Here it ends, absolutely the last chapter.
vampgirliegirl: I know. Poor Starscream indeed. You should cheer him on.
Now let's see this to the end...
It was a guessing game, trying to find Dawn when she didn't want to be found.
Optimus did his best to ignore the tight feeling in his chassis as he ran his digits over the control panel, searching the security footage for where she had been last seen. No activity outside the base that day, so she hadn't gone out by herself, thank Primus. Still, he couldn't find any trace of her in the most recent footage.
So where was she?
His conscience dutifully debated with his increasing worry whether he was going too far, and whether he should've just given her more time to herself. It lost to the fact that it had been a little over three Earth weeks since Dawn's return and little had changed by allowing her to isolate herself. She was still quiet and fearful, and Optimus found it unlikely her state would improve on its own.
Stretching the time span on the security footage further back, he finally spotted her in front of a large storage bunker.
With no other Autobots currently around, Optimus was free to slump on his seat and vent a heavy sigh. Had he not known better, he could've sworn the human woman was purposefully trying to increase his stress levels.
If she had been looking for solitude, she had chosen the right place. No one came to that bunker unless they were ordered to, and with good reason. The materials stored there were highly explosive, some of them capable of causing considerable damage to the planet itself in the wrong hands. The footage showed that Dawn had manipulated the sturdy door's locking mechanism with her powers, soon gaining access and closing herself in.
Well, at least he had found her.
Making a quick mental note to have a talk with Dawn about the proper and improper uses of her powers, Optimus got up and headed to the bunker too, using his own security codes to get in.
The slowly receding door revealed only darkness inside. Optimus stepped in, puzzled by the lack of lighting, and reached for the panel next to the door. The lights came alive with an almost indiscernible hum. Behind caskets of confiscated weapons of mass destruction, Optimus located Dawn, sitting on top of a large, Cybertronian sized crate. How she had gotten herself up there was anybody's guess, though with her abilities and the amount of metal around her, it couldn't have been hard to achieve.
Her eyes were closed, and she had a light audio device strapped over her head. It seemed she was sleeping. For a moment, Optimus allowed himself to indulge in simply observing her. The soft frame leaning laxly against the wall. Tiny hands resting together in her lap. Deep, calm breaths that made her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. It brought to his mind the early mornings after having spent a night together.
She had looked as peaceful as she did now, features undisturbed by tension or fear. Optimus felt sorry for having to wake her up.
"Dawn..."
No response. Optimus tried again, approaching carefully. The third, gentle call made the woman stir and groan groggily, before her eyes flew open in a wild, uncomprehending stare and her hands rose in a defensive reaction.
"Dawn!" Optimus stopped moving immediately, realizing in a sudden rush the danger they would be in if the woman unintentionally unleashed her powers in the bunker.
Perhaps the fear in his voice registered to her since, to the Autobot leader's immense relief, nothing happened.
"O-Optimus", Dawn blinked several times, pulling her hands quickly back, close to her body. "I... I didn't mean to fall asleep."
The illusion of peace had been broken. Now the woman looked tired and stressed. Optimus wondered if she was able to rest as much as humans needed to rest.
"You do know this place isn't safe?" he tried not to sound like he had come to reproach her. "I began to worry when I couldn't find you."
Dawn lowered the audio device from her head to her shoulders, cautiously pulling her legs up to shield her small form. "Sorry. That wasn't my intention. I just... needed to be alone."
"In the dark?"
Dawn hesitated, as if carefully calculating what she dared to say. "It helps. The lights were always on in... I feel safer in the dark. More convinced that I'm really here."
Not for the first time, Optimus wished more than anything that he could've taken his loved one's pain for himself. No battle wound had ever hurt him as much as seeing those he cared about in pain. A trait Megatron had never been shy to exploit.
"Dawn... while we're here, I do have something I have wanted to discuss with you."
"Oh..."
The small woman's nervousness was evident, and not only in her habit of looking slightly past him when they talked. It certainly wasn't the first time Optimus had tried to start a conversation with her, always coming to a dead end when she had closed up, her anguish rising so close to the surface, he hadn't had the spark to push her further. Now he intended to state his thoughts before she would have the time to withdraw into herself.
"You weren't the only one Megatron was abusing."
At once, Dawn's eyes grew wide, so filled with surprise she even forgot to evade his optics. "Starscream told you about that?!"
Optimus didn't care to point out that Dawn's reaction had just confirmed what he had only suspected. Nor did he think it wise to confess that he had purposefully agitated the Seeker to get information from him. He was surprised, though, to learn that his suspicions had been justified. Even for Megatron's doing, it was a new low.
"It might not have been his intention, but yes."
Before the astonished human could collect her bearings, Optimus continued. "I think his experiences might've affected him more than he's letting on."
Dawn frowned, shaking her head slowly. "He's handling himself way better than I am. Sure, he closes himself off from others, but he's not afraid like I am. Something I envy him for."
Optimus noted contently that the reserved woman seemed open to the discussion. He knelt down to eye level with her, not yet daring to use his holoform around her.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is my understanding that Megatron... used Starscream the same way he did you?"
The increase in Dawn's rate of respiration didn't go unnoticed by the Autobot leader, nor the way simply hearing Megatron's name made her cringe. After a while, she nodded, saying nothing.
"Then I understand", Optimus rumbled softly. "Why he chooses to open up only to you."
"I'm the same", Dawn admitted quietly, lowering her eyes. "I... I know I'm closing myself off from everybody... especially you..."
The conversation was heading to a bad direction. Optimus hurried back to their original subject, and to an observation he had made before, which now made perfect sense. "Earlier, when I was talking to Starscream, I noticed the two of you have the exact same look."
Dawn glanced carefully up again, curiosity overcoming reserve. "What look?"
"The one you had when my holoform startled you", Optimus felt bad seeing the sadness his reminder brought to the woman's eyes, but couldn't give up when they were close to making progress. "Fear. Anger. Both lashing out instantaneously to shield a wounded core. It may not seem like it to you, but Starscream might need your help more than you need his."
Dawn seemed unconvinced, a myriad of unspoken questions passing over her face, before she gathered her resolve and met his optics. "Where are you getting at with this? I thought you hated him, like the others do."
Hated? Optimus considered the word. Describing everything he had felt ever since Starscream had brought Dawn back would've been an arduous task. There had been anger, that he couldn't deny. The moment he had seen Dawn and realized the extent of the damage done to her. The deep, all-encompassing fury that had flowed through his fuel lines had been dangerously close to going unchecked.
The underlying, much stronger feeling, however, had been his fear of losing her, which had compelled him to forget everything else for the moment and focus on ensuring her safety. After that, he had striven to maintain a functional mindset while balancing his duty to the Autobots, and trying to support and protect Dawn however he could. And he had mostly managed that fairly well, save for one exception. The conversation with Megatron. He could've sworn he had heard the joints in his hands groan from the force of him clenching his fists.
"No... I do not hate Starscream. Without him, it would be unlikely that you'd be here right now. As for the others, this has been a difficult situation to adjust to. Starscream's former allegiance to Megatron isn't easy to overlook."
Another, barely contained shudder at the mention of the Decepticon leader's name. Optimus sighed, repressing his want to comfort the woman.
"I wish I had known about Starscream from the beginning. I might've been able to help both of you sooner."
"I could've never betrayed him by revealing something that personal", Dawn frowned again, clearly offended by the mere thought.
"Fitting", Optimus gave a brief smile behind his mask. "That was his sentiment about you too."
The revelation brought a small smile to the woman's face too. For Optimus it was like watching a hot spot ignite back on Cybertron.
It didn't last long. Dawn became hesitant again, lowering her head and squeezing her arms around her legs.
"He was just as ruthless with Starscream."
Optimus could practically feel his pistons seize up. Was she... opening up?
"Just as unpredictable and violent", the woman continued somberly, her absent and pained gaze revealing she was reliving her bad memories. "Starscream was kinder to me even from the start, but he..."
Optimus couldn't help, but notice Dawn purposefully avoiding the Decepticon leader's name.
"... caught on to it right away, making sure I never withheld anything, not one conversation that had happened between us."
By then the tensely huddled woman looked like every word was causing her pain, but in demonstration of the fighting spirit Megatron had tried to strip her of, she struggled onward. "It was his sick idea to make Starscream... participate. He wanted to prove that Starscream wasn't going to do anything to defy him."
Moisture gleaming in her eyes, Dawn met Optimus' optics defiantly. "But Starscream only did it to help me. To make sure I wouldn't be hurt worse."
Optimus could see the woman was at the limit of her courage, desperately needing him to understand what she was saying. He nodded.
"I believe you. And as for Starscream, he may remain here under Autobot protection."
Hope flickered on Dawn's surprised face, tentative and fragile, but hope nevertheless. "Are... are you sure? That's not going to go well with Hot Shot. Or anyone else for that matter."
"He may still be young and rash, but not one to hold on to a grudge. Go talk to him again", Optimus advised. "He misses you. As do we all."
The Autobot leader could see his words had had an impact. Dawn seemed suddenly taken aback, quickly biting her lip and hiding her face behind her hands. She remained silent for a moment.
"I miss you too. And I'm... I'm sorry..."
Optimus felt the searing ache in his spark as he heard the miserable, breaking voice. "Don't. Dawn, there's..."
"I can't be like I was", Dawn reappeared from behind her hands, more moisture forming in her eyes. "I've already hurt you, and I still keep hurting you and everyone else just by being like this. I don't want to do that but I don't know if I can ever be..."
"Dawn..." the Autobot leader had to fight the pressing urge to activate his holoform and close his arms around the trembling human. "I can't tell the future, but this I know. The memories will fade. The pain will lessen. I can't promise they'll disappear completely, but the day will come when they no longer rule over you. Whoever you are then... we will care for you just as we do today. I will love you just as I do now."
Against Optimus' best intentions, his words only made tears roll down the woman's sad face.
"I think it would be easier if you didn't."
"I'm fairly certain neither the old or the new you would be happy to settle for the easy way."
Dawn said nothing to that, wiping her eyes and taking a deep, shaky breath. Optimus gave her the time she needed to calm down, using the silent moment to try and think of what else he could say to her.
Before he could come up with anything, Dawn stood up and moved to the edge of the crate. It was the Autobot leader's turn to be surprised when she looked up at him and raised her hand forward. He didn't dare to guess what she wanted, until he felt something invisible tugging his own hand.
Realization washed over Optimus in a warm flow. He raised his hand in front of the woman's feet, holding back his elation as she stepped over the edge and onto the waiting hand. He could sense her vitals were still elevated, but the show of trust was more than he could've hoped for when he had come to look for her.
Dawn sat down and pressed her small hand against his index finger, holding it there while her eyes met his optics. In one instant, Optimus felt the bond between their heart and spark again, and saw it reflected in Dawn's eyes.
Despite everything Megatron had done, it was still there, in hiding, but unbroken.
Something dawned on the woman's face, something Optimus hadn't seen for some time.
"If we aren't going to choose the easy ways", she began slowly, but with steadily growing determination. "I guess it's time to make Starscream confront his problems too."
Dawn followed the conversation between Starscream and Optimus from further down the hallway. Even if she hadn't seen the Seeker's grumpy face, the tensely jutting wings would've made it obvious that he was not happy. It was like watching an angry cat with its back arched and fur standing on end. As for the reason for his unhappiness, she couldn't guess. She knew Optimus had just told Starscream about letting him stay under their protection. That should've been good news, right? And yet, as the Decepticon left to head towards her, she got a distinct feeling he wasn't coming to thank her.
"So what do you think?" she spoke first, trying to appear cheerful. "I thought it best you heard it straight from Optimus. Otherwise I don't think you would've believed me."
"What did you tell him?"
The sour demand revealed the source of the problem. Dawn looked up at the peeved mech. She didn't even consider lying, even when she knew her answer might anger him further. She felt they had a trust she didn't want to tarnish by throwing in lies or half-truths.
"I only confirmed what he had already figured out by himself. About what M... what you had to go through too. And I told him that you really were helping me, even when..."
The words were stuck behind a heavy block that refused to budge. Dawn gave up on even trying, redirecting her thoughts away from the past and back to the indignant Decepticon in the present.
"You know... it's been weeks since you brought us here, and I haven't even once asked you how you're feeling."
The sudden change of topic disrupted the Seeker's sullenness, freezing his features into a confused frown. Dawn might've found it funny had she not been struggling to find the words she wanted.
"I've been too wrapped up in my own misery to even properly thank you for everything you've done for me. And to see that I too should've been helping you."
"What the pit-spawn are you talking about?" Starscream appeared, if possible, even more confused, shaking his head and stalling, as if he hadn't even known where to start. "First of all, you're the one here who's still recovering, don't go searching to burden yourself already. And why would you even think I suddenly need help? Did Optimus put some weird ideas into your head? Because if that's the case, you can tell him this: I don't need anyone's help. As for his invitation to stay, no thanks."
Dawn stared at the giant mech, shocked by the unexpected rejection and the anger behind it. Somehow she hadn't even considered the possibility that Starscream wouldn't want to stay. Now that she did, she began to realize she really should've thought things through beforehand. They had suffered the same painful and humiliating experience, and sought comfort in a hopeless situation. It had been easy to empathize with each other.
But that didn't really constitute to them becoming lifelong friends, now did it?
How stupid can you be.
Her surprise must've shown, because Starscream looked away and his face plates caught an uncomfortable expression. Dawn tried to compose herself to ask the natural follow-up question to the Seeker's decision.
"What are you going to do then?"
"Leave", Starscream stated curtly, hardly looking at her anymore. "Even if life among the Autobots didn't sound unbearable, I am still bound by my oath."
"You're... going back to him!?" Dawn couldn't believe what she was hearing. "He'll kill you!"
Or worse, she knew they were both thinking it, the Decepticon leader wouldn't.
"Starscream."
The deep voice of Optimus cut in, and Dawn was grateful to see the Autobot leader coming their way. If anyone could talk sense into people...
"If this is because of Megatron's message for you..."
Message...?
Starscream scoffed, expression hardening. "I'm not running back to him. There is no promise he could make that I would believe. Or anyone with half a processor. What's done is done, and I intend to see this through. I defied Megatron. Now my oath obligates me to go back, even if only to challenge him one last time. Should I emerge victorious, the Decepticons will fall under my command. Should I not... I will still be meeting my end with honor, which suits me just fine."
Dawn watched the Seeker as he made his fiery statement, bewildered by how she hadn't noticed before what Optimus had seen. The way Starscream spat out Megatron's name, like its mere mentioning had poisoned his mouth, the colossal fury that burned behind the seal of his closed expression, and, what suddenly scared her, how little getting killed seemed to matter to him.
"That's... that's far from fine!"
Starscream looked back down to her, the stubborn dedication to his chosen fate visible on his metal features. Dawn refused to accept it.
"I don't know what message you're talking about, but you can't do this! It's the same as throwing your life away."
Look who's talking", Starscream retorted coldly. "You would've killed yourself trying to end Megatron had I not stopped you. How exactly would that have been any better than what I'm doing? At least I have a chance of remaining functional."
A very slim chance, Dawn wanted to argue, but stayed the futile remark. She needed to get a grip and change the Seeker's mind somehow, but in the state of shock Starscream's announcement had reduced her to, she couldn't collect her frantic thoughts enough to do that. Thankfully, Optimus came to her aid.
"I appreciate your will to see Megatron's tyranny come to an end, even if I do not agree with you on the timing. Still... I can't deny your right to make your own choices."
Wait, what?! No, that was not helping!
"If that is what you choose, I will lead you outside right now. I only ask that you lend me your audios while we walk."
"Sure", Starscream stated dryly. "Wouldn't be a visit to the Autobots without at least one condescending lecture."
"It won't take long."
Optimus walked past them to lead the way, and Dawn stepped towards the Seeker, eyes begging for an explanation to the sudden change in his demeanor. Their gazes met, and Dawn half-expected Starscream to lower his hand for her and carry her, as he had often done.
Starscream looked away and walked past her, following Optimus.
Dawn lost her breath, feeling like she had been physically shoved away. She stared in disbelief after the winged mech who had just intentionally treated her like air. She couldn't understand it. Why was this happening?
Dawn ran after the two giants, getting more and more anxious with each step that brought them closer to the exit. Optimus kept an unhurried pace, so it wasn't too difficult for Dawn to keep up. Glancing continuously up at Starscream's towering figure, she tried to catch the attention of the fiery optics, but to no avail.
Nothing sensible came to her mind. She wanted to stop Starscream, root his feet to the floor with her powers if nothing else worked. Still, in the middle of her growing desperation, she knew she could never do that to the mech she had grown close to. After the torments they both had been put through, she couldn't bring herself to abuse him like that, not even in the slightest.
"After what Megatron did..." Optimus finally broke the silence, much later than Dawn would've liked. "...there hasn't been a day I haven't gone over my failure to protect Dawn, thinking what I should've done, and evaluating any future risks that might arise."
Dawn forgot her anxiousness for a brief moment, looking at the broad back of the Autobot walking ahead of them. Optimus hadn't mentioned anything like that during their earlier conversation. It was no surprise that he was blaming himself, but it still saddened Dawn to hear it.
"What I'm about to say to you now, Starscream, I say to help you, and especially because I believe your presence to be a crucial factor in her recovery."
Dawn nearly held her breath, waiting to hear what the Autobot leader had on his spark. She could see the tension on Starscream's face plates too. Optimus glanced back.
"You're afraid."
"What?!" Starscream stopped abruptly, and Dawn with him, taking a few steps away from the dangerously heavy feet as she saw the Decepticon's temper getting the better of him. "That's your way of helping me? By calling me a coward?!"
"I'm not calling you anything", Optimus stopped too, undisturbed by the seething flier. "I am merely stating a fact you need to be aware of. Enduring Megatron's abuse for so long, you must've created formidable mental defenses to stay functional. Defenses that began crumbling down after you met Dawn. You're afraid of what it's doing to you. Facing Megatron is easier than facing your own vulnerability, and that's why you choose to leave."
The large Autobot continued walking, leaving a wake of mixed feelings behind him. Dawn returned her attention to Starscream just in time to see a variety of conflicted expressions battling each other. The living metal twitched around his tightly sealed mouth and narrowed optics, like he was teetering between lashing out and hesitantly accepting that what the Prime was saying might've had some truth to it.
"If that's all, show me where the door is and get out of my way."
The Seeker took off in a brisk walk, heading decisively forward. Dawn looked ahead, alarmed as she realized the Autobot leader was already pointing him towards the heavily fortified outer doors. They were running out of time.
"Wait! Starscream...! If Optimus is right..."
"Quit pestering me human", Starscream directed his anger towards Dawn. "If he's right about anything, it's that being around you has made me lower my guard. Made me weaker."
Dawn flinched as much from the bitter accusation as the distancing use of the word 'human'. Made him weaker...? She couldn't believe he was blaming her for something so stupid. No... she wasn't going to let him use that as an excuse to go and get himself killed.
"You are anything but weak", she ran and talked faster in her haste to stop the Seeker from reaching the doors. "Discovering a vulnerable side in yourself doesn't mean you have become weaker, it means you have a chance to grow as a person. Please, tell me what has changed! Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?!"
Starscream stopped in front of the doors, turning and dipping suddenly down to grab the running woman. Before she could react to the thick metal fingers snatching her up from the floor, the Seeker had dumped her onto Optimus' hands and turned to press a panel by the door.
"Take better care of her this time."
Dawn scrambled back upright on the Prime's large hands, immediately pleading him to lower her back down as she saw the large doors shift open and flood the corridor with daylight. Starscream took quick strides outside, stopping only when the warmth of the sun peeked between the surrounding rocks and grazed his plating. His wings stretched forebodingly.
"Starscream!" Dawn shouted, jumping down on the floor and resuming her chase before Optimus had lowered her all the way back down. Even she could hear the fear in her own voice. "Just give staying here a chance! Together we can..."
"You really are naive", the winged Decepticon scoffed without looking back. "Together..."
Dawn stopped half-way, the mocking tone driving painful splinters into her heart. "Don't act like everything that's happened means nothing to you."
Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you've been kidding yourself the whole time, thinking otherwise.
"Did it ever occur to you..." Starscream glanced over his shoulder. "... that all of this might've merely been Megatron's ploy to infiltrate the Autobot base?"
Dawn's eyes widened and she faltered for a few seconds under the crushing weight of the horrifying possibility. "That... that's not possible. I would've noticed."
"In your state?" The Seeker questioned, turning away again. "Imprisoned and tortured day after day without any chance of getting rescued. Only to be offered a sliver of hope in the form of a potential ally. Haven't you still learned Decepticons are masters of deceit? You really should train her better, Prime."
"I would've known!"
Starscream froze at the start of a step, looking like he had been about to transform and fly off when Dawn had screamed.
"There is no way in hell...!" she continued screaming to the tall mech's turned back. "... any of that was an act! The look in your optics when I asked whether 'he' had hurt you too, the emotions you were fighting back every time we talked, the way you spoke about the dishonor of what he was doing! That was the real you! All of it... Including the pain I saw when he used you the same way he did me."
Now Starscream spun back towards her, mouth opening in rising anger, but not getting the chance to speak before Dawn continued. "Understanding your pain and wanting to ease it helped me survive my own. And I'm sure it works the other way round too. I still believe you meant it when you told me you didn't want to see me get hurt anymore, so here. Have my pain and use it to get over yours."
Think what you're d...
"Everything he did... M-Me-Megatron..." Dawn forced herself to stutter the name, barely noting the surprised flicker in the Seeker's optics. "Every day... chasing me down, stripping me... raping and hurting me always in different ways... cuffs... prods, whips, chains... things much worse... Biting, smearing me with his... fluids... humiliating me, getting off on my screams, using... using a holoform of Optimus..."
He's right there, hearing all of this, you know.
Dawn's already shaky voice lost its strength for a second before returning enough for her to finish what she needed to say. "Undermining the consolation I got from you..."
She couldn't keep looking up at Starscream's frighteningly blank face plates. It was horrible. Painful and humiliating. She could feel her whole body shaking, heart pounding, stomach lurching in a violent effort to empty itself, all in protest to the traumatic confession.
But she had done it. She had faced her pain and humiliation, and shared it with others. She felt sick, yes. But also stronger in a way.
Don't think this will fix everything.
Of course not. But it was a start.
"All of it..." she half-whispered. "The things he said and did... it's not over yet. For the first week I was here, I could literally feel him inside me. It's still happening in my head. Needing only one wrong word or touch to come back. Even if I'm smiling, if I seem to be better on the outside. Even if you seem alright, cramming all the past pains behind an emotionless mask, looking strong... Neither of us is fine. Both of us need to defeat the Megatron in our heads before we face the real one. Otherwise we'll still be his prisoners even after he's gone."
Dawn wasn't sure she would be able to keep going for much longer. She couldn't stop shaking and her breathing was fast and superficial like all the other times she had had a breakdown. She was starting to feel alarmingly light-headed and crouched with her head down to close her eyes and steady herself. Her final plea probably sounded pitiful, but at that point she was beyond caring.
"I'm sorry if I'm making a nuisance out of myself... But I need you... and I need you to need me too..."
She didn't want to open her eyes again. Despite the haunting lack of sounds other than her rushing blood, Dawn was convinced that she would see only empty ground where Starscream had been standing, and Optimus' pitying gaze behind her.
A heavy sigh suggested otherwise.
"I'm not sure which one of us is the bigger fool."
Starscream's raspy voice was still there. Dawn opened her eyes to find him walking back. With a serious expression, he knelt in front of her.
"You leveled with me", the Seeker's autumn leaf colored optics held her gaze steadily, no more mocking or evading. "I should offer you the same courtesy."
Dawn rose to her feet, too relieved to worry about the possibility of fainting.
"My want to see you remain unharmed hasn't changed", the kneeling mech assured, lighting Dawn's hopes ablaze. "You were right. About the real me, as miserable as it is to admit."
Starscream sighed again and turned his optics towards the sky, hesitating or just collecting his thoughts. "I did feel for you, when I found out what Megatron was going to do. Of course I recognized the similarity of our situations. But I didn't expect the kindness that you somehow still managed to show me, even after having suffered such harm."
"You showed me kindness from the beginning too", Dawn pointed out softly, drawing the Decepticon's pondering gaze back to her.
"It was pity. Pity that turned into... something else. That hope you talked about... I'm sure I had lost my own in the endless conflicts of our long history of war. Maybe that's why it was so easy to keep myself turned inwards. To quietly endure whatever happened and keep working for an end I no longer believed in."
The embers of hatred burned hotter in the Seeker's optics as he reminisced. "Then you became my hope. Hope of someone in the same situation doing what I couldn't, leaving Megatron's tyranny and aspiring for something better. I told myself you'd be released after a while and still be able to recover but..."
Dawn could see she wasn't the only one who struggled with opening up.
"When Megatron suddenly doubled over and I realized you must've somehow been attacking him... when I found you close to dying... the first thing I felt was fear. Utter, spark-freezing fear, the kind I haven't felt in eons. It threw me off, badly. Suddenly I didn't know what I wanted anymore, whether I should've waited for you to be released or done something. Seeing Megatron hurt you, hearing you... it was intolerable. After Megatron kicked me out, I struggled to decide what to do, but as soon as I saw you again, brutalized half to death, I knew. There was no way Megatron would've let you go before destroying every bit of who you once were. Not after what you had tried to do. And there was no way I could've let him do that. To let him snuff out the flicker of hope I had been given. Even the mere thought tormented me more than anything Megatron had done to me."
"You really are something else, didn't I tell you that once already?"
"Is that still a good thing?" The Seeker gave a wry smirk that faded quickly. "Then, after getting you back here, I had plenty of time to think. To remember who I once was. To realize the full extent of everything Megatron had taken from me. Back there, I defied him for you, and the hope you represented. Now I'm going to defy him for my own sake, to regain what I've lost."
Dawn felt her hopes sink. "You're still intending to leave."
Starscream looked displeased. "You were supposed to hate me so it would be easier for us to part ways, but that obviously didn't work out. When first Prime and then you began talking to me about staying here, I realized that I couldn't, shouldn't, do that, and that I would have to leave quickly before doing so would become more difficult."
Dawn stepped forward, latching her hands onto the deep red contours of the flier's leg in the futile hope that it would keep him with her. "What the hell are you saying, you shouldn't stay?"
Your yellow friend was right", Starscream claimed with certitude. "My prolonged presence wouldn't be good for you. I have done my best not to show it to you, but the truth is that Megatron has had centuries to leave his mark not just on my frame, but my mind as well. Trust me when I say trying to fix me is a wasted effort. Right now all I want, is to settle the score between him and me. One way or another, the weight of my hatred will drag me down, and I will not let it happen anywhere near you."
"No... I don't believe any of that."
"I do need you, though, if that makes this easier to accept", the Seeker extended his hand, brushing the side of Dawn's face clumsily with his over-sized fingertips. "I need you to be alright and have a future. Then, even if I fail to get my vengeance, it won't be a total loss. You're safe here. And as you just proved with your feisty little outburst, there's still a fire in you Megatron wasn't able to touch. I can leave with a good conscience now."
Dawn couldn't keep the tears from coming anymore. She raised her hands and hugged the metal digits, intending to prolong the contact indefinitely.
"How can you claim you'd be bad for me when you've done nothing but tried to help me?" her thick voice argued. "And you're not beyond help. You don't need to hide your wounds from me, physical or mental. So you might have difficulty coping. Do you really think I wouldn't understand? I want you to stay with me."
There was a strange, pained gleam in Starscream's evading optics. Dawn barely heard him mutter to himself.
"Primus, this shouldn't be this difficult..."
Dawn's diminishing hope got a new jump-start. She took the encouraging sign, however nonexistent, and continued persuading the winged Decepticon.
"We'll help each other. And when the time comes, I promise you, we'll face that sadistic son of a bitch together and end things once and for all."
Starscream gave a quizzical look. "At the pace you're suddenly recovering, I doubt there will be anything left for me to do once you get Megatron in your sight."
"I hope so", Dawn actually managed to twist a brief smile on her tear-streaked face. "Starscream, please, tell me honestly... If we forgot all the oaths, factions, emotional scars, everything... What would you really want to do right now?"
Starscream was silent long enough for Dawn's heart to get the workout of a lifetime, finally releasing a combination of a reluctant grunt and a sigh. "I would stay wherever you are."
A slow, broad smile spread to Dawn's face, the biggest and sincerest she had smiled since her hellish experience. Starscream pulled his hand back from her face, with a surprised look that quickly turned bitter.
"What I want doesn't change anything. I..."
"Will get your aft kicked if you dare to hurt her!"
Starscream's optics darted up and Dawn spun back towards the base, dumbfounded. She had forgotten anyone was even there.
And she definitely hadn't known Hot Shot was there.
The mech in question stood in the doorway next to Optimus and waved casually at Dawn. How long had he been there listening, and whether Optimus had called for him or if he had just happened to walk by, she didn't know. The yellow Autobot gave Dawn a lopsided smirk before assuming a serious expression and pointing a finger over-dramatically at Starscream.
"You hear me? I still have my doubts about you, but if she believes in you that much, I have no choice but to back her up. And right now, as her friend, I'm going to make sure you don't hurt her by running away like a coward!"
"You've got some nerve, Autobot..." Starscream grumbled, though Dawn could see there was no serious intent behind the words.
"Also..." the young mech rubbed the back of his head in a very human-like gesture of awkwardness. "Sorry 'bout the earlier."
Dawn stared in disbelieving amazement at the two mechs, both so dear to her, standing in the open doorway. Hot Shot smiled and gave her a wink. Optimus stood motionless, a fond light playing in his optics. Dawn had seen it many times when she had caught him watching her. He really was her bedrock, even after what had happened. Someone she could always count on.
Megatron had tried to destroy that, and had failed completely.
More tears blurred Dawn's vision, this time caused by the overflowing love and gratitude she felt swelling in her chest. She swept her eyes clear and turned back to Starscream with new confidence.
"You want to stay. You're staying. It's that simple."
She expected more protesting, more made up reasons why he shouldn't do that, but the Seeker fell silent. For once not a flicker in his optics nor a twitch of his expressive wings revealed what was going through his head.
"Apparently..." he finally opened his mouth. "I'm staying. But rest assured it's only until we're both ready to end Megatron."
It took Dawn a moment to fully grasp that the winged mech had changed his mind. It took another moment for the ecstatic feeling to build up until her boundless joy even managed to coax a smile on the Seeker's face plates.
It took even longer for her to find her words, and even when she did, it wasn't anything befittingly wise for her grand moment of victory. "So... what do you wanna do first?"
Starscream graciously decided not to make fun of her, glancing longingly up to the blue and white sky. "Well, there's is something I have wanted for some time..."
Dawn had guessed as much. "Of course. Go ahead. I'll be waiting for you."
"Actually..." The winged mech stood up, scooped Dawn up on his hand in the process, and looked to Optimus. "Mind if I borrow her for a while?"
"Ooh no..." Dawn protested. "You know, I'm not really the flying type. Me and heights..."
"By all means", Optimus gave permission a little too lightly to Dawn's current liking. "Just keep your optics out for trouble."
"There's no one who can touch me in the sky."
"Hey!" Dawn persisted. "Did you hear what I said?"
Starscream looked back to her, optics a textbook example of innocence. An impression completely ruined by the impish smirk on his face plates.
"Trust me, this is exactly what you need."
With that, Dawn was planted onto the seat in the Seeker's cockpit and sealed inside, muffling her voice. "You do realize I can make you regret this!"
If only she could've stopped smiling, someone might've taken her attempted threat more seriously. She stretched her neck to search for Optimus, finding him, and in a sudden whim of excitement, mouthed the words: 'love you'.
She saw the light in the blue optics flicker before flaring into a brighter glow as the Autobot leader nodded.
Then the sound of rapidly shifting metal parts deafened Dawn as the Seeker transformed around her, and took off with a blast, leaving the two mechs on the ground staring up into the sky and at the quickly shrinking shape of the jet.
"Crazy times, eh Optimus?" Hot Shot shook his head in disbelief. "You think she's really going to be alright like this?"
The Autobot leader nodded firmly, optics still raised to the sky. "Just now... she seemed very much like her old self, don't you think?"
"Yeah..." the yellow bot agreed. "She did."
It. Was. Intoxicating! The force of acceleration which had effectively glued Dawn to her seat had relinquished its hold, and the scenery that had whizzed past them too fast to be seen had been left far below them.
The world had been divided into two, one half formed by the vibrant green mat of vegetation and the alternately rising and falling rocky terrain, the other by the vast blue sky and the white shrouds veiling it. Dawn tried to take it all in, watching the small roads snaking through the beautiful landscape when suddenly the scenery flipped, turning the ground as well as the sky sideways.
She didn't know whether she wanted to scream or laugh, unable to manage either as they kept turning until the sky had switched below them and Dawn's stomach had thrown a few cartwheels. "If you're... ugh... trying to make me throw up, good job, you're getting there!"
Starscream laughed, and it was the most heartwarming sound Dawn remembered hearing. "Wanna go higher?"
"Whichever direction that is right now... Go for it!"
Time lost all meaning.
They dove into a sea of thick clouds, momentarily seeing nothing but smokey whiteness swirling around them.
The past lost all meaning.
They punched through to the other side, immediately hit by the blinding, unobstructed sunlight. The ground had been completely lost, save for the small cracks in the ever shifting valley of misty clouds. The almost snow-like scenery stretched infinitely, feeling like a completely different world.
Pain lost all meaning.
Later, as they would abandon the skies and start descending with the sun back towards the ground, Dawn would remember their hardships again, future and past, but now she would be accompanied by the certainty of knowing she wasn't alone, and that despite the pains they would still have to endure, she would get over it. She had so much more to fight for than what Megatron had. So much more than he could ever even understand.
It would be the realization that would one day get her to overcome her fear, even invoking something close to pity towards the twisted tyrant and those who felt they had no choice but to follow him.
She would face her demons. She would help Starscream uncover and face his.
And together they would free each other from them.