The med-bay's door closed right in front of her.
Leaving her out, cutting her off.
She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe, she just stood there, in the middle of the emptiness. All sound was missing, the colours disappeared in front of her. All she saw was the metal of the door, the hole in her chest, the ache that ruled over her being. Familiar ghosts emerged as she fell back in time, getting stuck in the darkness.
Her throat dry, she wanted to speak but there was nothing to say, no way to communicate. Every part of her being wanted this door gone, disintegrated so she could get to him. He was in there, undergoing surgery, so far from her once again, it hurt her.
She felt dead, destroyed., and thought:
Wake up.
Please, wake up.
A distant voice rumbled around her, and she slowly turned her head in its direction.
"Jane?" Kaidan called to her quietly. His eyes were saying he was afraid, confused. "Are you worried about him?"
"What" she hissed impolitely. She returned to reality in a second, her eyes lighting up with such a fire that made Kaidan step back.
"If you want to talk.. You know..."
"Leave me." she commanded, the look in her eyes hardening. She cleared her throat and strengthened her back, suppressing every single emotion she could possibly push down. Her face changed from flabbergasted to fearless in a second. She needed to stay strong, she couldn't have him laughing at her when he wakes up.
She snapped back so fast, he pushed Alenko out of the way and started for the elevator.
"Everyone, back to your posts" she said to everyone in the mess "Any changes in his status, I will be notified first."
The crew gathered watched in awe. Her aura was murderous, one that they only saw glimpses of before. It startled them, but they have returned to their places.
She stepped into the elevator and pushed the acted strangely, as a moment later she was on the crew deck, entering the observation room. She rushed to the bar and grabbed the whiskey bottle with a frenzy, ripping it open, throwing away the cap and drinking straight from the bottle. Once she was done, she looked at the bottle in her hands.
This was where he broke the horosk.
His favourite.
And so was this her favourite whiskey.
How could the two be without each other?
Her fingers slowly released the bottle, her palm turned, letting go. The bottle shattered on the floor, just like its pair did days ago.
"You disgusting fucking reaper lover!"
"SHUT UP!" Saren shouted as he slammed his hands to his ears. The noise in his mind ripped through everything, destroying him from the inside. The water was raging around him, hitting him, just like before a storm. Jane was shouting at him. Her figure turned long, demonic, like the dark, oozing shadows in his dreams. He looked at her.
"You disgusting fucking reaper lover!"
Her voice was thunder in the air. As it ripped through his mind, he fell down into the water. Thousands of knives pierced into his skin, but he could not move. The air left his lungs, water strangled him, weights pulled him down. He screamed, but there was no escape.
About an hour later, Jane stood under the shower, the water masking her tears.
She looked rigidly at the tile, just standing there, empty. She felt tired, exhausted of life, angry. She didn't know if she wanted to destroy the universe as it was just to end everything, or if she herself just wanted to die. She never showed it, but this was now simply too much. The visions, the reapers, dying, Saren, the reapers and Saren again, Mordin, Thane, Legion...
And now she was losing him again.
"Commander" she heard EDI "Tali, Dr. Chakwas and myself are awaiting you in the med bay."
Her heart throbbed. It was this moment.
She stopped the water and quickly dried herself, her hair still wet, dripping water onto her casuals as she jumped into the elevator and appeared at the med bay. When she stepped into the bay, her eyes were immediately drawn to Saren.
Tali, EDI and the doctor were standing at the right side next to Mordin's old station, and Saren was on the left, lying on a bed. He looked like he was sleeping, no tools around him, no wounds seen, no blue blood anywhere. The blood in her veins started pumping so hard she could hear it in her ears almost, as panic rushed through her. Was he...?
"He's safe now" Tali said immediately as she noticed the despair on her face.
The amount of weight that fell off of her overwhelmed her. She immediately stepped to him, not even caring for the others, all she wanted was to see his face. His plates were pale, but not white now, and his mandibles were relaxed, his eyes shut in a relaxed way. And as she looked down, he saw the slow rise and fall of his chest under the covers. He was sleeping it seemed.
"What happened to him?" was all she asked, not removing her eyes from his face.
"A virus" Chakwas started "Not a biological one, but a software type. Tali discovered it."
"What?" she looked up "Where did that virus come from?" she asked as she turned, noticing the uneasiness on their faces. EDI shifted awkwardly and she finally blurped it out.
"Cerberus."
"What" she laughed nervously. This was the answer she least expected, and she had to admit, it caught her off guard. "Cerberus? How the hell did he get anything from Cerberus? I mean he didn't even-" she stopped.
Suddenly, she remembered. When he fought that assassin back on the Citadel, that asshole must have done something to him, when he hit him in the chest. She remembered his shout, she'd never forget it, but all she thought it being was just a particularly painful blow. Apparently, it wasn't.
"So you know something.." Tali inquired, tilting her head.
"Well, he was punched in the chest by a Cerberus assassin if that qualifies" Jane said. The three ladies looked at each other knowingly.
"Yes it does" Chakwas said "EDI found Cerberus markers when tracing the virus. The punch he suffered might have been delivered along with a hacker attack."
"But why would Cerberus attack him, much less give him a virus? What virus was it?"
"We suspect Cerberus created a software-based virus that could affect synthetics" started EDI "Based on its contents the virus was meant to have similar effects to indoctrination on machines, via attacking the synthetic's processes and programs."
"Ahh come on… " she sighed. Was Cerberus this stupid now? She remembered that the Illusive Man said he wanted to control the reapers.. but this was crazy even for him. What would be the solution for indoctrination and life-slaughtering reapers? More indoctrination!
Yeah right… "I'm not even going to comment on this" she said finally, burying her face in her hands.
"Because of its nature, the virus is unable to infect organic parts as those are not running softwares or processes like artificial parts do." added Tali "That was Saren's luck and that was what almost killed him at the same time."
"What do you mean, Tali?" asked Jane, looking back at Saren, who was still sleeping sound, not disturbed by the noises of their conversation.
"Saren is largely synthetic, as Dr Chakwas informed me" they nodded at each other. Tali stepped forward, moving closer to Shepard, as if she wanted to comfort her. "All his organs are genuinely organic. But his muscle system, his bones, his integument, and some smaller parts of his brain are synthetic. He's neither completely synthetic, nor fully organic, and the virus got… confused in a way." she started fidgeting.
"Tali, please." she demanded.
"The virus attacked what it could, meaning his muscles, bones and a small part of his brain. The part of his brain that is synthetic is the one responsible for movement, so it did not indoctrinate him, but played with his movement a bit. I saw him missing shots on the dreadnought, and when he hesitated to shoot that geth on Rannoch… was probably because the virus was slowing him down."
Jane sighed. So that's why he froze mid-conversation when arguing with Javik? That's why he broke the horosk? He couldn't control his movements?
"Even though his heart is organic, the muscles moving his heart are synthetic..." Tali continued, her voice breathy and heavy. Jane looked at her, worry in her eyes. Where were they going with this? "The virus affected them… and his heart stopped on Rannoch."
The air got trapped in her, and she took a step back, almost touching the bed Saren was on. Her skin flushed and she fought back a tear. Hearing it loud like this… it hurt her for some reason.
"We countered the virus, and his heart was immediately back to normal. His muscles should work properly now, but we don't know when he'll wake up."
Chakwas also stepped to Jane "He might have had nightmares and trouble with sleeping because of the virus. He's sturdy, so he'll have no permanent issues, but he needs rest now."
She looked at him. He was sleeping so peacefully like he didn't sleep for years. Her heart sank.
"You need rest too." continued Chakwas.
"Leave us." was all Jane said, not even replying to the doctor. They all exited the room as she asked, and stopped in the corridor, turning to each other.
"Since when are they so close?"
He thought it was over, but he was still alive. He saw the surface suddenly, from below, a small light was dancing on it. As the water hugged him, he moved his arms, faster and faster and he eventually reached the surface. As his head got out of the water, he looked at the dark, silent sky. His eyes were drawn from the stars to the source of the light, and he noticed it was the Menae. It painted the world in silver, metal colour. Palaven.
He emerged from the water, his feet digging into the sand. It felt warm, just like the water did, that was so calm now. No waves, no rage, just the silky smoothness of the mirror on its surface, reflecting back the darkness of the sky.
"Hey" he heard from behind his back. He turned around.
It was Jane again. But this time, her face was smooth, flushed, she didn't look like a shadow anymore. She was wearing that black dress again, and a small smile on her face.
"Hey" he greeted too, and took a step towards her, just like she stepped towards him.
A strange, calm silence lingered in the air between them, and he finally relaxed. His shoulders lowered as he let go of the tension, and looked into her eyes. They were blue, almost greyish, dark from the lack of light, just like the waters behind her. As if asking what he was looking at, she tilted her head to the side. Her hair fell more on her shoulder, and he noticed that it was wet. He reached his hand up slowly, and with a talon he touched a strand. It was a strange, damp feeling he never experienced before.
"Are you ready?" she asked. He idly moved his talon through the same strand of her hair, not letting it go.
"For what?"
"Please, wake up."
Saren opened his eyes.
The first thing he saw was Jane: She sat on a chair, her head next to him on his bed, buried into her arms. He felt something damp immediately, and he realized that his right hand was next to her face, a strand of her hair twisted around one of his talons.
He didn't immediately let go.
Her face was relaxed and her chest moved up and down in a smooth rhythm. She was fast asleep. He couldn't focus on anything else for a second, just her face, but soon the pain he felt and how he collapsed on Rannoch slowly came back to his mind. He felt alright now, none of his muscles or bones hurt, and he was well rested. He wasn't sure how long he had been sleeping, but he slowly realized he was in the med bay on the Normandy. He still held onto that small strand of her hair, letting the sensation sink in.
She was here with him even now, just like she always was. She fell asleep at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up. Her eyes were red, she must have been crying.
She cried for him?
It simply amazed him. Not once in his life did anyone shed a tear for him or cared about him, but this little woman was seeing through him like clear glass. This one little woman saved the universe multiple times at this point, saved him, forgiven him, and continued to fight a war impossible to win. She was the strongest woman he had ever encountered, and here she was, guarding his dreams, even when she was so weak she probably fell asleep right away.
His mandibles moved in a small smile. He let go of her hair and sat up, looking around. There was no one else here, only the two of them. It must have been late at night as there were no noises coming from the mess hall. He stepped to the computer to check for his medical records. He was in no mood to look for Chakwas, or talk to her and get a briefing on what happened to him. He instead just hacked the console casually and checked the notes under his name.
His rage quickly built up, and the only reason he didn't destroy the computer then and there was because he didn't want to wake up Jane. Fucking Cerberus! Infecting him with a virus made for reapers, only to indoctrinate him… He already plotted the revenge for when he'd meet that assassin again, running through different torturing methods in his mind. But he was interrupted by the door opening.
It was Chakwas. Saren immediately raised up his hand, putting a talon on his mouth to let her know she should stay silent. The doctor's gaze immediately went to Jane who was still asleep at the bedside. She stepped to Saren silently, and looked at him and the console like a child who just got caught.
"Did you just hack the med computer?" she hissed as quiet as she could, her gaze burning him alive.
"I have no patience to wait for you!" he hissed back.
"I don't care. The next time you hack any stuff in this room, I'll report you straight away!"
"I'm really scared now!" he whispered, his voice thick with sarcasm, a smile spreading across his face. The doc put her hands on her waist, and replied, almost reprimanding him:
"Okay, if you're feeling so well to tease me, maybe you already read your file too, right?"
"I did indeed."
"Well then you can get the hell out of here, you're cured. Just rest a bit."
"I'm rested enough."
"Well, Jane isn't." she commented, looking over at the Commander. She knew she wasn't sleeping well since the attack on the Citadel, and it was more than a week ago. Her sleep deprivation was at its worst on Rannoch. "She's finally sleeping now… she should not be woken, or it will damage her health."
Saren moved away.
Chakwas opened her mouth to differ, but she forgot to speak when she saw him step next to the Commander. Saren leaned down to her, moving her so gently she did not even skip a breath. She was in his arms in a second, pressed to his chest, still fast asleep. The turian then simply stepped to the door and exited the med bay.
"She won't wake up" he said, turning his head slightly as he walked away to the elevator.