The shape of his name formed on his lips, but no sound came. Shiro exhaled a sigh instead, and wondered if he had heard it through the door. His fingers tingled as he formed a fist. Clenching and unclenching his fingers was becoming a bad habit; it made him look unstable. But some days, it was the only way he could feel anything with his right hand.

"Can we talk about this?" Shiro asked, stopping himself as he reached for the door. His eyes darted over his shoulder down the hall of the barracks. "Please?"

"I meant what I said."

"Adam - "

"You've made your decision," Adam replied. "And I've made mine," the anger in his words was tempered by sadness. "What's there to talk about?

Shiro exhaled, and the heat of his whiskey neat from earlier rolled over his tongue and out of his mouth. He leaned into the door frame and wondered if he would have even been there if not for the liquid...whatever. Adam had already made his position perfectly clear, but Shiro's heart was so heavy in his chest that he couldn't hold it in. Not in his quarters. Not at the bar. Not here, at Adam's doorstep. He could feel it though, like a black hole at the edge of the horizon. Dark, and endless, and eager to swallow up everything he had ever cared about. But if it happened tonight at least it was late, and there was no one there to bear witness to what he was about to do. Takashi Shirogane could just give in. Collapse.

"Cracked" was the word they would use, when they spoke of it in hushed tones in the canteen.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," he said, forcing himself to keep his voice steady.

"I know," Adam replied, and Shiro felt his heart leap up into his throat.

If they were successful, the Kerberos crew would travel further into the galaxy than any other humans before them. Another first for Takashi Shirogane. But Shiro couldn't help feeling like this was the last time Adam would ever speak to him. That eclipsed everything. Every accolade. Every medal. Every first.

"I don't want to leave without - "

"I know, lo - " Adam interrupted. Then stopped himself. Tears crowded at Shiro's eyes at the word Adam could no longer bring himself to say. "But If you want to die alone up there there's nothing I can do to stop you."

"That's not what this is about!" Shiro's voice rose quickly, echoing down the empty corridor while this argument echoed in his memory.

You are more than all the missions, love. More than anything you've ever flown. Any record you've ever broken. You know you're more to me than that.

Not anymore.

Shiro swore at himself under his breath while he waited. There was nothing left to say; nothing left but imprecations. Not to himself. Not to Adam. Not if he didn't want - Shiro closed his eyes. The silence rose in the hallway like the tide. The only thing he could hear was his heartbeat echoing in his ears, as hollow as sound of the ocean trapped in a seashell. He took a deep breath and hung his head.

As Shiro raised his hand to reach for Adam, searing pain ripped through his right arm. He gasped, jerking his arm back to his body. Shiro blinked back the spots in his vision. Bursts of light exploded before his eyes, blurring out the hallway. He swore, loudly this time, reaching for the pills in his pocket. The bottle rattled in his hands as he grappled with the lid.

He thought he heard Adam sigh behind the door.

"You really should get that checked out before you leave," he said. "I know you won't. But you should."

"You know I can't do that," Shiro said, shakily. If the medical officers knew how aggressively his condition was progressing, there was no way they would clear him for the mission. No way in hell, or the heavens above. Not on this planet, or any other. The admiral already knew and it had almost cost him the Kerberos. And his career. He swallowed a pill dry.

"Adam, please. Just, let me in," Shiro's mouth was so dry. "Let's talk about this."

He was repeating himself. It was desperate and he knew it. But Adam knew this was all he had left. Adam had to know that he was all he had left.

"If you go, I know I'm never going to see you again," the edge was gone from Adam's voice now. All the anger had eroded away as they spoke; only sorrow remained. "And I just can't live my life waiting for you to die."

Shiro slid the pills back into his pocket and took a deep breath. Relief began to wash over him and his failing system, but he still needed to rest his hand on the door to steady himself. One at a time, he pressed his fingers to the door, pushing every fingertip to the cold metal until he could feel each one again. It was a slow burn. Banging on Adam's door wouldn't do any good. It would only draw unwanted attention. And Adam had already made up his mind. But he had hoped -

"I'm sorry," Adam said. "But I can't help you if you won't help yourself."

Shiro raised his hand to knock on Adam's door, just one more time.

And something rapped at his door.

"Goodbye, Takashi."

They knocked again, and Shiro tumbled out of his cot in the Castle of Lions, tangled up in a mess of standard issue sheets. Some things never changed. The paladin hit the floor with a rasping gasp. The cold floor sent a shock up his exposed skin, leaving a prickling trail of goosebumps in its wake.

He rubbed his arms gingerly, though his prosthetic hand had no warmth to it, the friction helped with the goosebumps. He mopped the cold sweat at his brow with the hem of his tank top.

"Fuck," he murmured.

It had been so long since he had thought of Adam.

He wondered how he was. If he was still cutting his hair the same way. If he had ever gotten those new glasses, upgraded to that optical HMD he had been so excited about. If he still insisted his beef bourguignon always came out too dry. Shiro smiled sadly. He almost couldn't remember what Adam's laugh sounded like, now. But he could still remember the sound of his sigh through the door.

It was not the first time Shiro had dreamt of that night. When he was on the Kerberos Mission it had become a recurring nightmare. Adam's sad voice and locked door had haunted his dreams for months, until the Galra had found them. Life as a Galra slave was such a waking nightmare that even the nights spent dreaming of Adam's last words to him were a reprieve.

He leaned back against his cot and took a deep breath. But this was now, not then.

His visitor knocked again, gentler this time. Shiro blinked. Before they could knock again, he scrambled to right himself, throwing his sheets over his shoulder and back onto his cot. He swept his silver streak of hair back from his clammy brow and out of his face. Took another deep breath.

And -

Though the viewer he saw Allura standing standing in the hall in a pale pink nightgown, her hair piled high atop her head in a messy bun. She wasn't wearing any shoes. A smile crept up on him as his door slid open.

"You're up late," Shiro said, trying his best to sound casual.

"I need to talk to you," Allura met his gaze with diamond sharp blue eyes.

Shiro blinked.

"About Keith," she added, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Okay," Shiro segued into a soft chuckle. "Hello to you, too, Princess."

"Hello, Allura said, glancing down at Shiro's shorts, only to blush. "'I mean, I'm sorry. I- I know I could," she exhaled. "I should be observing better etiquette. I could have waited until tomorrow instead of barging in on you at this infernal hour of the night, for example. But –" She glanced back up at his face, but the diamond like clarity was gone from her eyes, shaken by something. Just what, Shiro was not sure he wanted to know.

"It's all right," Shiro tried not to frown, though this wouldn't be the first time Keith's behavior had been a late-night topic of conversation. He stifled a sigh. "Please, come in."

Allura stepped in and the door slid closed behind her. Shiro's quarters were sparse, but he offered her the chair by his bedside, sitting down on the rumpled sheets of his cot. He hoped that being in such close quarters while he was only wearing pajamas wouldn't present a problem.

"I'm so sorry," Allura stammered again, her eyes darting from his shorts to his unmade bed. "I woke you."

"It's fine, really," Shiro said, knuckling his eye with his prosthetic hand. He wanted to tell her it had been a relief. "Are you sure you don't want to meet somewhere more...spacious?" he asked, gesturing to the space shoebox he slept in. "At least the cafeteria has tea."

"No," Allura said, officiously. "This is a discussion we should have in private."

Shiro opened his mouth to speak, but Allura continued.

"Shiro. I know you and Keith have known one another for quite some time."

"A few years," he nodded, though with Keith it had always felt longer. Maybe it was because of all the late nights. Like this one. His thoughts drifted to Keith at fifteen. If Allura thought he was impossible now - he almost had to laugh. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying, he thought, as the laugh turned to a smile on his lips.

"What's he done, Allura?"

"He confronted me at the pool."

Shiro stiffened. "About?"

"You."

Goddamnit, Keith, he thought. He knew the paladins had been listening when he walked Allura out of the gym. But he hadn't thought that any of them would ever have overstep like this. He knew Pidge and Hunk would be more than pleased to have something to talk about other than the malfunctioning dispensaries in the cafeteria. And he was sure Lance would be happy to give someone an earful of his woes, but he had assumed that it would just be the mice. Shiro had never thought that any of them would take it up with Allura directly. But Keith - goddamnit, Keith, he thought.

Shiro mussed his tuft of white hair. The last time Keith had blackslid like this was years ago. When he and Adam had moved in together.

Allura swept the skirt of her nightgown aside as she settled into the chair. Shiro leaned back on his pillow. He had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to be a short one.

"I'm sorry, Princess, I'd offer you a tea, or coffee, but - " I don't have any of those things, he thought, wishing he had some whiskey to offer her instead. Though perhaps that was more for him than Allura, if he were being entirely honest with himself.

"Another time, Shiro," Allura waved a hand with a dismissive grace that almost made Shiro smile. Even in a nightgown with no shoes on she was still so regal. "But I need to know why Keith would say - "

"Keith says a lot of things when he's upset," Shiro answered instinctively. "What was it this time?"

Allura scrunched her skirts in her hands.

"You can tell me, Allura," he wanted to reach out, put his hand on hers. "It's okay."

"I know," Allura closed her eyes. "It's just that - " she stopped.

When she opened her eyes she could not look at him. Her chest rose and fell sharply. Shiro's expression hardened. What had Keith done?

"Just that what?" he asked.

"He insinuated that I was too tough on you this morning."

Shiro tilted his head to the side and waited for Allura to continue. She didn't. So he took a breath. Allura was telling him the truth, but not the whole truth. Keith was the only paladin that knew about his condition. The only one that had a window into his past prior to Voltron. Pidge hadn't come to the Garrison until after the Kerberos Mission had failed. When Shiro was an instructor, Hunk's focus was on his engineering coursework. Lance had always been too preoccupied with trying to prove himself to pay attention to anyone else's private life.

Keith was the only one who knew the truth about Shiro.

He met her gaze. "Do you think you were too rough on me?"

"That's beside the point," Allura said, hurriedly.

"And that's not an answer to my question," Shiro replied, leaning over the edge of his cot. "Do you think you were too rough on me?"

"No," the princess sat up straight. "I don't."

He appreciated that about Allura; she never held back. He often wondered why she had not been a paladin herself. She possessed all the right qualities. Strength. Speed. Valor. He looked her up and down and smiled sadly at her. Perhaps the only reason she wasn't a paladin was because someone was trying to protect her, too.

"Then what's the problem?" he asked, as gently as he could.

"The problem is that a paladin of Voltron should not be threatening the last line of Altea."

"No, he shouldn't. He shouldn't be threatening anyone on the team. But Keith can be a little overzealous," Shiro rubbed his eyes. "A little too overprotective."

"We are a team," Allura said, sharply. "We protect each other. Not threaten one another."

"I know," Shiro agreed. Though Allura seemed unassured. She was still sitting straight up in the chair, fingers bunching the skirt of her nightgown. "What's the matter?"

"You're acting like - " Allura's voice got a little louder.

"Like what?" he asked, keeping his tone low.

"Like this isn't unusual!" she huffed.

"Sadly it's not. Not for Keith anyway. I mean," he replied. "The day I met the kid he stole my car. He's getting better, though," Allura raised a brow and Shiro shrugged a little sheepishly. "I promise."

"I'll take your word for it," Allura said, flatly. And then, she slumped over, burying her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. It's just - "

"You're shaken up," said Shiro. "I understand." He sounded calmer than he felt. What had Keith said that had rattled her so hard? "So," he ighed. "What did he say?"

"It's not what he said," when she looked up, the princess' lips were drawn in a harsh line across her face. "It's how he said it."

Shiro nodded. Keith was brash, but if that wasn't making him stupid, he was intelligent enough to play a good semantics game. When he wasn't throwing punches at other students, Keith had spent most of his time at the Galaxy Garrison bending the rules, not breaking them. Much to the ire of the rest of the faculty.

"If what Keith did made you uncomfortable, it's unacceptable. I'll have a talk with him."

"Thank you," Allura smoothed the wrinkles from her skirt. "But I just don't understand."

"What?" Shiro looked up at her. Even in the harsh, cool lighting of the cabin, Allura's skin was so warm and soft. Just like his. Shiro forced the thought from his mind as she shifted her weight in the chair and a tendril of silver hair tumbled out of her bun. She brushed it behind a pointed ear, and Shiro watched her shiver. He wondered if her pointed ears were sensitive. Then forced himself to lean back into his cot.

"What does Keith think he's protecting you from?" she asked.

"Nothing," Shiro said, too quickly. He sunk deeper into his meager stack of flat pillows. Allura blinked, and he tried to laugh it off. "It's nothing," he smiled. "Really."

"Shiro," Allura placed her hand on his shoulder. "You can tell me," she smiled. Then she shrugged. The gesture wasn't dismissive this time. "As you said; it's okay."

The paladin's gaze drifted down to his Galra prosthetic. He flexed each finger, one by one. He remembered each finger on Adam's door, pressing, one by one. Remembered how it felt to be so close he could reach out and touch him, if they hadn't already drifted worlds away. But he couldn't remember when he had lost that hand. Or that arm.

There was a part of him that wanted to tell Allura everything he could no longer remember. How there were days that he hated the body they gave him, even though it saved him. How there were days before when all he could feel was his body devouring itself. Followed only by the days when he couldn't feel anything at all. How all he could feel was how easy it would be for the weapon his body had become to rip everything else apart, now. And how he wasn't sure which was worse. Or which frightened him more.

And then, her hand was on his. Shiro's wide eyes darted to Allura's. They were as sad as her smile.

"Or you don't have to tell me," she said, quietly. "That's all right, too."

His prosthetic fingers intertwined with hers. "Thank you."

They sat, Shiro at the edge of his cot, and Allura in the chair, her hand holding his prosthetic one. He could feel the warmth of her body, the softness of her skin. He wondered what she felt as her fingers traced the metal that they had grafted to his body. He wanted to draw her closer; ask her to touch parts of him that were still his. As if any of it was.

Shiro shifted his weight and the sheets crinkled between them.

"It's late," Allura exhaled, withdrawing her hand back into her lap. "I should go."

"Of course," Shiro said. "Let me show you out." He gestured to the door, which was barely beyond his reach. "Wouldn't want you to get lost," he added.

Allura smiled. And as she let herself laugh, she opened up like a flower under the light of the sun. Still got it, Shiro thought, allowing himself a little self-satisfaction.

They stood, suddenly very careful not to touch one another. Allura was still, and stiff while Shiro attempted to flatten himself against the wall. She made an effort to excuse herself as he tried to turn around in the doorway without touching her again, but instead he stepped right on the hem of her nightgown. Allura kept walking, but her nightgown stayed still, trapped by Shiro for just long enough for a strap to slide down her shoulder. He swallowed.

The door slid open and the paladin exhaled a sigh of relief that he hoped Allura did not hear; she sidestepped him out into the hall with an almost impossible grace.

The corner of Shiro's mouth curved into a smile as she turned to walk away.

She paused.

"What?" she asked, glancing back over her shoulder.

"Nothing," he said, sliding his hands into the pockets of his gym shorts.

Allura crossed her arms over her chest. "Something must be making you smile like that."

"I just had no idea how - "

He watched as she bit her lip. "How what?"

"How short you were," he shrugged.

"Oh Shiro, I assure you, " she leaned in, so close he could touch her. "What I lack in height, I make up for in stature."

Shiro laughed. As his shoulders began to shake, a broad grin broke over his face. Allura was smiling too. And though he was more light years away from Earth than he could even begin to count, home didn't feel so far away anymore.

Without another word, the princess leaned up and wrapped her arms around his shaking shoulders. All of a sudden, they were still. Thank you, she said, though Shiro wasn't sure if she had spoken. He felt her words, but was not sure if he heard them. There was something more that she could not say. Something he could feel between them, holding her back. But he slid his arms around her waist to embrace her anyway.

He breathed her in, savoring how she smelled; floral, with a hint of salt. From the pool. His stomach began to twist as he realized that he and Allura hugging one another in the hall would be all over the security feeds. The rest of the residents of the Castle of Lions would know all about this by morning. If they didn't already.

But then her cheek was against his, and it no longer mattered. It was late, and there was no one to bear witness to what he wanted to do but everyone. Let it make Coran's jaw drop. Or the mice titter. Or Pidge let that "I knew it" look creep over their face. Or Hunk lose it. Or Lance mope. Or Keith -

"May I ask you a question?" Allura's voice was so soft Shiro wasn't quite sure he had even heard her speak. If she had not felt her lips against his ear he might not have heard her at all.

"Of course," he said, forcing his voice to stay steady.

He wanted to give her every truth, even the ones he could no longer remember. All she had to do was ask.

"Has Keith ever seemed," she paused.

Shiro could have sworn he felt her heart beating against his.

"Inhuman, to you?"

Shiro broke their embrace to look her in the eyes. "No."

"Oh," the princess said flatly, withdrawing into the hall. "Well, that's good. I suppose."

Admittedly, Keith was not the paladin Shiro was hoping Allura would be asking him about. He leaned back into the the doorway. Something about the way she shrank away from him and the answer to her question told him she was still shaken up. He told himself he would talk to Keith about it tomorrow. Clear the air. But still, he frowned. "Is there something else you want to tell me, Allura?"

"Yes," she smiled, but it seemed forced.

His dark eyes met her blue ones.

"Good night!" she chirped

"That's it?" Shiro asked. "No explanations? No other leading questions?" He rested his head against the doorframe, trying to sound casual instead of confused. Or concerned.

"I suppose that depends," Allura glanced back at him as she walked away. She was smiling again, but this time, it was flirtatious, not forced.

Shiro arched a brow. "On?"

Her grin got a little wider. "On when you ask me to have tea with you."

A/N: I thought we could all use some good old fashioned awkward Space Mom and Space Dad. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks so much for reading!