Chapter 4

"…and he just dove on top of me!"

Johanna's eyes lit up and she gasped, "You're kidding!" from across the table.

Kate groaned and rubbed her hand across her neck. Even a week after the incident she still had trouble believing Castle had tackled her the way he had. Then again, it was ridiculous enough to fit his personality. "I wish. He…he said it was instinctual—that he was protecting me and he…he's being more insistent than ever about us calling ourselves partners."

Johanna gazed across her coffee cup wisely as she took a sip. "Sounds like you already are."

Kate pressed her lips together and drummed her fingers against her coffee mug. Her mother was entirely right; by all intents and purposes, Castle was her partner. They spent the majority of her working hours together. He sat in the chair beside her. They discussed all her cases. In fact, the only sense in which he was not her partner was the fact that he never did any paperwork. As she had never really had a one-on-one partner before (her department generally worked as a collective team), she was resistant to the idea, but as the weeks went on she found herself more easily accepting his assistance, and even asking for him to join her on cases if they were particularly strange or unusual. Of course, it was still a little odd since he was not actually employed by the department, but he was such a constant presence it still seemed like he could be.

As much as she had accepted his assistance on cases and with interviewing victims and suspects alike, days like the one on which they'd been shot at still served as a strong reminder that Castle was not part of the NYPD. He had no firearms training. He had not taken classes on hostage negotiation or talking jumpers off ledges. True, he would never be doing any of those things alone, but even being near dangerous situations—particularly those with flying bullets—put him in danger of accidentally doing the wrong thing, which had her once again second guessing whether or not he should be her partner in the field.

"Yeah, I…yeah."

"What is it?" her mother asked.

Kate shook her head gently. "He shouldn't have done that—dove on top of me. He…he should have been trying to keep himself safe first."

"What he did was very noble and brave."

"That's not the point; he's still a civilian."

Johanna nodded. "He's an intelligent man; I'm sure by now he fully understands and accepts the risks."

Kate let out a breathy laugh. "Does he? Some days I think he still believes we're playing cops and robbers, but those were real bullets and…and maybe he just shouldn't have been in that situation at all."

"You seem to be resisting the idea that he tried to help save you from injury a little hard, Katherine."

She gave her mother a slightly impatient expression. "I appreciate what he did—I do! It just…it wasn't exactly appropriate. At one point he was completely lying on top of me and…and-never mind."

"No, I think you should continue," Johanna said, using the tone Kate recognized as her "lawyer voice."

Already feeling her cheeks begin to heat she muttered, "Just forget it," but of course her mother did not.

"It's okay to be attracted him, Katie. In fact, it's natural."

Kate half choked on the coffee she was sipping. "I—I'm not. I'm not attracted to him. He's…I mean, he's absolutely—and I really don't…it… I was just surprised." She concluded, once again flustered at the memory of the tingles she felt between her thighs that, yes, she had finally admitted to herself was some sort of attraction. Naturally, she brushed it off as simply being a physiological response to the fact that they inadvertently ended up in an intimate position and Castle was a man who was not entirely hideous to her—not to mention the only man who had been in that sort of position in quite some time.

An amused expression crossed Johanna's face. "Surprised because he landed on top of you?"

"Well yes, obviously, but…I…" She huffed out a breath and ran her hand across her jaw before confessing. "I was surprised because I felt something I hadn't in years, which in the moment felt slightly insane because not only were there bullets flying at us, but I…I thought I still found him annoying until…" She shut her eyes and gave her head a quick shake as though trying to reset her brain. "It must have been a momentary weakness."

"Was it momentary? Doesn't have to be."

Kate groaned. "Mom."

"What? Would it really be the worst thing?"

Kate scrunched her nose and felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle. "It's creepy."

Johanna's eyes widened. "Creepy? How? He's a very nice man who is rather easy on the eyes."

"Mom!"

She laughed. "What? It's true, isn't it?"

Kate chose not to answer her mother's question directly. Instead, she explained her prior statement. "It's creepy because of how our relationship developed. He started shadowing me for research and then he decided to develop this character. Let's…let's say for the sake of argument that he is attracted to me. It's not me it's the books or the character or…I don't know how this works for writers, but one thing I know for certain: it's not real. It wouldn't be real."

As Castle had never been shy about complimenting her on her investigative skills and tactics, Kate felt reasonably confident in her deduction that he liked her in more than just a platonic way, but at the same time she did not believe those feelings were real in the long-lasting sense. Clearly, if he didn't find her interesting, attractive, or inspiring in any way, he would not have wanted to keep shadowing her let alone be inspired to write a character like her. She understood and accepted that, but also felt it was a flash in the pan. Something he was wrapped up in while writing the book but would then quickly fade away as soon as he was done.

Johanna was silent for almost a minute before she spoke again. "Okay, then let me play devil's advocate a moment. Say that's true. Say it's all just...lust. He's fantasizing about a character and by extension you and he wants to act on that fantasy. Let's even say for the sake of argument that he's up front about that. He says, 'Kate, let's have a fling.'"

Kate arched one eyebrow at her mother's hypothetical scenario. "Has anyone in the history of time ever said that?"

She gave a conceding nod. "Okay, then he says, 'Kate, let's fuck.'"

As her mother did not typically use such graphic language, Kate felt as though she'd been prodded with an electric shock. Mortified, she clapped her palms against her cheeks and moaned, "Oh my god, Mom! Please never say that again!"

Johanna raised a challenging eyebrow. "You clearly know what I'm getting at. So what would you say?"

She didn't need to think for more than a few seconds before replying. "No. I… don't want that. I'm sure plenty of other women would but I…"

Kate took a moment, not quite sure how to put into words the still-raw feeling aching deep in her chest of watching nearly every man she'd ever known fall ill, suffer, and then ultimately pass away. She understood that such an event was unlikely to repeat itself, but that didn't mean she could lose a potential mate in another, equally heartbreaking away again. The pain she'd suffered at the tender age of sixteen was something so all-consuming that she never wanted to face it again. Of course, that did not mean that she never again wanted to become close to another human, male or female, but it did make her selective, and she feared the fling her mother suggested would end in a ball of fire, searing her already wounded heart into a pile of charcoal too damaged to be repaired.

"I want—I need—something more than that."

Her mother smiled. "That's perfectly fine too, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"And what if he wants more too?"

Kate laughed at the suggestion. The man who smiled and flared with every single one of her coworkers? No chance of that. "Please. He wouldn't…he doesn't…He wouldn't be interested. He…He doesn't want to end our partnership." The change in direction of their conversation was so abrupt Kate nearly startled herself, but the words came out of her mouth almost without permission. Despite this, she was glad; glad to talk it over with someone she trusted before an actual decision needed made.

"What? Did he tell you that?"

Kate shook her head. "Our last week is supposed to be next week but he…I'm going to his place for dinner tonight. When he invited me a few days ago, he said he wanted to use the dinner to thank me, to show his appreciation but…the way he was acting. He wants to extend our partnership, I think."

"You're going to say yes," she concluded.

Kate smiled softly. She had been debating to herself for two days, but when it came right down to it, she asked herself if she would miss him if after the following week she never saw him sit beside her desk and smile, and the truth was: she would. He was overzealous and annoying and could be a total pain in her ass, but he'd also made her laugh until tears rolled down her cheeks at least once a week, and that was something she hadn't had in as long as she could remember. Still, she tried to keep her response casual. "Well, if he's going to write a book about me I want it to be as accurate as possible."

Amused, her mother said, "Naturally."

"So I guess if he needs a few more weeks that's…that's okay with me."

"Glad to hear it."

"But I'm sure he'll just want to shadow me until he gets further along in the book."

"You don't think he'll ask you to spend the night?"

Kate felt her heart stutter beneath her ribcage at such a shocking notion. "God no! His mother and daughter are going to be there. And that's not what I meant—I was talking about in general. He'll shadow me until he's comfortable with the book and the character and then our partnership will end, I guess. He probably wants that, too. I mean, he definitely seems like a "play the field" type of guy and why wouldn't he be? He literally has tens of thousands of women to choose from."

A knowing smile crossed her mother's face. "Oh I think he's made his choice."

"Stop," Kate grumbled at her, but of course her mother had to make one last comment.

"I'm just saying if you want my opinion: it's not just the books, Katie."

"Oh here. Let me help with that." Kate popped out of her seat the moment she caught sight of Castle picking up the now-empty dinner plates. She grabbed her plate and the empty plate that had once held garlic bread, but Castle shook his head at her.

"No need to help, Kate; you're a guest."

"I don't mind." She continued her efforts and carried both plates to the kitchen, following Castle's daughter's lead and leaving them on the counter beside the sink. Just the three of them remained after Castle's mother had ducked out early to go to rehearsals for the play she was in. Though Kate had only meet Martha Rodgers once previously, Castle's warning of, "She's quite a handful," had certainly proved accurate as she dominated at least half of that evening's conversation. Once she had left, however, Kate thoroughly enjoyed her chat with Castle's daughter who was just as wonderful as Castle promised her to be. In fact, the whole evening had been enjoyable.

Before she arrived that evening Kate had to admit to being nervous as to what facing a trio of Castles would mean, but her uncertainties evaporated almost immediately, for they were truly a friendly and welcoming bunch. She was also quite pleased to see how demure and genuine the writer could be in the presence of the two main women in his life. While he still cracked a few jokes, she truly believed it was the realist she'd seen him—and she liked that side of him. He was sweet, caring, and clearly endlessly proud of his daughter; watching them interact was quite endearing.

Watching him with his family, Kate thought for the first time that perhaps her assessments about his personal life were incorrect. As she had told her mother earlier that day, she had previously seen Castle as a flirtatious man who thoroughly enjoyed the fact he existed as one of the few males in his age group in the city. She never though he abused his position but certainly thought he used it to his advantage. Now, after seeing him with his family, she thought that maybe that flirtatious persona was more of an act, and he would be willing to settle down with one woman. Whether he wanted her to be that woman or if she even wanted to be that woman were questions she was not yet ready to ponder, but still she was glad to have experienced the private version of him.

"Well, I have homework, so I'll say goodnight—but it was really nice to have dinner with you, Kate. Maybe we can do it again?" Alexis said to her.

"Definitely." Kate nodded. The girl smiled, then kissed her father's cheek and bid him goodnight before disappearing up the stairs to her room. Turning back to Castle, Kate said, "Well, you definitely didn't undersell how incredible she was."

A breathy half-laugh escaped his lips. "That's kind of you to say. I know I can be an obnoxious gloating father at times…"

She gave him a playful look. "Maybe, but I can definitely let it slide now that I know how genuine you're really being."

"Thank you. Truly. Being a single father was rough, especially during her pre-teen and early-teen years, but now I can definitely look back and say it was worth it, and everything worked out as it should."

Kate bobbed her head. She knew very little about Alexis's father, mostly because the writer didn't talk about it much, and she understood the importance of keeping family matters private. She did know that he had been divorced since Alexis was young and his ex-wife was not a frequent visitor in their lives. Though he never said it outright, from his tone Kate got the impression he was glad for this, which made her wonder what kind of person his first wife had been. The investigator within her hoped that someday she might find out.

"So, um, more wine?" he asked, nodding to the glass she held, which had barely a sip left in it.

"Oh." She gazed down at the glass but then shook her head. With his mother and daughter gone, she figured it was time for her to leave as well. "I shouldn't."

"C'mon." He enticed with a wining smile. He walked over to the open bottle on the counter and held it up. "There isn't much left in here. Let's just split it to finish the bottle."

"I...okay." She agreed but didn't feel that her arm had been twisted too much. The wine was delicious, and it wasn't as though it would be a whole glass.

After he'd split the remaining wine between the two glasses, Castle held his up to begin a toast. "I'd like to once again thank you for coming and for letting me shadow you these past three months. I…you know, that night we met, I was just so relived that you and your team would be helping me, would be stopping those terrible people from turning my books into horrifying realities for innocent people… I had no idea that meeting you would actually be one of the most important things that ever happened to me."

Feeling her cheeks flush, Kate dropped her chin and said. "Oh, wow. I don't know about that…"

"But it's true," he continued confidently. "I'd been struggling to write for months before we met and then through shadowing you I found inspiration. For that, I'll always be grateful. And I do hope this experience hasn't been too painful for you."

Kate took a sip of her wine before placing the glass on the counter and confessing, "No, I suppose it hasn't. I definitely appreciate the assistance you've provided those one or two times."

"One or two—oh. Funny." His horrific rebuttal disappeared the moment he caught her smile and realized she was teasing him. He finished off his wine glass before leaning his hip against the counter and saying, "Can I ask you something?"

Kate felt butterflies float through her stomach and up into her esophagus as she nodded.

"Well, I know we…we kind of agreed on a firm timeframe upfront—and that's fine. I'm sure you want me out of your hair. But I was thinking maybe—it doesn't have to be every day like it is now—maybe just a few times a week? If we could continue, that is. I really think that working with he NYPD is good for my creative juices and I'd like to think that I'm helpful sometimes. Occasionally. At least, not entirely unhelpful and-"

"Castle," she cut him off, desperate to stop his rambling, even if it was a little bit cute. "It's okay; you can keep shadowing me."

His face lit up as though she'd presented him with The Holy Grail. "Really?"

She bit down on her bottom lip and gave her head a gentle nod. "Yeah, really."

Bouncing up on his toes a little, he continued. "Are you sure? I know we've been doing a lot better together, but you're still annoyed with me sometimes and I-"

"Castle—don't talk me out of it," she warned.

He beaned. "Right. Sorry. And thank you. I really, really appreciate it Beckett."

"Yes well…You're really not that bad of a partner, you know. I mean…it's nice, having a laugh at work. I never really had that before. And, yes, you have been helpful—very helpful. I…though I'd certainly never admit this to the Captain, but I think it's actually been good to have someone like you around our team. We all went through the same training, so we can have some group-think at times that stalls our cases, but you bring something fresh to the table and that's something we've all benefited from. I…what?" she asked finally when she could not interpret the positively dorky smile across his face that was ever-widening.

"You just called me your partner."

"I…" She began slightly surprised at herself, but then she realized she had said exactly that, and didn't feel the need to take it back. "I guess I did."

"So we have a deal then? I can keep shadowing you for my research?"

"Yeah; deal."

He extended his right hand to her and asked, "Partners?"

She slipped her right hand in his and gave it a shake. "Partners."

He chortled with excitement. "It's going to be great Beckett—so great!"

"Whatever you say, Castle," she said, her tone a bit flippant, but even as she turned to leave for the evening the smile never once left her face.