a/n: Hey remember when I said I would have this story updated over winter break ha ha ha. No? Well good let's just forget that then (because it's already the end of the summer :( )

But on the plus side this story is more than half way done! (4 chapters in a year... wow i'm terrible with updates if you haven't already figured that out)

Things to consider:

-do you want me to put this story on ao3? I have an account but have been too lazy so far to do it but if anyone requests it i'll do it like instantly

-would you guys want me to upload the sequel to this story now or after this one is done?

-MOST IMPORTANTLY, THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS AND THE FAVES AND JUST ALL THE SUPPORT YOU'RE THE GREATEST. I LOVE YOU

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iv.

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The winter night air was peaceful. Not a sound could be heard as the first snowfall of the winter continued to blanket the already white ground outside the ryokan. Not a sound besides the harsh cold gulps of air that Mamushi forced down from where she was crouched.

Her cheeks were flushed and her nose a bright red from the biting air. She clutched at her arms. A part of her registered the fact that she hadn't brought her jacket with her when she made her escape. However, her main focus was on the words ringing in her head.

"It's such a shame. He has three daughters."

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be enjoying her break from school back home. Spending time with her family, including those simply related through the Myo Dha sect.

Yet, when she and Juuzou had arrived in Kyoto, they were not met by members of their family but rather a fellow exorcist who solemnly led them, not to their homes, but the ryokan. Both Juuzou and Mamushi had felt uneasy the whole way there. Too uneasy to even question what had happened.

Once they arrived, they found out that Uwabami Houjou had just been dealt a heavy blow in his last exorcist assignment and was currently in intensive care at the ryokan where those of a Doctor meister were trying to heal him.

Mamushi had been so good. So good at getting her face to reveal nothing as she heard the news. So good at remaining calm despite all the sympathetic looks.

She had sat with her family for the majority of the day. But as they dozed off in their chairs, Mamushi had gone to stretch her legs, only to find herself passing the room where her father laid.

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop. She wasn't even able to hear most of the conversation. The only bit she picked up before she found herself running down the hall, chest heaving, to the outside, that had turned into a winter wonderland while her heart had fallen like a stone, leaving her footprints in the snow behind her, before she had to stop, her breath turning into white clouds in front of her;

"It's such a shame. He has three daughters."

This wasn't supposed to happen. She had to remain calm. She had to be put together. She could not break down like this. But her body did not respond to these thoughts. Her teeth began to chatter uncontrollably.

She didn't hear him until he was shaking her and shouting into her ear. "-mushi! Mamushi!"

That broke her away from the dread that was filling her mind and soul. She was actually able to gain enough of a semblance to herself that she jerked away from his grip and snarled, "What?"

Juuzou managed to simultaneously give her a look of exasperation and relief. After a beat of silence he just said, "I thought you might be cold."

Mamushi was unable to respond. Partly because she didn't feel as if she had the energy to and partly because her damn teeth wouldn't stop chattering.

Juuzou didn't seem to mind. He just bit the end of the sleeve of his jacket as he started tugging it off. He then wrapped it around Mamushi's shoulders. It was only then that he hesitated.

Finally, he made a move to wrap his arms around her back and underneath her legs. Mamushi stopped him before he could go any further. "What are you doing?" she said, accusation evident in her tone. "I can walk."

"You're not wearing any shoes," was his simple reply.

Mamushi stared at her soaked socked feet. "Oh."

However, he didn't continue in moving his arms under her legs. Instead, he simply crouched with his back towards her. Mamushi just stared at his wide shoulders under his dark sweater, hesitating. Eventually, she slowly climbed onto his back. Her numb fingers clutched at his sweater and she allowed for him to wrap his arms around her knees.

The warmth of his back against her chest calmed her erratic heartbeat. She hated it. But she couldn't make herself let go.

He didn't let her go as he entered the ryokan once again, firmly closing the door shut behind him. Nor as he took her down a series of hallways before entering a room.

It was dark except for the small window that allowed for whatever light created by the snow outside to let Mamushi see a futon, a kotatsu, and recognize Juuzou's suitcase. She absentmindedly wondered why Juuzou had never gone home but was too cold, too distracted, to be able to focus on any one thought.

Finally, Juuzou let Mamushi to slowly drop to the ground. She leaned against a nearby wall before slowly sliding down to the ground, her shivering getting worse.

She didn't look up to see Juuzou's reaction but she heard him move across the room and unzip his luggage. There was a shuffling through clothes before he made his way over to her.

Mamushi did nothing as he knelt in front of her and started to roll up her pants. He slipped off her wet socks to pull up a pair of his own. They were big on her but Juuzou clumsily tried his best to make it work. The sight of him caused something to stir inside of Mamushi and she felt odd.

However, once again, Juuzou hesitated. He scratched his neck nervously and looked away. "Your clothes…"

Mamushi noticed the other clothes Juuzou had brought with him and understood. Her face heated. And she was mortified. Mortified that she was having such a normal reaction to the idea of changing her clothes in the same room as Juuzou, when things were so clearly not normal. A rational part of Mamushi understood that she was experiencing shock because of her situation but that meant that things like this shouldn't have the same effect on her as it would if things were still normal.

"Turn around," she said quietly, hoping he hadn't noticed her reaction. He did so at once and moved away to the other side of the room.

She shakily stood up and began removing her wet articles of clothing. She tried to change as fast as she could but her movements felt slow to her. She put on Juuzou's oversized sweatshirt and tightened his sweatpants around her waist as much she could, before rolling up the pant legs.

Mamushi cleared her throat. When Juuzou turned around, she offered his jacket back to him. "Thanks," he said awkwardly. "Uh, would you like to-" He stopped talking when he saw Mamushi crawl under the kotatsu. She let the warmth soak into her cold body. But she gained no joy from it.

Juuzou joined her under the kotatsu. Mamushi had hoped that they would be able to sit in silence but that didn't end up being the case.

"You should go to sleep. You can take the futon. I'll sleep in my dad's room."

Mamushi just shivered.

Juuzou hesitated before moving to her side of the table. He pushed her to the side a little, to make room for himself. The sides of their arms were pressed together. Juuzou was still much warmer than Mamushi so she didn't pull away and actually found herself leaning into it.

His warmth slowly began to seep into her.

Mamushi didn't want to say anything. She couldn't help but think that she was going to kick herself later for letting Juuzou see her in such a state and not even bother getting rid of him as fast as she could, but she really really could not make herself care at the moment.

Again he broke the silence. "Mamushi… It's alright to be scared...But you shouldn't worry unnecessarily. Exorcists go through these things all the time. The doctors are experienced and will be able to help him."

"...You don't know that." Mamushi's voice sounded hoarse even to herself.

"Your dad is stronger than that. We both know that. Hell, everyone in the sect knows that."

Suddenly, Mamushi couldn't keep her mouth shut. She whispered, "All I keep thinking about is how ridiculous I am for being surprised. This is what exorcists do. They risk their lives fighting demons. Risk their lives fighting for things that people don't even believe in anymore. This is what my father and family has always done and it's what I'm training to do. I'm such an idiot for even being surprised that this would happen."

"Mamushi…"

"I mean, this is what we have to do. It's our duty."

"No," Juuzou said this firmly. "It's what we believe in. It's what we want to do. It's our pride. At least, that's what I think. It's the same for you, isn't it." It wasn't much of a question.

Mamushi couldn't answer. She was just really confused, and tired, and cold at this point.

"It's alright for you to be scared. Scared for yourself and for your family. And if you don't want to do this anymore, I guess that's fine. But don't forget that your dad got injured doing something he believes in. Don't confuse this fear of losing someone with a fear that is greater than your want to be an exorcist."

Even in her current state, Mamushi could hear the ring of truth that Juuzou's words held.

Mamushi wrapped her arms around herself and thought, to hell with it, and leaned even more more into Juuzou's warmth. The chill from outside still clung deep into her bones.

When a sudden thought struck her, she didn't think twice before opening her mouth. "What was it like when your brother died?"

As soon as she said it, the question seemed to hang in the air and Mamushi felt a flash of guilt. She knew how hard it still was for Juuzou to talk about.

From the side of her eye, she could see the slightly pained expression Juuzou made before answering. "...It's not going to be like that."

Mamushi knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to push it. That would be harsh even for her. Yet she couldn't stop herself from turning to stare at Juuzou expectantly.

He looked at her before staring straight ahead and sighing. "It...it was hard obviously. It's always hard to lose someone. Especially when he was so young…" Juuzou trailed off.

The feeling of guilt returned with strength. She didn't know how she expected this would help her and was starting to regret her actions but Juuzou continued.

"The worst part is the finality of it. People always say you'll have the memories but that's just it. You will only get those memories. You'll never be allowed to make more. And the older I grow, it makes me realize that I never really had a chance to get to know the brother I've mourned."

There was a lengthy pause.

"But whatever other feelings I may have, the strongest and most important is pride. But not just pride about how he died but pride in how he chose to live his life."

At some point as Juuzou was talking, Mamushi went and leaned her head against his shoulder, too tired to care about formalities. She could feel herself drifting but she managed to soak up everything Juuzou was saying. And in her near unconscious state, Mamushi found herself filled with gratitude. Gratitude that he shared that part of himself with her, even though it was hard, and he did so to make her feel better. And it did. Mamushi wasn't sure how or why, but the words resonated with her. The sound of his voice managed to give her enough peace of mind that she was able to finally soothe her heavy heart and slow her racing mind.

Before Mamushi fully and completely fell asleep, she managed to whisper two words that she would normally have to be tortured to say to Juuzou: "Thank you."

"...And don't bother doing anything while you're still healing!"

Uwabami just laughed the way he only did in front of his daughters. "You nag worse than your mother."

Mamushi just crosses her arms with a 'hmph'.

They were exchanging their goodbyes at the train station before Mamushi and Juuzou were to head back to Tokyo. Even after boarding the train, they waved to their families from the window until the train left the platform. Their families waved back, Uwabami seated in a shiny wheelchair that he would need until he fully recovered but other than that, just the same as he always was.

When the station was out of sight, Mamushi got settled in her seat and sneaked a look at Juuzou next to her who was rummaging through his bag. They hadn't been alone since the 'incident' and Mamushi was slightly worried it would be weird.

"Hey, Mamushi," he said, suddenly. Mamushi had to quickly act as if she wasn't startled to hear him talk.

"What?" she said defensively.

He shot her an annoyed look. "Please tell me you kept your dirty paws off the snacks that my mom packed me for the trip."

Mamushi felt her eye twitch as she looked at him in shock. She regained her composure with a snarl. "Yeah, like I would want to eat that crap. You Shimas have the worst taste in snack food."

This time it was Juuzou's turn to twitch. "Oi Houjou. Take that back."

Mamushi placed a finger to her chin as she faked a thoughtful look. "I actually might have mistaken it for trash and just thrown it out."

This was only the beginning of the bickering that would last them almost the entire trip back to school. Needless to say, these two could argue about anything.

But despite how enraged Mamushi acted towards Juuzou, that didn't stop her from feeling a not-completely-foreign emotion towards him throughout their argument.

"Thank you."

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a/n: this took me an hour to post...not write, but POST. so let me know what you think? no pressure tho...

I promise i'm not fishing for compliments, i'm actually just that critical, so I mean it when I say I didn't love the way this turned out. I want to make the next chapter much more different than what I've post so far so I can't really give a date as to when to expect the next update but I am going on vacation and then I have school starting up again so maybe not for awhile. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE WHILE I TRY TO UP MY GAME.