Please don't remind me. Everything below my diaphragm still hurts and it's been two days already."
"S-Such power! What kind of move is that?!" Lord Phenex exclaimed in amazement.
"That move is simpler than it looks, Phenex-sama." explained Unryuu, holding her stomach with one of her hands. "Orochi-kun's muscles start working together to accumulate pressure in a single arm, which is then released when he throws a fist. Easy to understand, and yet incredibly powerful. I'm aware of the fact that his muscles behave in a certain way due to the fact that he whined to me in the past about how unfair it was that he couldn't do sports on par with everyone else. ...I've been a target of it too during our sparring sessions, and it pierced through my Armor easily."
"Eeeeeh, so you knew about it and didn't tell me, Unryuuuuuuuu?"
"W-Wait Anya-sama, you're hugging me too tightly, my sides hurt, they actually hurt, Anya-samaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Anyway, Phenex-sama." Nina picked the explanation back up. "According to Orochi-kun, that move can turn a mountain to rubble with enough pressure gathered. And it is most likely that a person hit by a fist like that directly would quite literally burst. Hence the reason why he uses it from a distance, allowing air resistance to lower the strength of that move to the extent where the unfortunate target will simply be blown away instead of being smashed to pieces."
"W-What a brutal man..."
"You haven't seen him at his worst like I did, Phenex-sama. Please don't jump to conclusions, "brutal" doesn't cut it with Orochi-kun."
The aftermath of the Bergschneider was devastating.
Several trees had been crushed by the pressure and were now on the ground, their foliage laying in Orochi's direction, their roots right where they were. It was as if they were kneeling in adoration.
The pressure had hit the low side on their trunks, since the target was standing on the ground herself. Like knocking a plastic bottle down by hitting its low side, they all fell in his direction.
Ni was nowhere to be found. And sure enough...
"One of Riser Phenex's Pawns has retired."
Orochi then relaxed his stance and released a breath. He then half-turned to the remaining twin, who was on her knees, trembling in fear.
"...I suggest you start running."
"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
And run she did. She got up and vanished in the woods so fast that one would think she was the one hit by the Bergschneider.
"Tch, she ran into the woods. Hopefully the Fragments won't amputate one of those legs or something."
Deciding that it was time for him to leave the woods as well, he also started running back to where he was. He was barely able to reach the crumbled gym in time with the few seconds he had.
"...Two minutes. Your move, Raynare." muttered the boy.
A few seconds later, a yellow line appeared in the sky, following the straight path between the gym and the new building.
It split immediately into small segments, which started raining above the woods in front of Orochi.
And after about five seconds...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Everything in front of him exploded.
"Heh, just as planned."
"One of Riser Phenex's Pawns has retired."
"...Aw, she was caught in the blast. Too bad." He didn't sound regretful at all as he said that.
He moved a few steps forward. A lot of dust had been lifted by Raynare's attack, but a clear path to the new building had been created.
"I can't see shit, but it doesn't matter. I know where the building is."
He looked at his hands for a second before settling his gaze on the left one.
"I should probably use this one now. It wouldn't be wise to risk straining myself by repeating the technique with the same arm."
Orochi pulled back a fist once again and faced the new building.
"...Heh, what's with that "Promotion"? Whatever it is, my side can't do it, so I might as well use your base as a means to draw you out!"
His left arm's muscles bulged, and once again small sparks of lightning were formed around it. This time however, a strange white aura was also gathered around the limb.
He couldn't destroy his own base, because it would prevent whatever that "Promotion" thing was for Riser's team. On the other hand, that didn't mean he couldn't destroy his opponent's base, since he'd lose nothing if he did. That was the second exploit that Orochi had found for this battle, and it would help him shorten the fight significantly.
"Once more, with love! Bergschneider!"
His target this time was Riser's base in the distance, and nothing else.
The building bursted.
"Oh?"
Ajuka had just finished announcing the Pawn Ni's retreat when he noticed Raynare on top of the old building of the fake Kuoh.
She was preparing a light spear. For some reason, it looked unstable.
"Hmm, is this the direction you wanted her to take, Orochi-kun? Just what are you planning, young man?"
He then managed to distinguish the slight gaps in that spear. It wasn't quite a spear anymore, but rather a bunch of segments of pure light in a straight line. Yet, they were just as unstable.
"Hohoho, could it be that she has found a way to control unstable light energy? And... what's this?"
She launched the segmented lance of light straight in front of her, past the gym that had crumbled and towards the woods. They landed in an orderly row between the rubble and the new building.
Then they detonated.
"...There could have been people in there. Should I punish this? ...What?"
He noticed that the system had pulled out of the battlefield one of Riser's Pawns a moment after the explosions.
"I definitely have to punish this. I thought I had been clear about it, Orochi-kun. ...!"
But he noticed something else immediately after. The detonations had carved a clean path to the new building.
"O-Oh... H-He... He found a loophole..."
Ajuka understood immediately. Orochi in that moment had made use of the fact that the special rules of this Rating Game didn't prevent Raynare from causing collateral damage as she helped the boy out before her fight started. She didn't interfere in any battle since the other twin had run away, and the purpose of that light rain was to merely open a path. Whether there were people in there or not, Raynare was obviously unable to tell: she would have probably blasted Orochi as well if he didn't get out of the woods.
It was all collateral, which meant that they didn't directly break any rule.
He was given too much leeway, and this was the result.
"...Hmph, I see how it is. You did all this just to get back at me for favoring your side, huh?"
He didn't even notice that he had stood up from his seat. He sat back down sighing.
"Good grief, he's truly an evil genius, a worthy member of the Goenitz household. You could give Rizevim a run for his money, my boy."
He spoke into a magic circle.
"One of Riser Phenex's Pawns has retired."
"Are you okay, Ravel-sama?"
"Don't worry about me, I'm just shaken up."
Ravel Phenex, Riser's little sister and Bishop, answered the concerns of one of his brother's Rooks, Isabela.
"Good thing we were barely out of the way. Could have gone way worse than it did." said the Knight, Karlamine.
The three of them, along with the three remaining Pawns, the second Knight Siris, and the second Bishop Mihae, had just witnessed the fall of their own base. Eight people in total had just seen a building get utterly crushed by some mass of pressure.
Ravel, despite the show she was given, managed to keep her cool, and addressed the seven servants that were with her by clapping her hands.
"Onii-sama should also be fine. A building falling on him won't do him in. Let's think about ourselves for the time being."
She first spoke to the Knight. "Siris, sorry to ask you this, but please try to hold that man back a little. We'll need to prepare properly if we want to stand a chance."
"Right away, Ravel-sama." The ponytailed girl started running towards the monster hiding in the dust hundreds of meters away.
Ravel then addressed the Pawns. "Shuriya, Marion, Burent. Please retire."
"Huh?" x3
"Siris might be able to buy time but I don't foresee her being able to hold back our opponent for long. It is painfully obvious that nothing you three can do will harm him, so you will only get in the way at this rate."
The three girls looked at each other and nodded sadly. "...We understand. Please, keep supporting Riser-sama." spoke Shuriya in the three's stead.
"I will."
"...I surrender." x3
They vanished in a flash of light.
"Three of Riser Phenex's Pawns have surrendered."
Ravel sighed wearily. "It's just us four, ladies. Until Siris is inevitably forced to retire as well, let us think of something."
Raynare had just finished with her carpet-bombing of the woods. She didn't even have time to turn around before the new building was also completely destroyed.
She was speechless. For a brief moment, at the very least.
"...It wasn't me!" She said loudly, probably to dodge responsibility and a punishment from the Satan currently judging the match. "Nono, wait! I wasn't aiming for the building itself in the first place, so it really wasn't me, Satan-sama!" It seemed that saying that it wasn't her the first time was truly an act of pure cowardice.
"Gaaaah, he did say I only had to watch after the bombing, but I didn't think he would go that far!" She held her head and ruffled her hair in exasperation.
She then lifted her hands as if to say "I give up".
"Whatever, not my problem, not gonna think about it! I'll just sit right here and wait for my opponent-"
"THAT MAN IS COMPLETELY INSANE!"
"Oh, speak of the Devil. And in a literal sense, too. ...Damn, let me sit down for a moment, will you, woman? I have to deal with that every day."
"I don't really care about you, but honestly it's been 10 minutes tops since the start of the match and I'm already at my limit!"
"...Welcome to my world." Raynare said depressingly.
"I'll deal with you quickly and punish that man myself!"
"...You took the words right out of my mouth."
A pissed off Yubelluna and a mentally exhausted Raynare faced each other on the rooftop of the old building.
(1): "Mountain Cutter" in German. I grabbed the name from "Chivalry of a Failed Knight", specifically the LN. Great read, by the way.
Welcome to the bottom.
I wanted to have the RG deviate from the norm, since it seems to be the current trend for DxD fics. I hope that for now the direction I steered it towards is satisfactory enough for you all. The one thing that I believe could have been handled better was Raynare's participation: the current circumstances behind it feel kinda forced, since the "confrontation between second-in-commands" came out of nowhere. It isn't sufficiently justified, and is probably something I'll try to change if I ever decide to adjust past chapters.
This chapter is Orochi-centric, as you might have noticed. His notions of body control have culminated in the Bergschneider, a stupidly powerful shockwave-like attack. Of course, it isn't something he can just throw out whenever he wants, because it needs preparation and it also strains his muscles slightly. You'll see it happening maybe slightly more often than Abprall will, but not too often. I have, after all, already mentioned in the story that Orochi seeks consistency, not power.
I left out of the battle three more Pawns. Admittedly, there really isn't space for them in this RG the way I set it up, but there's also the problem of Heaven's Gate. Ravel, the clever girl that she is, has already understood that a person that can take on two Senjutsu users will make short work of those three, and thus sends them away. She will realize in retrospect that it was the right decision, since there really isn't much in her team that could harm Orochi in the first place. Despite that, I believe I've found the right setup for the final battle, even considering the above mentioned "problem" that Heaven's Gate will undoubtedly introduce in the future as well.
Next time, some Raynare action, and the prelude to the final battle.
Thank you for reading, see you soon. Ciao!